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honest opinions, please...

Mikell

Dipshit Know-Nothing
ICMag Donor
Veteran
Second the dog. Cats are like wee women. Needy and whiney but who the heck knows what it's all about.
 

Hydro8

Member
all of this from a woman that comes in from her job, picks up a book & reads until bedtime without bothering to say "hi, how did your day go?

With that kind of communication it is over. I would prepare for the end then have a serous discussion with a resolution at the end. Part ways and find happiness or change attitudes and find happiness.
 
My wife thinks it's sexy when I can fix stuff and likes me even more when we save money doing so. I bet your wife would change her tune after hearing the quote from a plumber making a house call. Usually it's a pretty penny to get them to show up at all, much less fix anything...
(since im not married) my girl would be glad i could fix things, because as you said, them CHECKING IT OUT would be more expensive
and im great at fixing things, a bit too great, and get told "just leave it, its fine whatever just leave it" when i try to fix things that dont need fixing but improvement, like one day i started sanding and repainting all the door in the house, because one started to show wear :whee:
 

armedoldhippy

Well-known member
Veteran
With that kind of communication it is over. I would prepare for the end then have a serous discussion with a resolution at the end. Part ways and find happiness or change attitudes and find happiness.

i'm starting to lean this way. no one wants to believe they have wasted 30 years. we have had a serious discussion, she SAYS she still loves me & wants to make it work. the rubber will hit the road when our oldest boy leaves home. if he launches successfully, she will probably leave too. why is "love" so easy to say, yet so hard to show? she told me once as i came in from work "you pay more attention to that dog than you do to me!" whereupon i replied "the dog meets me at the door wiggling its tail, happy to see me, & wanting to be petted. try it sometime.":tiphat: i think she still remembers that...
 

MJPassion

Observer
ICMag Donor
Veteran
The more I read...
It sounds as if both parties may be showing a bit of complacency with one another.
I'm not saying this is the case but it is difficult to make a judgement call when we only hear one side of the story.


I hope you are considering this aspect as well.


If she says she want's it to work then both parties must put forth effort.
I'm not saying this is happening or not but... You can't sit in the recliner, being complacent, waiting for her to make a move and she can't sit on the couch, being complacent, waiting for you to make a move.
Yall gotta pay attention to one another if it's ever going to work.
No meaningful relationship is one sided.
 

EvergreenState

Active member
After reading the OP's first post I say: It's never too late to start over. Don't walk, run away from that woman. That kind of total lack of gratitude and appreciation can never be fixed because it has gone way over the line and it is abusive behavior. No one should ever tolerate abusive behavior. At this point she shows no amount of compassion, understanding or appreciation for you; she now totally takes you for granted.
It's gone too far and you should stop taking abuse immediately. Run brother run. Run for your life because what you are living now, is not life, it is EXISTING in misery. It's life destroying.
Regardless of how old you are, you still have time to live. Go out and live before it's too late.
Love is how you treat someone and how you behave towards him or her. What she demonstrates with her behavior is the farthest thing from love there is. Taking someone totally for granted and with no appreciation what so ever, is not the behavior of someone who loves you, it's the behavior of someone who is totally indifferent to you. Saying you love someone is easy to do. Showing (genuine and sincere) appreciation and gratitude is BEHAVING and ACTING like you love someone. Actions speak FAR, FAR louder than words. Just as a picture is eorth a thousand words, behavior is with a thousand words. The only way to truly determine if someone loves you or not is how they treat you and not what they say.
After all of your hard work on your day off and oh by the way, while you are slaving away she is lounging in a chair reading a book, all she has to say is," Somebody else could have done it quicker", is not a sign of love but contempt. Trust me brother once it has gone that far, it's over. Stop existing in this hell, get away from the abuse and go out and live. No need to any longer tolerate this abuse and neglect.
 

RB56

Active member
Veteran
Go to counseling together. Probably big points for you if you suggest it. Took you 30 years to fuck things up. Are you ready to spend 30 more trying to fix it? More likely to make it worse. There's very little objectivity from either of you after 30 years. Bring in an expert.
 

