Selfish Smoker ? - Women's Forum - International Cannagraphic Magazine Forums

offthehook · 09-29-2010, 12:16 PM

This issue 's been brought up by my wife using my nick:

To be a smokers wife, and not smoking myself, it's a shitting place to be. Smoker, who has made decision to not have fear from cops or busts, is very selfish. Wife has kids and home to protect, and smoker only smokes. Smoker dont understand that in a same time someone else is carrying those worries, cause he is not. It is not nice to think all the time when those cops are again in our kitchen. Its also not nice to remember how those kids eyes were full of fear when they were last time here.
'Have to also make deals what you can talk in a phone and what not. What you can say to friends and peoples, and what you cannot.All the time having stress about talking and hiding. Kids are also asking, but smoker dont answer, no, it is the Mom who have to give answeres. Smoker is a free- hippie and free- thinker, yee, wow. But where the fuck comes the family?

SumDumGuy · 09-29-2010, 12:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by offthehook

This issue 's been brought up by my wife using my nick:

To be a smokers wife, and not smoking myself, it's a shitting place to be. Smoker, who has made decision to not have fear from cops or busts, is very selfish. Wife has kids and home to protect, and smoker only smokes. Smoker dont understand that in a same time someone else is carrying those worries, cause he is not. It is not nice to think all the time when those cops are again in our kitchen. Its also not nice to remember how those kids eyes where full of fear when they where last time here.
'Have to also make deals what you can talk in a phone and what not. What you can say to friends and peoples, and what you cannot.All the time having stress about talking and hiding. Kids are also asking, but smoker dont answer, no, it is the Mom who have to give answeres. Smoker is a free- hippie and free- thinker, yee, wow. But where the fuck comes the family?

Excuse my ignorance

Phone calls / Deals / Police in the kitchen with children crying.
I take it you are the wife?
Are we speaking of a selfish smoker or a selfish grower?

If it is a grower then yes he would indeed be selfish considering police have already entered the picture. Once police know you then you have just retired even if you weren't caught red handed. Kids bring up a COMPLETELY different issue.

offthehook · 09-29-2010, 02:01 PM

Response by Offthehook (NOT my wife now)
'What ever I do, I don't do it on my property SDG.
They sometimes only come raiding the place to look for personal stash, wich anyways is not here.
Ppl in town talk shit about me during their interrogations usually, wich gives cops probable cause to raid our place again.(Complete made up stories to safe their own ass always, but practicly I keep verry low profile allthough my "looks" may tell different)
When wife mentioned the word "deals" just, she ment we'll have to mutually agree upon what can be said on the phone and what not.
'Or in other words, she's got to be carefull on the phone to not say things that could be used against us by lawenforcement.
Or, she's not as free to speak on the phone as she would like too.'
I take one or 2 hits of 0.2 gr of weed a day and the growing and smoking it is beeing done off property, to answer your question.

phenoi3arbidoll · 10-01-2010, 05:09 AM

I don't have children or a family yet, but I can comment on this because my boyfriend grows & I'm a nonsmoker. This might not be the answer she's looking for, but it's how my relationship works & how things have to be worked out.

First, I think that, if your husband is doing everything off-property, away from his family, kids, etc. that he's taking a big step doing that. I know it may seem insensitive to you, but that's a big move. My boyfriend doesn't have that option at the moment, so be thankful that it's at least at a separate location.

Second, dealing with police & laws will be a constant issue as far as being with/having a family with someone who smokes/grows. He's really not smoking all that much (I've seen much, much worse). I know it sucks to deal with, but it's one of those things that you need to work on accepting... because until a miracle comes around & everything is legal, it's going to happen. He could be a nonsmoker & STILL have friends who do things like tell the police stories. I've seen that happen, too.

Third, not talking about cannabis on the phone is, again, a step taken to try to protect your family. It's not anyone trying to restrict your speech, but it is necessary. I know it's a pain, but it's definitely for the better.

Lastly, if there are children involved, I think you & your husband need to possibly sit down & speak one-on-one about how to respond to your children. Parenting should never be one-sided, so both of your answering your childrens' questions is necessary. I also do think that maybe you guys need to have a one-on-one about your feelings, as well. Communication is the number one thing that makes relationships work. If one or the other party is unhappy & isn't saying anything about it, it's going to eventually stop being a partnership & one party (in this case, wife) is going to start resenting the other party (husband) for their practices.

Just my thoughts.

