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Old 01-13-2021, 11:41 PM #441
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"... sincere developmental epiphany"! I 'm laughing. Always amazed at how sudden these epiphanies can be!
Man, I see the pressure on you ...
Thinking of you ...


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Originally Posted by moose eater View Post
.

So yeah, what ever lessons in narcissism my 2 oldest kids need to resolve, at this point my resources are pretty well taxed, not just economically, but physically, so we'll be filing the new Wills as soon as possible, not withstanding some sort of clearly sincere developmental epiphany on the parts of my 2 oldest.
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Old 01-15-2021, 12:28 AM #442
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Fortunate to be able to speak with Moose Eater, who does seem to be holding up well.
Admiration and respect for the member who met and spent time with him there.
The quality and caliber of some here, not for the first time leaves me in awe.
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Old 01-15-2021, 01:42 PM #443
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Originally Posted by Gry View Post
Fortunate to be able to speak with Moose Eater, who does seem to be holding up well.
Admiration and respect for the member who met and spent time with him there.
The quality and caliber of some here, not for the first time leaves me in awe.
I won't identify members for their graciousness, unless they are OK with that. The person in reference drove over an hour to get to where I was staying near the hospital, and rather than decarbing some and trying to find others, they brought me a 10-pack of capsules from a retail outlet (per each cap, 70 mg CBD, 50 mg THCA (I initially misread it as THCV, sorry), and 20 mg of THC... as well as 2 pre-roll cylinders containing two 1/2-gram joints each (each cylinder was a different strain) of some Indica I've never tried.

So the care package additionally included some more relaxing cannabis that doesn't have the 'up' effect that many of my varieties have... (*Guess what I'm hitting the sack with...)

After a day and a half of not sleeping due to flying, showing up to my appointment for a consultation that didn't seem to last much more than 10-15 min. with the Doc, and the rest of the trip's hurdles that I'll describe briefly, the person who attended to my needs was IN-FUCKING-CREDBLE.

The forum member refused any compensation for any of it, then walked with me 7 blocks to a natural food store that was open late, so I could more of the nutes for my 'new diet.'

Truth was, that in our rambling conversation on the way to the store.... I more or less forgot what I was looking for; a small container of distilled H2O, and silverware were on the top of the list.... the forgotten list.. Instead I got the hot dogs, and didn't realize I'd failed to get utensils to eat my avocado waiting in my room...

I phoned home from SeaTac Airport, and asked my wife if she would make a NICE So I arrived home to organic black bean & vegetable soup; another blessing for the end of a long couple days.. After eating out of a gallon zip lock (nuts, crackers, more nuts, more crackers), organic veggie and fruit based protein shakes I'd brought with, and more, homemade healthy soup hot the spot just right..

I had sent charts and intake work down via FAX, in advance (maybe not as far in advance as I had thought), and the records were at the Doc's. But I suspect many clinics don't closely review files until the patient actually appears; lots of folks say they'll do something, and don't.

Upon receipt of the files and my arrival, the surgeon noted that there was a hand-written reference to a shadow that had appeared in a previous scan on the back of my pelvic bone, and there'd been a question as to whether or not this was evidence of the cancer spreading to the bones; the typical path for the specific type of cancer I have (there are a number of cancers that can be found in the prostate. I had thought the issue had been resolved to the positive, indicating there was no cancer there, but the note said otherwise, and it occurred to me that my follow-up MIGHT have been dropped by someone).

They wanted to do yet another CT scan with contrast, but also wanted to do a specific test that I won't name here, because it is given rarely enough that referencing it might be tantamount to a 'tell'. It apparently involves some specific components that are monitored by 3rd parties fairly closely.

Turned out they would've needed 1-3 days to have that specific component delivered, and 7-14 days to have my insurance provider pre-authorize it. Yet another example of the leverage insurance honchos hold over professional surgeons, with the corporatist fucks telling our Docs what care we can receive and what we can't... .