Veggia farmer

Well-known member
Ok, read almost every thing here… Im Young but been With my women for eight years, two sons, farm bla bla.. we have had some serious bad times earlier (we are better at the moment), a lot because of me checkin out totally from father in Law( yep i did, and we good conscience!) after a looong bad situation With him. Well, he started to Strategic sabotage for me.. Not hijacking here! hehe


Well, what helped for us was that we got really Clear about how we felt and what we need and so on... Communication…! Ever done shrooms, mdma together? its is goood for this kind of stuff… A bottle of wine, mdma and some mellow Music.. Old memories, massage, maybe a New toy as mentioned! Remember why the F u got here in the first Place.. Not the bad static around.. are u guys tired in the everyday life? rest..... Someone sad vaction!? yes, Im quiet ON here man! Turn on the love machine.. Dominate here with love! haha.. kick the kids out and have som fun!!



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IDTE8DpkKE4
 
I’m freshly single and couldn’t be happier! Had to toss in the towel on a 10 year relationship....just has to be done sometimes
 

JustSumTomatoes

Indicas make dreams happen
I'd say if you've both been together at least 30 years then surely y'all have faced some very challenging hardships. If you both still love each other and are willing to talk then surely it can work out. The foundation to any relationship is communication and trust. I hope many years of happiness to both you and your wife whether you decide to stay together or not.
 

armedoldhippy

Well-known member
Veteran
communication IS starting to open up. seems like lots of stuff has gone unremarked upon & festered. we still may not make it, but at least an effort is being made. she has begun noting what i do around the house as well as working at my job. are things perfect? not by a long shot. but, they are better than they were & prospects are not as bleak...:comfort:
 

LadyGuru

Member
If she means enough to you, fight for her.

Kill her with kindness, bring home flowers and chocolate. Small gifts for no reason. Good luck.
 

RB56

Active member
Veteran
It's a two way street..
Actually, it's not - that's the problem. I had a similar reaction when I first saw LadyGuru's post. On consideration, I realized this was wishful thinking. In most cases it's not a two way street. We like to think we've made tremendous progress in the ways in which men and women relate but old patterns die hard. Bad habits on both sides.
 

Gone Camping

Well-known member
Actually, it's not - that's the problem. I had a similar reaction when I first saw LadyGuru's post. On consideration, I realized this was wishful thinking. In most cases it's not a two way street. We like to think we've made tremendous progress in the ways in which men and women relate but old patterns die hard. Bad habits on both sides.



Agree.. that is the problem. But i still dont see it being beneficial to shower someone in gifts/love/kindness etc if they arent reciprocal.

To me it sounds as if one of them checked out awhile back..
 
G

Guest

If she means enough to you, fight for her.

Kill her with kindness, bring home flowers and chocolate. Small gifts for no reason. Good luck.

And pin her to the mattress as often as possible. A woman (and man) that’s just had their brains screwed out seems to usually be in a better mood.
 

Bobby Boucher

Active member
Adorno's "Dialectic of Enlightenment" really gave me the words I had been looking for to help the people in my life (90% women) think a little bit more like me. I never knew quite how to tell somebody to "pull their head out" until I read that book.

Critical thinking is a melancholy science. It's kinda sad to know that truth is only found by putting ourselves on trial. Our instinctual assessment of the world around us is marred and distorted by the worst parts of ourselves and society. It takes effort to get it right.

Truth is a beautiful and immutable thing, and well worth the self-deprecation. We are our own worst enemies, after all.
 

Klompen

Active member
My wife thinks it's sexy when I can fix stuff and likes me even more when we save money doing so. I bet your wife would change her tune after hearing the quote from a plumber making a house call. Usually it's a pretty penny to get them to show up at all, much less fix anything...

Oh man is this true for a lot of women. Since we've been so poor for the last decade, we've had to be our own plumbers, electricians, carpenters, veterinarians, metalworkers, auto mechanics, stonemasons, and so much more. My partner sure isn't with me for the money! On the plus side, she's not one of those helpless "do-everything-for-me" types. I deeply appreciate her self-sufficiency. It makes our household a lot stronger that we're both able to contribute.
 
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