greenhouse seeds
-
Happy Birthday ICMag! Been 20 years since Gypsy Nirvana created the forum! We are celebrating with a 4/20 Giveaway and by launching a new Patreon tier called "420club". You can read more here.
-
Important notice: ICMag's T.O.U. has been updated. Please review it here. For your convenience, it is also available in the main forum menu, under 'Quick Links"!
A guys talking to a girl in a bar.
He says, "Whats your name?"
She says, "Carmen."
He says, "Thats a nice name. Who named you, your mother?"
She says, "No, I named myself."
He says, "Why Carmen?"
She says, "Because I like cars and I like men. Whats your name?"
He says, "Beerfuck."
He says, "Whats your name?"
She says, "Carmen."
He says, "Thats a nice name. Who named you, your mother?"
She says, "No, I named myself."
He says, "Why Carmen?"
She says, "Because I like cars and I like men. Whats your name?"
He says, "Beerfuck."
S
shokdee
mindfuck more like 
After getting all Pope John-Paul II's luggage loaded in the limo (and His Holiness doesn't travel light), the driver notices that the Pope is still standing on the curb.
"Excuse me, Your Eminence," says the driver, "Would you please take your seat so we can leave?"
"Well, to tell you the truth," says the Pope, "They never let me drive at the Vatican, and I'd really like to drive today."
"I'm sorry but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job! And what if something should happen?" protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to work that morning.
"There might be something extra in it for you," says the Pope.
Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regret his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Supreme Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 105 mph.
"Please slow down, Your Holiness!" pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.
"Oh,wonderful. Now I'm really gonna lose my license," moans the driver.
The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the patrolman approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio. "I need to talk to the Chief," he says to the dispatcher.
The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going a hundred and five.
"So bust him," said the Chief.
"I don't think we want to do that - he's really important," said the cop.
"All the more reason."
"No, I mean really important," said the cop.
"What'd ya got there, the Mayor?"
"Bigger."
"The Governor?"
"Bigger."
"Well," said the Chief, "Who is it?"
"I think it's God!"
"What makes you think it's God?"
"Well, He's got the Pope driving for Him!"
L
longearedfriend
I agree.
A little boy was sitting on the footpath with a bottle of Turpentine. He was shaking it up and watching all the bubbles.
A Priest came along and asked the little boy what he had.
The little boy said, 'This is the most powerful liquid in the world; it's called Turpentine.'
The Priest said, 'No, the most powerful liquid in the world is Holy Water. If you rub it on a pregnant woman's belly, she'll pass a healthy baby.'
The little boy replied, 'If you rub turpentine on a cat's arse, he'll pass a Harley Davidson !!
A Priest came along and asked the little boy what he had.
The little boy said, 'This is the most powerful liquid in the world; it's called Turpentine.'
The Priest said, 'No, the most powerful liquid in the world is Holy Water. If you rub it on a pregnant woman's belly, she'll pass a healthy baby.'
The little boy replied, 'If you rub turpentine on a cat's arse, he'll pass a Harley Davidson !!
S
shokdee
Can you pass a Brazil nut?
Talking of passing things......
I was at the Zoo with the wife & kids, enjoying the antics in the monkey house. A monkey swooped down and blithely picked up a nut from the floor. We watched as he went back to his branch and proceeded to push the nut up its arse! The wife looked away and the kids curled their lips. The monkey then pulled the nut from his arse, popped it into his mouth and happily began to chew!
Both kids let out a yell of disgust! "Urgh! Mummy, he's actually eating it now - straight out of his bottom!"
"Oh dear, don't look children, that's disgusting!" She declared loudly, throwing a protective arm around them both.
Just then a Zookeeper came over, hearing the fuss - "What on earth is the problem here?" He asks, concern on his face.
"That filthy monkey over there!" I exclaimed, pointing out the rogue who still sat happily chewing and observing the fuss with detachment. "Do you know what he did? He took a nut, shoved it up his arse - pulled it out again & ATE IT!"
The Zookeeper looked at me a moment before replying. "Ah Charlie, he's one of our cleverest monkeys!"
"Clever!" I blurted. "Disgusting more like!"
"Ah well sir, that depends on your viewpoint. You see last year a visitor threw him a peach and he couldn't pass the stone. He was in agony for a week, so he tests everything now!"
I was at the Zoo with the wife & kids, enjoying the antics in the monkey house. A monkey swooped down and blithely picked up a nut from the floor. We watched as he went back to his branch and proceeded to push the nut up its arse! The wife looked away and the kids curled their lips. The monkey then pulled the nut from his arse, popped it into his mouth and happily began to chew!
Both kids let out a yell of disgust! "Urgh! Mummy, he's actually eating it now - straight out of his bottom!"
"Oh dear, don't look children, that's disgusting!" She declared loudly, throwing a protective arm around them both.
Just then a Zookeeper came over, hearing the fuss - "What on earth is the problem here?" He asks, concern on his face.
