Ladies I need help! wife hates I smoke.

I'm so happy that I found this thread. I just told my wife of 6 years that I smoke cannabis, and always will. I thought she knew, I discuss it pretty openly, but I guess we never had an explicit conversation about it. She was very upset that "I hid it from her", which I never did. We've been having long conversations about it, e-mailed her the post from Fredster mentioned before. She's not from the U.S., and has the attitude that "if you need to smoke to be happy, you're defective and don't love us". I'm trying very gently to change that opinion. I've explained that I've gone for years at a time without cannabis, but I really enjoy it, enjoy growing, and that's that. I told her about some of my experiences, and that even though I hope she'd at least try it once, if she didn't I don't mind, but I won't give it up just because she says so. She watches hours of TV a day, I didn't own a television until she moved in, and I'd still like to get rid of it. I asked her "why do you have to watch TV?", she said "I don't need to, I enjoy it."...so that's kind of where I'm headed. We all have things that aren't entirely good for our health, but that's the nature of risk vs. enjoyment.

I don't smoke unless I know I'm staying put for several hours, I don't enjoy being around "the public" when I'm high. I don't do it at work, or when I have other responsibilities to take care of. I had brothers and sisters who were much older than I, I got to watch them and learn from them about cannabis. My sister and I still smoke together, we have a ball. I'm hoping to show my wife that it's not dangerous, it's fun, and there's no reason for consenting adults to deny themselves something that God put here for us.

A person who, once understanding of the safety and wonder of this God-given herb, still will give you an ultimatum of any kind is suspect in my book. I would give herb up for my wife if she insisted, but a loving person wouldn't force you to make that choice in the first place.

Sorry, that was quite a ramble! This thread has helped me clarify my thoughts, though. Thanks all!

vonforne said:

Ever thought of giving up smoking for your wife instead of trying to convince her to let you smoke?

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that really may be your best option . . .

marriage is about compromise . . . and if she is unable to change . . . you have to . . .

otherwise you are reduced to sneaking around and hiding when you do it . . . and that's not good for a marriage either . . .

I say take the level playing field a step further. I have a hard time believing that someone doesn't have a vice of some sort; if you don't then you live a Saint's life. (not likely). Mt Dew is a vice, ciggers, chocolate, pills, alcohol, etc, etc, etc... To make a fair deal between you and the little lady, make a list of unhealthy habits and then based on the list cut out certains ones back and forth until you can agree. No-one is free from "sin" and no-one is innocent of "enjoying life". Afterall, unhealthy is unhealthy; and no habit should be excluded. It's worked for me.

J.

Man I feel for most of the repressed husband/wives that I read in this thread. Personally the thought could not enter my mind that I would be spending time in a relationship with a women who can't accept my cannabis smoking.

I have experience in being in a relationship with a women who did not smoke. My girlfriend in HS was like that. She could not understand the whole cannabis thing, was very vocal opposing it and in general was a pain in the ass to deal with when it came to the cannabis issue.

Still I am gratefull to her, for instilling in me the experience early on about what its like to deal with a non-smoker in a relationship type of situation. Something I don't ever plan on doing again.

I think it VERY important to be clear on what a person is getting himself into when taking the plunge into a serious relationship as to avoid the drama/conflict/issue that many of the people write about on this thread. I mean I can't even imagine what I would do if a girlfriend/wife would have the audacity to attempt to question MY cannabis use, but then again I make sure that she knows beforehand that I am a toker, she met me as a toker and no chance in hell she is going to change me down the long road. I lay the cards on the table early on and personally I think it has saved me a lot of unecessary drama.

Righ now I am in a steady relationship with a brazilian girl who is great as she is very similar to me in taste and interest. We are both vegan/toker/gardeners/non-drinkers who have our priorities very straight in what we want and plan. We keep drama to a 0% thanks to our great friend cannabis.

I am in a steady relationship with a brazilian girl

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'Nuff said. Lucky stiff.

FlipMode said:

She's not from the U.S., and has the attitude that "if you need to smoke to be happy, you're defective and don't love us".

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If she is from Russia or any of the former Soviet Republics or former eastern bloc countries, I have one piece of advice for you: RUN!!! RUN AWAY AS FAST AS YOU CAN!!!! I have known several Russian/Ukrainian women personally who are married and they are trouble on a scale that makes American white trash look classy.

If she is from somewhere else, please disregard this message.

my wife smoked w/me then quit and hated i would not. my second wife,wink@lover, is a die hard pot head. we have 10th anv in 2months.edit...lifes too short too do anything but flush. dont play w/it. it going to stink until it turns white and hard. even then its still shi+.

