thoughts in the nite..

Today was a heavy pull treatment, so i am exhausted, and have no energy to even be upset. They made the determination that I am ready for the larger needles, and so they used them, and my arm was wracked in pain the entire time! i am exhausted from the amount of fluids and toxins they removed from my body today, as usual. I will feel better tomorrow, and better yet in the days following- just it time for more treatments.
Another round of winter storm mix tonite. I had hoped to get some firewood split today, but am just too wiped out and drained from the treatment. I have a few pieces on the porch- under plastic, so they won't be frozen to the deck, or each other. Low to mid 20's by morning, and I have to get out there and try to split some wood , so the family can keep warm. Everything requires so much effort, and energy. i once was a mountain of pride and integrity; now, not. I have become the frail older guy that is dying slowly, while his loved ones watch helplessly, and nothing can be done to stop, or delay the end result. A permanent life support process known as dialysis is all that sustains my ability live, and to learn from my despair.
i have a blinding headache, and the evening is drawing late here. Peace and greenery to all, silence is hard to refute.
Enough for this post.. Hope all are well, happy, and comforted in life.. lj.mike

Another night of restless sleep and body twitches.. My sleeping schedule is so twisted around my treatments, that I never get more than a couple of hours at a time ..I don't really mind the time at night to sit with my thoughts, and write, but I sure would be happy if the dang wood stove would stay going all night. I always have some coals left in the morning
, to help re-kindle the fire, but waking up everyday to a freezing house, and have to try to get the house warmed up some before the kids and wife get up, gets a little old after a while. At least now I can get up and refill the stove, without having to wait for my treatment to conclude. Being on PD definitely gives you more freedom to roam or travel, but being connected to a machine for the entire night, 7 nights a week, gets really tiresome.
I have a issue that i have so much discomfort from; urination. i am in full renal failure, and thus my urinary track is not of much use to me anymore.. i am fortunate if I am able to pass 50 ml. per effort. I can get used to that easily enough, great for road trips, but I still have the uncontrollable urge to piss! I mean like I have not been able to go for way too long, and when I get in the bathroom- nothing! I feel like my eyes are floating and iI can't squeeze out a drop! So frustrating! I don't know what the problem is, but it hurts like hell to be so desperately in need of urinating- and not be able to do so. I have talked to my kidney doctor concerning the matter, and was told that it is a normal transition into the dialysis. i only have one kidney remaining, so i will have even less that most people starting on hemo. Since the dialysis is removing the fluids from my blood, there is little or none left to pass as urine. It is also a major cause of gout flare ups, due to build up of uremic acids in the system. More and more to get used too.., does it ever end?
The girls are doing well, but I fear they are doing too well, for they are vastly outgrowing my area, and are up into the lights already! I guess i am going to have to re-configure my grow space. I just simply don't have the room I need to supply my own need, much less any of the other patients at the center. I have to laugh when I get there. Usually, all of the patients that - partake in the herb- park out in the back of the facility, with all of the staff vehicles, so they can avoid the prying eyes of others, and smoke out before they go hop in the chair. There is a waiting room out front, and when you walk in there at shift change it smells like you've just walked into a cannabar! Never seen so many stoned old people in my life! Let me tell y'all something- when grandpa and grandma get stoned- it is hilarious! I made the gesture of bringing in doughnuts one morning- gone in 60 seconds! lol !! There are a couple of old timer's at the center that i have been seated next to on a couple of occasions, and in conversation the topic of cannabis cultivation has arisen. I was amazed at the number of these older folks that are growing weed in there yard/ property. There is one old gentleman i have a particular liking toward, as he is so much like my own grandfather was. The guy is in his late 70's and has been growing cannabis since he was a teenager! He tells me stories of when he was a youngster, and his grandparents always had cannabis sativa on hand for home medical use. He confided in me , that he and his grandfather used to go to there growing area to nurture the garden together, and his grandfather had been growing it all of his life, since well before the turn of the last century! when I asked him what his thoughts were on the current legalization efforts, he stated" I don't really care one way or another, the gift was from the creator- not the government"! What a fascinating and blunt way of putting it! lol.. No pun intended.. I have not had any of whatever he is growing/ smoking , but i gave him a joint of some really potent stuff that I had, and he came back the next day and said it was weak! Lol ! Makes me really look closely at the gardens of the elderly.. they ain't just growing corn and okra ! The old guy said he has been growing in his barn with florescent lights, until it gets warm enough to put them out. The old guy has over 400 acres of land, and a really nice 4x4 truck, so he might have that stuff planted anywhere! I am going to give the fellow some of the medical seed strains that i have and see what he does with them? i would bet my lunch that this is one old timer's garden that I would love to visit!
good health to all, time to start watering.. Lj.mike