"That filthy monkey over there!" I exclaimed, pointing out the rogue who still sat happily chewing and observing the fuss with detachment. "Do you know what he did? He took a nut, shoved it up his arse - pulled it out again & ATE IT!"
The Zookeeper looked at me a moment before replying. "Ah Charlie, he's one of our cleverest monkeys!"
"Clever!" I blurted. "Disgusting more like!"
"Ah well sir, that depends on your viewpoint. You see last year a visitor threw him a peach and he couldn't pass the stone. He was in agony for a week, so he tests everything now!"
THE HEART ATTACK
A blonde gets home from work early & hears strange noises coming from the bedroom.
She rushes upstairs only to find her husband naked lying on the bed, sweating and panting.
'What's up?' she asks.
'I think I'm having a heart attack,' - cries the husband.
The blonde rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as she's dialling, her four-year-old son comes up And says, "Mummy, Mummy, Aunty Sheila is hiding in the wardrobe, and she has no clothes on"
The blonde slams the phone down and storms back upstairs into the bedroom right past her husband..
Rips open the wardrobe door and sure enough, there is her sister, totally naked and cowering on the floor.
"You rotten Bitch!" She screams. "My husband's having a heart attack, and you're running around naked, playing hide and seek with the bloody kids!!"
A blonde gets home from work early & hears strange noises coming from the bedroom.
She rushes upstairs only to find her husband naked lying on the bed, sweating and panting.
'What's up?' she asks.
'I think I'm having a heart attack,' - cries the husband.
The blonde rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as she's dialling, her four-year-old son comes up And says, "Mummy, Mummy, Aunty Sheila is hiding in the wardrobe, and she has no clothes on"
The blonde slams the phone down and storms back upstairs into the bedroom right past her husband..
Rips open the wardrobe door and sure enough, there is her sister, totally naked and cowering on the floor.
"You rotten Bitch!" She screams. "My husband's having a heart attack, and you're running around naked, playing hide and seek with the bloody kids!!"
S
shokdee
no peach left unstoned
palmero
Active member
English ....
.... is not that easy
>
> - Do you speak english?
> - yes
> - Name?
> - Abdul al Rashib
> - Sex?
> - Three to five times a week.
> - No,no..i mean male or female?
> - yes, male, female, sometimes camel.
> - Holy cow!
> - Yes, cow, sheep, animals in general.
> - But isn´t it hostile?
> - Horse style, doggy style, any style!
> - oh dear!
> - No, no! Deer runs too fast......
Credit to OP
.... is not that easy
>
> - Do you speak english?
> - yes
> - Name?
> - Abdul al Rashib
> - Sex?
> - Three to five times a week.
> - No,no..i mean male or female?
> - yes, male, female, sometimes camel.
> - Holy cow!
> - Yes, cow, sheep, animals in general.
> - But isn´t it hostile?
> - Horse style, doggy style, any style!
> - oh dear!
> - No, no! Deer runs too fast......
Credit to OP
S
shokdee
Who likes red hot grrls?
Spicy Lady To Do List:
1) wake up
2) make up
3) break up
4) happy hour
5) eat out?
6) sleep out?
Spicy Lady To Do List:
1) wake up
2) make up
3) break up
4) happy hour
5) eat out?
6) sleep out?
The queen of England was visiting one of Canadas top hospitals, and during her tour of the floors she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating.
"Oh my god!", said the Queen, "Thats disgraceful, what is the meaning of this???"
The doctor leading the tour explains, "Im sorry your ladyship, this man has a very serious condition where the testicles rapidly fill with semen. If he doesnt do that five times a day, they would explode and he would most likely die instantly."
"Oh, I am sorry" said the Queen.
On the next floor they passed a room where a young nurse was giving a patient a blow job.
"Oh my God", said the Queen, "Whats happening in there?"
The Doctor replied, "Same problem, better health plan."
"Oh my god!", said the Queen, "Thats disgraceful, what is the meaning of this???"
The doctor leading the tour explains, "Im sorry your ladyship, this man has a very serious condition where the testicles rapidly fill with semen. If he doesnt do that five times a day, they would explode and he would most likely die instantly."
"Oh, I am sorry" said the Queen.
On the next floor they passed a room where a young nurse was giving a patient a blow job.
"Oh my God", said the Queen, "Whats happening in there?"
The Doctor replied, "Same problem, better health plan."
S
shokdee
Spicy Lady To Do List:5th: Check health plan!
S
shokdee
Agnes married and had 13 children. When her husband died, she married again and had 7 more children. Again, her husband died. So Agnes remarried and this time had 5 more children. She finally died.
Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her. He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said, “Lord, they’re finally together.”
One mourner leaned over and quietly asked her friend, “Do you think he means her first, second or third husband?”
The friend replied, “I think he means her legs.”
Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her. He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said, “Lord, they’re finally together.”
One mourner leaned over and quietly asked her friend, “Do you think he means her first, second or third husband?”
The friend replied, “I think he means her legs.”
