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The joke thread, cause we all need to laugh!!!!!!

J

Jam Master Jaco

This guy walks into a bar, goes up to the bartender and says, "hey man when I was in here last night I got so drunk that I went home and blew chunks"

The bartender looks at him and says, "that's nothing man, this other guy got so drunk that he stripped off all his clothes and ran into the intersection and got killed by a semi"

The man looks at him funny and says, "No man you don't understand, Chunks is my dog..." :pointlaug
 
NOKUY

NOKUY

Active member
Veteran
good thread willie !

I got a couple I'll share...lets start w/ this one:


The stoner went to a bar. He hasn't had any nookie in awhile. He saw this hot looking chick leaning on the juke-box in a dark corner and decided to talk to her. Hey baby I know this is a little forward but I dont get out much so I'm willing to take a chance. Why dont me and you go to your place and get stoned, maybe cuddle and make a little whoopie.
She looked up at the stoner and said - I cant right now, im on my menstrual cycle.

"The stoner scratched his head and thought for a second - it's ok I'll follow you, I'm on my honda
 
NOKUY

NOKUY

Active member
Veteran
Two stoners were walkin down the road and they see a dog licking it's own balls.

and one stoner says to the other - "Man I wish I could do that.

The other stoner says - "You better get to know him first.
 
J

Jam Master Jaco

Q. What do a walrus and Tupperware have in common?
A. They both like a tight seal.

Q. Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
A. He worked it out with a pencil.

Q. What is the cheapest meat?
A. Deer balls, they're under a buck.

Q. What's in the toilet of the star ship enterprise?
A. The captains log.

Q. What's the difference between tampons and cowboy hats?
A. Cowboy hats are for ass holes.

Q. How do you get a nun pregnant?
A. Dress her up as an alter boy

Q. What is the difference between a female snowman and a male snowman?
A. Snowballs.

Q. What does the receptionist at the sperm clinic say to clients as they are leaving?
A. Thanks for coming.

Q. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring, and good looking?
A. They already have boyfriends.

Q. What has 2 grey legs and 2 brown legs?
A. An elephant with diarrhea.

Q. What does the cannibal do just after he dumped his girlfriend?
A. Wiped his ass.

Q. What happened to the Pope when he went to Mount Olive?
A. Popeye almost killed him!

Q. Define "Egghead:"
A. What Mrs. Dumpty gives to Humpty.

Q. How did the tugboat get AIDS?
A. It was rear-ended by a ferry.

Q. What is the difference between a hockey game and a High School reunion?
A. At a hockey game you see fast pucks.
 
NOKUY

NOKUY

Active member
Veteran
A certain college professor was notorious for getting off the topic of the lecture, and on to his favorite subject: the evils of smoking marijuana.
Off he went one day into his inventory of horrors, "Used regularly," he explained, "pot can cause psychic disorientation, sterility, cancer and castration!"

"Now wait a minute, professor," interrupted a student. "Castration? That's absurd!"

"Yes young man, it's sadly true," replied the professor smugly. "Just suppose your girlfriend gets the munchies!"
 
P

Pops

Resident pissy old man
Veteran
Nokuy, you blew the punch line about the dog. The 2nd stoner say" I think you had better pet him first." Good joke!
 
P

Pops

Resident pissy old man
Veteran
What's the difference between a band of pygmies and a girls track team? The first is a group of cunning little runts and the second is a group of running little cunts!
 
P

Pops

Resident pissy old man
Veteran
The oldest joke I know from the 50's-- What is red and white on the outside and grey in the middle? Campbell's cream of elephant soup!
 
I.M. Boggled

I.M. Boggled

Certified Bloomin' Idiot
Veteran
A guy enters bar carrying an alligator. Says to the patrons, "Here’s a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. The gator will close his mouth for one minute, then open it, and I'll remove my unit unscathed. If it works, everyone buys me drinks." The crowd agrees. The guy drops his pants and puts his privates in the gator's mouth. Gator closes mouth. After a minute, the guy grabs a beer bottle and bangs the gator on the top of its head. The gator opens wide, and he removes his genitals unscathed. Everyone buys him drinks. Then he says: "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try." After a while, a hand goes up in the back of the bar. It's a woman. "I'll give it a try," she says, "but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle."

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Positive Therapeutic Benefits of Laughter (Humour/Humor Therapy)
http://www.icmag.com/ic/showthread.php?t=16773
Post three: "THE 100 FUNNIEST JOKES OF ALL TIME" :)
 
Last edited:
clorox

clorox

Smokin on that serious...
sara jessica parker walks into a bar, the bar tender says, "whats with the long face?"
 
G

Guest

Heres one for the police! I know you bitches are watchin.

What did one cop say to his partner?
Nothin...he'd have to spit out his cock!

Willie!
 
P

Pops

Resident pissy old man
Veteran
Gal goes into a bar and orders a Bud. Keeps drinking till she gets shitfaced and then some of the regulars take her in the back and sodomize her. Next night, she come in and repeats the procedure with the same "end" results. Third night, she comes in and orders a Coors. The bartender says"I thought you drank Bud." Lady says" I usually do. But here lately, it's making my asshole hurt!"
 
H

HotCha

Member
a guy goes to the optometrist. the optometrist says "you're going to have to stop masturbating."

"my god!" the man exclaims "am i going blind?"

the optometrist replies "no, you're bothering the other patients."
 
NOKUY

NOKUY

Active member
Veteran
As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".
 
Closet Funk

Closet Funk

CeRtIfIeD OrGaNiC!
Veteran
What do women and KFC got in common?

When your finished with the breasts and legs you still got a greasy box to stick your bone in. :biglaugh:

What does Wal-Mart and Michael Jackson have in common?

Boys clothes half off. :biglaugh:
 
NOKUY

NOKUY

Active member
Veteran
A teenager is walking downtown and a girl whispers to him, "Blowjob, five dollars". He gives her a strange look and keeps walking. Soon another girl does the same thing. Confused, he keeps walking. The first thing out of his mouth when he returned home was "Mom, what's a blowjob?". His mom replies "Five dollars, just like downtown!".
 
minds_I

minds_I

Active member
Veteran
Hello all,

"How do you make a dead kitten float?"

"a half a glass of soda and one scoop of dead kitten"

"Whats the difference between a truckload of bowling balls and a truckload of dead kittens?"

"You can't unload bowling balls with a pitchfork."

Buahahahahahahahahahahahaha

minds_I
 
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