As a result, the primary medical assistant was set into frustration mode quickly when they found out the particulars of obtaining this test, and the fact that we'd 'purchased' 2 seats each way so I could have at least a little space on the plane, to have the most important or conclusive test unavailable....

The good news, though not entirely conclusive, in absence of the other scan, is the CT scan has shown (tentatively) no spread to the bones; pelvic bone, etc..

I'm home now. Upon re-entering Alaska from travel outside of the State, testing and re-testing are required, so I'm more or less quarantining from my family, wearing an N95 indoors when I'm not in the extra bedroom, and advised them that if I'm out and about, they probably ought to be wearing one too.

A bit strange arriving home, unable to hug and kiss the folks who matter the most, other than for my pups.. they got hugs, etc.

My wife said I was welcome to sleep in our bed with her tonight, but I told her that I had no interest in killing or harming my family members, and especially in light of the existing fragmentation.

Yesterday I received some information about the first surgeon I spoke with via Zoom a couple weeks ago (???); I had no idea who this person was in the bigger world of who's who in this particular niche profession, and I'm hoping they were not severely offended when I'd informed them that I had 2 more consultations to complete before making a decision. But I think, knowing what I know about them now, if they'll still have me, I've made my choice.

This was the surgeon whose recovery numbers for some of my quality of life concerns (specific to their clinic, not generic studies), gave me a FAR better outlook than the fellow in Anchorage, whose numbers brought images of quicker ends. .

Anyway, I'm post-toastied, will head to bed shortly to snooze.

I'm still panicked at times (kids, choices, life, and the pulse occasionally taking off, but it hasn't again reached 127 bpm or more, as far as I know of). I do think the fluctuating pulse also requires some more aerobic exercise than I typically have been engaging in for the last several months. Got to be able to help the surgery and the Doc fix this; they can only do their part; my part is all mine.)

3-5 more days to quarantine in my home, then go in for a re-test in 5-14 days.

Tomorrow I hope to hear from the 1st surgeon I spoke with weeks ago.

BTW, TSA was ramping up security, and they came with about 7 agents to our boarding area, and 'randomly selected' persons for individual searches of their bags/articles. I was chosen with some others.. Walked up, looking them in the eye. Cursory search of the top layer, at which point the one asked me if there was anything fragile in there? "Crackers and more crackers." I said.

No one wanted to hassle me for my treats given by the member here. So seemingly, while formal policy may have been cranked up or trimmed a bit at SeaTac, it was not a lot different than flying out of there about 3 years ago.

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Old 01-15-2021, 01:47 PM #444
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sat X RB View Post
"... sincere developmental epiphany"! I 'm laughing. Always amazed at how sudden these epiphanies can be!
Man, I see the pressure on you ...
Thinking of you ...
Thanks!

Miracles happen. I'm just horrible sometimes at waiting for them. Situational patience, I guess.
-------------------------

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Old 01-15-2021, 01:50 PM #445
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gry View Post
Fortunate to be able to speak with Moose Eater, who does seem to be holding up well.
Admiration and respect for the member who met and spent time with him there.
The quality and caliber of some here, not for the first time leaves me in awe.
Thank you Gry.

There's been a crew of folks who have endured my angst, vociferousness, and my stressful uncertainties. You and numerous others have been among them.

Thank you.

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Old 01-15-2021, 11:19 PM #446
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Sampling my way through a few plant-based sausages, and thus far there's seems to be a common unifying theme; texture needs improved. Flavor in some is acceptable, bordering on almost really good, or good. For the lesser valued ones, the benefit is that plant-based sausages probably interact in the compost a whole lot better than real sausages. There's always a positive. Just gotta' find it.

Woke up with the (mostly stomach, chest, areas tingling with the electricity of stress, Literally a tingling sensation of unrest or hyper-vigilance. In addition, there was slight pain n the gall bladder area, and it presented without pressure being applied, which is a bit worrisome. I suspect this is the worst my and my body's relationship with each other has been this distorted. I could see this coming to a dissolution for irreconcilable differences..

