[madrecinco]

And most women are mothers and a few men are actually Mr Moms these days while wifey earns the bacon.

But I had 5 children and only one was a daughter. I had her at 17 and technically we grew up together in some ways. But our problem I have DX'd as WE ARE TOO MUCH ALIKE!

Happens in lots of cases. We look alike ...or I looked like her when I was her age and she fears she will look like me when she gets old....te he and I ain't all that bad.

But I noticed when I was visiting her home recently that she had a pillow needlepointed that said "Mirror Mirror on the wall...I am just like my mother after all!"

So that is prolly the problem with her and I seeing things on an equal basis.


But we do dearly love each other and would actually die for each other.


SOOOO I did some research into MOM/DAUGHTER conflict and why it exists and want to run the idea by some here who MIGHT wish to respond. I know the women here won't prolly post on this thread as I think I have annoyed the women and that can happen when Madre shows up as I am a little outspoken and occaisionally piss ppl off...especially my fellow women.

But I had the opportunity to work many years in a traditional "mans" job and had to teach about 4,000 redneck men in Texas to accept WOMEN in the male dominated work force in the oil refineries in Texas R/T Affirmative action laws in 73......and I worked there 11 years before I became a nurse in my forties here.


Which was one hell of a career switch INDEED! But to make long story short I was mostly socializing with men at work in my early career and mostly women in my second career. So I have some real insight into social situations and the pecking orders.

And I had the same problem on another weed board I posted on for four years. BUT the moderation was not near as good and fair as it is here.

but back to Mothers Day and my research on Mother/Daughter conflict.


Dr. Midita Rastogi a psychologist and prof at a university says estrangement between mom and daughter is a combination of individual, familial, and societal factors...

Moms generation may have included social aspects such as economic depression, nuclear family, early marriage, and basic education.

As society changes and evolves a daughter may grow up in a completely different culture of a robust economy, varied family structures, delayed marraige, immediate focus on career, and higher education.

The doc says significant variations exist between ethnic groups in mom/daughter relations.
Euro-Americans want to have fun with their mom....but maintain certain boundaries.

Asian-Indian women generally turn to their moms for support, wisdom, and advice.

Mexican-Americans want to be dutiful daughters and help mom.

Some societal conditions lay the groundwork for the development of these conflicts.
Society EXPECTS US to be good moms! If we fail....we are "bad moms"

Moms more than dads are held responsible for good parenting responsibilities.

"Daughters always need their mom to be parents"
AND EXPECT MOM to mend the relationship.

'"Mothers, on the other hand, need great understanding from their daughters given the inequities in some of society's expectations."

SOOO these are the tips to amend according to this doc.

For minor conflict: daughter should try to understand the life circumstance challenges and choices that were made available to their moms.

Realize that ALL relationships have downsides.

Moms and daughters this Mothers Day should focus on the positive aspects of their relationship and invest time and energy into it.

They both should recognize that all choices can come with negative and positive results.


Regardless of social or ethnic backgrounds, pay attention to the INTENTIONS behind the choices.

Mother/daughter relationships run the gamut, but one common denominator....this relationship is prolly the most powerful and influential relationship in a womans life.


So the doc says!

True whether mom is present OR absent...loving or abusive....birth mom...stepmom...or adoptive mom/

Mothers matter more than many women will admit. "Many look in the mirror and see our mother staring back"

We speak to our children and hear our moms words coming out of our mouth. As a group MOMS are held to very high expectations.

WE DEMAND....moms love perfectly...live selflessly...AND NEVER MAKE MISTAKES!


Yet moms are just women with the same needs as everybody else....the same self-estem issues...weaknesses...and strengths...as everybody else.

DAUGHTERS tend to lay on mom the expectation of being SUPER-MOM.

While moms tend to displace their own needs on their daughters.

THUS THE CONFLICT....

The void felt by a woman whose mom died very young can become a starting place. The awareness of that void can lead her to look at herself and let it become a catalyst in her search for identity...
It can be a call to action and an opportunity to develop and affirm self-worth and determine who she wishes to be...


