My head hurts now.
Time to get back to my garden!!!!
Time to get back to my garden!!!!
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Happy Birthday ICMag! Been 20 years since Gypsy Nirvana created the forum! We are celebrating with a 4/20 Giveaway and by launching a new Patreon tier called "420club". You can read more here.
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Important notice: ICMag's T.O.U. has been updated. Please review it here. For your convenience, it is also available in the main forum menu, under 'Quick Links"!
A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant opened by a fellow cannibal. Feeling hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu... Broiled Missionary: $10.00, Fried Explorer: $15.00, Baked Politician: $100.00. The cannibal called the waiter over and asked, "Why such a price difference for the politician?" The cook replied: "Have you ever tried to clean one?"
...come on folks...this is starting to look like 5th's lame joke thread...
Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very, very dark, so the paramedic ask Kathleen, a 3-year-old girl, to hold a flashlight high over her Mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby. Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked. Heidi pushed and pushed, and after a little while Ricky was born. The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Ricky began to cry. The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-year old what she thought about what she had just witnessed. Kathleen quickly responded, "He shouldnt have crawled in there in the first place ......... smack his ass again!"
Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very, very dark, so the paramedic ask Kathleen, a 3-year-old girl, to hold a flashlight high over her Mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby. Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked. Heidi pushed and pushed, and after a little while Ricky was born. The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Ricky began to cry. The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-year old what she thought about what she had just witnessed. Kathleen quickly responded, "He shouldnt have crawled in there in the first place ......... smack his ass again!"
A woman was shaking out a rug on the balcony of her 17th floor condominium when a sudden gust of wind blew her over the railing. "Damn, that was stupid," she thought as she fell. "What a way to die." As she passed the 14th floor, a man standing at his railing caught her in his arms. While she looked at him in disbelieving gratitude, he asked, "Do you suck?" "No!" she shrieked, aghast. So, he dropped her. As she passed the 12th floor, another man reached out and caught her. "Do you screw?" he asked. "Of course not!" she exclaimed before she could stop herself. He dropped her, too. The poor woman prayed to God for one more chance. As luck would have it, she was caught a third time, by a man on the eighth floor. "I suck! I screw!" she screamed in panic. "Slut!" he said, and let her go.
...heh...heh..
...heh...heh..
I've go to tell you this, Muriel: your husband is shagging every woman in town
Oh dear, what a shame, he's such a lousy fuck.
So, Pete, how did it go in your honeymoon?
Amazing mate, i nearly fucked her!
Does your husband likes when you scream in bed?
Oh, I hope he can't hear me.
Jack: For Christ Sake, Muriel! What are you doing with the gardener in my bed?
Muriel (to the gardener): Like I've told you, a stupid asshole.
Q: What do you call a peroxide blonde upside down?
A: A brunette with bad breath
And a longer (and older) one.
A kid gets a girlfriend and swears he'll love her forever. She's moved and as they're getting hornier the guy asks her to give him a blowjob.
She is completely put off by this and says he would lose respect for her if she did.
Still, time passes and he presents her with an engagement ring. She says yes, and as they're having sex in their honeymoon he asks her again for a blowjob.
She accuses him of breaking the magic, surely he would not respect her if she did.
One year after their happy marriage she gets pregnant. They are overcome by joy, he works like a donkey to secure nothing lacks in the household, he helps her with the chores too. He finds the moment just ripe, so he asks her once more for his dreamed blowjob.
Doubts in his commitment spring to her mind, she cannot believe the levels of perversion the mind of men can reach, she says sucking his penis would lose all respect he has for her. The man argues he understands her fears but he proved always to be a loyal husband. Not a chance.
Years pass by, now they're a big family with eight correlative children and they have a big van in which they go on sundays for a picnic after attending mass. One of those sundays also marked their 20th anniversary, and as they're having sex, she thinks in how right everything is, she does love her hubby, and her hubby loves her, and the children are so healthy and sweet, and her house is clean and smells fresh of rosewater. She knows her husband has an old kinky wish, for which he doesn't even insist anymore, but she decides to surprise him and goes down for it. The man has the happiest moment of his life, reaching the climax in total bliss, and falls deeply sleep.
In the morning, she wakes up stretching her arms, still holding the warmth of their silk sheets, and says
-C'mon, dear, it's a lovely sunday, let's cook a nice breakfast and get packed for the picnic
And the husband says
- Shut up and lemme sleep, ya cocksucking bitch
Oh dear, what a shame, he's such a lousy fuck.
So, Pete, how did it go in your honeymoon?
Amazing mate, i nearly fucked her!
Does your husband likes when you scream in bed?
Oh, I hope he can't hear me.