Trying to be true to the plant-based diet, at the same time as trying to curb the speed of the weight loss, as rapid weight loss leads to an increase in gall stones. At this time, with numbers initially moving backward re. AIC and PSA, I don't want to give this cancer an ounce of food. And the absence of meat proteins and reduction of cholesterol intake will possibly help wit the gall stones, too. Lost another 3-4 lbs. on the trip.

Spoke with my primary care Doc's nurse a bit ago, and covered the tingling morning (and other times) stress, as well as my reasons for desiring to keep my gall bladder.. other than for the fact that it's mine.

My wife researched while I was in the air, and there is a bile salt pill (Actigall) that can dissolve cholesterol-based gall stones, but not the stones from gall pigment (or whatever that was). Fortunately the nurse states the vast majority of gall stones in the US (maybe N. America?) are cholesterol-based; a statement of lifestyles, I suppose. And the drug referenced can allegedly take months to years to do its job.

There is some humor in projected fictional conversation, persons standing around the memorial after a person's gone, and saying "yep, good thing he whipped those gall stones before the cancer nailed him."

Have 1-5/6 jars of 220mg/gram CBD flower and about that volume in THC flowers that are decarbed from a couple days before I left for SeaTac. No massive Chinook winds on the forecast as of last night, but for 1 of 2 of the coldest months in Interior Alaska (January and February, per averages and historic data), we're pretty balmy. We've been above 0, way more days than not. so while I would like to have some 32+ f weather to extract, it looks like early to mid-week next week there's a couple days of +20.

Haven't checked the very angry mothers I transplanted since I got home last night. Typically I'd have been down there last night, upon arriving home. Energy has been shifting hard.

Quarantining at home, dogs a bit curious about the mask, etc.

Agenda holds exercise and soilless mixes to make the next go of THC flowers for what I need, though what I really need is to decide which of my moms is the most tranquil in effect and run with that as a primary source for the THC end of things, until I can get another girl to add some Indica roots to the buzz,. I have 3, maybe, distorted seeds I got as freebies with an order a few years ago, 'Tora Bora', or something like that. Supposed to be a solid Indica, but growing, sexing, sorting and such is even more time consuming than I can handle right now; maybe a side project with more immediate Indica alternatives in between..

Hate to bring another shop-purchased plant in, and possibly invite more crawlers and flyers into what is now pretty clean again, but...

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Old 01-16-2021, 01:27 AM #447
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Welcome home.
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Old 01-16-2021, 01:33 AM #448
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Welcome home.
Thanks buzz.

Just got off the phone with the scheduling person for the surgeon I'm apt to go with. If so, we're looking at mid-March, perhaps.

Not sure what their notes say, as they're not in front of me, but there was no order for surgery at this time (I told them that when we had last spoken, the Doc had said when I was ready to schedule to phone).

I have suspicions that with the position and esteem this Doc holds, I hope he is not too resentful of my obvious stress and anxiety the day we met via computer.

Got the info mostly straightened out about who saw what in which scans, but in he process mentioned that another clinic in their area did a CTscan, mentioned above, and hope this Doc doesn't take any offense at that.

Bottom line; I hope the 'aura' of my personality and communication, as well as other factors, doesn't lead this Doc to say, "No longer interested; find someone else." Fingers crossed.

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Old 01-16-2021, 01:48 AM #449
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I would venture a guess that you were not the first wound up diagnosed and not treated patient the Doc above has dealt with in his career.
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Old 01-16-2021, 02:10 AM #450
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I would venture a guess that you were not the first wound up diagnosed and not treated patient the Doc above has dealt with in his career.
No clue. Just that he is not a person who speaks much or lightly, keeps a straight somewhat blank face, and has a history, that when my local urology Doc told me who the guy was, I was both impressed to no end, and horrified that I had pushed away perhaps the best option for me (or one of them) simply by being me.

I'd already told the esteemed surgeon that I needed 2 more consultation appts before making up my mind, and, again, had no idea who he was, specifically, at that time.

Days a person walks away, into the void, muttering, "I'm a dumbass... I'm a dumbass."
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