I was molested as a kid...

bagend12 · Mar 25, 2017

Turn 50 this year, and while I haven't thought about this incident often, lately I am giving it more thought and just get angrier about it.

I was young (maybe 5 or 6, possibly a little older) at the time so really just didn't understand what happened until later.

For some reason that will never be known, my mother took me to see a doctor that was not our normal doctor.

This was during the recession of the 70's and during this period of time we were on food stamps and getting other forms of assistance I believe so seeing this doctor may have been due to that, but the purpose of my visit to this guy isn't clear at all in my memory. I don't remember being sick..

In any case, this was pretty much the only time that one of my parents let me in the examination room with the doctor without one of them being present. I don't want to go into details about what my memories of what happened are, but suffice it to say what I recall happening was abnormal and not pleasant.

I'll never know why I was left alone in there and I don't really blame my mother, she had mental health issues her whole life though so who the hell knows why the things that happened that afternoon happened.

Been meaning to post this for awhile as it's been something I've wanted to vent about...thanks for listening. Could never bring this up in person to anyone it would just be too uncomfortable.

Gypsy Nirvana · Mar 25, 2017

It is an awful subject to broach, because so many kids have suffered, and continue to be targeted by such despicable predatory adults.

Kids all too often become mentally maimed for the rest of their lives because of it, and find it very hard to assimilate the fact that they were interfered with at such tender ages.

One of my sisters recently came out to me and told me that one of my Mothers lovers fiddled with her when she was between the ages of 5 and 12 years old, and it made me feel physically sick.

Siever · Mar 25, 2017

It happens indeed with a lot of children. Worse

bagend12 · Mar 25, 2017

Gypsy Nirvana said:
Kids all too often become mentally maimed for the rest of their lives because of it, and find it very hard to assimilate the fact that they were interfered with at such tender ages.
.

Pretty much..I think I am just now starting to realize how "broken" I am as an individual. No real friendships, multiple failed relationships with women, etc..etc...I've got my job/career and my dog and thats it.

I count that experience as one of the reasons for this..While my childhood wasn't very pleasant to begin with, I suspect that experience affected me more than I ever realized.

Anyone who molests a kid should just be taken out back and shot on the spot.

wasgedn · Mar 25, 2017

i heared pope benedikt fired 400 priests cause of that...maybe thats why he resigned...

i learned from my childhood...keep alkohol,cigarettes and sex out of your children life as long as you can....same as tv...

EDIT
i wasnt really molested but in my childhood was not all allright and thats affect my intellect and consciousness till today....

wasgedn · Mar 25, 2017

Anyone who molests a kid should just be taken out back and shot on the spot.

normally yes...but if you bring this law out... innocents will die too....

Gypsy Nirvana · Mar 25, 2017

Here is a link to a thread I wrote about this particular subject last July, and this pervert (Douglas Slade) got away with his heinous crimes against children for most all of his life.

https://www.icmag.com/ic/showthread.php?t=329505

Loc Dog · Mar 25, 2017

wasgedn said:
i heared pope benedikt fired 400 priests cause of that...maybe thats why he resigned...

i learned from my childhood...keep alkohol,cigarettes and sex out of your children life as long as you can....same as tv...

EDIT
i wasnt really molested but in my childhood was not all allright and thats affect my intellect and consciousness till today....

Like bagend said, they should be shot.

People are in jail for decades because of cannabis, and those pieces of shit are out, or get comparatively almost no time in jail.

Not trying to mitigate how horrible molestation is, but priests or others who molest children and politicians that fuck over the American people, should be publicly lynched, to send a message.

DARKSIDER · Mar 25, 2017

Loc Dog said:
Like bagend said, they should be shot.

People are in jail for decades because of cannabis, and those pieces of shit are out, or get comparatively almost no time in jail.

Not trying to mitigate how horrible molestation is, but priests who molest children and politicians that fuck over the American people, should be publicly lynched, to send a message.

A man after my own heart well said Loc Doc..

Weird · Mar 25, 2017

I was molested as a kid around the same age

I wish my childhood abuse was contained to a couple incidents of molestation I had no control over, because for me it was easy to not feel guilty over it compared to what my parents did

The fucked up thing for me is that up until I was 20 I thought it was normal for example that my mother attempted suicide (serious attempt), it thought it was normal that kids where abused, abandoned or neglected.

One of the hardest things going through treatment as a teen was they depression they felt would condemn me was a breath of fresh air compared to how it was before that. At some point all things are relative, even suffering.

