The joke thread, cause we all need to laugh!!!!!!

[Iffy]

Our family was so poor when I was growing up that every Christmas morning I hoped and prayed that I woke up with an erection, just so I'd have something to play with.

Man, we were so poor my Mom would nail a kipper to the kitchen door so we could wipe our mouldy crust on, on the way out! To work 14 hours down the coal mine! (Not really, she couldn't afford a kipper and used a butterflied rat - but we never let on we knew)

 

[Weezard]

A butterflied rat?!
You lot had a whole butterflied rat?!
And crusts to wipe on it!?


So rich!

A.,
W.

 

[Hank Hemp]

Kipper? That ain't a fried kitten is it?

 

[Harry Gypsna]

To borrow a line from a certain politically incorrect Aussie musical comedian...

"We couldn't afford no fancy tinsel for our Christmas tree. Dad used to wheel our Granddad in and make the old **** sneeze (Wheel him round the other side Nana)"

And "Dad used to suck a Peppermint, and we'd all sit around his tongue"

Taken from "Santa Claus, you ****."

Fuck it, here it is

[YOUTUBEIF]VLzdzSTg4Tw[/YOUTUBEIF]

Here is his "Amazing Grass" (all heads and no fuckin leaves)
[YOUTUBEIF]HS5qWa0mTcM[/YOUTUBEIF]

stack the fridge and stoke the bong
[YOUTUBEIF]XsqJAjU8log[/YOUTUBEIF]

 

[PTDTTLHS]

70 people were bitten by carnivorous fish while swimming in an Argentine river, some kids had their fingers bitten off, but as horrible as that was, I bet they are thankful that it wasn't a nude beach!


ouch!

 

[Harry Gypsna]

Warning, sexist Cannibal joke......

Women..
You can't live with em, and you cant.......chop them up into little pieces and serve them in a herby stew with spinach, beans, and baby carrots........





......because that is cooking, and cooking is her job.

 

[Hank Hemp]

I'd keep my head down for awhile Harry.

 

[Harry Gypsna]

Dinner party at Hannibal Lecter's house.
I said "Hannibal, I'm sorry, but I just do not like your friends!"
and he replied
"So just eat the salad!"

 

[LEF]

hahaha this one made me laugh ^^

 

[Weezard]

So a cannibal is eating a circus clown.
He proffers a taste to his mate and asks,
"Does this taste funny to you?"

 

[Harry Gypsna]

Kipper? That ain't a fried kitten is it?

A kipper is smoked herring

These look like fruitbats after a fire in the cave.

Kippers are yummy, they used to be popular for breakfast.



More often you get them like this now

Not the same as proper ones from the fishmonger.

 

[Hank Hemp]

I believe I'll stick with the fried kitty.

 

[Jellyfish]

Could we have kippers for breakfast
Mummy dear, Mummy dear
They got to have 'em in Texas
Cos everyone's a millionaire

 

[Greenwork]

discussing about kippers in the joke thread
why not - i like them as well, ESPECIALLY in the morning. good power for the day

 

[Harry Gypsna]

discussing about kippers in the joke thread
why not - i like them as well, ESPECIALLY in the morning. good power for the day

Kippers are great. Not as nice as those little tins of Mackerel fillets in spicy tomato sauce..

I eat them straight from the tin with a little cake fork. The only trouble is, you need about 5 tins.
Never liked sardines because of the chewy bones they leave in em.


What did the deep sea fisherman do when his Piano sounded like shit?
Why, he called in the Piano Tuna of course.

Don't blame me for that joke, I had to keep my post on topic somehow

 

[Greenwork]

woman visits doctor: "Doc i have a knot in my breast"
Doc: "Who does such a thing!?"

 

[Harry Gypsna]

woman visits doctor: "Doc i have a knot in my breast"
Doc: "Who does such a thing!?"

A woman goes to the doctor. The Doc asks what's up and she says
"Every time I take off my bra, a small elderly woman appears on my breast and starts waving her arms, twerking, and shouting obscenities."

"Really", says the Doc, "Let's have a look then."

so, she takes off her blouse and bra, and sure enough, this miniature old lady appears and starts behaving in the manner described.

"What do you think Doc?" asks the lady.

"Well Madam, it's quite simple, and increasingly common in these image-conscious times. It appears that you have Silly-Crone Implants!"

 

[Hank Hemp]

Oh know you didn't, again.

 

[Weezard]

The Chan family owned a warehouse in Northern China.

It remained unmolested for 50 years.

They stored teak wood cabinetry there and a recent inventory showed pilferage.

Upon inspection they found the point of entry
And found the footprints of a small boy in the snow.
Aha!
They decided to lay in wait for the culprit and set up cots in the warehouse office.

Dozing, they were startled by a rustling around midnight, and scrambled to their feet.
The thief bolted, and they got to the opening just in time to see, not a boy, but a small, black, bear dragging a cabinet!
As it reached the nearby woods, what do you think they shouted?

That's right!"

They shouted "Stop!" as away, he ran.
"Come back, boy-foot bear with teaks of Chan!"

Yes, Hank, yes I did!
Weeze

 

[Harry Gypsna]

The Chan family owned a warehouse in Northern China.

It remained unmolested for 50 years.

They stored teak wood cabinetry there and a recent inventory showed pilferage.

Upon inspection they found the point of entry
And found the footprints of a small boy in the snow.
Aha!
They decided to lay in wait for the culprit and set up cots in the warehouse office.

Dozing, they were startled by a rustling around midnight, and scrambled to their feet.
The thief bolted, and they got to the opening just in time to see, not a boy, but a small, black, bear dragging a cabinet!
As it reached the nearby woods, what do you think they shouted?

That's right!"

They shouted "Stop!
"Come back little boy-foot bear with teaks of Chan!"

Yes, Hank, yes I did!
Weeze

That has gone straight over my head...sorry. I'm assuming there is some sort of wordplay going on?