Selfish Smoker ?

This issue 's been brought up by my wife using my nick:

To be a smokers wife, and not smoking myself, it's a shitting place to be. Smoker, who has made decision to not have fear from cops or busts, is very selfish. Wife has kids and home to protect, and smoker only smokes. Smoker dont understand that in a same time someone else is carrying those worries, cause he is not. It is not nice to think all the time when those cops are again in our kitchen. Its also not nice to remember how those kids eyes were full of fear when they were last time here.
'Have to also make deals what you can talk in a phone and what not. What you can say to friends and peoples, and what you cannot.All the time having stress about talking and hiding. Kids are also asking, but smoker dont answer, no, it is the Mom who have to give answeres. Smoker is a free- hippie and free- thinker, yee, wow. But where the fuck comes the family?

offthehook said:

This issue 's been brought up by my wife using my nick:

To be a smokers wife, and not smoking myself, it's a shitting place to be. Smoker, who has made decision to not have fear from cops or busts, is very selfish. Wife has kids and home to protect, and smoker only smokes. Smoker dont understand that in a same time someone else is carrying those worries, cause he is not. It is not nice to think all the time when those cops are again in our kitchen. Its also not nice to remember how those kids eyes where full of fear when they where last time here.
'Have to also make deals what you can talk in a phone and what not. What you can say to friends and peoples, and what you cannot.All the time having stress about talking and hiding. Kids are also asking, but smoker dont answer, no, it is the Mom who have to give answeres. Smoker is a free- hippie and free- thinker, yee, wow. But where the fuck comes the family?

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Excuse my ignorance
Phone calls / Deals / Police in the kitchen with children crying.
I take it you are the wife?
Are we speaking of a selfish smoker or a selfish grower?

If it is a grower then yes he would indeed be selfish considering police have already entered the picture. Once police know you then you have just retired even if you weren't caught red handed. Kids bring up a COMPLETELY different issue.

Response by Offthehook (NOT my wife now)
'What ever I do, I don't do it on my property SDG.
They sometimes only come raiding the place to look for personal stash, wich anyways is not here.
Ppl in town talk shit about me during their interrogations usually, wich gives cops probable cause to raid our place again.(Complete made up stories to safe their own ass always, but practicly I keep verry low profile allthough my "looks" may tell different)
When wife mentioned the word "deals" just, she ment we'll have to mutually agree upon what can be said on the phone and what not.
'Or in other words, she's got to be carefull on the phone to not say things that could be used against us by lawenforcement.
Or, she's not as free to speak on the phone as she would like too.'
I take one or 2 hits of 0.2 gr of weed a day and the growing and smoking it is beeing done off property, to answer your question.

I don't have children or a family yet, but I can comment on this because my boyfriend grows & I'm a nonsmoker. This might not be the answer she's looking for, but it's how my relationship works & how things have to be worked out.

First, I think that, if your husband is doing everything off-property, away from his family, kids, etc. that he's taking a big step doing that. I know it may seem insensitive to you, but that's a big move. My boyfriend doesn't have that option at the moment, so be thankful that it's at least at a separate location.

Second, dealing with police & laws will be a constant issue as far as being with/having a family with someone who smokes/grows. He's really not smoking all that much (I've seen much, much worse). I know it sucks to deal with, but it's one of those things that you need to work on accepting... because until a miracle comes around & everything is legal, it's going to happen. He could be a nonsmoker & STILL have friends who do things like tell the police stories. I've seen that happen, too.

Third, not talking about cannabis on the phone is, again, a step taken to try to protect your family. It's not anyone trying to restrict your speech, but it is necessary. I know it's a pain, but it's definitely for the better.

Lastly, if there are children involved, I think you & your husband need to possibly sit down & speak one-on-one about how to respond to your children. Parenting should never be one-sided, so both of your answering your childrens' questions is necessary. I also do think that maybe you guys need to have a one-on-one about your feelings, as well. Communication is the number one thing that makes relationships work. If one or the other party is unhappy & isn't saying anything about it, it's going to eventually stop being a partnership & one party (in this case, wife) is going to start resenting the other party (husband) for their practices.


Just my thoughts.

offthehook said:

Response by Offthehook (NOT my wife now)
'What ever I do, I don't do it on my property SDG.
They sometimes only come raiding the place to look for personal stash, wich anyways is not here.
Ppl in town talk shit about me during their interrogations usually, wich gives cops probable cause to raid our place again.(Complete made up stories to safe their own ass always, but practicly I keep verry low profile allthough my "looks" may tell different)
When wife mentioned the word "deals" just, she ment we'll have to mutually agree upon what can be said on the phone and what not.
'Or in other words, she's got to be carefull on the phone to not say things that could be used against us by lawenforcement.
Or, she's not as free to speak on the phone as she would like too.'
I take one or 2 hits of 0.2 gr of weed a day and the growing and smoking it is beeing done off property, to answer your question.