Now, based on who I have become through all of this suffering, I am satisfied with my life and who I am and for the things that let me become this way.

The buddhism practiced in the chanting thread has a concept called poison to medicine that illustrates the potential for our perceptive to either see the benefit and detriment in any phenomenon.

This capacity is effective on all phenomenon even the most painful.

I hope this helps.

BOMBAYCAT · Mar 25, 2017

I wonder if an incident like those leaves something like PTSD in people. If so, cannabis seems to help you face the bad memories. You are on the right path so keep toking.

Dropped Cat · Mar 25, 2017

So much pain and loss due to this underestimated occurrence.

Too often I hear about molestation early in life from the women
I know. Explains a lot to the anger of women towards men in general.

It's like we all break enough mirrors to have bad luck our entire lives.

One should strive to be honorable and true. But to molest a child
is unforgivable and should be met with swift and absolute justice.

No surprise that even in prison molesters are fair game.

944s2 · Mar 25, 2017

Bagend,,,
you have been very brave in talking about here but you need to talk about this in therapy or counselling as getting angrier is not healthy if not being used in a positive way,,,,,
Lots of help out there,,,,,
peace and regards 944s2

subrob · Mar 26, 2017

I come from a family that the Catholic church destroyed w sexual abuse
Seen relatives live a fucked life and later in life come to terms w what happened and turn life around
Hope you find peace

Siever · Mar 26, 2017

bagend12 & Weird,

I really feel for you guys. Although I've never been molested I understand that it's a scar you carry for the rest of your life.
Smoking some weed might have some therapeutic value?

all the best

Weird · Mar 26, 2017

Siever said:
bagend12 & Weird,

I really feel for you guys. Although I've never been molested I understand that it's a scar you carry for the rest of your life.
Smoking some weed might have some therapeutic value?

all the best

Yes

and it very much why I am so vocal about people having a personal relationship with this plant

it allows any human and any time to remove the imprint of their environment long enough to get a breath of mental fresh air

imagine caustic abuse as the same feeling of drowning but on a constant emotional level where the time slowly erodes at your being until you can't ecen think

and then imagine a breath of air of moment

pot has been my breath of fresh air to realize my humanity in light of the how the human condition around me was expressed

without it I would never have survived this long and I can't imagine the price people would have paid in the death throws of my drowning

that is why I am so against commercialization of pot to teh point a person cant have a direct relationship with the plant because it saved my life for which I am really a victim of some pretty heanious shit

so is it so wrong for me to be so vocal about wanting that relationship to be as natural and pure as possible?

Nam Myoho Renge Kyo friends

wasgedn · Mar 28, 2017

that is why I am so against commercialization of pot to teh point a person cant have a direct relationship with the plant

the plants giving me inner peace and bring me always into the middle , in harmonic condition again...same as my garden and nature in common...many people have lost relationship to them selfs and their environment...

Andyo · Mar 28, 2017

authority/control/abuse

authority/control/abuse

The majority of people in a position of authority or control fixate and become border line psychotic.
Ive watched it evolved ,its a human fault mostly cowards.

I wasnt sexually abused but as far back as i can remember i was physicly abused and mentally abused by a catholic step father
until the age of 15 when i left .

I had to calm myself down to write this .
after reading through the posts i found myself pacing up and down.

one of my school friends killed himself because of sexual abuse by a catholic priest

I went to prison for beating that priest
I told the police why i did it, it was ignored

2 further prison sentences later i was sent to hmp grendon psychiatric prison for explosive psychotic violence in prison.

we had individual and group therapy in 90% of the cases the guys didnt know they were going to attack

but all of them had suffered child hood sexual or physical or mental abuse.

I know my triggers ,weed wont stop it but it does alliviate pressure until a trigger situation occurs.

my triggers are directly related to my child hood suffering if i see a child/young person being ignored out of parental ignorance when they are at risk, victimised or beaten i will explode and only realise my actions after.
Having a grow room is part of my self control !

due to this i became anti social and avoided gatherings.
ive corrected my spellings 5 times writting this and now i thought fuk the spellings

its another part of my distraction normally my spellings fine.A

shithawk420 · Mar 28, 2017

you went to prison?you must have fucked him up good.did you get AA or AB?

Andyo · Mar 28, 2017

AB

AB

shithawk420 said:
you went to prison?you must have fucked him up good.did you get AA or AB?

AB initially then B after hmp grendon

I was molested as a kid...

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