The treatment went very well today. I had them use the spray, to numb the skin before insertion of the needles, and it was much better. they have gone up a size on the needles and they are hurting like hell when they put them in! I have been putting RSO under my tongue before I enter the treatment area, and it has been helping me to sleep thru the treatment(4 hours), and not be so wracked by the pain from the needles. I swear , they hurt twice as bad taking them out! Then , after these spike are removed from your arm, either you, or the clamps have to hold a good bit of pressure on the puncture sites- Ouch! ..
Today was better , but it was still dialysis, and still got to watch my blood being pumped out of me and ran through a filter.. i don't know what the cause is, but I have been having these terrible headaches after treatments. I have to cover my ears and concentrate really hard to hear my own breath! I have this dam ringing tone in my ears that is maddening ! And any sound added to it is twice amplified in annoyance level! I have stopped the hydrocodone, and refuse to go back down that road, but I have got to find some way of quieting these dam headaches! The doctor was real quick to grab his pen and write me a script for more of the pharmaceutical crap, but i would love to be able to get a script for cannabis/ extracts.. Some times smoking helps get rid of a headache, but more often than not, it only makes it worse from the coughing. Time for some sleep..
Lj.mike

Greetings all, hope the world is bright and sunny at your end of the rainbow. I am doing good today. I am tired of course from treatment this morning, but am well. I have been on a up swing for the last couple of weeks. The treatments are becoming much easier to endure, the needles are less painful- just about every time, and the nurses have all become familiar with me, and are very nice to me. I'm not sure if it is the detailed list of difficulties I have had, or the fear or the re-occurrence of prior issues, but they are very attentive to my care now, and treat me and the other patients with a great deal of respect. Much better than the last center I was assigned to. Even my doctor, who had become very stubborn and brash toward me, has seemingly become my friend again. i guess when things are going good it makes sense to be seen in the picture.. I still have to look away when they are placing the needles and starting the flow of the lines, but I have become almost used to the pulsing of the machine, and the can get to sleep fairly easy with the use of the RSO my son sent to me. I just dry a spot on the bottom of my tongue, smear some of the oil on it, and wait. By the time they get the lines running and the Benedryl in, sleep isn't usually far behind.
My wife and I are in for a real treat this week! It seems that Danielle won some concert tickets to see Miranda Lambert! The seats are front row, and include after show backstage passes & Meet and greet with Miranda and the Band!! i have been to many concerts, but I have never had backstage passes and a hang out session with the band! I guess it pays to plat those dang radio contest to see who can call in the fastest- and the right number caller...! It's a good thing she is out of class this week for spring break, she has every day planed out until next Thursday- shoes, hair, nails, DRess! $$$$!!! Makes me wonder how much of a expense this prize is going to cost? HAHAHAhahaa !!
I have already gotten my dialysis for that day moved up to before dawn! If I know her she'll have me take a nap just to be sure I don't tire out too early in the evening. I have been told it is the old man coming out in me, that makes me so tired all of the time, but in actuality it is the dialysis. I am wiped out when I leave the center, for hours! i feel like I have been working 15 hour days on a fire line! In my younger days, and not of my choosing, I did a great deal of wild-land fire suppression, and was at one point on a jump team, that was dropped in on the forest fires, and cut fire lines to get ahead of the fire.. The job sound exciting enough, but when you see a 90' wall of flames racing toward you- up hill, @ 70+ mph.! It becomes pretty dammed scary! I got my fill of that pretty quickly.
The garden is finally looking really lush and beautiful to smell and see. I started another dozen of the Auto-flower girls today. Fresh seed is so nice to work with! I placed them in the paper towel and water night before last, and this morning I had sprouts digging into the paper towel! i germinated 15 seeds and got 9 girls planted this morning, and expect more to pop by tomorrow! I can only hope, and expect they will grow just as vigorously. The mother plant that the seed came from was spectacular! Thanks again to the good folks at Afterthought Auto, for the information, and the genealogy behind these wonderful cannabis delights! i have another three coming out of the room tomorrow, and the smell is rich in the air, and i have the Neg. ionizer turned off, so the whole house smells fantastic! I so wish someone would harness this smell into an air freshener! Guaranteed they'd fly off the shelves! Even more, I wish wish I had a barn big enough to build a grow room in! green house or not, I'll have some of these beauties going under a light somewhere from now on! i am really curious to see how they do outdoors. the summer hat can be especially stifling here, and the sun will burn your hide off if you don't use sun screen. I have been told that the more light you have - the more veg/ buds you will get? The sun here doesn't get much brighter unless you head for the equator, so I should have great results! i can get these out and harvested before the grasshoppers ever get started!
I have been told that I have some gorilla glue #4 clones coming my way soon, I am so very thrilled at the chance to finally run some of this miracle! i have been told great things about his, and girl scout cookies. I myself have never seen any, but a very dear friend was fortunate enough to have a couple of extra clones for his buddy!! i can't wait for their arrival! I am sure there are several strains that are equally fascinating, but I have to hear of them before I can crave them.. LOL !!
Good night all, the days been too long for me, and the wood stove is crackling in the background.. time for bed.. lj.mike

