The joke thread, cause we all need to laugh!!!!!!

[Hank Hemp]

Say that again. Real quick.

 

[Only Ornamental]

Why should I, is there something wrong?
Besides, I invented it, hence I know what it's supposed to say. You know, I felt bad about copy-pasting stuff so I decided to create a new joke (seriously).

 

[Hank Hemp]

Good boy we're proud of your effort.

 

[Only Ornamental]

Yeah, I do that one all the time with myself too, by preference in front of a mirror and I can give myself a pat on my back as well .

What I meant is that it'll be nice finding a few more new jokes here and less copies, don't you agree?

 

[quokka]

A horse walks into a bar and the barman asks 'Why the long face?'

 

[quokka]

When you put Chuck Norris in your GPS, he's always right behind you.

Chuck Norris can pick oranges from an apple tree and make the best lemonade youve ever tasted.

Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.

 

[Weezard]

An old termite walks into a bar and says where's the bar tender?

 

[MHBGuy]

Like that one.

 

[Stonefree69]

 

[trichrider]

One day I accidentally overturned my golf buggy.


Elizabeth, a very attractive and keen golfer, who lived in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise and called out:

Are you okay, what's your name?"


"Its Phil and I'm Okay thanks," I replied.

"Phil , forget your troubles. Come to my villa, rest a while and I'll help you get the cart up later."

"That's mighty nice of you," I answered, but I don't think my wife would like it."

"Oh, come on," Elizabeth insisted.

She was very pretty, very sexy and persuasive . . .. I was weak.

"Well okay," I finally agreed, and added, "but my wife won't like it."

After a few restorative brandys, and some creative putting lessons, I thanked my host: "I feel a lot better now, but I know my wife is going to be really upset."

"Don't be silly!” Elizabeth said with a smile: “She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"

"Under the cart,,,," I said . . .

 

[Iffy]

A Welshman, a Scotsman, an Irishman & an Englishman walked into a bar.
The barman said; "This has got to be a joke!"

 

[Mrs. Bubble]

What does a gynecologist and a pizza boy have in common?
They can both smell it, but they can't eat it.

 

[tommygh]

What do you call a lizard with a limp?

A reptile dysfunction.

 

[armedoldhippy]

What do you call a lizard with a limp?

A reptile dysfunction.

but...what if it is NOT limp ?

 

[Only Ornamental]

If the lizard is not limp, then it has been dead for several hours already !

 

[Bud Green]

If a tree falls in the forest, and nobody is there to hear it,,,

Is it still the MAN'S fault?

 

[Bud_Bunny]

What is the difference between three cocks and a joke...

Your mom can't take a joke

 

[Only Ornamental]

Canadians are so polite, offering her free cocks! BTW, do they come gutted and plucked or does she has to behead them herself?

 

[Harry Gypsna]

If a tree falls in the forest, and nobody is there to hear it,,,

Is it still the MAN'S fault?

If a politician speaks in the forest, and nobody is there to hear it, is he still lying?

 

[kaochiu]

If a hyppo rams through a coke kitchen in the colombian rainforest, is it still accountable to the Medellin cartel?