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My brother what is good .
I'm no one to judge you or anyone here. As a matter of fact you should ignore my comment and focus on making your girl feel comfortable again. She posted and I answered based on the way she typed and made it sound. Then I read your version and I feel where you're coming from. I do not mind being a mediator but it seems like shes reaching out bro. You should meet her half way by way of compromise.

offthehook said:

This issue 's been brought up by my wife using my nick:

To be a smokers wife, and not smoking myself, it's a shitting place to be. Smoker, who has made decision to not have fear from cops or busts, is very selfish. Wife has kids and home to protect, and smoker only smokes. Smoker dont understand that in a same time someone else is carrying those worries, cause he is not. It is not nice to think all the time when those cops are again in our kitchen. Its also not nice to remember how those kids eyes were full of fear when they were last time here.
'Have to also make deals what you can talk in a phone and what not. What you can say to friends and peoples, and what you cannot.All the time having stress about talking and hiding. Kids are also asking, but smoker dont answer, no, it is the Mom who have to give answeres. Smoker is a free- hippie and free- thinker, yee, wow. But where the fuck comes the family?

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Even if your husband stopped smoking 0.2g a day and stopped all growing activities. They will still make him the center of attention. It is in their nature to harass ,humiliate average hard working families. Have you ever seen cops take down the real bad guys ? I havent. They get a kick out of doing that, it makes them feel like they are above the laws and ordinary citizens. Such is life. Nothing your husband does will change this. My heart goes out to your children.

edit - maybe you should consider moving to a place where you arent known.

I suggest talking to your kids about their point of view of the events they witnessed and how they feel about it. I think you will know what to do either way if you truly listen to them and whether or not this is affecting them still.

Ever since I moved away from I grew up, I realized that I had to choose. Either I could be me and do nothing illegal, or I could do this one thing and give up all these other privileges. No random dates, long hair, tie dyes(not that I wore them, but I don't wear my favorite Alex Grey shirt because it attracts attention), flashy cars. Basically to try and always blend in as well as possible and be forgettable. The talking on the phone etc.... is just part of basic security. Part of the life.

If you've got a family, I imagine it makes their lives more stressful. Since they don't derive any immediate and necessary benefits from this, it really is for you. The only thing is if it keeps you happy and healthy, which is a benefit to them. Depending on the circumstances. Jail, cops, thieves. All of these are dark clouds brewing on the horizon. They might not roll in your direction, but they're out there.

Best of luck.

Nowadays I keep it clean. It's not worth it to be known.

Tough situation for sure.....But if your not growing at the home, Whats the problem? Not trying to be a dick, but thats the biggest precaution you can take, IMO.

Good Luck, I hope it works out for you both...I wouldn't quit smoking the herb though... Its not like your smoking a quarter a day....

offthehook said:

This issue 's been brought up by my wife using my nick:

To be a smokers wife, and not smoking myself, it's a shitting place to be. Smoker, who has made decision to not have fear from cops or busts, is very selfish. Wife has kids and home to protect, and smoker only smokes. Smoker dont understand that in a same time someone else is carrying those worries, cause he is not. It is not nice to think all the time when those cops are again in our kitchen. Its also not nice to remember how those kids eyes were full of fear when they were last time here.
'Have to also make deals what you can talk in a phone and what not. What you can say to friends and peoples, and what you cannot.All the time having stress about talking and hiding. Kids are also asking, but smoker dont answer, no, it is the Mom who have to give answeres. Smoker is a free- hippie and free- thinker, yee, wow. But where the fuck comes the family?

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Welcome to the drug war

The ultimate ball and chain. Woman wants kids, then creates nest, then has all the power in the relationship for the kid's sake and to protect the nest. If having family and living the straight and narrow is your bag you are swell. If you want to continue the party life the power struggle will increase until the relationship collapses. Neither side will give an inch and so come the implosion.gl

I don't necessarily agree with that. Compromise is the key to a relationship.

Also, I dislike calling women a "ball and chain." Not every woman wants kids or all that bullshit. Just so you know.

Okay...I like this topic. Every so often I get a bit personal, and it always seems to happen in the Women's forum...

I come in here to get in touch with my feminine side...hehehe.

I am a medical caregiver, legal. That means I grow. However, I do so as a non-profit. I am also a medical patient myself...so I smoke.