Dam , tonite is not going the way i had planned!. I got to bed early enough, and had no trouble getting to sleep, but now am awake, and have a blinding headache! Even worse; I can't tell if it is my neck causing my headache or vs/vs .. The light from the computer screen is hurting my head, the sound of the wood stove's fans, the hint of hickory smoke in the air, everything- is making my head and neck hurt like no other! i have not had a headache this severe since I had the spinal leak, and the ensuing headache that comes with it! As the spinal fluid leaks from the spinal cord, nerves at the base of the skull / top of the spine become exposed to an absence of fluid causing a pain like ? I can't even describe the pain, and the only way to ease the agony in any way is to lay flat on your back or put your head between your knees and lean forward, to shift the fluid level to cover the exposed nerves. I dealt with that blinding , all consuming pain for 14 days before i finally broke down and went to the surgeon to see what was wrong. They did something called a blood patch. The only problem is they have to use blood straight from the heart, before it goes to the lungs and gets oxygenated. they obtained this from a line they set in the side of my neck, as it had to be drawn- and immediately re-injected into the spine, at or near the location of the leak. They do make an effort to numb the skin in the area of the injection site, but under the skin in the spinal column everything stays awake and vividly alert to the presence of the needle. You have to remain absolutely still for this entire process, not moving any, not even a deep breath! To their credit; once the injection was done, and the needle removed, I was sat up, and talking in a matter of 4-5 minutes, and the pain was gone! Amazing !
i suppose all of the trauma I have put this body through could have a great deal to do with it. The head-on collision with the logging truck was the most devastating, but the coma when I was 18, and wrecked my motorcycle going well over 130 mph., that was the longest I've been on life support- not counting now.. I didn't come out of the coma for 33 days! When I came out of it, i had a breathing tube in my throat, tubes in both lungs, and my lower jaw completely crushed! After several operations, and 6 and a half months of my teeth being wired together, they finally got my chin rebuilt, and my teeth put back in place. i was released to home after 3 months of hospital time - 7 weeks of it in ICU. The accident involving the semi loaded with logs happened many years later, and again resulted in several weeks of being in ICU, and a prolonged coma - 19 days. Hell, i guess after all I have endured over the years, it's a wonder I am not a vegetable in some long term care facility, or some one hasn't pulled the plug on me yet?! My grandpa, was Native American, and rich in family heritage, and stories. He also had a unique connection to the land, and the trees and plants on it. Down on the farm, there is a tree by the brook that the spring surfaces by, there is a tree he always called "tickle tongue", and if you were in pain, or had a stomach ache , he showed me to peel a strip of the soft under bark of this tree, chew on it for a couple of minutes, place the roughage under your tongue, and relieve your headaches or minor pains. I don't know what the name of this tree is, but it is still growing in the same place as when my grandpa first told me of it's healing properties- 45 years ago. Grandpa was a farmer's son in the depression age, so there was little or none of things he didn't know about farming or growing of various crops. At heart though; grandpa was an engineer, and he loved to invent things! My Grandpa started working for Texas Instruments in 1956, and advanced through the company for 35 years before he retired. At the time of his retirement, grandpa had more employee originated inventions than any other person registering patents in the Us.! He created all kinds of apparatus for their wafer lines, and acid baths, pumps and recovery sumps. i miss him so dearly, even after his death 20 years ago, he is still fresh as the morning air, in my memory, and heart.
When i was a child, my brothers and I were all sent to the farm for the summer. We didn't have a lot of play time , but we had a lot of learn time , and work. Grandma would roll us out of the sheets at 5:30 every morning, wash our faces with cold water, and have breakfast on the table. Breakfast was a great time for us kids. We weren't the only patrons of the work camp though, we had all of our cousins to help us in the tasks. Breakfast was when grandpa delegated chores for the day. I figured out early on, to get busy before the sun comes out if you want to beat the heat of the day. I can say from many years of experience; it is a lot better to sit under a shade tree fishing in the heat of the day, than to be out in the garden hoeing weeds from rows of veggies.. I guess I owe my grandpa a thank you for all that he showed me of planting and growing crops. My mother is in her 70's , and still goes out in her tiny little back yard and plants her a veggie garden of some sort! My little brother now owns what is left of grandpa's land. When grandpa bought into the place, he paid $185,000. for a full section of land- 640 acres. By the time of his death, he had sold off a large portion of the land to pay for medical bills he didn't want TI to pay- even though they were for on the job injuries! When my brother bought the place from grandma, she only charged him what they paid for the whole place when they bought it. So much for an inheritance of land? Scott got the entire 180 acres for a fraction of the true value! Now the place is down to 40 acres and a 120 acre pond. I don't think there has been a garden of any kind planted down there in 20 years. I have approached my younger sibling on many occasions, attempting to buy a potion of my heritage, Even offering current market value, and he won't part with an inch! I'm sure grandpa would be proud of one of us.. To my brother's credit, he is keeping up with the place very well. The gardens have now been replaced with cattle, and the Pecan grove hasn't been harvested in years, but the fishing in the pond is more properly dubbed catching, and the Bass are weighing over 12-15 pounds! Hell Yeah! The beaver are taking out all of the trees around the banks, and stream that feed into the pond. but they make for really good Croppie beds, and I can always count on a full stringer of fish whenever I go. I cant count the number of times that pond has fed me and my brothers. In the 70's, when times got pretty tough for mom and us kids, we ate turnips and fish all winter one year. the winter that year was especially harsh, and the roads were impassible. The pond was frozen along the banks, but we could just cast a line out over the edge of the ice, and the fish were biting everyday. In the worst of it, we even stopped and recovered rabbits we were able to hit with the car! A dead rabbit taste like rabbit, whether you shoot it with a bullet, or kill it with your car- it's still a rabbit, and it taste good when you're that hungry
back to bed.. Hopefully to sleep.. Lj.mike

