I lost my nerve

That's right, I lost my nerve to keep growing indoors. I just ripped out a beautiful Sour Diesel plant because I wasn't happy about how anxious I was getting. I actually had a panic attack right before someone from the county came over.

Have any of you lost your courage to grow indoors?

I live in an apartment and I have regular visitors from management and the county. But when I do grow they don't seem to notice.
I hide it as well as can be expected.
The only person that ever said anything doesn't visit any more.

What the fuck can I do to get my nerve back? I love growing but I've been busted once. I wasn't even home when that happened.
I'm a medical patient and I'm afraid of losing that certification if got caught.

I don't think anyone could take away my medical cert. for growing.

Growing indoors in non-legal state is a very close to what PTSD patients feel after
they come from War thorned zones...

dont judge you at all bro... sometimes person have lot to loose and then maybe is
better to made some break,relax nervs a bit and maybe change a direction or your
focus to something else..

but there are people that cant choose.. they are ill and Cannabis helps them best,
for this folks stopping is not an option..

Am say... its all depends about what pushed you to grow in first place...

Keep growing. We all feel the same living in fear all day every day 24/0.

I have been growing in a closet for 14 years in a unfriendly state.
There has been times that I got rattled.
When overgrow, a web site that was a ground breaker back in the day went down sometime around 2005, I remember aborting a grow,you see i was posting on that site.
I have a wife that gets extremely nervous sometimes with my growing.
I tell her not to mention it,not to even say the word grow.
I am more of a outlaw then her plus she works in the medical field and her license as well as her freedom is at stake, not to mention mine!
Another time is when my cable supplier knock on my door to tell me my house was making noise, yes noise.
You see about a couple of months earlier I went from a mechanical ballast to a electronic ballast and it created a RFI feedback onto the cable lines in my neighborhood now that was scary.
The tech that knock on my door showed me a graph of the times that this Radio Frequency(RFI) interference was taking place, it was the exact time that my light came on.He also showed when this RFI started .
He ask me if I had any thing on a timer that corresponded to these times, now that was a little nerve raking.he he he
I noticed that this was when I switched to a electronic ballast.
He would put a suppressor on a TV in the house and then go outside to read if it had any effect on this noise.
He put one on my main TV that also was tied into a surround sound system and when he went outside to read this noise I turned off my light.
He was satisfied that no more noise was coming from my house that he fixed this problem.
I went back to a mechanical ballast.
I have since learned much about this RFI.
You see its the things we DON'T know that can get us in trouble.
My wife was in a fetal position for days afterwards.
I make it a point not to show anyone my growing skills or even mention it in anyway.
Except here @ IC Mag.
When I have any workers in my house I make sure that no tell tales are showing especially smells i mean I have spray cans of fragrances all over my house.
Not sure if I was in a apartment if I would have this nerve what with managers coming to look around.
I have been locked up a couple of times for MaryJane and I marvel that such a wonderful plant can get you in big trouble.
It's your freedoms that are @ risk so try to be wise.
Ratz

I've been paranoid before. I've also lived in an apartment in a state where they kept showing the apartment to other people while I lived there, in my room etc, way beyond any reasonable or legal showing in my opinion. Sometimes every week. Like thirty times in a 1/2 year lease there were 2-3 people crawling every square inch of my apartment except for under the bed literally (previous apartment closed mid-year without advance notice). Absolute invasion of privacy, something about property ownership. I did not know it was allowed to bang on someone's door with the key and hassle them every single week, well I learned that lesson in Ohio. I've also had a friend or two be pretty open about their growing and not get caught.

i'm a bit curious about circumstances here
the poster's listed location is washington dc, home grows are legal

It says metro area. I don't know about VA but MD medical is legal but you cannot grow your own.

I don't have any good answers, but I don't like the sound of having visitor's from the government on a regular basis. I definitely grew under unsafe circumstances for years, but if it were me I might wait until I have a secure place where I felt safer.

ETA: Looks like Virginia probably legalized medical recently, as there was an article from yesterday about plans to set up dispensaries.

Having a close call with authority is a challenge.

Growing in a place where such things are forbidden
is stupid in an apartment or other shared dwelling.