A woman whose relationship with her mom is filled with conflict presents different challenges. Friction is inevitable.


two different women from two different generations each with their own HX history ...needs///and agenda....and are likely to clash.

But even HX history of battles can ultimately lead to insight, growth, and even closeness....if properly done.

Swallow ones pride....put differences aside...and take the first step to end the cycle this Mothers Day.

ULTIMATELY acceptance of each other becomes the key to mending and healing.

If we remove expectations and understand that each person is just another human being hopefully doing their best at any given moment...

Then the chances for forgiveness and friendship is quite possible.

NOT TO SAY IT IS EASY!


relationships are complicated and moms and daughters are the MOST complicated of all/

But in each relationship is a wonderful opportunity.


Hope I did not bore you guys with my ranting but this is the womens forum where it is a good place to chat about this. And men also as I don't expect much of a response here...te he

Well gotta go this baby is sqirming in my lap and hard to type right now....forgive the typos.


Call your mom on Mothers Day and tell her you love her.

[Skyburn]

I cant call my mom shes in federal prison she will be out soon tho . I'm sure she will call me tho.

[Big D]

My Mother passed away this past December. I will have to keep myself extra busy that day.

[madrecinco]

Originally Posted by Skyburn

I cant call my mom shes in federal prison she will be out soon tho . I'm sure she will call me tho.

Oh so sorry. I was a corrections nurse for four years and was over the FSU [female max security] clinic for a while. I dealt with holidays with those poor women missing their kids. Even incarcerated ladies love their kids.


I lost my mom when I was 3 and my sister and 2 brothers and myself were raised in a Christian Orphanage for the next almost 8 years. My sister was 10 years older than me and I left with her when she graduated High School so mothers are a mystery to me. Which could contribute to me and my daughters conflict struggles. Strangely we are both educated nurses....te he too much alike.

But still remember your mom on this day no matter what. Moms do make mistakes like all other ppl.... to forgive will truly set you free....

Thanks for the input as I am sincere about burying the hatchet this Mothers Day. I always thought my only daughter would understand me better when she had a daughter of her own...but she has 1 ten year old son and don't want more.

But we really do honestly love each other much.

But at this stage of life with a serious heart defect I want to put all bad things aside and be more accepting of our differences. Acceptance and tolerance is the key.

[madrecinco]

Originally Posted by Big D

My Mother passed away this past December. I will have to keep myself extra busy that day.

I think of my mother often even though I really don't remember her...but my older sister became my mom sort of and she was raising me when she was just 18 and working for a bank in downtown Dallas. That must have been so difficult for her then. She died 20 years ago in a car accident and I still miss her. So I will remember mom and my sister on that day....they were truly great women and glad I share their DNA ...

[madrecinco]

^^^^^

aAHHHHHH that was the 666th post of mine above. DO YOU SUPPOSE it has any signifigance .......naaaahhhhhh te he.....I am not superstitious at all.
never mind.....to much babysitting and it is raining. But we have a draught here so I guess it is good. And the Jakinator keeps trying to screw up my typing with his feet. I guess granny should get off the puter and play with him as he is the best Mthers Day gift EVER.....spitting image of my late husband.....te he....

that ain't a bad thing either. genetics are weird in expression.
Well off to play baby games and watch Little Bear on NOGGIN with this baby....life is good.

[Mrs. Swamp]

Well Madre, my mom and I had no relationship for fourteen years until I became pregnant with my daughter. She cheated on my dad with his best friend, who is now my stepdad, and left when I was ten. I tried to live with her, but we could not get along, and I missed my dad. So, I was raised by my daddy.
When I was 23, I got pregnant with my little girl, and we have been trying to mend our relationship ever since, but Swamp and I both think that she thinks our daughter is her do-over at motherhood. We don't get along, and frankly, I would rather spend Mother's Day with my grandmother. (my dad's mom) She had quite a big hand is raising me. I love her with all my heart and would be lost without her.
I have tried to have a relationship with my mom, but it seems she just thinks that I am still ten years old. It's hard, and it is something that I have been working on for six years now, but I know in the end, you have one mom, and thats it.
Anyways, that's my input.....I will gladly love to spend my mother's day with Swamp and the kids....they are everything to me.

