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Old 07-24-2004, 03:16 AM #1
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Got a Joke?

Well I thought today needed a lil humor injected into it. So lets post some jokes. Dont just go to a joke website and cut and paste something. Lets here the old school family favorites. C'mon people lets see how many people we piss off. Just no racial crap. I already have plenty. Me first.......

A Bear and a Rabbit are shitting in the woods.....the bear looks at the rabbit and asks.......hey do you have a problem with shit sticking to your fur? The rabbit stops and thinks for a minute and says, no I never had that problem. So the bear picks up the rabbit and wipes his ass with him and calmly walks away. The End!:p

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Old 07-24-2004, 03:32 AM #2
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This one was the "winner" of a scientific study to find the funniest joke. I think it's pretty funny myself. Very unexpected ending.

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?"

I like tech humor a lot as well, BOFH is funny stuff although a bit sadistic at times.
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Old 07-24-2004, 03:33 AM #3
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ha! found second place

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" replies Watson.
"And what do you deduce from that?"
Watson ponders for a minute.
"Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?"
Holmes is silent for a moment. "Watson, you idiot!" he says. "Someone has stolen our tent!"
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Old 07-24-2004, 03:36 AM #4
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joke

a guy goes in the bar ,asks for a beer ,bar keep says what kind
the guy says any thing but RED DOG bar keep says whats wrong with RED DOG guy says i drank a 12 pack lastnight and went home and blew chunks in the bed
bar keep say anybody would puke after a 12 pack the guy says you don't understand my dogs name is CHUNKS
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Old 07-24-2004, 03:39 AM #5
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you all have probably heard this one befor


Whats the difference between a drunk driver and a stoned driver both approaching a stop sign?



give up


well the drunk driver is going to speed right though it with out even stoping

the stoned driver is going to stop and wait for it to turn green

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Old 07-24-2004, 03:54 AM #6
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Damn! I am that joke. Took me about 5 minutes and and a few stares to get me going again. The whole time I was like fuck this light is long. Ha Ha I'm the Joke! Good ones people keep it up.

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Old 07-24-2004, 05:05 AM #7
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So there is a guy sitting at a bar, he looks over at the pool table and sees a guy playing pool. A young woman comes up to him and the guy playing pool whispers in her ear, she smiles, they leave together. About 30 min go by and the guy comes back in and starts playing pool again. Now this happens two more times, and the guy at the bar is thinking wtf, I gotta know how this guy does it. He goes up to the guy playing pool and says "I've been watching you for the past couple of hours. And I gotta know... whats your secret?" They guy playing pool says "When I whisper in their ear I tell them, tickle your ass with a feather? If they smile then I know I am good to go. If they say excuse me then i reply "particularly nasty weather." The guy from the bar says ok. And goes back to his chair. He thinks to himself I can do this. And has a couple more drinks to build up his courage. He then finds a woman, goes up to her and says in a drunken stupor "Shove a feather up your ass?" she says "excuse me" He says "fucking cloudy aint it." SP
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Old 07-24-2004, 05:16 AM #8
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what do u call a stoner with 2 spliffs?







double-jointed.

okay heres another one...

2 men get caught for drugs and taken in front of the judge. The judge says "I will let whichever one of you can convince more people to stop using drugs go without punishment." The first man returns and says to the judge, "I helped 26 people stop drugs by showing them this. He shows the judge a drawing with a small circle and a large circle. "I tell them the big circle is your brain before drugs, the small circle your brain after drugs." The second man stands and states, "I used the same drawing and convinced 156 people to stop using drugs." The judge stunned asked the second man how he accomplished this, he replied - "I told them the small circle is your asshole before prison."
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Old 07-24-2004, 05:49 AM #9
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Ok lets see if i can get remember this one correctly.

A guy is sitting in a bar having a few beers when he notices this guy at the other end of the bar take a shot of tequila and then walks over to the window and jumps out.
A few seconds later he walks through the door again and sits back at the bar.
The first gentleman notices that this guy has done this several times and finally gets up the nerve to ask him how he does it.
So he walks over and asks " Hey man either im seeing things or you know something i dont know"
The jumper then tells him that everytime he takes a shot it allows him to land safely and return for another shot.
So the guy thinks to himself " Hey if he can do it , So can I"
So he shoots back 3 shots and walks calmly over to the window and jumps.
A minute or so later the bartender walks over the the first jumper and says " Superman your such an asshole when your drunk"
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Old 07-24-2004, 06:35 AM #10
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Why dont blondes like vibrators?

Because it chips theyre teeth.

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