SumDumGuy · 10-01-2010, 05:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by offthehook

Response by Offthehook (NOT my wife now)
'What ever I do, I don't do it on my property SDG.
They sometimes only come raiding the place to look for personal stash, wich anyways is not here.
Ppl in town talk shit about me during their interrogations usually, wich gives cops probable cause to raid our place again.(Complete made up stories to safe their own ass always, but practicly I keep verry low profile allthough my "looks" may tell different)
When wife mentioned the word "deals" just, she ment we'll have to mutually agree upon what can be said on the phone and what not.
'Or in other words, she's got to be carefull on the phone to not say things that could be used against us by lawenforcement.
Or, she's not as free to speak on the phone as she would like too.'
I take one or 2 hits of 0.2 gr of weed a day and the growing and smoking it is beeing done off property, to answer your question.

My brother what is good

.
I'm no one to judge you or anyone here. As a matter of fact you should ignore my comment and focus on making your girl feel comfortable again. She posted and I answered based on the way she typed and made it sound. Then I read your version and I feel where you're coming from. I do not mind being a mediator but it seems like shes reaching out bro. You should meet her half way by way of compromise.

LonelyNerd · 10-01-2010, 07:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by offthehook

This issue 's been brought up by my wife using my nick:

To be a smokers wife, and not smoking myself, it's a shitting place to be. Smoker, who has made decision to not have fear from cops or busts, is very selfish. Wife has kids and home to protect, and smoker only smokes. Smoker dont understand that in a same time someone else is carrying those worries, cause he is not. It is not nice to think all the time when those cops are again in our kitchen. Its also not nice to remember how those kids eyes were full of fear when they were last time here.
'Have to also make deals what you can talk in a phone and what not. What you can say to friends and peoples, and what you cannot.All the time having stress about talking and hiding. Kids are also asking, but smoker dont answer, no, it is the Mom who have to give answeres. Smoker is a free- hippie and free- thinker, yee, wow. But where the fuck comes the family?

Even if your husband stopped smoking 0.2g a day and stopped all growing activities. They will still make him the center of attention. It is in their nature to harass ,humiliate average hard working families. Have you ever seen cops take down the real bad guys ? I havent. They get a kick out of doing that, it makes them feel like they are above the laws and ordinary citizens. Such is life. Nothing your husband does will change this. My heart goes out to your children.

JamieShoes · 10-01-2010, 08:21 AM

edit - maybe you should consider moving to a place where you arent known.

amstercal · 10-05-2010, 03:03 AM

I suggest talking to your kids about their point of view of the events they witnessed and how they feel about it. I think you will know what to do either way if you truly listen to them and whether or not this is affecting them still.

Abja Roots · 10-05-2010, 08:21 AM

Ever since I moved away from I grew up, I realized that I had to choose. Either I could be me and do nothing illegal, or I could do this one thing and give up all these other privileges. No random dates, long hair, tie dyes(not that I wore them, but I don't wear my favorite Alex Grey shirt because it attracts attention), flashy cars. Basically to try and always blend in as well as possible and be forgettable. The talking on the phone etc.... is just part of basic security. Part of the life.

If you've got a family, I imagine it makes their lives more stressful. Since they don't derive any immediate and necessary benefits from this, it really is for you. The only thing is if it keeps you happy and healthy, which is a benefit to them. Depending on the circumstances. Jail, cops, thieves. All of these are dark clouds brewing on the horizon. They might not roll in your direction, but they're out there.

Best of luck.

Nowadays I keep it clean. It's not worth it to be known.

VIKINGtrich · 10-06-2010, 12:43 AM

Tough situation for sure.....But if your not growing at the home, Whats the problem? Not trying to be a dick, but thats the biggest precaution you can take, IMO.

Good Luck, I hope it works out for you both...I wouldn't quit smoking the herb though... Its not like your smoking a quarter a day....

09-29-2010, 12:16 PM	#1
offthehook Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: 65 Finland Posts: 1,250	Selfish Smoker ? This issue 's been brought up by my wife using my nick: To be a smokers wife, and not smoking myself, it's a shitting place to be. Smoker, who has made decision to not have fear from cops or busts, is very selfish. Wife has kids and home to protect, and smoker only smokes. Smoker dont understand that in a same time someone else is carrying those worries, cause he is not. It is not nice to think all the time when those cops are again in our kitchen. Its also not nice to remember how those kids eyes were full of fear when they were last time here. 'Have to also make deals what you can talk in a phone and what not. What you can say to friends and peoples, and what you cannot.All the time having stress about talking and hiding. Kids are also asking, but smoker dont answer, no, it is the Mom who have to give answeres. Smoker is a free- hippie and free- thinker, yee, wow. But where the fuck comes the family?
	Quote

