Need advice...grandparents hoarding my kids

[Swampdankv2]

So....my wife and I split up earlier this year. We are still legally married (for now). She is staying with her parents at the moment. I drove out to the beach where they live to ick up my children for a few hours to play. Apparently, my ex was threatened that if she responded to my request for visitation, she would be kicked out and they would call the cops.

I am livid. I still have legal custody of my kids and she is trying to prevent me from seeing them. This lady says she will call the cops if I show up there to get my children.

I am an easy going guy, until somebody fucks with my kids. Words like "hit squad" are going through my head. I am super pissed.

How should I handle this? My way is not the safe way. I am from the streets. I don't want to catch a charge over this.

I don't think grandparents have many rights here (FLA)

Can I just show up there and get my kids? Do I need a police escort? I hate cops and they hate me so I would rather not. But if I do go over there, and they call the law, will I be in a situation that would get me arrested?

 

[PoopyTeaBags]

i dont like to call the cops for any reason but if you have legal rights to your kids they cant call the cops for you going to see them. Why dont you talk to a lawyer the best thing may to get courts involved early so you can see them without confrontation. the male is always seen as the antagonist and always get the short end.

 

[Lee Van Kief]

as long as there are no restraining orders, trespassing warrants or pending domestic violence charges on you and like you say you have legal custody, actual legal custody in writing I can't imagine why you would go to jail for trying to see your kids whether or not the grandparents want you to,they're YOUR kids, not theirs.if the ex is ok and not giving you shit i'd suggest helping her get her own place just to avoid future bullshit with the ex inlaws. in fla both parents on the birth certificate have assumed custody but either parent can take off with the kids unless you file for custody and have it in writing. but if it's just the ex's parents fucking with you the hell with them, they can't tell you what you can do with your kids but they can make it hard on the ex which is bullshit

 

[skullznroses]

Sounds like youre up against some people without spines. Then again it sounds like you have already had enough of these people, and their daughters ways. IDK.

The thing I will say is that use your rights to your advantage. Don't get paranoid, and make sure your kids don't see you lose your cool.

 

[bombadil.360]

don't start some bullshit that will eventually affect the most the kids themselves though, be advised.

best to get a lawyer to call the grandparents and explain to them that your kids and yourself have the right to a healthy relationship. assuming there is one to begin with... if not, that's another thing.

good luck

 

[opt1c]

Get a lawyer, show up with cops and lawyer; have lawyer do ALL the talking.... get your kids and put as much distance between ya'll as possible.... if u don't play by the man's rules its real easy to loose his game

 

[Swampdankv2]

It pains me to see these people act so immature. I feel bad for my children.

Now I am starting to think that my ex wife is actually playing us against each other. I called the grandparents and spoke to them. They were aware of my intentions and simply asked my ex to reschedule another time that would be more convenient for all of us. This makes more sense to me. I just spend 45 minutes on the phone with them and the end result is that the ex is lying.

 

[Rob547]

Get a lawyer, show up with cops and lawyer; have lawyer do ALL the talking.... get your kids and put as much distance between ya'll as possible.... if u don't play by the man's rules its real easy to loose his game

best advice, hands down. lots of people have a hard time controlling certain comments at bad times if you know what I mean.

Ironically, going through the same shit as of about 3 hours ago..... unfortunately I have no rights to my child bc we were never married (thank christ) but.... not a pretty picture for anyone, just because shes a fucking bitch... sigh. He's only 2 so he can't even have my back on this one (sorry just had to vent, not trying to steal your thread!) rough day.

 

[Harry Gypsna]

Sounds like the ex was trying to stir the pot, in the hopes of provoking an incident. It would be much easier for her to legally cut off your access, if she has a police report of you banging on the door, shouting or punching your in laws.

Keep cool and make sure she knows that you are not going to take the bait.
Keeping the grandparents on side is a good idea, they are after all her parents and are providing her with a roof to sleep under, so have more influence than they might otherwise have(depending on her relationship with them). How did you get along with the inlaws when you were still together?

Presumably, she knows all about your horticultural activities?? If you end up having to fight in court, having a garden is a big risk and is primo ammunition for her, particularly in a non med state like Florida with harsh penalties for even small grows.

 

[Swampdankv2]

best advice, hands down. lots of people have a hard time controlling certain comments at bad times if you know what I mean.

