Asking for help from the older users.

Hey, It has been awhile(year or two) since I last posted here. My life blew up so fast I rarely had time for the internet and when I did I was spending the time with my girl. I really need help, nothing more than maybe some folks to talk to. I warn you now, it's gonna be a long one.
Also this may be along the lines of a Yummybud thread......don't know if he still posts here or not but yea, warned ya.

I don't even really know where to start. I was a regular user of ICMag, learned how to grow on here, seriously felt as if I was untouchable. I was growing great weed, had a girlfriend that by the end we were together 8 years ( i'm 24 now), went to and graduated school and was having one hell of a good time. That's the back story. I'm not even really sure when it started, I noticed that me and my girl had slowly withdrawn from the world. She never had many friends to begin with so I completely brought her into my life shared everything with here my friends,growing,hobbies etc. So this withdrawl was the act of slowly seeing/speaking to my friends less and less, going out less, accomplishing less in the greater scheme of things. When she moved in with me I finished my crop that was going and she freaked out about the weed. She knew the whole time that I had been growing but now that she was living under the roof I paid for it wasn't o.k. (bullshit but I stopped for us). Then I hurt my back really badly one night when I was drunk and goofing off with some friends. I had to take a few weeks off work, which was really stressfull because she didn't help pay bills and I was running through my savings (I was a student so like 2g of savings is alot lol). Then I got back to work and everything kind of settled. Then the restaurant I worked at closed one day, landlord changed the locks. Got fucked in the middle of the summer just after I had graduated (which is slow season in my biz so no one hires) and she treated it as if it was my fault and that I was lazy for not getting another job ( tried but it was hard). So that went on for a few months until I ran out of money to pay for the place, she refused to help because paying her car off was more important than having a fucking roof over our heads. At that point I was fucked and had to move back in with my parents and she hers. I guess that was the last straw because she broke up w me on my birthday over a phone......yes 8 years and I got the meanest breakup I have even seen or heard of. So it hit me like a sledge hammer in the side of the head.

That was 2 months ago. Now I am still living at my parents house broke as fuck and trying to get a job (there are NONE in this city that don't require uni degrees.) single and depressed. These are all things that can be conquered. But i'm not sure how. I am having a really hard time finding a job, I'm fine with being single that isnt really my problem, I am freaking out because of financials, I have no money like 4 smokes no beer and no weed. I'm not really sure what to do. That's why this is for the older folks, How do I rally? How do I fix my head to get me doing what I want/need to be doing instead of sitting here playing video games and surfing the net all day? I am seeing a therapist but only once everyother week, they wont go higher than that, and the girl that I am seeing really is a fool. I don't mean to be mean or cruel in saying that but damn, I am totally open and honest with her but she just has me talk and talk and talk I really haven't gotten any usefull advice, plans of action or really help. She seems more to just want to be an ear to listen. And that is not what I need. Thanks to whoever read this wall of text, and if you have any insight, advice or want to come and beat some sense into me that would be much appreciated. Really really lost these days.

Tl;dr: help me fix my head

Get out and knock on doors. Sitting on your ass playing games and surfin the web isn't going to get you a job and puts no money on the table. What no restaurants in your town you said thats what you did before so get off ya ass and go out and knock on every restaurant door for miles around how bout the bars, and by the way your way better off with out the witch.

Yeah just get a job....anything to start with. The best advise is what pealemae has posted.
Get going again, just find it within you and get positive. Eat well and excersise too, it's amazing what that can do, espeically if your down and got time on your hands.

Then before you know it you'll be back at it again and with money to start growing again.

Good Luck Mate....from an old one.

step one is finding some source of income. work security at a bar. college campus bars always seem to need a doorman. wash cars at a dealership, something...anything to get some cash in your pocket man.

step two is putting as much emotional distance between you and this girl as possible. from the way you make it sound, you need to work on you before you can bring someone else into the mix.

therapy may work for you, if it does...stay with it.

this next line may sound a bit harsh, but theres a nugget of wisdom in there somewhere.

when head is removed from ass, the world is seen with more clarity.





everyone has good times and bad times. heres hoping that theres good times on the horizon for you.

You make getting a job your actual job. Get up early every day, not just m-f, and hit the streets. You spend 8 to 10 hours a day OUT OF THE HOUSE looking. Go to every business that is within 50 miles and offer to do ANYTHING.

pearlemae said:

Get out and knock on doors. Sitting on your ass playing games and surfin the web isn't going to get you a job and puts no money on the table. What no restaurants in your town you said thats what you did before so get off ya ass and go out and knock on every restaurant door for miles around how bout the bars, and by the way your way better off with out the witch.