10-01-2010, 05:09 AM	#4
phenoi3arbidoll Member Join Date: May 2010 Location: California Posts: 27	I don't have children or a family yet, but I can comment on this because my boyfriend grows & I'm a nonsmoker. This might not be the answer she's looking for, but it's how my relationship works & how things have to be worked out. First, I think that, if your husband is doing everything off-property, away from his family, kids, etc. that he's taking a big step doing that. I know it may seem insensitive to you, but that's a big move. My boyfriend doesn't have that option at the moment, so be thankful that it's at least at a separate location. Second, dealing with police & laws will be a constant issue as far as being with/having a family with someone who smokes/grows. He's really not smoking all that much (I've seen much, much worse). I know it sucks to deal with, but it's one of those things that you need to work on accepting... because until a miracle comes around & everything is legal, it's going to happen. He could be a nonsmoker & STILL have friends who do things like tell the police stories. I've seen that happen, too. Third, not talking about cannabis on the phone is, again, a step taken to try to protect your family. It's not anyone trying to restrict your speech, but it is necessary. I know it's a pain, but it's definitely for the better. Lastly, if there are children involved, I think you & your husband need to possibly sit down & speak one-on-one about how to respond to your children. Parenting should never be one-sided, so both of your answering your childrens' questions is necessary. I also do think that maybe you guys need to have a one-on-one about your feelings, as well. Communication is the number one thing that makes relationships work. If one or the other party is unhappy & isn't saying anything about it, it's going to eventually stop being a partnership & one party (in this case, wife) is going to start resenting the other party (husband) for their practices. Just my thoughts.
	Quote 3 members found this post helpful.

10-01-2010, 08:21 AM	#7
JamieShoes Father, Carer, Toker, Sharer Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 6,280	edit - maybe you should consider moving to a place where you arent known. __________________ test grows and other stories
	Quote 2 members found this post helpful.

09-29-2010, 02:01 PM	#3
offthehook Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: 65 Finland Posts: 1,250	Response by Offthehook (NOT my wife now) 'What ever I do, I don't do it on my property SDG. They sometimes only come raiding the place to look for personal stash, wich anyways is not here. Ppl in town talk shit about me during their interrogations usually, wich gives cops probable cause to raid our place again.(Complete made up stories to safe their own ass always, but practicly I keep verry low profile allthough my "looks" may tell different) When wife mentioned the word "deals" just, she ment we'll have to mutually agree upon what can be said on the phone and what not. 'Or in other words, she's got to be carefull on the phone to not say things that could be used against us by lawenforcement. Or, she's not as free to speak on the phone as she would like too.' I take one or 2 hits of 0.2 gr of weed a day and the growing and smoking it is beeing done off property, to answer your question.
	Quote

10-05-2010, 03:03 AM	#8
amstercal New Member Join Date: Jul 2010 Posts: 24	I suggest talking to your kids about their point of view of the events they witnessed and how they feel about it. I think you will know what to do either way if you truly listen to them and whether or not this is affecting them still.
	Quote

10-05-2010, 08:21 AM	#9
Abja Roots ABF(Always Be Flowering) - Founder Join Date: Sep 2008 Posts: 2,146	Ever since I moved away from I grew up, I realized that I had to choose. Either I could be me and do nothing illegal, or I could do this one thing and give up all these other privileges. No random dates, long hair, tie dyes(not that I wore them, but I don't wear my favorite Alex Grey shirt because it attracts attention), flashy cars. Basically to try and always blend in as well as possible and be forgettable. The talking on the phone etc.... is just part of basic security. Part of the life. If you've got a family, I imagine it makes their lives more stressful. Since they don't derive any immediate and necessary benefits from this, it really is for you. The only thing is if it keeps you happy and healthy, which is a benefit to them. Depending on the circumstances. Jail, cops, thieves. All of these are dark clouds brewing on the horizon. They might not roll in your direction, but they're out there. Best of luck. Nowadays I keep it clean. It's not worth it to be known.
	Quote

10-06-2010, 12:43 AM	#10
VIKINGtrich Member Join Date: Sep 2010 Posts: 573	Tough situation for sure.....But if your not growing at the home, Whats the problem? Not trying to be a dick, but thats the biggest precaution you can take, IMO. Good Luck, I hope it works out for you both...I wouldn't quit smoking the herb though... Its not like your smoking a quarter a day....
	Quote