Hey Sloppy, I feel your pain. My lady didn't have any experience with the herb before she met me. In her mind, she didn't differentiate between pot and hard drugs, and we had some battles about it.

This is what worked for me:

- I shared my growing habit with her. Now she enjoys checking the trichomes and visiting the grow room. It helps that she's an avid (veg and flower) gardener.

- I use a vaporizer to reduce the health risks of smoking. Also, vaporizers don't nearly stink up the house like smoking

- I got a Prop 215 CA medical recommendation, so I'm no longer an outlaw

- I supported my arguments with medical facts

- Compromise: "I got my grow room, she got that handbag or holiday she wanted

- I encouraged her to try pot for cramping, and she appreciates how it improves our love-making

- Moderation

Hello! This is for the man whose wife of 14 years doesnt smoke...

I've read every single post in this thread and I find most views to be valid. Here's mine... when I married my husband I knew he used medicinally. Now, as far as I am concerned, there is a huge difference between using medicinally and using socially but that's not something I am going to address because there's this thing called "free will". When it comes to pot, I dont agree with it. I dont even like it a little. I tolerate it, though, because I love my husband and if it helps him with pain management I can deal with it. He absolutely does not smoke in our home and tries his best to keep it away from me; he only smokes around me if I choose to go outside with him. When my husband smokes, he's not the same man. I would venture to guess that neither are you. As a wife, It's not the smoking I hate, it's the result. THC takes away what belongs to me. When my husband asked me to marry him. I vowed to spend the rest of my life with him; I gave him everything that I am. When my husband smokes, I have less than what he promised me. His personality changes, his memory isnt the same and his libido is certainly not the same. Are you asking her why she feels the way she does, or are you just trying to get her to see things your way? Maybe your wife isnt selfish or uncompromising, maybe she's bitter and resentful of what you've taken away from her... pieces of you. You asked her to marry you.

I used to feel the same way and thought that it was WEED that was making my asshole of a boyfriend act the way he did. He would "forget" to come over, after planning things, and was a pathological liar, and just overall not very dependable. However after some deep soul searching and because I cared deeply for this jackass, I decided to actually try what my boyfriend was going through while high as an experiment by smoking a bowl with him one night. That way I could figure out if I needed to "Make" him get off weed or not.

What I discovered was that weed did not change my personality for the worst and I was very much aware of everything, it relaxed me, made me have more insight on myself and the situations going on around me and I became a more caring person for LIFE. I found that it increased my libido, and made sex better than ever...with him or myself LOL. As for the memory, I still have a really good one, I do forget some things depending on what kind of herb I smoke, but for the most part its all good.

Maybe its just part of old age combined with the type herb he is smoking? I just know that after completing my experiment, I found that I was blowing things out of proportion in terms of it being "the weed", and found smoking an occasional bowl quite relaxing and enjoyable, and that it cured my anxiety problem, and helped me with depression.

Most importantly,I came to realize that my bf was the one that had the problems and underlying crappy personality, and it was not the weed. I got rid of the bf of 5 years, but continued smoking. lol Life is better than ever now! I am an upstanding citizen in my community, I have a very good job, I am responsible, and I have a lot going for me. I dont think the weed is to blame for part of your situation.

Plus, if you knew the guy smoked weed going into the relationship(medical user or not), and did not like his personality while he was smoking pot, then you should not have married him. Its like me and my situation.....I knew that if I really did not like him smoking that I could have walked out of the relationship anytime I wanted. When it all comes down to it, its just easier to blame and try to control, something you don't like, in order to not have to deal with the reality of the true situation.

Very well said puffer fish!!!!....I'm who I am stoned or not, its the persons real personality high or not, your going to have to accept them as they are, and love them stoned or straight...puffer, you hit it right on sister!!! ...love it! , thanks for sharing your story.

Anytime Mrs I know EXACTLY what this woman is feeling. I just remember sitting there thinking "Wtf is wrong with him, hes smoking this shit and not paying me any attention!".

It wasnt the weed, it was him and he just wasnt as interested in me as much as I wanted him to be.

I get high frequently with one of my best friends and we talk and talk and talk and laugh and pig out and laugh some more, and watch movies. Its a social drug, more so then that of alcohol. Its up to her to accept who she is with, stoned or not.

Puffer_Fish said:

Anytime Mrs I know EXACTLY what this woman is feeling. ...