[madrecinco]

Originally Posted by Mrs. Swamp

Well Madre, my mom and I had no relationship for fourteen years until I became pregnant with my daughter. She cheated on my dad with his best friend, who is now my stepdad, and left when I was ten. I tried to live with her, but we could not get along, and I missed my dad. So, I was raised by my daddy.
When I was 23, I got pregnant with my little girl, and we have been trying to mend our relationship ever since, but Swamp and I both think that she thinks our daughter is her do-over at motherhood. We don't get along, and frankly, I would rather spend Mother's Day with my grandmother. (my dad's mom) She had quite a big hand is raising me. I love her with all my heart and would be lost without her.
I have tried to have a relationship with my mom, but it seems she just thinks that I am still ten years old. It's hard, and it is something that I have been working on for six years now, but I know in the end, you have one mom, and thats it.
Anyways, that's my input.....I will gladly love to spend my mother's day with Swamp and the kids....they are everything to me.

Yes I know what you mean and mother daughter is a struggle for the best case scenario even and it has always puzzled me that me and my daughter have a hard time getting along. But I approached it on a educational level recently as I never resolved my differences with my father either when he died when I was 18.....I now regret it and wish I had forgiven him for being a dysfuntional father and dumping us when our Mom died in 51.....but now I am older and have made some parenting mistakes myself and realize he just did the best he could just as I have done with my children.

And he did love me and I was actually his favorite child as I was the baby of the family. But my sister and I joined him in Dallas when she graduated she took me in to raise herself. So I did see him often in Dallas as my sister was always supportive of him while I was the only angry one of the bunch. But it took many many years and Psych counceling to erase those tapes planted in my brain from being in custody of "THE RAPTURE" in my very early formative years in a faith based orphanage and at that time no government regulations to control these pontificating mind fuckers of little children..

BUT back to moms....I certainly could not be mad at mom for dying young of cancer....but I don't have a reference base of mother daughter dynamics.

When she was born I was so delighted to have my baby girl....in lots of ways she is my hero. She is everything I raised her to be....intelligent...beautiful. ..accomplished and I will take this moment to brag about her as I intend to share this thread with her for Mothers Day soon.

She went in the Navy at 18
"because I saw Top Gun and I am not ready for college yet!"
te he good reason to serve I guess. But she ACTUALLY joined the Navy to piss her father off as WE ARE AN ARMY FAMILY...te he.....But she got to go to JO school and became a Navy journalist and was also in broadcasting on the Azzore Islands of Portugal. She is a Desert Storm Vet and suffer from Asthma from hydrocarbons burning in Kuwait when she was there so she is also a disabled vet.... There are picture of her interviewing Al Gore ...Jimmy Freakin; Carter on a military plane during the Desert Storm Era.

Lee Greenwood said she had the best legs in the Navy...te he

But she came home from the military and got a teaching degree from University of Tampa and then decided to follow the rest of the family into nursing and went to nursing school and just finished her masters recently.

So we are both intelligent women and damn good nurses I might add. But SHE was ALWAYS the defiant one of my kids and it took creative parenting to raise her without killing her.....te he

But her and I need to put our philisophical differences aside and just respect and love each other. She really had a hard time with when I was suddenly single and dating a lot. She has cooled down some since I have settled with D....BUT I never got my childhood years and neither did D....and we want to have fun now until we die prolly soon. And my daughter don't approve of me smoking pot even though she wishes SHE COULD! te he

But she always wanted me to be June Cleaver.....but My kids sure were not the Beaver and Wally or I might have been more like her.


