Exactly 3 months today without any erb

And it is no decision of mine believe me,but I put myself in this position by making some ridiculously stupid decisions so I can only blame myself.I quit alcohol about 11 years ago after a lifetime of drinking and gave up cigarettes on Dec.21st 2012.I have been in the position of taking care of my mom who is constantly in pain for close to two years now,three months of which was after my release from jail.The last 3 months have been almost unbearable.She cries out in pain at least a hundred times a day,and the percocets I give her do not help at all.I doubled the dose to 20 milligrams 3 times a day after I was released hoping it would do something but it did not help one bit.Even though it is misdemeanor probation and a urine is unlikely,I cannot get myself to do a bonghit even though I am dying to.I cant help but think I would be doing better with my other demons if I were able to.I started smoking again even though not anywhere near the extent that I used to and am having 2 or 3 bourbon and cokes a night.And yes having the perks around has proven to be too much of a temptation for me.She gets 180 a month and I make damn good and sure that she does not sacrifice any percocets at all due to my fucking weakness.I cant help but think if I could smoke things may be different.I am 57 and have indulged since I was a teenager and have never gone this long without it.I would like to think the erb may have saved me from this slippage in deadly habits,I honestly do not know for sure though.My inability to help my mom with her pain is affecting me so much though its just so fucked up.Every day it is the same nightmare.I have an appointment for her today with a pain management doctor which was recommended by her cortisone doc but I have little hope for getting her something stronger or different,anything that will help her.I would take her pain upon myself in a heartbeat if I could.I have prayed many times but it seems god cant or wont do anything.I am fuckin nuts and ashamed at the same time.This will go on for years I know she is 86 but is healthy on the inside.I never knew arthritis and bursitis could be so debilitating I never had a clue.She is a strong woman not a baby at all so I know its really really bad.I just feel so helpless because in reality I am.I would not wish this on my worst enemiy even though I really don't have one.I want a bonhit but in all honesty don't know if it would have stopped my weak ass from doing the other things I have started to do.So there it is 3 months without my drug of choice and I am so fucked inside.I don't know what I can do.

Well don't start drinking bourbon nasty and I hope your not doing ma s perks as I can see you are helping with the best you can do so why not have a toke relieve some of the stress your going through.it the best choice and start walking to help with anxiety get your mind on other things stay busy don't make this the only focus in life you cant change it accept and deal with it the best you can..

thanks for sharing your story,man

it must tough to be in your position
how much longer are you on probation for?

it sounds like you made some good choices for your life by quitting the cigarettes and the booze
i think its lame that you cant smoke a little weed but as a condition of your probation, the consequences just arent worth the risk
if it was jsut your freedom, i would almost say f-it and fire one up
but your mom needs you right now , if you went to the can, who would take care of her?

ill say it again its feckin stupid that you could use booze (if thats not a condition of your parole) or even prescription drugs, but cant smoke herb

sometimes doing the right thing is not easy
i respect your dedication to your family and hope your mom finds relief

If you are in The US. I would advise you to use CBD for you and your mom's health needs. I know the whole plant is best, but part is better than none. CBD is legal in all 50 states no doc appointment needed. They sell preloaded cbd vape pens at smoke shops. I never knew but a elderly friend just casually started puffing on a CBD Vape pen 1 day. Told me it's for his joint pain, and he purchased it a smoke shop near by.

Hope that Helps.

A friend of mine get's her CBD at CWHemp(dot)com it's run by a group of brothers that bred Charlotte's Web.

Thanks for the responses folks its nice to people that care.I would rather cut my balls off than deny my mom pain meds because of my problem,I make good and sure she has more than she needs.I just wish it would help her even just a little bit,they only seem to make her drowsy.I would love to do a couple hits but the possibility of having to leave here again and have my bum brother fill in is just too much even though it is remote.I told my PO I took a couple of Percocet for my documented back problem and she told me not to worry about it but reefer is different and I cant take the chance.I am not a stranger to pain mgmt.I feel like a real weakling about my slips because I am.Yesterday at her first pain management appointment the doctor gave her a script for narcotic patches but Walgreens has to order them and they wont be ready until Monday.Nobody else had them either I guess its not very common.They have to do better than the lidocaine patch she wears now that does not do anything.Nothing seems to do anything.Thats real interesting about CBD at head shops I definitely will look into that thanks man.I will look into anything at this point.The pain doctor had a sign aabout medical MJ with a little smily face after the info lol.That is definitely my next step.I think down here the law says you have to have a relationship with the doc for 90 days before he can write you a scrip for MJ.That blows.My mom is definitely into it.Some years ago I accidently gave her a skosh too much cannabutter a girl from Cali sent me.She puked.It was just a tiny bit on a saltine I was real surprised she even felt it.She felt it alrigh! I wish that girl from Cali was around now I guess timing is everything.Thanks again folks for having compassion.It helps sometimes just to write things out.Sitting in jail those 50 days was a lot easier than this.My brother tries but just does not care for her like I do.I am not going back for a few bonghits even though a urine is unlikely from what I see and have been told.Thanks again people.

A topical balm could offer your mother relief without negative side effects/buzz.

Arthritis pain can be significantly amplified by eating the wrong foods. Check her blood type and then plug the foods she eats into this search engine... I wouldn't be surprised to find she's eating a few avoids she shouldn't, and that her pain flares up a while after ingesting a few particular foods.

Could be worse, I'd be having seizures and strokes by now... I get them at almost 2 full months of zero cannabis.

Thanks Douglass and I wood you know Douglass you are not the only person I have heard that from.Avocado=good,white bread = bad.I am going to check out that website and others to get some info on the subject.To be honest though I have faith in very little these days when it comes to relieving her pain.Strong opioids like oxy and contact pain patches with lidocaine should help at least some,It doesn't though.The narcotic patch I pick up from Walgreen monday is going to be the game changer I just know it!The same way I knew cortisone was going to work...I Wood the pharmacist recommended icy hot months ago but it only gave her minor,very temporary relief.She would live with some side effects and so would I if she would just get some effects.

From your response I'm guessing that you didn't read the pm I sent you.
I was not suggesting an over the counter balm, but one containing thc and cbd with many other synergizing ingredients.

I read all my Pms I never got yours.I will look into it though,thanks