The struggles of a grower...

[OvergrowDaWorld]

Ive felt this way since I was 5 years old. Its called being exasperated.
Your not bi-polar dude. You see things more deep and clearly than others is all.
Your reactions get judged and they say you have the problem, but in reality, its the condition of peoples hearts around you, and the fakeness and selfishness you see in them that makes you react like you do.
You are oppressed by the devil himself and your best attempts are thwarted or frustrated by others in your life. As if your getting attacked by the very people you really wanted to care for and trust and bond with.
Sleeping is good for you right now. Its a safe place of rest. Your mind is scrambled with stress and its affecting you physically.
Ive known this for far too long. Instead of hurting others, we digress into a depressed slumber. Our best efforts arent good enough. No light of hope at the end of the tunnel.
We see the future and it looks pretty bleak. We want the bright future but no matter how hard we try, it just wasnt in time.

 

[One2Lurk]

Snype, I feel ya. Sending some positive vibes your way. If I may be so bold, here's my 2 cents worth. As growers we truly are control freaks. We manage every aspect day in and day out. Temps, concentrations, ratios, on and on. A seemingly endless series of micro managing without a break. You my friend, NEED a break.

If I may take it a step further, consider seeing a doc and getting some much dreaded pharmaceuticals. A little time focusing on getting your head right will go a long way. I suspect that like all too many of us, your focus has been on controlling everything around you rather than concern for self. (The blond hooker idea has some merit as well;-)

Don't just "hang in there" bro. Get yourself some help. It's tough for us to admit that we actually need some help from time to time. It's our nature to control things.

 

[Backyard Farmer]

What you say about the market crash has happened to the ganja economy on the west coast already, can't believe you're griping about having to bump up from 8 to 16 lights...I understand the illegal factor etc., but the fact of the matter is no one is making you grow we all choose to do this and know the consequences...you've got it easy man, what you're experiencing is how partners are... You just never had them before to find out earlier.

Things will pick up,for,you. Monotony is a killer.

 

[dreaded]

Your Wealth...is your Health...

 

[z-ro]

I'm sure it's been a long hard winter on you guys up there but you need to get out and do something or you're gonna go crazy. Between that and your diet I'd say that will help you so much. About work, well, you're just going to have to suck it up and deal with it. 16 lights is sooo tiny, for me that's like an hour per day of work then what to do with the rest of the day. We all take risks to do this job and the industry has changed, just have to roll with the punches.

 

[stoned-trout]

need a helper??? lol.....I was the weed guy too...now I have been replaced they still get the weed and all I get is screwed....things could be a lot worse for ya...cheer up and eat a good meal...

 

[ozzieAI]

just found this thread snype and am sorry to hear of the dark space you are currently in...although i have very little experience with depression i can recommend getting to a doc and getting some happy pills...worked great for a close friend of mine who like you was completely down in the dumps...but is now his usual happy self holding down a job and having fun with his kids...

the only way from here is up....

 

[Snype]

I don't believe in taking medication. We all have different brains and all don't fit in the same box. Some of us are very different from others. It's just how it is. They come up with new disorders every year to try and explain why you don't fit in the correct box as everyone else when we are all just different from each other.

I'm feeling somewhat better today. I was able to eat a slice of pizza and harvest part of a soil plant. I'm hoping to take care of some work tonight but I'm going to take baby steps. I try to be an open book as best as I can. It's not always easy because some people in my life don't allow it to happen. I don't believe that I'm suffering with one issue. I think it's a combination of different factors. I still think the best thing for me is to get lots of rest and the least amount of work as possible until I start feeling better. I have lots of things to sort out. Baby steps.

 

[Backyard Farmer]

Best of luck. Small steps are Better than none

 

[ozzieAI]

I don't believe in taking medication

neither did my friend...but concerned friends and family encouraged him to seek medical help and when he did finally go and started taking the pills he was so much happier.

his words were 'i should have done it much earlier'...

it did take a couple of months for the meds to kick in though...

 

[stoned-trout]

side effects.........that is all...SML

 

[krunchbubble]

side effects.........that is all...SML

I take meds, Paxil to be exact...

Can absolutely say it improved my life 500% and only have ONE side effect which makes my lady VERY happy...

I know EXACTLY what he is going through though, been through it all.....


SNYPE, you may not believe it meds, but some can be truly life changing...

 

[Snype]

I still believe I can be fine without meds. Somehow I made it this far. I just have to learn more things and take advantage of what some of you said in this thread. I don't believe drugs are the answer as of now. I can already feel myself getting a little better from all the rest in bed. I just harvested a plant in a half tonight so far.

Krunch, I don't know if you are referring to a side effect below, but if you are, it doesn't sound good according to what this says.

Paxil:

SIDE EFFECTS: See also Warning section.
Nausea, drowsiness, dizziness, trouble sleeping, loss of appetite, weakness, dry mouth, sweating, blurred vision, and yawning may occur. If any of these effects persist or worsen, tell your doctor or pharmacist promptly.

Remember that your doctor has prescribed this medication because he or she has judged that the benefit to you is greater than the risk of side effects. Many people using this medication do not have serious side effects.

Tell your doctor right away if you have any serious side effects, including: shaking (tremor), restlessness, inability to keep still, decreased interest in sex, changes in sexual ability, numbness/tingling, easy bruising/bleeding, fast/irregular heartbeat, muscle weakness/spasm, seizures.

Get medical help right away if you have any very serious side effects, including: black stools, vomit that looks like coffee grounds.