I am so tired of these dam head aches! I awaken almost every day with blinding pain in my neck, and a head ache that is crippling! i have tried everything I can think of to ease the discomfort, and nothing seems to work. Ice packs help for a bit, heat does not. I have stopped sleeping with a pillow under my head, and have resorted to rolling a towel up and putting it under my neck to support the cervical spine, and maybe ease some of the stiffness in my neck when I awaken in the mornings. i have become accustomed to sleeping without a pillow, from all of the accidents I have had over the years. I have spoken with my doctor about the pain, and the headaches, but there is really nothing to be done if I am unwilling to take the pain meds.?! After ten years of being on those dam pain pills for everytnig, I have had hell getting off of them! The first few weeks were the worst of the withdrwals, but I am not willing to endure all that I have overcome to get off of them again! Maybe it was the opiates, maybe it was just my life, but I began to have bouts with severe rage, and violent outburst of anger. I am sure there are few if any , who would disagree that i have plenty to be outraged about, but the opiates seem to break down the stops that held it all in. Since I have ceased to use them, my wife and girls are much happier, and I don't see a constant apprehension in their eyes, when they are around me. I have much better results from the use of cannabis extracts for my pain, but they are extremely difficult for me to obtain, and I never have a steady supply.. I was able to acquire some RSO, from my son in WA., but I certainly don't want anyone to get into trouble trying to help me, especially my own son, so I rarely get anything from him or my daughter, despite how desperately I need it. i dry a spot on the bottom of my tongue, smear some of the tar like stuff on the spot, and wait... Usually within about twenty of thirty minutes I fall asleep. i only take it on the days I have dialysis, so I don;'t build up a tolerance to the stuff. i have tried some other extracts, and have had equal success in their use to alleviate my pain, or other discomforts, but again; the availability is the issue. Someday the rest of the free world will get thru to the politicians and persecutors of the Texas legislation, and we will see the dream be realized in all of it's glory, but until then i am stuck in purgatory- so to speak.. It is coming to a point where i look forward to my treatment time, so I can have couple of hours of no pain & no pain pills! Smoking a joint on the way to the center, and getting a big blast of Benedryl as soon as they get the needles set, has become a refuge from all of the pains and discomforts I continuously face. Despite the pain of setting the needles, the combination of smoking, RSO, and Benedryl, are a unique combination for a couple of hours of peace- If i have a good set of ear plugs.. i am aware of the many benefits of using the RSO, as far as CBD/ cannabinoids, but again - availability deems otherwise..
i just heard my timers switch on, so I guess I need to get busy watering, and checking my germination tray to see id I have any planting to do before the girls get up..
Good day to all, and a Safe and Green future for us all!, Lj.mike