Ironically, going through the same shit as of about 3 hours ago..... unfortunately I have no rights to my child bc we were never married (thank christ) but.... not a pretty picture for anyone, just because shes a fucking bitch... sigh. He's only 2 so he can't even have my back on this one (sorry just had to vent, not trying to steal your thread!) rough day.

Vent away brotha, it's not thread jacking when you are on topic. And yes this IS very good advice. I am making an appointment to speak with a lawyer this week. I don't want anything out of this divorce besides access to my kids. I can get back everything else.

Thank you to everybody for chiming in. Very useful ideas here that had not yet occurred to me.

I love the IC community!

SD

 

[Swampdankv2]

Sounds like the ex was trying to stir the pot, in the hopes of provoking an incident. It would be much easier for her to legally cut off your access, if she has a police report of you banging on the door, shouting or punching your in laws.

Keep cool and make sure she knows that you are not going to take the bait.
Keeping the grandparents on side is a good idea, they are after all her parents and are providing her with a roof to sleep under, so have more influence than they might otherwise have(depending on her relationship with them). How did you get along with the inlaws when you were still together?

Presumably, she knows all about your horticultural activities?? If you end up having to fight in court, having a garden is a big risk and is primo ammunition for her, particularly in a non med state like Florida with harsh penalties for even small grows.

She is not aware of anything illicit. We shut down shop together in 2010 and hadn't grown àgain. Matter of fact, the only reason I can do what I love now is because she is gone. But, I fully understand where you are coming from. It makes sense. In this case, I would be more worried about theft than pigs. She stole tens of thousands of dollars worth of flowers from me over the years and I had no clue until we split.

If she found out, she would blackmail me for hush money( herb).

Ugh, I married the wrong one.



I think she is just being petty because I have moved on and have a new love and a great life now. Very immature since she is the one who left me. And in doing so, inadvertently made my life kick ass.

Fucking hater.

SD

 

[Azhden]

As others have said, try and keep your cool. Using words in a CALM demeanor can get you much further in court when time comes. All of the witnesses will recount you being calm, talking things out, and leaving when the time was right (if they ask you to leave their property, try to do so with a "Thank you for your time" nonsense...)

A good friend went thru this not that long ago and ended up keeping his kid with full custody. The lies finally caught up to his ex-wife in court, she would actually call the cops on us when she would show up starting trouble during "visitations". I would be there with my kid, our kids would be playing out back with the grandparents... cops would roll up saying she tried to be around during the visitation (lie) and that she smelled "drugs in the air" (also... a big lie). Cops come rolling up quick, threaten to kick in the door if we don't answer... as we open the door with court orders in hand, the asshole has his gun drawn ("drugs in the air") and "requests" to search the premises... "No problem" he runs in and out of every room in the house and garage doing the old "sniff" test, nothing smells of anything, no pipes to be found, meds are never at this house period...

He doesn't even file a false report after back up arrives, ALSO does a sweep of the house with a dog, gets statements from everyone in sight (including the ex-wife's who was parked up the street the whole time laughing at us as we lose "visitation" time... took over an hour dealing the the cops)... We took every cops badge number/name and patrol car to call on as witnesses in court also .

Everything in the end worked out for my friend, but it did take almost a year worth of court dates being pushed back, cops being called, constantly harassed by the ex-wife and her friends, mysterious things happening to his car (paint balls, flat/slashed tire, door handles glued, windshield kicked in)... Another tip, get some recorders (audio for you and video for outside your house) and get EVERY conversation with her/friends/family from now on recorded, a few gb of audio goes a long way in court (depending on state.)

Best wishes, hope you don't go thru as much BS as my friend did (and I got dragged into every week or so...) it sucks, "but keep your wits about you" as grandpa used to say.

 

[frankenstein2]

I know some pyscho's like your ex. Even had one raise me (my mother). The only thing I can say is do all your communication thru a lawyer or third non-bias party. There is nothing worse than a women scorned, that is unless the women does it to herself, and in hind sight takes her poor decisions out on you.

 

[FirstTracks]

Sounds like you're getting it straightened out. Seems like she know that these things are best kept low-key because of the kids, and is using that to try to play you. She'd probably love nothing more than for you to hit or push someone. probably would even grab you just so you'd push her off and she could fall to the ground having been 'assaulted.'

Even better for her if you were to lay a hand on either of her parents, assuming they're slightly elderly.

