G
Guest
I received this in an e-mail from a friend.....laughed my ass off!!!
Subject: waxing (make sure you're not eating or drinking while
reading this)
For the Ladies: Read This Where You Can Laugh Out Loud - this is
definitely laugh out loud funny
All hair removal methods have tricked many of us with their
promises
of easy, painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and
now...COLD WAX
My night began as any other normal weekday night. Fix dinner, clean
up dinner, chatted with the hubby, played with the kids. I then had
the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few
hours: Maybe I should take some time for myself hubby's home he can
tend to the kids and I can get the wax out of the medicine cabinet and
pamper myself. I've been waiting to try this new WAX
method..........Supposed to give you a baby smooth appearance.........
So I headed to the site of my demise; the bathroom. It was one of
those cold wax kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the
strips together in your hand and then they get warm and you peel them
apart press it to your leg (or wherever else) and hair comes right
off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I am mechanically inclined
enough that I can figure it out. YA THINK ???
So I pull one of the thin strips out. It's two strips facing each
other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together I get the
bright idea use the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. Cold wax
my rear end (Oh how this phrase haunts me!).
I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and
pull. OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can
do this! I AM WOMAN - I CAN DO THIS................
Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-ra, fighter of all
wayward body hair and smooth skin extraordinaire. With my next wax
strip I move north. After checking on the kids and hubby, I sneak back
into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop
my panties and place one foot on the toilet, hold my boobs back so I
can see down there, with my free arm. Using my other free hand I used
the same procedure by applying the strip across the right side of
bikini line, covering the right half of my vagina and stretching down
to the inside of my butt cheek. Me being short - it wasn't a long
strip - thank-god!!!!!!
I inhale deeply and brace myself. RRRRIIIPPP!!!!
I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!! What the
hell have I done - I think I just ripped everything out down there -
I bet I even have a toe-nail or two........
Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half
of the strip. S!&*T!!!
Another deep breath and RRIIPP. Everything is swirly and spotted.
Do I hear crashing drums??? OK, back to normal. I want to see my trophy
A wax covered strip with my hairy pelt, that has caused me so much
pain, sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph
over body hair. I hold up the strip! There's no hair on it. Where is
the hair? WHERE IS THE WAX???
Slowly I ease my head down - still holding boobs so I can see, foot
still perched on the toilet. I see the hair...The hair that should be
on the strip. I touch. I am touching wax. S&%T!
I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is
now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG
mistake...................remember my foot is still perched on the
toilet. I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.
DAMN!!!!!!!! NOW WHAT >HAVE I DONE?????
YOU GOT IT -- Vagina? Sealed shut. Butt?? Sealed shut. I penguin
walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to
myself "Please don't let me get the urge to poop................
Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can
stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax covered bits and the
wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off right??? *WRONG!!!!!!!*
I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to
sterilize surgical equipment - I sit. Now, the only thing worse that
having your goodies glued together is having them glued together and
then glued to the bottom of the tub.
In scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax. So
now I am stuck to the ottom of the tub!!
Thank goodness I took the cordless phone with me in the
bathroom!!!!! I call my best friend/sister-in-law knowing she's waxed
before and has some secret of how to get me undone. Now this is good
It's...YEAH - it's a very good conversation starter "So how ya doing?
WELL funny... reason I'm callin ya, my butt and who-ha are stuck to the
bottom of the tub!"
There is a slight pause. She doesn't have a secret trick but does
try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the
wax is located on bottom. "Are we talking cheeks, hole or what?" She's
laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and
she suggests I call the number on the side of the box. YEAH RIGHT!!!!!
THEN -- I should be the joke of someone else's night while we go
through various solutions. I DON'T THINK SO..............
I am thinking I am going to have to resort to scraping the wax off
with a razor. Nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies
covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot ater and
then dry shaving the sticky wax off!!
By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and
I slip into glazed donut land. My sister-in-law is still talking with
me and my hand reaches towards the saving grace....the lotion they
give you to remove the excess wax. NOW I may be onto something - maybe
just maybe this will work................What do I really have to lose at this point.
I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!!
The scream probably woke the kids, alerted my hubby that something
was awry, scared the dickens out of my sister-in-law, but at this
point I really didn't care. "IT WORKS!! It works!! I get a hearty
congratulation from my sis and she hangs up. I hear my hubby outside
the bathroom door
Honey everything okay in there? OH Yeah -- fine - fine - I'm fine -
I'll be out in a few minutes.
I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to
my
grief and despair....................THE HAIR IS STILL
THERE............ALL >OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. So I shaved it off ALL OF IT
- IT HAS TO GO............... Heck, I'm numb at this point.
BY this time I'm feelin lucky - I think I'm going to try coloring
my
hair next......