This medication may rarely cause a very serious condition called serotonin syndrome. The risk increases when this medication is used with certain other drugs (see Drug Interactions section). Get medical help right away if you develop some of the following symptoms: hallucinations, unusual restlessness, loss of coordination, fast heartbeat, severe dizziness, unexplained fever, severe nausea/vomiting/diarrhea, twitching muscles.

Rarely, males may have a painful or prolonged erection lasting 4 or more hours. If this occurs, stop using this drug and get medical help right away, or permanent problems could occur.

A very serious allergic reaction to this drug is rare. However, get medical help right away if you notice any symptoms of a serious allergic reaction, including: rash, itching/swelling (especially of the face/tongue/throat), severe dizziness, trouble breathing.

This is not a complete list of possible side effects. If you notice other effects not listed above, contact your doctor or pharmacist.

In the US -

Call your doctor for medical advice about side effects. You may report side effects to FDA at 1-800-FDA-1088.

In Canada - Call your doctor for medical advice about side effects. You may report side effects to Health Canada at 1-866-234-2345.

 

[BlackBuds]

With all respect, here's another 2 cents worth.
First get some food back in you. You will not think straight until you start eating better. Im the same way from time to time and even tried a banana diet once....I ran out of toilet paper much quicker which forced me to go to the store...just a thought.
Good luck. You know best what you have to do, just eat and your body will believe you.

 

[itsallgoodsman]

Though I don't know you very well at all, and usually I am asking all sorts of questions, I do know the feeling!

From one BP to another, it is very easy to forget about the depressive state when this thing has you feeling like you are the king of the planet for such long periods of time. Others have voiced a lot of great advice. I also understand the need to talk about what your doing or what's currently going on, I share the same situation!

My 2 cents, because we know everyone has them! When I realize I have moved from Manic to Depressive, I remove myself from the situation. That can mean a multitude of things for everyone, but find what best fits you. I like to think about what I used to do when I was flat ass broke and at the same time happy as all get out, and I do that! Whether it be a trip to the lake with some fold up chairs and beer, or a walk through the forest with no electronics, no GPS, no nothing but a couple joints, and this sounds corny but I kinda let nature talk to me for the day or days, whatever it takes.

And BTW thank you for all that you have done! I wouldn't be where I am now without your assistance.

 

[Arthritis_sucks]

One of the things about me, is that I like to talk about what is going on, what my thoughts are. Things like this. But most of the people that I know from the past are not like this and they don't like it. I don't have anyone in real life that I can relate to and I need that type of stimulation in my life for some reason. I know that I'm supposed to be growing but there's supposed to be something else as well. That's what I'm trying to grasp. I come from a family that likes to hide things. Anything bad that happens never happened. I don't feel good about this type of thing. I feel like life is supposed to be a learning experience and we as humans can learn from each other. Talking with you guys has helped me somewhat. I'm feeling a little better talking about this. It's really may be so simple. The world that I know is a strange place but I think the little things in life that are so important end up getting lost to all the candy that they are feeding.

In reality I may be forgetting my plan. My goals. I had them but they were lost. I think I put my life on hold for a couple more years. That's what I did and now I have to find a way to keep it together. If that is possible. I think it will be but I have to settle down mentally and establish a better routine. Being on plant time may have helped to affect my mind.

I do think I need to take a step back soon and figure some other things out in my head. Maybe take a vacation somewhere and try and figure it all out as fast as I can. Maybe I shouldn't even have a plan for a while. Maybe the plan is too stressful for me this time. I like the idea of going out in nature. Maybe take a vacation where there are not a lot of people and nice scenery. In the past none of this really helped my mind. I usually just snap out of it sometime and go back to trying to take over the world.

This thread is helping to teach me that I may have some issues and need to get them fixed somehow. Maybe some of the ways that I've been thinking are wrong. I'm not sure. I'm going to try and keep an open mind and try and figure it out. I think as humans somehow we depend on each other in some way.

I've found IC to be a form of collective therapy at times of need. Its nice to have such a community, an its that very reason that you feel akin to us Snype.

You seem to see the path brother, fix the work spread, get some time off, ect.... If not set timelines to slowly pull out of the agreement if said partners don't chip in their required share of work. Stress that your problems are yours, but if they don't want them to become theirs then they need to pitch in.

Were here for ya, toke it easy.

 

[krunchbubble]

How you doing today SNYPE?

 

[Snype]

How you doing today SNYPE?

Thanks for asking Krunch! I'm still a bit slow and resting in bed but I'm starting to get my thoughts in order. I'm getting less depressed and some things are starting to make sense. I'm noticing that my mind can be very sensitive to the world around me. For me, it makes sense to be in a depressed state right now. Humans that I am used to are not my definition of human to me. In fact, I hate the world that I know. I'm not suicidal or anything like that so don't take this the wrong way. I'm just saying that most humans are fucking animals. I figured out too many things about humans that is helping to make me crazy to see what the light actually is. It's troubling to me. I don't expect anyone to understand what I'm talking about. I'll just keep it to myself before they put me in a straight jacket for thinking different.

 

[TheRealHash]

What's up Snype.

I'm Hash nice to meet ya

I was down and out a while back myself. Diet and exercise do a lot to help with depression in my experience.

As for being disappointed in the human race I feel ya. But it seems like every time I am completely disappointed in 'people' someone comes along and does the right thing or sends a positive message.

 

[thaicat]

Keep your head high, Bro.