If you have a reliable supply of herb you should make your own medicine. I decarb my herb and then infuse it into whole milk. It takes a couple of hrs.and is real easy to calibrate. I fill two ice cube trays and freeze. An 1/8 th oz is a good place to start. Small bud and trim. It's easy to dose up if need be. If you want more info, pm me. Hang in there, try to stay in the present

Less than 24 hours to the concert, and backstage passes- with a one hour meet and greet with MIRANDA LAMBERT & BLAKE SHELTON !!! I am so stoked! Thank GOD or whoever the concert gods are- for my wife playing those stupid ass radio contest! This is like the fifth concert she has won tickets too this year! Next we have the Dave MAthews BAnd, then we go to KID ROCK in July, And we are going to Willey Nelson's ranch for the 420 revival - on 4/20 !! I guess it is great that I am getting to go all of these places and see and meet all of these people, but I wish I could drink and party like the big boys do. I have to party like an old guy that is dying from kidney disease! WTH? Guess I just roll an extra fatty for the road trip, and another for the sneak away smoke, and one more for the ride home! Out of all of them, I am excited the most about Willey's on 4/20. I am going to have so much fun!!! Please let my health hold!!
lj.mike

Folks, I had a blast last night! We got to go back stage and meet with Miranda Lambert & her husband- Blake Shelton! It was so awesome! The concert was fantastic, and I have never seen so many girls in short shorts, and cowboy boots! And they were shakin' it for all it was worth ! Dam these Texas girls can wear a pair of cut off's!
I was a little concerned about the day, when my fistula blew out again, but they were able to set a third needle and conclude the treatment. My arm is pretty tender today, but it was worth the extra pain in the chair, for the night my wife and I had.
I can hardly wait for the next event we are ticketed to see. The kid rock concert in July is going to be a blast ! The revival at Willey's ranch- priceless! The one thing that kinda dampened the evening was the $35. for parking- in handicap! I would guess the crowd to have been about 8,000- 10,000 , and the applause levels were deafening I never realized how loud the applause is on the stage.! No wonder the artist all have those hearing devices in their ears, and speakers pointed back at them instead of out toward the audience! When Miranda & Blake did the duet together, the crowd came out of their seats and the entire stadium shook under my feet! Kinda scary for the folks in the upper balconies and box' . The concert wrapped up after 11 pm , and we started the evening with Miranda at 5:30. There were three other bands in the show as well, but my memory is crap and I can't recall who they were, only that they were very good and country.
I made it all the way home before I realized how swollen my legs had become. Fluid retention is a constant balancing act for me. I get out of balance and my world goes to crap ! Too much or too little is disaster in the making! I haven't had a seizure in over two months! that is very good for me. I was being pulled down too low by the previous modality, and began to have seizures about two years ago as a result. Maybe it's the dialysis, maybe it's all of the trauma I have put this body though? Regardless of what the underlying cause may be, any seizure is a bad one, and the fewer the better! I never have much warning, maybe a few seconds or a couple of minute- no more, and I go blank?
I come out of it disoriented and in fear, without knowing what has transpired of how long I have been out of it. If I am lucky, I am somewhere that I can recognize, and get a idea of where I am. I usually can tell when my system is getting overloaded, or dehydrated, by the way I feel in my head, and the energy level of the day. That is no guaranty, of any sort, but I know when it would be wise for me to stay home , or get a ride..
My garden is doing very well, an I have 8 new little Auto Flower seedlings planted and another dozen of so in the germination tray. I have yet to get any substantial yield from them, so far I have gotten only and oz., or less from each, but No lighting change up, and you can even put them under 24 hour light , and they are really potent buds! nice and frosty, but too sticky to handle.. The Assure rocket, is the next to come out of the closet, and it is beautiful! I drool every time the cabinet door opens.. lol.. One of them has even turned a rich shade of purple, and is absolutely crusted with THC crystals! Probably get less than a half from the rockets, but I am sure it will be something to savor. Good day folks, Lj.mike

I am so happy you had a great evening...