One shares the risk with those not involved directly with the grow.

One weighs the balance between yield and getting pinched.

Scary times for some. No one knows I grow, and for now that's
the only thing protecting me from a few years in the pokey.

dosent your med' card provide for growing your own
here in cali, there was a provision for home growing your medicine
i always stayed below my plant count and was very careful about the people whom i would share with
/rule#1: dont sell
im sorry that im not up to speed on your states laws, but dosent your states allow for some form of home grow
as long as its being grown for personal use i doubt a jury of your peers would throw the book at you

I tore down once in 25 and it kept me from catch charges due to be ratted by my ex


was back at it shortly thereafter


have had cops here as well as leo in family or kids friends family and no one is wise to it


trick is keeping the smell from ever being noticed which really isn't all that hard

Maybe just take a little grow break, take a deep breath and start when you calm down.

Also inviting a few people over while you stopped growing may convince everybody that you don't do anything illegal.

I grew in Texas for ten years. I find your assessment accurate.

Dog Star said:

Growing indoors in non-legal state is a very close to what PTSD patients feel after
they come from War thorned zones...

dont judge you at all bro... sometimes person have lot to loose and then maybe is
better to made some break,relax nervs a bit and maybe change a direction or your
focus to something else..

but there are people that cant choose.. they are ill and Cannabis helps them best,
for this folks stopping is not an option..

Am say... its all depends about what pushed you to grow in first place...

Click to expand...

to be honest

to be honest

I'm old school and we had a #1 rule!! Never show anyone your plants! #2 rule! Never tell anyone your growing! To be honest I'm breaking those rules using ICmag! Scary as fucking hell! Having a fucking hard time using this privilege! I almost deleted my account a few times! I guess after laying low for over 45 years I have a lot of fear residue built up. So when you talk about fear bro I can relate!

Growing dope is an inalienable human right, one that no state has the power to give or take away. You arent doing anything wrong but some suit wearing douchebag might say you are, this is just life.

Fuck those that might judge or enforce unjust and unfair laws on you or any being. For me living in fear everyday is worse than the thought of incarceration, you are essentially creating your own prison.

Keep growing. Tell anyone who dont like it to go fuck themselves.

Stay out of trouble. But dont run out of herb just because the jerks in this world need to fuck with good people.

Yes, twice I've pulled plants earlier than expected because of paranoia.
With autos, it's far easier in time frame and quicker harvest. Like troutman said, take a break. In that time, invite people over for dinner- be social. When you are calmed down, try it again.

Had a friend that grew in winter because utility bills for company would think it was for heat.

Good luck!!

While I hate the fact that it is illegal for you, I encourage you to truly think about the consequences of being caught, arrested and convicted.

If you can handle that, carry on.

For a lot of people, especially with families, I doubt the risk is worth it.

I would not be growing or be on here if it wasn't legal for me.

When I do things that have risk involved I listen to my gut feeling. I have met a ton of people that said right before something bad happened (mugging, arrest, accident) they had a bad feeling.

At the end of the day it is your freedom and life you are risking. Personally my life is not worth risking for a few plants.

Hydro8 said:

I would not be growing or be on here if it wasn't legal for me.

When I do things that have risk involved I listen to my gut feeling. I have met a ton of people that said right before something bad happened (mugging, arrest, accident) they had a bad feeling.

At the end of the day it is your freedom and life you are risking. Personally my life is not worth risking for a few plants.

Click to expand...

There are thousands, if not millions, growing illegally for meds or cash crop. You just have to stay mute, do your thing, don't attract unwarranted folk, and minimize smell, light through windows, well traveled paths, etc.

igrowone said:

i'm a bit curious about circumstances here
the poster's listed location is washington dc, home grows are legal

Click to expand...

Exactly what i was thinking..

I run mostly indoors, have had an issue with a soon to be ex-DIL that made me toss them into the woods twice.

Just this past weekend son and i were working on the camper, watch two female cops screach to a halt in front of house and run into the woods bordering my property. Hit the master switch to garage.. and push over the only outdoor.. a smelly HSO Chemdawg that was just about done anyway. Bit of a rush..