Click to expand...

LOL everyone told me about the witch when I was younger but I was in love and thought we were different...still am but yea its over and makes fools of all of us. The getting a job in a restaurant around here is hard, the ones I did my apprenticeship at don't have anywhere for me and the other ones I am over qualified for. I know it sounds dumb, but I am a red seal chef (means I'm a professional in Canada) and chains don't like to hire us for some reason, except of the top 2-3 positions. And I don't know how that will be interpreted but it sounds to me like I am trying to make an excuse, I don't know if I am making one subconciously but it is the situation around here work wise. I just had a smoke and was talking to my mom, thinking I might have to go to a temp agency which will suck, and I won't make much at all. But I have applied to Uni for the fall to get out of my town and get back to doing what I love like growing, cooking, learning. I feel my main problem is motivation to get up and go out and get the job.

usual thing after a break up,

you either sort yourself out, tart yourself up a bit and get a new better looking girl
just to piss the old one off and try to make it look like she made the biggest mistake
ever.

or you wollow in self pity for months/years and then do the above.

I can feel your pain, Northern_Greens, really I can. Reading your post brought a wave of "deja vu" -- been there, done that. And no matter how helpful your parents are by giving you a roof over your head, the lack of freedom and lack of funds to do anything will screw with your head -- don't let it. And don't do anything really (really) stupid, like joining the military -- the only thing worse than joining the military is going to prison. I recommend neither. You would recall with wistful remembrance just how great it was living back at home with your parents and not having a job.

While I am no model citizen, let alone a mentor model, I can say that the sooner you get out of your parents house and have some kind of job, any job, the better off you will be and feel. Keep this in mind: everyone (and I do mean everyone) has ups and downs in their lives -- whatever you are feeling now will diminish over time, once your circumstances change. Keep the faith -- not so much in some invisible deity, but in your own inner strength to change.

There must be some sort of job you could do, even as a street corner sign twirler or one of the crew in a car wash (I did that). And try to hook up with old friends or new to share a pad -- I once lived/slept in the living-room of a 2 bedroom house with 4 other guys. These were guys that I met while working as a laborer at a landscaping company. That was a bitch because there was no privacy, and no sleep until everyone else hit their racks. When you open your eyes to additional possibilities, you will come to realize that you can do better with your life. Your life will get better, because you are in control.

Peace be with you and yours, and the very best of luck (because sometimes that helps too).

Northern_Greens said:

I feel my main problem is motivation to get up and go out and get the job.

Click to expand...

being broke and homeless is a hell of a motivator wouldnt you say?

it may seem hard right now but you have a roof over your head, sounds like you are better off without the ex girlfriend.

just make sure you spend your time doing something positive to sort out your present problems. stay active and busy. you'll be back on your feet in no time im sure and you'll be wiser for the experiences you've had. time is on your side

VG

look further afield for a job - maybe one in a hotel that comes with a room??

VG

M8 I can tell you that people like it when they see you put a bit of effort into seeking work do what pearlemae said knock on doors, do it all day if need be if you have to If you get a job scrubbing pots well so be it the one thing I noticed about work is it easier to find job once your working ,people see that your prepaid to work a shit job might be prepared to consider you and stop looking at what you don't have ,shit you got parent putting you up and feeding you at least ,you could be on the streets sleeping rough you have a roof over your head your ,much luckier the some Something will break but you got to make it and remember first impression count for a lot present yourself as well as you can.

You need to reprogram your brain and change your way of thinking. For motivation, search for audio books ... anything done by Anthony Robbins.

skunkfunk said:

Yeah just get a job....anything to start with. The best advise is what pealemae has posted.
Get going again, just find it within you and get positive. Eat well and excersise too, it's amazing what that can do, espeically if your down and got time on your hands.

Then before you know it you'll be back at it again and with money to start growing again.

Good Luck Mate....from an old one.

Click to expand...

The exercise is a very good ides, I have just started recently ( like a week ago) to get back in shape. I used to play alot of sports organized and pickup and am going to try and get back in once I am in shape again.