You certainly shine when the good times hit you, eh?

We all do!

Have a great day Mike and happy growing.

you are going to Willies? I would give a nut to meet him! enjoy yourself & be sure to let us know how it went...

Hell yes! I wouldn't miss Willey's party this year for anything!There is a big party at his golf course on the 28th of March, then a huge party at is ranch on 4/20. My father=n-law was a body guard for Wiley Nelson for several years.. We have such a good time when we go to Willey' home. For an old timer- that is one really cool dude.
Today is starting a little off, for me. I have the same screaming headache that I always have after dialysis, and it seems like nothing helps. I have spoken with various other patients at the center, and they all complain of a severe head ache , and neck pain. I don't know what the connection is, but the dialysis is either causing the issues, or not.? What i can say for sure is that I awaken everyday with the same neck pain, that branches into a blinding headache. Makes it really hard to concentrate on anything...
The garden is doing very well. I have just put to soil anther dozen of the auto flower girl, and am awaiting the arrival of some GG4 clones. Everything is just so darn pretty that I have a hard time cutting them! I keep on telling myself " No, let them go a few more days..
well, it is Sunday morning, so I am going to try to sleep a little longer, before the kids get up... Happy Sunday All, Ljmike

Have a happy Sunday Mike... rest up for the event and stay healthy!

What good things are you eating?

I eat a lot of fruit and veggies, fish and very little red meat^Payaso, I don't drink at all anymore, the cost just aren't worth it.. Renal failure effects the body in many ways. One is the inability to process alcohol out of my system. I dont urinate- often, and the hangover from just one drink is the same as from ten or more! I feel like crap for several days after a couple of drinks out in the evening! I don't get drunk off of any less than a normal person, so it makes no sense to me .
I also use a lot of hemp seed in my foods. I find it very tasty in salads and stir fry, but I have eaten literally on everything from a peanut butter and jelly sandwich to ice cream. for the nutritional value per gram- it goes good on anything! I have to stay away from whole milk products. I have a negative reaction to to the lactose, and it sours my stomach every time. I really love good ice cream, but can only have it if I some how run out of one specific medicine for three or more days.. Since I get the majority of my medications in the mail, it does happen occasionally. Other than that, I pretty much stay away from salt, and avoid too spicy of foods. It doesn't sound like there would be much left, but there is enough that I am overloaded every time I go in for treatment.
I suppose that some might argue the reason for my being overloaded is my becoming more active in the past few weeks. That could very well be true. I have been feeling much better in the weeks since I began the Hemo, but the gain has been painfully bought, and the scars are still fresh. I have to take pills on the weekends to wring as much life out of my remaining kidney's function as possible, so i am not too overloaded by Tuesday. They make me feel like I have been riding a bus to a football game or something for three hours and drank four sodas before we left, and when I get in the lavatory to relieve myself- nothing! Maybe half a cup if I can push hard enough without crapping in my pants! That hasn't happened yet, but there have been a couple of very tense moments, so to speak... i have been on steroids for so many years that my skin has become thin as paper, and will tear trying to remove tape! So I am always cold. i enjoy the spring and fall most, but summer and winter are a nightmare for my temperament or comfort. The air conditioners are always too cold in the summer, and the heat is never turned up enough in the winter. I know my body temp would be more stable with a little more meat on my bones, but I can't gain weight to save my but! Every time I go sit in the dam dialysis chair they pump it all back off of me.
Speaking of the center, I witnessed a man going flat line on the floor the last time there. He was running in a chair three seats down the line from me, and he went unconscious and no one noticed until the machine started alarming that he had been pulled too low, and had bottomed out on blood pressure. I thought that everything would be fine; they'd just give him some fluid really quick in the IV, and his pressure would stabilize, and he would be okay. I would have expected that, but it didn't work out that way for him. Mr. Ledbetter is his name, and he is in ICU at the local hospital, in a comma brought on by a massive stroke. I got word this evening about all of this, and it almost made me regret having a good time. I saw them get him back to consciousness, and carrying on conversations with the nurses. He was okay, but his body was still in shut down mode and they sent him home. Makes me very , very nervous about what will happen to me if i have a seizure of something. So far they have not pulled me down too low, but they are always testing the bottom of the scale. Once or twice every couple of weeks, they try to pull you down a little below your dry weight, just to make sure they are getting it all off and you aren't retaining fluid in the lungs or parietal cavity surrounding the heart; congestive heat failure is ruthless. On the days in reference; they pull you down until your muscles all start to cramp and lock-out, then the give you just enough fluid back to ease some of the cramping, and a glass of juice. Those day are brutal on a dialysis patient. When the testing is done, I feel like I have been run over by a truck and dragged in the gravel for a mile or more! Once a month we have to go thru another little game called monthly clearance test! We have to piss in a jug fro 24 hours- if we can, monitor all fluid intake and expelled, and they have to draw blood from you heart line to determine the level of cleansing the blood is receiving. I often wonder- if they are making it this hard to live, and can sustain this for decades in the right circumstances, How hard is it going to be to die? I am destined to be a money train for a lot of doctors, for a number of years left- i hope.
At what cost to me, and my loved ones? Does there not come a point where the doctor is bound by a moral obligation to do no harm, is it not in fact the honor and creed of every physician since the enactment of the organized medical study?
Life comes at price. Mine has become in excess of $78,k per month. and the bill keeps growing!
The Blue dreams is doing so nice! It looks like it is covered in little snow balls of long white haired buds! The Money Maker has finally started to go into budding cycle also. It has yet to get as defined in stage as the blue dreams, but it is covered with the cuties little buds I have ever seen.
Tired again, good night floks. Be safe and stay green! Lj.mike