My lady does NOT grow...does not smoke...does not fully understand why I choose the life I have. At times, views it as a detriment to our relationship. Sees it as some form of having never "grown up"...or perhaps as something that even when going well, has the possibility to collapse in an instant, and therefore not a stable or legitimate means of gainful employment. Because she is a non-smoker, she is extremely sensitive to the smell and taste of cannabis smoke on my breath and person after medicating. She struggles with the whole lifestyle at times very severely...at times I wonder how much strength it must take for her to not sprint the other direction (metaphorically) as fast as she can.

HOWEVER...

There are no kids involved. I support myself and it is never an issue finding ways to make all things possible. I don't pressure her to be around it. I don't pressure her to understand it. I don't try to convince her that my chosen field has future validity or that it will provide any great wealth. I don't "sell" my choice to her as if they are something she must also want to be a direct part of her life. This is what I do. It is a portion of my existence and therefore by default a part of who I am as a person...but it is only that. A part. Not the whole.

She is with me for MANY reasons...non of which pertain to a situation that is outside of her immediate choice or control. She will be with me up to a point that she decides not to do so. Where do I draw the line? Up to a point that our interactions together do not place myself or her in a direction that is to the detriment of our individual being. We are together not to detract from each others lives, but to add a better quality of existence. The minute she feels this is no longer the scenario, I pray she leaves and finds what she needs...much as I aim to hold the same respect and standards for myself.

To wife:
If this is something that does not define who he is in the context of his ability to love you, provide for you and your children and ultimately his ability to secure and contribute to the future you both are working towards...then what is the issue? If his chosen profession is something you accepted once before, I'm sure he feel in love with you in part because of your ability to understand, make a conscientious decision and in turn not shy away from the HUMAN he is. Don't turn your back on him now. Don't force him to choose between a life he choose. Keeping in mind, he also choose to be with you and to start a family. Accept his choice. Love him without reservation...without restraint...without fear. Accept him.

To OTH:

This is your life...you know what you must do to provide for you family and keep them safe. It is your inherent responsibility to keep your family safe and secure from ALL harm...even the harm you yourself might bring be capable of. You have taken the necessary steps to ensure your family is not directly affect by your lifestyle choices, but when your wife is scared...your children are being upset by confrontation...and fear is becoming an ordinary aspect of their lives; you have to take a step back. You have to listen. You have to be remarkable open to the perspectives of your family and you have to balance the responsibilities of provision and protection. You can explain away all day long as to why the police are in your house...but the simple fact of the matter remains, had you made different life choices, associated with different people, pursued different avenues of employment, etc...even before your wife and children entered the picture, the issue(s) your wife brings to the table may not have otherwise even existed. At the end of the day, you are the only person responsible for the scenarios which play out in your life. At one point and time, there is always a catalyst that fuels the reaction. You have to be big enough to accept that role you play in things...even if you never thought or intended for it to go that direction; even when it is the choices of someone else that result in such undesirable situations, you must be intelligent enough to realize what role you played. If you can identify such roles and pivotal moments in your life where you unwittingly played instigator, you can in fact prevent such things from EVER happening again.

To both:

There is no easy answer. It does take a ton of work and a massive amount of understanding to be live such different lifestyles and then to attempt to mash it all together...and juggle a family all at the same time. Or is it? Remember...love is not harsh, critical, abrasive, sarcastic, vengeful, hateful, snide, contrite, pointed...nor should it ever be one sided. If you truly love each other...embrace that. Let the love you have for one another unite you and make your decisions based on what is good for you as one cohesive unit. As one functioning being acting as extensions of each others will and desires. Love is more powerful than most any feeling or emotion in the world...if you want that to be the focus. You children are scared because they don't understand and to make matters worse, the unit of stability in their lives...YOU...are not acting or behaving as one untied front. You are split on different sides of a battle field and neither both of you should be scrambling at whatever cost at the exact same time to reach your children stuck in the middle. If you are torn and divided, how can you ever expect your children to get a proper understanding of the life they are seeing? How are they to ever make an educated decision about their own lives in the future, in regards to anything, if they feel every scenario in life is to be faced by disconnecting and just going with the flow...or even worse, by arguing and placing blame....or even worse, learn that it is okay to negate responsibility for their actions.

Remember the bigger picture. You have yourselves to worry about as individuals and as a couple...but more importantly, you are currently forming, shaping and programming the very mind, thoughts and world view, and consequently your children will have of all things in life. This all translates into who they will become; how they will act and the choices and decisions they will make in life...


dank.Frank

It is all good until she gets all loaded on hormones and demands that you show your love.

Offthehook posting now. Wife might post later.

@ EddieVHalen >

@ dank.frank, That's a long thoughtfull post man.