Subject: waxing (make sure you're not eating or drinking while
reading this)
For the Ladies: Read This Where You Can Laugh Out Loud - this is
definitely laugh out loud funny
All hair removal methods have tricked many of us with their
promises
of easy, painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and
now...COLD WAX
My night began as any other normal weekday night. Fix dinner, clean
up dinner, chatted with the hubby, played with the kids. I then had
the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few
hours: Maybe I should take some time for myself hubby's home he can
tend to the kids and I can get the wax out of the medicine cabinet and
pamper myself. I've been waiting to try this new WAX
method..........Supposed to give you a baby smooth appearance.........
So I headed to the site of my demise; the bathroom. It was one of
those cold wax kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the
strips together in your hand and then they get warm and you peel them
apart press it to your leg (or wherever else) and hair comes right
off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I am mechanically inclined
enough that I can figure it out. YA THINK ???
So I pull one of the thin strips out. It's two strips facing each
other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together I get the
bright idea use the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. Cold wax
my rear end (Oh how this phrase haunts me!).
I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and
pull. OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can
do this! I AM WOMAN - I CAN DO THIS................
Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-ra, fighter of all
wayward body hair and smooth skin extraordinaire. With my next wax
strip I move north. After checking on the kids and hubby, I sneak back
into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop
my panties and place one foot on the toilet, hold my boobs back so I
can see down there, with my free arm. Using my other free hand I used
the same procedure by applying the strip across the right side of
bikini line, covering the right half of my vagina and stretching down
to the inside of my butt cheek. Me being short - it wasn't a long
strip - thank-god!!!!!!
I inhale deeply and brace myself. RRRRIIIPPP!!!!
I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!! What the
hell have I done - I think I just ripped everything out down there -
I bet I even have a toe-nail or two........
Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half
of the strip. S!&*T!!!
Another deep breath and RRIIPP. Everything is swirly and spotted.
Do I hear crashing drums??? OK, back to normal. I want to see my trophy
A wax covered strip with my hairy pelt, that has caused me so much
pain, sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph
over body hair. I hold up the strip! There's no hair on it. Where is
the hair? WHERE IS THE WAX???
Slowly I ease my head down - still holding boobs so I can see, foot
still perched on the toilet. I see the hair...The hair that should be
on the strip. I touch. I am touching wax. S&%T!
I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is
now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG
mistake...................remember my foot is still perched on the
toilet. I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.
DAMN!!!!!!!! NOW WHAT >HAVE I DONE?????
YOU GOT IT -- Vagina? Sealed shut. Butt?? Sealed shut. I penguin
walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to
myself "Please don't let me get the urge to poop................
Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can
stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax covered bits and the
wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off right??? *WRONG!!!!!!!*
I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to
sterilize surgical equipment - I sit. Now, the only thing worse that
having your goodies glued together is having them glued together and
then glued to the bottom of the tub.
In scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax. So
now I am stuck to the ottom of the tub!!
Thank goodness I took the cordless phone with me in the
bathroom!!!!! I call my best friend/sister-in-law knowing she's waxed
before and has some secret of how to get me undone. Now this is good
It's...YEAH - it's a very good conversation starter "So how ya doing?
WELL funny... reason I'm callin ya, my butt and who-ha are stuck to the
bottom of the tub!"
There is a slight pause. She doesn't have a secret trick but does
try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the
wax is located on bottom. "Are we talking cheeks, hole or what?" She's
laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and
she suggests I call the number on the side of the box. YEAH RIGHT!!!!!
THEN -- I should be the joke of someone else's night while we go
through various solutions. I DON'T THINK SO..............
I am thinking I am going to have to resort to scraping the wax off
with a razor. Nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies
covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot ater and
then dry shaving the sticky wax off!!
By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and
I slip into glazed donut land. My sister-in-law is still talking with
me and my hand reaches towards the saving grace....the lotion they
give you to remove the excess wax. NOW I may be onto something - maybe
just maybe this will work................What do I really have to lose at this point.
I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!!
The scream probably woke the kids, alerted my hubby that something
was awry, scared the dickens out of my sister-in-law, but at this
point I really didn't care. "IT WORKS!! It works!! I get a hearty
congratulation from my sis and she hangs up. I hear my hubby outside
the bathroom door
Honey everything okay in there? OH Yeah -- fine - fine - I'm fine -
I'll be out in a few minutes.
I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to
my
grief and despair....................THE HAIR IS STILL
THERE............ALL >OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. So I shaved it off ALL OF IT
- IT HAS TO GO............... Heck, I'm numb at this point.
BY this time I'm feelin lucky - I think I'm going to try coloring
my
hair next......