Blue Dream is a personal favorite of mine. Glad you can enjoy it!

I would never assume you were drinking... I know about dialysis. In the past a friend's step-father had to be taken into dialysis 3 times a week, and I got the job of doing Saturdays. I had to stop when I could no longer pick him up from bed and put him into a wheelchair by myself... he carried on for a long time with his mind quite active and was quite the talker... sad he is gone now.

But I see you are a real fighter and plan to be with us for quite some time into the future

Keep on posting!!! And happy blue dreams!

Blue Girls...

Blue Girls...

https://www.icmag.com/ic/album.php?albumid=58102

Back to reality, dialysis in the morning at 6!am. At least I will have it all wrapped up before lunch, and can try to get some thing accomplished in the afternoon. I can think of a hundred things that I need to be working on, to get ready for spring and planting the garden. The Okra this year should be great! Got some spineless okra seed from my mother. That woman is a gardener in her blood! Every year she gets out in her little 12'x20' yard and plants some veggies. I don't think she has harvested enough to pay the water bill in a few years, but the stuff always taste fantastic. I think all she really does is keep a rolling seed bank for the rest of the family to pool from. maybe i should take note of that for the future generations of cANNabis patrons. I don't always have success with every seed, but I can dang sure cross strains and get them to stabilize. I have some strain crosses now that are fascinating to watch, and I can hardly wait for the rest of the applications. The fast grow that i crossed is a regular bush at 10 weeks, and requires bracing for budding cycle. I am not sure where the THC level will be? Should be in the high twenties, and possibly over 30% if the next crosses are a success. The thing that I have noticed is that the really high power strains don't usually yield very much per plant
What I want to do is breed out a strain and get it to stabilize over 30%, with a per plant yield of over 2 pounds.
I know there are strains that are well above the 30% ceiling, but they usually are so dense and finicky that they don't produce maximum without the branches braking under their own weight. This can be easily adjusted to by a scrogg or netted grow. This works, but the plants still must remain small? i have some GG4 to breed out next. at least two of the plants will be for seed. so many possibilities!
Good night all, Ljmike

My sleeping schedule is so screwed up. I awaken at 5:am, get my snack bag made, and head for the center where I get checked. weighed, vitals , and hooked up. Then they so kindly give me a big dose of Benedryl, to help me sleep and be comfortable with two or three 14 gauge needles drilled into your arm. The meds they give me, in combo with the meds I take on the way there, and the RSO I put under my tongue when I get there= sleep for about four hours! Great for getting thru the treatment, but hell on the sleeping schedule! I never sleep more than 2-3 hours in a row , at night. Usually I don't sleep more than 4-5 hours a night. Then I have to get up and reset my internal clock so to speak.. i have come to a point where i sleep the soundest, and deepest when I take an afternoon nap - which makes it even harder for me to sleep at night.. uuuughgghghghghg!
Snacks, meds, shoes, and out the door.. hhhmmmm... Lj.mike

you grow milk thistle? started a few years back now it's everywhere, which is pretty impressive for southern arizona.. seeds for liver/kidney health..