Gotto discuss it with my wife what she thinks from it.

@Phenoi, I think the compromising thing is the one we all agree upon, now in how far one should compromise is the isue in here, I think.
The ball and chain thingy... I'd better not comment about, she's watching this too ya know

@JapanFreakier. That's what I keep telling her all the time.
There is a fucking war on us and in disregard if I smoke/grow or not, Our kids will not have an honest choice between beer and pot this way.
We both agree that pot d'be the safer alternative to beer, exept for it's legal issue.(We got kids in all ages )

@Amstercall ,some of our kids are still too young to discuss this with, others already got the point, olderones already made up their own mind about it themselves

@Abja No way I'm gonna change my looks or style, I think I'd loose points in her eyes too if I did.
Tnx for reply tho.

@viking. I can find me in your opinion the most too but hey, I did not start this thread in the first place lol

@Jamie, not gonna move anywhere over pot!
I'll make my fist were I live. We 've been chased all over the country for countless reasons ofter before and just quit doing that at some point.

to the man - sounds to me like the jig is up for you and growing in your present location. if the police are taking that much interest in you and you have associates that will drop your name to save their asses then your situation is untenable. this sounds like it is about your commercial cannabis activities and that is very different from your personal smoking habit and has much bigger implications for your family. why not bury a quarter pound somewhere which will see you for smoke through the next year or two and then keep your head down or move somewhere else where you can be legal or at least not known to the law.

VG

Cuzz I dont FEAR any of those bloody bastards Vendant.

Compare me to Geronimo or somthn

Next one, Wifey can respond, It's her thread.

yeah but your wife and kids do, and with good reason by the sound of it.

tough one, but really i would consider lying low for a bit. stay free, live to grow another day

good luck with it, at least you are discussing it, kind of.

VG

i wouldnt mind chiming in since if have been down this road before... First off the is no right or wrong parties... its a feeling and thats exactly what it is how you feel. now lets try and get past that....

Lets do the logical thing and think about the situation... Now there are alot of people i know that are growing and maybe should not be because its just not up there ally... They are to ignorant and bullheaded to think ahead four moves (remember growing is just a huge game of chess... need to plan WAY ahead). If your husband is one of these people(getting caught once does NOT mean hes retarded bad things happen to good people) then maybe you should leave as its not the right situation for kids or you... Your saftey may be at risk along with who knows what else....

There are also growers that think ahead always on the up and up and really try to keep things safe... Not talking on the phone is big... My girl is not allowed to pull into the drive way if she sees a car infront or in her review mirror... These are a few rules that suck but can easily be done and protect... which is what we are going for...

the fact that the grow is off the property is THE BIGGEST step to help you and your kids... He seems to be doing the right things to ensure saftey... If heis not then you need to sit and talk and work it out...

my guess is hes been at this for a while and you were once ok with it... now youhave kids of course you have a different feeling about it, which is understandable.. But more then likely he was doing it before he got with you or damn near the whole time and if thats the case its not fair for you to ask for him to quit...

I look at is as a business not an illegal activity... Theres alot of really good business people working in cannabis we are not all stupid stoners... Ive relied on cannabis my whole life and honostly would be lost without it theres a good chance your husband is like that too...

I guess i rambleing but what im trying to say is judge you man by who he is and what he does because he loves you and his family not what he does for a job... This is a unfair war and its like being arrested for growing tobacco its just retarded... If he treats you right takes care of the kids is kind to you all supports and protects you all and treats you all kindly i dont know what the problem is... People in this world are shit if your willing to ditch a guy for growing weed that is all them things to you, you will never be happy...

and please keep in mind for all i know hes a fucking dick and beats you all (which i know is not the case) im just speaking from what i know... i cant understand your concerns but hes doing what he knows to feed his family...

i hope this helps and i didnt ramble too much....


i read alittle bit more of the OP and seems that the poster is being raided and snitched on constantly?? maybe im getting the situation wrong.... But if so your playing a game with people that its there job to play. They have more time money and resources then you and you should start thinking ahead alittle more... Obviously they know about you and they know enough rather then hear say.. .if they are actively looking at you its time to move... PEROID you may be good for a year or 5 but your time there is done bro.. you are just sitting on a dieing clock... You should have enough money to move.. maybe to a med state do shit legally, safely... a good poker player knows when to fold and wait for a new hand... if this is your situation its time to fold up and go down the road... Im not saying you stop what your doing... but you need to get out of the place your in... where i live there is 3 counties all wrapped up into one enforcement agency... if i moved i would have to get out of all three of these counties.... i suggest you do the same if this is your situation.... remember you cant grow shit from prison....