How to write and sing The Blues.
Most Blues begin, "Woke up this morning..."
"I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues, 'less you stick something nasty in the next line.
Say for instance that she has a face like a Robbers Dog, then you can say something like, "I got a good woman, with the meanest face in town."
The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes . . . sort of: "Got a good woman with the meanest face in town. Yes, I got a good woman with the meanest face in town. She got teeth like the holy commandments, and she weigh 500 pound."
Just to Clarify..... "teeth like the holy commandments" = 10 of them and all of 'em broke
The Blues is not at all about choice.
Blues cars: Chevys, Fords Cadillacs and old broken-down trucks. Blues don't travel in Volvos, BMWs, Peugeots, Hondas or Sport Utility Vehicles. Most Blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train, sometimes it can be an open car on a freight train.
Jet aircraft an' state-sponsored motor pools ain't even in the running.
Walkin' plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.
Teenagers can't sing the Blues. Adults sing the Blues. In Blues "adulthood" means being old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.
Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or any place in Canada. Hard times in Minneapolis or Seattle is probably just clinical depression. Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City are still the best places to have the Blues.
You cannot have the blues in any place that don't get rain.
A man with male pattern baldness ain't the blues. A woman with male pattern baldness is.
Breaking your leg while you were skiing is not the blues. Breaking your leg 'cause a alligator be chompin' on it is.
You can't have no Blues in a office or a shopping mall, the lighting is wrong and the smell ain't right. Go outside to the wet, dimly lit parking lot and sit by the dumpster.
Good places for the Blues: a) Highway; b) Jailhouse; c) Empty bed; d) Bottom of a whiskey glass; .... The Bronx is also acceptable but bugger all rhymes with it...
Bad places for the Blues: a) Starbucks; b) a Suite at the Marriott; c) Beverly Hills; d) Any Golf course;
No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, 'less you happen to be a old and you slept in it.
Do you have the right to sing the Blues?
Yes, if a) You older than sh*t; b) You blind; c) You shot a man in Memphis; d) You can't be satisfied.
No, if a) You have all your teeth; b) You were once blind but now can see; c) The man in Memphis lived; d) You have money in a trust fund.
Blues is not a matter of color. It's a matter of bad luck. Tiger Woods cannot sing the blues. Sonny Liston could. Ugly white people also got a leg up on the blues.
If you ask for water and your darlin' give you gasoline, it's the Blues. Other acceptable Blues beverages are a) Cheap wine; b) Whiskey or bourbon; c) Muddy water; d) Nasty black coffee.
The following are NOT Blues beverages: a) Perrier; b) Chardonnay; c) Dom Perignon ; d) Slim Fast.
If death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a Blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die. So is the electric chair, substance abuse and dying lonely on a broken down cot.
You can't have a Blues death if you die during a tennis match, running a marathon or getting cosmetic surgery.
Some Blues names for women: a) Sadie; b) Big Mama; c) Bessie; d) Fat River Dumpling
Some Blues names for men a) Joe; b) Willie; c) Little Willie; d) Big Willie; e) Fat Willie
Persons with names like Michelle, Amber, Debbie, and Heather... Jason, Karim, Liam or Skyler, can't sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.
Make your own Blues name Starter Kit:-
a) Name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.);
b) First actual name or 'middle' name (see above) or possibly the name of fruit or flower (Lemon, Lime, sunflower, sweet-pea etc.);
c) Last name... name of an American President works OK,(Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.);
or... Use your own last name.
d) For example, Blind Willie Smith, Toothless Lemon Johnson or Crippled Billy Fillmore, etc.
I don't care how tragic your life is, if you own a computer, any form of Cell Phone or a Prius.... you cannot sing the blues.
.
Most Blues begin, "Woke up this morning..."
"I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues, 'less you stick something nasty in the next line.
Say for instance that she has a face like a Robbers Dog, then you can say something like, "I got a good woman, with the meanest face in town."
The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes . . . sort of: "Got a good woman with the meanest face in town. Yes, I got a good woman with the meanest face in town. She got teeth like the holy commandments, and she weigh 500 pound."
Just to Clarify..... "teeth like the holy commandments" = 10 of them and all of 'em broke
The Blues is not at all about choice.
Blues cars: Chevys, Fords Cadillacs and old broken-down trucks. Blues don't travel in Volvos, BMWs, Peugeots, Hondas or Sport Utility Vehicles. Most Blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train, sometimes it can be an open car on a freight train.
Jet aircraft an' state-sponsored motor pools ain't even in the running.
Walkin' plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.
Teenagers can't sing the Blues. Adults sing the Blues. In Blues "adulthood" means being old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.
Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or any place in Canada. Hard times in Minneapolis or Seattle is probably just clinical depression. Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City are still the best places to have the Blues.
You cannot have the blues in any place that don't get rain.
A man with male pattern baldness ain't the blues. A woman with male pattern baldness is.
Breaking your leg while you were skiing is not the blues. Breaking your leg 'cause a alligator be chompin' on it is.
You can't have no Blues in a office or a shopping mall, the lighting is wrong and the smell ain't right. Go outside to the wet, dimly lit parking lot and sit by the dumpster.
Good places for the Blues: a) Highway; b) Jailhouse; c) Empty bed; d) Bottom of a whiskey glass; .... The Bronx is also acceptable but bugger all rhymes with it...
Bad places for the Blues: a) Starbucks; b) a Suite at the Marriott; c) Beverly Hills; d) Any Golf course;
No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, 'less you happen to be a old and you slept in it.
Do you have the right to sing the Blues?
Yes, if a) You older than sh*t; b) You blind; c) You shot a man in Memphis; d) You can't be satisfied.
No, if a) You have all your teeth; b) You were once blind but now can see; c) The man in Memphis lived; d) You have money in a trust fund.
Blues is not a matter of color. It's a matter of bad luck. Tiger Woods cannot sing the blues. Sonny Liston could. Ugly white people also got a leg up on the blues.
If you ask for water and your darlin' give you gasoline, it's the Blues. Other acceptable Blues beverages are a) Cheap wine; b) Whiskey or bourbon; c) Muddy water; d) Nasty black coffee.
The following are NOT Blues beverages: a) Perrier; b) Chardonnay; c) Dom Perignon ; d) Slim Fast.
If death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a Blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die. So is the electric chair, substance abuse and dying lonely on a broken down cot.
You can't have a Blues death if you die during a tennis match, running a marathon or getting cosmetic surgery.
Some Blues names for women: a) Sadie; b) Big Mama; c) Bessie; d) Fat River Dumpling
Some Blues names for men a) Joe; b) Willie; c) Little Willie; d) Big Willie; e) Fat Willie
Persons with names like Michelle, Amber, Debbie, and Heather... Jason, Karim, Liam or Skyler, can't sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.
Make your own Blues name Starter Kit:-
a) Name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.);
b) First actual name or 'middle' name (see above) or possibly the name of fruit or flower (Lemon, Lime, sunflower, sweet-pea etc.);
c) Last name... name of an American President works OK,(Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.);
or... Use your own last name.
d) For example, Blind Willie Smith, Toothless Lemon Johnson or Crippled Billy Fillmore, etc.
I don't care how tragic your life is, if you own a computer, any form of Cell Phone or a Prius.... you cannot sing the blues.
.