Jack: For Christ Sake, Muriel! What are you doing with the gardener in my bed?
Muriel (to the gardener): Like I've told you, a stupid asshole.
Q: What do you call a peroxide blonde upside down?
A: A brunette with bad breath
And a longer (and older) one.
A kid gets a girlfriend and swears he'll love her forever. She's moved and as they're getting hornier the guy asks her to give him a blowjob.
She is completely put off by this and says he would lose respect for her if she did.
Still, time passes and he presents her with an engagement ring. She says yes, and as they're having sex in their honeymoon he asks her again for a blowjob.
She accuses him of breaking the magic, surely he would not respect her if she did.
One year after their happy marriage she gets pregnant. They are overcome by joy, he works like a donkey to secure nothing lacks in the household, he helps her with the chores too. He finds the moment just ripe, so he asks her once more for his dreamed blowjob.
Doubts in his commitment spring to her mind, she cannot believe the levels of perversion the mind of men can reach, she says sucking his penis would lose all respect he has for her. The man argues he understands her fears but he proved always to be a loyal husband. Not a chance.
Years pass by, now they're a big family with eight correlative children and they have a big van in which they go on sundays for a picnic after attending mass. One of those sundays also marked their 20th anniversary, and as they're having sex, she thinks in how right everything is, she does love her hubby, and her hubby loves her, and the children are so healthy and sweet, and her house is clean and smells fresh of rosewater. She knows her husband has an old kinky wish, for which he doesn't even insist anymore, but she decides to surprise him and goes down for it. The man has the happiest moment of his life, reaching the climax in total bliss, and falls deeply sleep.
In the morning, she wakes up stretching her arms, still holding the warmth of their silk sheets, and says
-C'mon, dear, it's a lovely sunday, let's cook a nice breakfast and get packed for the picnic
And the husband says
- Shut up and lemme sleep, ya cocksucking bitch
i asked the government for assistance...
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it because you get up first, and then we dont have to wait as long to get our coffee. The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee." Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee." Husband replies, "I cant believe that, show me." So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says ... "HEBREWS"
...figured a southern man could appreciate a bible reference
What's the difference between 2 dicks and a joke?
You can't take a joke!
You can't take a joke!
G
GreenPlant
Lol Essex (girls) Jokes
Here's one ESSEX
lmaoNp not been there.
Media/tv lol
Had a m8 on a Kibbutz in 1993 who was from Canvey Isl (Essex)
Drove a VW Camper
Camper Mad lol
How do you know when an Essex girl is having an orgasm?
She drops her bag of chips.
How does an Essex girl turn the light off after sex?
She shuts the car door.
What does an Essex girl say after sex?
"So, do you all play for the same football team?"
What is an Essex girls idea of safe sex?
Leaving the handbrake on.
What do your PC and your Essex girl GF have in common?
You didn't appreciate either of them until they went down on you.
Say "ice" then "bank" then "mice" then "elf" - now say it really fast... What did u cum up with?
Studies show that 48% of women have used vibrators, the other 52% have brand new ones!
If u had sex 365 times in 12 months and melted down the rubbers to make a tire, what would u have? A FUCKING GOODYEAR!
Studies show that 48% of women have used vibrators, the other 52% have brand new ones!
If u had sex 365 times in 12 months and melted down the rubbers to make a tire, what would u have? A FUCKING GOODYEAR!
In the same vein,....
McDonalds is like sex, I'm lovin it!
Gatoraid is like cock, Is it in you?
Subway is like Pussy, Eat fresh.
McDonalds is like sex, I'm lovin it!
Gatoraid is like cock, Is it in you?
Subway is like Pussy, Eat fresh.
Essex Girls.
Essex Girls.
I do love Essex and it's girls! They are kind of special.
A paramedic is called out to a nasty RTA on a dual carriageway near Billericay and sees one injured driver is a young girl. He approaches her window and sees a fair bit of blood on the dash & windscreen and is immediately concerned for her.
"Ok love you're alright now, I'm a paramedic". He says comfortingly. "Where are you bleeding from?"
She looks up, her face showing the pain and said;
"I'm from bleeding Romford darling, where are you from?"
Essex Girls.
I do love Essex and it's girls! They are kind of special.
A paramedic is called out to a nasty RTA on a dual carriageway near Billericay and sees one injured driver is a young girl. He approaches her window and sees a fair bit of blood on the dash & windscreen and is immediately concerned for her.
"Ok love you're alright now, I'm a paramedic". He says comfortingly. "Where are you bleeding from?"
She looks up, her face showing the pain and said;
"I'm from bleeding Romford darling, where are you from?"