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I appreciate your input... but in all honesty, you dont know what I am feeling because my husband is the most amazing person you could ever know. I dont get mad that he's smoking, and nowhere did I ever say he had a bad personality... I just said different. I was referring to sense of humor, to be specific. You just assumed I meant he was a total ass. I can understand your POV though. You said that being high helped your sex-drive... it does for women. Prolonged use in men will not have that same affect. I'm also curious... you said that you are more relaxed and perceptive... more intune when you're high. Have you ever asked the people around you what *their* perception is? Just curious.

Thanks for a place I can express my views and questions...

Well, maybe I took it the wrong way but you came across as being bitter towards weed. I don't think that "different" is a bad thing. I would think that smoking cannabis for medication would be better than some of the alternatives.

I just know that I hated weed because I was blaming it on something I thought was effecting him, but it wasnt. It was just a personality trait that I did not want to see in him.

I am responsible with my smoking and do not do it around people who do not smoke, and do it inside of my home mostly. I usually smoke at the end of the day after a long day of work. If I am around anyone else they will smoke with me. Today however I was smoking with a friend, and his wife does not smoke. She had no problem with the conversation or us smoking to my knowledge as we talked for a good 2-3 hours. It was just not her preference, just like I have no problems with my friends drinking alcohol around me, however its not my preference to drink anything. I dont mind being around them after a couple of drinks, I would guess it would be similar with cannabis.

As for sex...I never had that problem with my ex....he was always horny and stoned.

I met my husband 26 years ago. We both smoked, we tripped together, etc. About 10 years ago he decided to quit smoking. I didn't. It's never been an issue between us, probably because he knew that smoking didn't change either of us in any significant way, and it had no bearing on our relationship. He'll sit down after dinner with a glass of wine or scotch, and I with my weed. Every now and again he'll smoke with me, though I never reciprocate beyond having a taste of his wine. I just don't like to drink. Between us, it's about respect for each others preferences. We recognise that we are individuals with individual tastes, but also with a great deal of common ideology. Neither of us would ever dream of telling the other what they can or can't do based on our own preference. We'll celebrate 25 years of marriage next year, celebrate our differences as well as our similarities. We each bring things to the relationship based on our own minds and experiences, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Thats how it should be!

Thanks everyone! clearly i need to check my post more.
You know my wife and i have been together a long time now and our love has nothing to do with me smoking or not, i think in her mind it has something to do with respect and she might feel that "we" have failed if i use drugs.
i've read these post and i understand what most are saying, however this is something we will work out and if it comes to that place where one must give in order to stay together then it would probibly be me, not because she would "win" but because if i had to chose i would chose her.
i dont think it will come to that, if anything we'll get closer as we work through one of many issues married people go through.
please continue this thread if you like, however i think for me it's best to let nature take it's course. thanks again for caring. be cool

His Wife,
Do you have any habbits? Please remembe that chocolate, pop, food, exercise, money, shopping, attention are all things that can become habits that aren't neccesary and there are still more. People tend to forget non-drug addictions when they start trying to change people's habits. Before changing another make sure there's nothing wrong with yourself; people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. I'm not saying you are addicted to anything but I find it highly unlikely in this day-in-age that anyone is immune to addiction; even technology is an addiction for alot of people.

J.

I'm currently living with my 4th and last wife.

It took me over 50 years to find one that married me for me, not what they felt I could be. The only happiness is that which you don't have to make.

#1 thought it was silly to toke but getting stupid drunk was "fun". She didn't hesitate to turn on my lifestyle when it seemed to justify her alignment with society's Reefer Madness view.....

#2 found religion only in one special church that assured her of acceptance into "heaven" with her generous donations and refusal to live with any "addictions".

#3 went ballistic on prescription drugs and turned me in for a bag of stash that one of the kids hid in the house....her Reefer Madness conviction blinded her to reason.

#4 accepts me as I am and all the baggage with it. We see eye-to-eye on cannabis and all the associated lies and ridiculous claims of the fanatics.

Point is that if you have to fight or hide over it, it's gonna waste precious life dealing with it. She's either on board with it or she's not - as her partner you're gonna either have to succumb to her and live your life the way she wants, or move on until you meet a like minded adult that accepts you with all your good points, and with all your baggage. When more than half your time is wasted fighting over it, you have to remove the reason you fight or find someone who doesn't fight over it.

But, we're old farts set in our ways - mebbe this new generation has found a better way - not. It is what it is, you choose to be happy or live in misery. We choose the latter.

1 Toke^^^^^^^^^ Couldn't have said it better. Respect


Love is not about passion, ownership, or imposing any feelings on the other. Love is giving 50% to make the other comfortable and vice versa. It's putting up with each other and trying to make each other happy through tolerance and positive feelings and reinforcement.

No negative feelings.

Good luck to you and your wife. I've been there and it's been hard, but it can be done.