Some people have all the luck! I sure wish some of it would rub off on me. My wife is on a roll with the radio station contest for concert tickets! She has won tickets to 5 concerts in the next three months! I am going to have to be a little more selective in my choices.. I think that her sister is going with her for at least one of them, to make up for her not getting to go to Miranda.. I guess I better do what I can to stay on their good sides- my brother -n-law is a Homicide detective in the next town over, where I do my dialysis. I have been giving a couple of the nurses at the center, whom I have known for several years, some samples of med weed, for other patients and themselves. The general consensus is that I can grow some bad to the bone buds, and if I can get an insider on the edibles, I could make a lot of patients, and a couple of nurses, very happy. I try to keep it hush hush, but I have a soft spot for people in pain, and I am being swamped with other patients needing access to med quality, without being robbed on the $. The thing that people rarely consider is that ; when you go on dialysis, your entire life becomes centered on the dam treatments, and any reprieve from the discomfort of the "chair", and the subsequent symptoms. I confide in one of the older gentlemen, that I had access to seed for some very effective medical strains, but I lacked the space to grow any kind of quantity. Much to my applause, LB; has offered me a space on his property, well away from prying eyes, to construct a green house or outdoor growing area, to bump up my production and help more patients. One of the nurses I have been helping with relieving her back pain from the long hours on shift, is married to the chief of police in the town my mother lives in! I think mom may have just started growing auto flowers in her back yard.. The yard would be perfect for the short run - short stature plants that auto flower strains usually produce. I approached her about the idea a couple of months back, and the only reservation that she had was the height issue. She has a small yard, but it is enclosed in a 7' tall privacy fence, and the neighbors on both sides have been her long time friends for over a decade. If the auto flower perform as well outdoors as they do inside= wow !
I finally got some of the assure rocket hanging to dry. I am really impressed with the growth rate and characteristics of the Rocket. I let mine go a full 70 days, just to be sure it was good and mature, and it is awesome! The top buds had just begun to turn a violet shade of purple, and are absolutely encrusted in THC ! I so wish Texas would hurry up and pass some legislation to get the ball rolling, and every one else.. LOL.. I have this huge ass yard, plenty of room for several green houses, on top of a hill, with a well for watering. It's absolute non sense that Texas is taking so long to join the rest of the nation in the healing!
I finally have something special to work with, and if I had an outdoor greenhouse, I could be the first medical seed bank in Texas! I am expecting some Gorilla Glue #4, sometime this week or Monday of next week.and have a couple of very high CBDa strains to work with also, one being 20;1 CBDa / THC. I have read that the GG4 has tested out at over 34%- 38%!! To me that is so unheard of, and unseen, that I am in awe just in thinking of the possible applications, and effects! With numbers like that, you wouldn't need to grow a great deal, just really pamper the ones that do get run. I started germination of 5, of The Prophet , in hopes that I can get a male out of the bunch for pollen. I have yet to master the cloning process, so I tend to prefer seed. The seed will keep for years, and if you loose a few , you can always revert back to the seed box for new mothers. It will be very interesting to see where the strain quality goes after full legalization becomes a mute issue. For the most part , here in Texas the strains are generally less potent than the dispensary stuff in the other Med safe states. I.m sure if I were to go out to Humboldt to visit with my bro, the weed there would be a shocking difference in quality. I need more !
At present there are no less than 5 bills before the state legislation, and any one of them would exonerate myself, and thousands of others, from being a criminal for trying to feel good while waiting to die. One bill particularly; Sb2165 , would make cannabis as legal as corn and peas. That is the one for me! From what I have been reading on the internet, and the numerous sources that it provides, the general thought is that the supreme court is about to remove cannabis from the schedule completely! seems to me that that action alone would nullify the prohibition laws in all states? I have forgotten the date that the decision is to be handed down, but I believe it is within the next 2-3 weeks? Holding my breath and wondering how long all of these dam politicians can keep the lies going ? The truth is out and they just refuse to see it!? Or they refuse to accept that they have been revealed for their true nature, and nature has won. Let the healing begin! Lj.mike