Jehovah witnesses broke into my house

darkshadow · Aug 20, 2013

I was playing a game in my kitchen when 2 jehovah witnesses knocked at my door.
I looked at them and got back to my game.

But here's the thing, those motherfuckers opened my door like they owned the god damn place.

So i got up and yelled :

Me : Wow wow wow you people get the fuck out of here, this isn’t your fucking house.
Him : But sir we...
Me : I said get out before i grab my knife and kill you both.
Him : We just wanna talk to you.
Me : Oh alright, wait for me in the living room.

I grabbed my butcher knife, went into the living room and told them to get the fuck out of my house.

The guy ran outside but the chick wouldn't budge. I ended up pushing her ass outside.

The moral of the story is : You can no longer leave your doors unlocked even when you're inside your house.

hush · Aug 20, 2013

But sir, they just wanted to sell Jesus at you. Jesus is apparently a commodity that is sold door-to-door like life insurance. And how will you know that you should be buying Jesus if they don't let themelves into your house to tell you so?

Wow. I get mad when they just open the gate on the chain link fence in my front yard, so that they can even come up to my front door and ring the bell. I can only imagine if they actually let themselves into my HOUSE!

WelderDan · Aug 20, 2013

I got 'em trained to stay away. They will actually go to the far side of the street when passing my house. It took threats of bodily harm to get 'em to stop bothering me. I literally had to threaten violence to get them to leave me alone.

blackone · Aug 20, 2013

Damn... perhaps not the smartest move if you've got plants or weed in the house but quite understandable - you don't just walk into someone's house.
Never met any witnesses like that tho... it's annoying when they knock the door but so far I haven't met one that wouldn't take no for an answer with no discussion.

944s2 · Aug 20, 2013

yeah,,they always seem to bug ya on sat or sundays,,
i am usually very polite and gently explain that i am a "satanist" lol that usually does the trick and they fuck off immediatly,,, other then that just ignore them until they go away,,,s2

DemonPigeon · Aug 20, 2013

There's always mormons around where I live following people, I think that their use of the title "Elder" seems rather like the sin of pride... but anyway...

A friend of mine once followed them around with a Paleontology textbook showing them transitional fossils.

They don't like a role reversal

moodster · Aug 20, 2013

I would have gave them both blood transfusions and made them play a game of bingo they would of been well unhappy!!

PhenoMenal · Aug 20, 2013

The moral of the story is : You can no longer leave your doors unlocked even when you're inside your house.

Whether i'm home or not, my front door is locked ... I'm surprised this security tip is news to you in 2013??? *scratches head* ... it only takes a quarter of a second to turn the lock, enough to defeat any Jehovas Witness

floralheart · Aug 20, 2013

Did they leave any good literature behind?

floralheart · Aug 20, 2013

DemonPigeon said:
There's always mormons around where I live following people, I think that their use of the title "Elder" seems rather like the sin of pride... but anyway...

A friend of mine once followed them around with a Paleontology textbook showing them transitional fossils.

They don't like a role reversal

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Which is... get a list of all Witnesses in your area, and every Friday morning we'll go door-to-door with fossils and leave behind a nice little pamphlet.

This aggression will not stand, man. We'll fight their pamphlets, with ours.

hush · Aug 20, 2013

lol

floralheart · Aug 20, 2013

Sex on gold satin sheets?

Citizens Aux PD · Aug 20, 2013

944s2 said:
yeah,,they always seem to bug ya on sat or sundays,,
i am usually very polite and gently explain that i am a "satanist" lol that usually does the trick and they fuck off immediatly,,, other then that just ignore them until they go away,,,s2

"...gently explain..." :biglaugh:

I once made the mistake of answering the door without peeking through the curtains to see who was knocking...and it was them Jehovah people...a couple of elderly ladies, bless their hearts...I let them ramble on and then they asked me, "So is this something you'd be interested in learning about?" And I said, "I believe consciousness is unconditionally eternal and this temporary physical life is our playground. Afterall, what is eternal consciousness to do with itself for eternity? So it creates these temporary lives & worlds for its own amusement. Nothing real is being threatened. Nothing unreal exists. Herein lays the peace of eternal consciousness. It's at peace deep down inside because it knows that it is eternal. It will still think & feel even after the sun explodes and burns this place to a cinder."

They both smiled. One of them gave me a little pamphlet that said God was going to destroy the world. I thanked them and they politely fucked off.

Haven't heard from them since. :woohoo:

lord bongington · Aug 20, 2013

they dont come my way no more, i have broken a fair few in my time.

nuts all utter crazies

Pragma · Aug 20, 2013

Gotta love the brochures they slip under your door when you tell em to fuck off.

resinryder · Aug 20, 2013

JW's believe that only the 144,000 will enter heaven. Guess there is some kind of real estate past the pearly gates.
Really trip them up when the come by.

Me- You guys believe that only 144,00 will enter heaven right?
JW- Yes
Me- Well is I convert to your religion, what if I take one of your places amongst that 144,000? Which one of you is willing to be left behind?
JW- Looking at each other like, what do we say now?
Me- Have a good day.

Puscifer · Aug 20, 2013

If that ever happened here in Florida they would've probably gotten shot.

bobblehead · Aug 20, 2013

I can't believe they just walked in. I had some stop by a few days ago while I was getting ready for work. I was wearing a shirt with big print "THIS PARTY NEVER STOPS" and the aroma of fine cannabis was rolling out the door at them. I let the 12 year old boy give his spiel about how long I can live, and how it goes back to my Bible that I don't own seeing how I'm agnostic... And then I cut them short and let them know I had to finish getting ready for work, and to have a nice day. The end. Until next time.

yortbogey · Aug 20, 2013

next time answer the door naked w/ joint i and porn mag in hand...
they'ell leave

DemonPigeon · Aug 20, 2013

yortbogey said:
next time answer the door naked w/ joint i and porn mag in hand...
they'ell leave

or a devil halloween costume and a smoke machine

Jehovah witnesses broke into my house

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