But we women must forgive each other our mistakes especially mothers and daughters. But getting married at 15 and no knowledge base from my mom and being left alone to raise my 5 kids while my husband tried to save the world was tough for me.

Especially being an activist and having to work toward making things better for women kinda took my attention at times. But it was a passion as us women were really oppressed here in America once. And my being the first female chemical operator on the Houston Ship Channel was a tough step to take in 73. MEN did not want us there back in them days and it was a tough Texas battle FO SHO! But I did those things for her so she would have the opportunities she does enjoy today and takes for granted like many young women these days.

But my relationship with my boys is much better.....but they prolly would prefer June Cleaver also.....but they have learned to accept their whacky mom and love me anyway. My daughter does love me....Just like you do love your own mom....but we have to put aside our differences and I guess I will have to lead the way and accept her more myself. She startled me by marrying a Cuban guy 13 years younger than her but I really love my token Cubano.....my daughter and her hubs spend a lot of their off days in Miami with the Cunban dissidents and his many relatives plotting to return to Cuba. When Cuba opens up I will host the Swampdank couple to a trip there to visit te he. I have relatives there now. WHUD OF THUNK! te he

But she is really an outstanding person in most ways and a damn good mother to her only son. I was hopin' she would have a daughter so she would understand better.

The Jakinator is wiggling and demanding grannies full attention. Glad I started this thread as it is a good subject for us toker women to discuss and open up more dialougue on it.....Later Mrs Swamp......you Swamps are way cool INDEED!

Later guys.

[Mrs. Swamp]

Thanks Madre, you are pretty damn cool yourself!!!

I'm really glad you started this thread also!!!

[madrecinco]

Well my darlin' daughter called me last night and asked me if I could watch her son Saturday night while she goes to a concert, I said sure......as ALWAYS and D is trying to make me "play nice" with her as he raised 2 daughters and knows how us women are.....
te he And he hates "female drama quotient" He is a quiet deep man and likes us naughty ladies. He is a self described "geeky nerd".......Opposites sometimes attracts...


I am pissed at her now because she went to the Aquarium with an old lover of hers from back in the day and they took their kids for an outing. They had lost touch for many years and reconnected on Facebook.....of course her husband is upset....machismo Cubano....te he...but a good man and I love him like a son. And I don't blame him....I have men friends but don't hang out with old lovers out of RESPECT to D.....


My daughter said "I am gonna have male friends....you raised me to be a feminist remember!"

I wanted to say....."But I did not raise you to be a cold husband disrespecting BITCH!.....te he

But due to the fact that I am mending fences before I croak I kept my damn mouth shut and my opinions to myself and MINDED MY OWN DAMN BIZNESS......which is very hard for moms to do as you well know.te he

But I wanna empathise with him...but I have to totally stay out of it D says....hard to do when I see her fucking up.


I used to worry he would hurt her and leave her someday because he is so much younger than her. But now I see she is going to be the problem in that marraige IMHO!

So you see how us moms and daughters who have philisophical and political differences even though we do love each other dearly as I am sure you and your mom do under the tension in your relationship.

D was left with 3 children like your dad when their mother ran of to Tennessee with the next door neighbor. So he was Mr Mom for a few years till he remarried. It was rough as they had 24 hour shifts at the firehouse and he had to hire nannies.....Why I love him and his kids worship him. They are all here in Fl also but 3 different cities so between D's work and the grandkids we are all over this state....plus the flying but D's diabetes is getting bad and he is getting macular degeneration and he needs to quit flying....especially with me....te he....I AM A CHICKENSHIT....te he



But I will end this post on a funny note as I mostly am a positive person....with a low tolerance for BS though.......as exhibited here at times......te he


When my daughter saw her old lover recently the first thing he said was "
OMG you look just like your mother." ROFLMFAO!!!!!!! I was about her age when I last saw him indeed!

Life is strange INDEED! You ended looking and being just like your mom no matter how much you don't want to.


Have a good day at work and be good to Mr. Swamp cause' he is a good man and the babydaddy......te he