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Sucks when you lose someone and never get to say good bye.

packerfan79

Active member
Veteran
Found out my uncle passed away alone in his big rig. My uncle was 57 years old ,had been tortured by the effects of 30 years of speed, and mental illness. The bipolar and paranoid schizophrenia took it's toll on him and the family. We haven't seen him in 6 years and now we won't see him till we leave this earth. He reached out to his kids recently, so that's good.

We are all saddened that he wasn't able to get past the guilt of his illnesses. I can't believe he's gone, my father was never there but my uncle taught me to fish, and how to work hard like a man should, he taught me to love the Lord even if you aren't a perfect Christian . You don't realize how much people mean to you till they are gone.what I would give for one more of his strong hugs, they almost hurt. I hope that No one has to lose someone they love without resolving things.

Rest in peace Uncle Dave, I hope that you are not in pain anymore.
 

Weird

3rd-Eye Jedi
Veteran
Found out my uncle passed away alone in his big rig. My uncle was 57 years old ,had been tortured by the effects of 30 years of speed, and mental illness. The bipolar and paranoid schizophrenia took it's toll on him and the family. We haven't seen him in 6 years and now we won't see him till we leave this earth. He reached out to his kids recently, so that's good.

We are all saddened that he wasn't able to get past the guilt of his illnesses. I can't believe he's gone, my father was never there but my uncle taught me to fish, and how to work hard like a man should, he taught me to love the Lord even if you aren't a perfect Christian . You don't realize how much people mean to you till they are gone.what I would give for one more of his strong hugs, they almost hurt. I hope that No one has to lose someone they love without resolving things.

Rest in peace Uncle Dave, I hope that you are not in pain anymore.

Doesn't' sound like he left completely, seems a bit of him has lived on through you by the impression he left on you

That is how I reconciled like loss in my life
 
R

Rubber Chicken

This is not my regular vernacular but i thought of one word when i read the first post-

'WORD'
 

brown_thumb

Active member
As long as he lives within your memories, he is never 'gone'. He's always with you. That is his legacy, his contributions and immortality.
 

GSPfan

Member
Veteran
Sorry for your loss. Mental illness makes things so difficult. Helping can easily make things worse or more difficult so in the end everybody who cared is left with regret because they didn't know wtf to do. Mental illness impossible to fully understand so don't let the regret eat you up.
 

packerfan79

Active member
Veteran
Thanks guys, this is kind of my sounding board. The one place where no one wants something from me. In this business. Everyone is full of shit, with ulterior motives. I hope mabey my loss can open someone else's mind so they don't miss the chance to put things right. I didn't get that chance and I won't at least not in this world.

They found a bunch of religious writings and bibles with him, no drugs so we find some solice in the belife that he was right with the lord. He's in a better place no longer tortured by the effects of the mental illnesses. My uncle was the epitome of bi polar, he was as close to the Lord as anyone when he was straight, and as deep into the speed as he could be when he was not right. I am very sad that he never met my 2 youngest kids. My oldest adored him when he was around. Sad that he never saw his 3rd grand child.
 

aridbud

automeister
ICMag Donor
Veteran
As long as he lives within your memories, he is never 'gone'. He's always with you. That is his legacy, his contributions and immortality.
Totally agree! We can learn much from family or friends....the fact he instilled a passion (fishing/spirituality), he's with you in spirit!
Sorry for your loss. Wish the stigma of mental illness would fade...it's no different than chronic illnesses, but threatens people because it is brain centered disease.
 

packerfan79

Active member
Veteran
Totally agree! We can learn much from family or friends....the fact he instilled a passion (fishing/spirituality), he's with you in spirit!
Sorry for your loss. Wish the stigma of mental illness would fade...it's no different than chronic illnesses, but threatens people because it is brain centered disease.

Thanks arid, mental illness is a tragic disease, unfortunately the medical and pharmaceutical industries focus is to drug them in to zombies. It's not about helping the patient, but making them more compliant. Easier to deal with than to actually help them. His guilt for his issues is undoubtedly why he felt he couldn't face his family.
 

packerfan79

Active member
Veteran
Some family are in flagstaff where he died, to see the body. I don't want to see a dead family member. I would rather remember the good times, my cousin posted some pics from when we went to suprecross all the guys in the family, it was a great night. A night I will never forget.

I have been on the mag constantly lately, a good distraction for me. Not really sleeping much. Kid's spent Friday night with my mother in law, and Sunday night with my mom. A quiet house makes for thinking about it to much.

No funeral just a celebration of his life. Probably this weekend. I wish I still had a crop going to keep busier. Finished jarring my last crop the night he died. Haven't been smoking much either, which doesn't help. No real desire to blaze right now.
 

DJXX

Active member
Veteran
Condolences...lost my wife three years ago, and you always wish you could have just told them one more time...I LOVE YOU..DJXX
 

packerfan79

Active member
Veteran
Condolences...lost my wife three years ago, and you always wish you could have just told them one more time...I LOVE YOU..DJXX

Sorry for your loss, I don't know if I could deal with losing my wife. I have not lost anyone close to me till now.
 

resinryder

Rubbing my glands together
Veteran
Sorry for your loss. I'd give anything, even my own life to have hugged my son one last time.
 

packerfan79

Active member
Veteran
Sorry for your loss. I'd give anything, even my own life to have hugged my son one last time.

I could not imagine anything happening to my children. I give my mom tons of credit I was incredibly sick when I was like 1 year old. My mom was 19 with no man my dad was a fucking loser. I was born with a cleft palate I had 3 surgeries to fix it by the time I was 2. At 1 i spent 6 months in the hospital . My mom lived at the Ronald MacDonald house. One day I just got better I was on all kinds of steroids and other crazy drugs. I wasn't supposed to have kidsz because of the steroids, but i had 3 in5 year's. My wife freaked out when my son had to stay under the lights for 2 days
 

armedoldhippy

Well-known member
Veteran
hate to hear the news, packerfan. i have lost both of my parents in the last few years, and my older brother is on the wrong end of a fight with pancreatic cancer right now. i understand why you say you do not want to see them, & i agree; it is better to remember them the way they were when full of life & happy. my brother told me years ago that he did not want me at his funeral, for me to go hunting or fishing that day & burn one for him...:comfort:
 

packerfan79

Active member
Veteran
I could not imagine anything happening to my children. I give my mom tons ]

hate to hear the news, packerfan. i have lost both of my parents in the last few years, and my older brother is on the wrong end of a fight with pancreatic cancer right now. i understand why you say you do not want to see them, & i agree; it is better to remember them the way they were when full of life & happy. my brother told me years ago that he did not want me at his funeral, for me to go hunting or fishing that day & burn one for him...:comfort:

Thanks hippie, I am trying to remember the good times. The kids don't want a funeral, a celebration of his life. There were many good times, spent by the lake. We are going camping in a couple weeks. We will spread some of his ashes up in the mountains. I always looked for him as I was running around town, now it's to late. That makes it harder.
 
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