Midnight:
I think I might just do that, no car so it will eat more time up. But I have never heard it put like that....make getting a job your job....nice

EvilRaven:
I think it has come to get whatever i can. gonna try a temp agency not glamorous, but gonna make me some cash until I can get something reasonable. Also It's true, but I don't think my head is all the way back out of my ass again yet...trying tho. Also I have not contacted her in a while. Once or twice a week or two after I asked her to meet me for coffee just to get some closure/ reasons why but nadda. She acctually emailed me a few days ago.....deleted and blocked.



Forgot how too quote multiple posts hope it makes sense, also thanks guys. I've gotten a few gems from you so far

darkhorse:
I feel like wallowing in self pity, but I try not to. It's hard, I know what I need to do i'm just having problems acctually going through with it.

Northern_Greens said:

I feel my main problem is motivation to get up and go out and get the job.

Click to expand...

This might be part of the problem. Being 24 and still living with Mom is another. Unless your goal is to fill Yummybud's shoes.

my life hit the fan about 2-2.5 years ago.

had about a year of depression, with no porgress. no one was hiring, couldnt grow. etc.

still in my parents house but im employed and my bank account keeps growing. shits getting better, but it takes time. by the end of this year i should be ready to move out again and have my shit back together

im also younger than you but had a similar situation happen. no details sorry

Unfortunately most people will not be there for you when you need them. Perhaps that is the bane of being a man? As a man you are supposed to be "the rock" but of course we are plagued by all the same worries and doubts that come along with life. But if you express them they think less of you. I dunno I feel you though. Seems I'm always there for other people but nobody is there for me. Every girl I've ever had left at the first sign of trouble.

Unfortunately there is no easy answer. Get your shit up and running again. Girls will be back before you know it. Just don't let them take advantage of you. They'll be there in numbers when you have shit, and will leave en masse when you don't. Remember that and treat them as such unless you have found one that is really special.

IOW don't let some bitch drain your accounts while she's paying off her car, getting rent free, etc. Shes just using you. Many girls live exactly as she does but don't see it that way. My guess is in another month or two while you are still in your parents place she'll be living off another dudes dime again. In practical purposes for you specifically that is what you need to look at it as. Relationships should be mutual even if you are being used. If shes using you, you need to use her. She better cook, clean, take it in the ass, and not complain.

Unless you have a REAL mutual releationship. Half the rent, half the food, etc. She wasn't a girlfriend she was a leech. And you weren't taking advantage of her like you should've. Get rid of them if you don't want them, but don't let them treat you like that.

kept scolling down and didnt see the replies on the 2nd page. Man it has been awhile lol.

ZEROorDIE: That's honestly good to hear dude, that you have recovered. It is hard man, and its good to hear stories and get support that isnt herp derp lets go to the bar and meet some girls that you will never want to see again. No worries about the details, I know that no one I know except someone on the otherside of the country that I know uses this site, so it's pretty anonymous for me, which is why I let it out. Hope things keep looking up for you.

motaco
a year ago I would have totally disagreed with that post, but now it rings of so much truth. I don't know if i'm just a bit more jaded or what but damn I got a little smile when I read your post. And I hope that she does meet someone and that person wakes her up, but I think i'm going to steer clear of the relationship scene for a bit, too much bullshit especially with my age group.

Well its always good to think things through for a while.

On a lighter note I just wanted to say in defense of girls it is often not malicious. In the same way we objectify women sexually they often objectify us as providers. I often don't think they actually think about us as individuals and the problems they cause in our lives, and how selfish they can look from our perspective.

Its also not really different for men I don't suppose. I think a lot of men have tried to pressure women to take a facial or whatever without thinking about them as an individual and how that might make them feel. Or a girl that works and pays bills but her BF thinks she should still be doing all the cooking and cleaning too. Just trying to force them into gender roles. It goes both ways.

Do what you got to do even if it's something you don't want to do. As has been said the number one thing to do is get an income. Without an income you are at everyone's mercy and you have nothing with which to change your situation. If your training disqualifies you from certain jobs then when going to those places don't mention your training.

Once you got a job then just save as much as you can until you can move out and maintain yourself somewhere else on your own where you can get back to growing. Once you get back to growing be more careful about who you let know about that and when. I know the inclination is to think that if you live with someone or are in a relationship you should tell them. To some extent I agree but only in that people living with you are also at risk when you grow so they should know in order to protect themselves. Beyond that though tell people as little as possible, nothing if at all possible. If I could I wouldn't even tell my wife. That's unrealistic but she does know very little and hasn't been to the grow room in more then two years.