As other are saying, know that she's playing her games and know that you have to keep cool and think clearly, if only because of the kids. If her actions go far enough and she won't let you have your visitation, as others have said, its time to start taking records of conversations and ask a lawyer how close this comes to kidnapping. Not that you want to get her charged, but would make it a lot harder for her to take full custody.

best of luck

 

[Stoner4Life]

Call the police, be polite to them, explain the situation and have them escort you to pick up your kids & have them explain the court ordered custody arrangement to them, including that they'll be arrested for interference of that decree if they withhold the kids from you.

The police will NEVER consider your side if you go over there alone and raise a shit fit @ the ex-in-laws; instead they'll (grandfolks) lie & tell the cops you made threats etc, don't be fooled into playing the fool.

The moment your ex or her folks tell you "You won't need a lawyer" or "you won't need to bring the police" is EXACTLY the time to call upon those entities to be witness to what's going on.

 

[Swampdankv2]

Smurfette and I are keeping records of every attempt to call/ visit/ contact the kids. It helped her tremendously in court with her ex. Having dates and times logged pleases judges.

And yes fellas, I am keeping my cool. I let her lie to me and never call her on it. I let her avoid my calls and just log it in a planner so when that day comes, I have documentation.

I don't think she will vandalize anything. But she wants me back. BAD! The kids tell me this. And she can't have me ever again after sleeping with many of my friends, becoming a junkie etc. I just want her to realize that a limited friendship is possible for the kids sake and be mature enough to lay in the bed she made.

I think it was a slap in the face to her when I don't come begging her to come back. Instead I found my soulmate and...the stoner chick thread explains why she hates that...wink.

I told her to go make herself happy. I do love her. She is mommy to my babies. I want her to be happy and have a good life. I just need her to want the same for me.

Jeeze, what a bunch of unnecessary bullshit.

 

[Swampdankv2]

Call the police, be polite to them, explain the situation and have them escort you to pick up your kids & have them explain the court ordered custody arrangement to them, including that they'll be arrested for interference of that decree if they withhold the kids from you.

The police will NEVER consider your side if you go over there alone and raise a shit fit @ the ex-in-laws; instead they'll (grandfolks) lie & tell the cops you made threats etc, don't be fooled into playing the fool.

The moment your ex or her folks tell you "You won't need a lawyer" or "you won't need to bring the police" is EXACTLY the time to call upon those entities to be witness to what's going on.

REAL TALK.... Jam up solid words. I will remember that.

 

[resinryder]

#1, I don't call the cops. I can see a crime, see a fucker get shot, catch a bastard ripping my shit. I don't call the cops. The only pig I like sizzles in a pan or gets smoked on the grill.
BUT.....
Kids are different. You have to go through a legal system. If you still have legal custody of your kids you have every right to them period. Your ex, her parents have no legal right to tell you you can't see them. If you have visitation you have rights to them whether they like it or not. Something to be aware of is that if you don't exercise your right to demand access to your children they/she can use that against you when or if they decide to take you back to court. Example, your honor, he hasn't come over or had the kids in xxx amount of time so he apparently doesn't care.
With kids in this situation you will almost have to get leo involved at some point. Her parents have no standing to tell you when it's 'convenient" for them to make time for them to allow you access to your kids. Whether the cops hate you, you hate them, it doesn't matter. Your legal right on a piece of paper that says you have custody of your kids outweighs them, her, and her parents. Get a lawyer to straighten them out or have a record of phone calls when you go to get them that swings the chain of events in your direction should the law get called. Damn hard to dispute a time marked text message!! . They could even possibly get into some serious legal situation by denying you access.
No matter what it is, make your kids your top priority, let them know they are your top priority, let them see they are your top priority, see them and see the often. They will appreciate it and be able to see the truth of who you are and what you have done to see them and be a presence in their lives. It may not be right away but as they see things unfold, as they get older, they will know that their daddy loves them above all else and did everything he could to make damn sure they know it. Just never say anything to them about her or her parents. They will see that for themselves.
I know what you're going through. I was married to Satan for 7 years before she finally left me..and the kids. Happiest fuckin day of my life!!!

 

[Eighths-n-Aces]

Get your mind around the fact that the fucking cops might actually be your friends in this situation. If your ex thinks you are the type that will never call them then you could catch her off balance.

Keep your cool no matter what happens! Stay cool and you can make everybody see that she is playing games. Lose your cool and you will find yourself in anger management and the X will have a drum to beat every time you want to see your kids.

The cops know this game. Make sure you play chess!

 

[OrganicBuds]

This is when cops are needed. To all the people saying don't call the cops because they are pigs ext, grow the fuck up.