I must have missed the punchline? 
:
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From this months Maxim...
From this months Maxim...
What has two legs and bleeds a lot?
Half a cat.
From this months Maxim...
What has two legs and bleeds a lot?
Half a cat.
How about this;
A seriously depressed woman stands at the edge of a cliff, trying to get the nerve up to jump. A passing hobo stops and says, "Lady, since you're about to kill yourself anyway, would you mind if we had sex first?"
The woman said "Hell no...get away from me!"
The bum turned to leave and muttered "Fine, I'll just go wait at the bottom."
A seriously depressed woman stands at the edge of a cliff, trying to get the nerve up to jump. A passing hobo stops and says, "Lady, since you're about to kill yourself anyway, would you mind if we had sex first?"
The woman said "Hell no...get away from me!"
The bum turned to leave and muttered "Fine, I'll just go wait at the bottom."
hahaahhahahhaha Swampdankv2
Stop me if you heard this...
Stop me if you heard this...
Heaven was getting full so God told St Peter to only let people in today that died in a horrible way. St.Peter agreed and after a moment of reflection went down to the pearly gates.
After turning down numerous people, a guy walks up looking hideous. St. Peter asked him "and how did you die?"
The man replies "it was horrible. I got a call at work from somebody saying my wife was at home banging some dude. I freaked out and grabbed my shotgun from under my desk and hauled ass to the condo. My condo is on the 25th floor of an apartment building and I took the stairs. Out of breath, I ran into the apartment and found my wife lying naked in our bed but no man in the house. I looked all over and then I saw a naked man hanging off of my balcony by his fingers. I ran back in and grabbed a hammer and smashed his fingers. He fell all the way down...but...he landed on a bush...and didnt die. So I went inside and unplugged the refrigerator and pushed out and off the balcony and it killed him. The exertion and stress from this gave me a heart attack and I died".
St. Peter studied him and allowed him into heaven. More people came and went until another terrible looking man walks up with no clothes on.
St.Peter asks him to explain his day....
The naked man says "it was awful. See, I live on the 26th floor of an apartment building and in the mornings I like to do aerobics on my balcony right before I shower. I slipped and fell off. Luckily, I caught myself on the floor below me. Then this maniac comes running out and smashes my fingers with hammer and I fell. Luckily, I landed on a bush. But then the asshole pushed a refrigerator off and it landed on me and I died.
St.Peter chuckled to himself and waved him in. More people turned away until another busted looking man walks up.
St.Peter asks him to explain his death and the man replies...
Well...I'm hiding in this refrigerator...and...
Stop me if you heard this...
Heaven was getting full so God told St Peter to only let people in today that died in a horrible way. St.Peter agreed and after a moment of reflection went down to the pearly gates.
After turning down numerous people, a guy walks up looking hideous. St. Peter asked him "and how did you die?"
The man replies "it was horrible. I got a call at work from somebody saying my wife was at home banging some dude. I freaked out and grabbed my shotgun from under my desk and hauled ass to the condo. My condo is on the 25th floor of an apartment building and I took the stairs. Out of breath, I ran into the apartment and found my wife lying naked in our bed but no man in the house. I looked all over and then I saw a naked man hanging off of my balcony by his fingers. I ran back in and grabbed a hammer and smashed his fingers. He fell all the way down...but...he landed on a bush...and didnt die. So I went inside and unplugged the refrigerator and pushed out and off the balcony and it killed him. The exertion and stress from this gave me a heart attack and I died".
St. Peter studied him and allowed him into heaven. More people came and went until another terrible looking man walks up with no clothes on.
St.Peter asks him to explain his day....
The naked man says "it was awful. See, I live on the 26th floor of an apartment building and in the mornings I like to do aerobics on my balcony right before I shower. I slipped and fell off. Luckily, I caught myself on the floor below me. Then this maniac comes running out and smashes my fingers with hammer and I fell. Luckily, I landed on a bush. But then the asshole pushed a refrigerator off and it landed on me and I died.
St.Peter chuckled to himself and waved him in. More people turned away until another busted looking man walks up.
St.Peter asks him to explain his death and the man replies...
Well...I'm hiding in this refrigerator...and...
S
shokdee
I prefer sit-down comedy but here goes, I'm standing up and shouting
HELL'EL'U'JAH YEAH.
I
HELL'EL'U'JAH YEAH.
I
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N
noyd666
Two cannibals met up and one cannibal asked the other how have you been & the other cannibal said he hadn't been feeling too well and his stomach was sore. The other cannibal asked him what he had been eating and he said just the missionaries. How did you cook them ? just put them in a pot of water over a fire with a couple of bay leaves. He then asked what the missionaries looked like and he said they wore long brown robes and a little bit of hair round their head. Oh he said the're Fryers (Friars).
ureapwhatusow
New member
Platypus walked into a restaurant owned by duck. Platypus ate a meal. Duck billed platypus
A woman met a man in a bar.
They talked; they connected; they ended up leaving together..
They got back to his place,
And as he showed her around his apartment, she noticed that one wall of his bedroom was completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears.
There were three shelves in the bedroom, with hundreds and hundreds of cute, cuddly teddy bears carefully placed in rows, covering the entire wall.
It was obvious that he had taken quite some time to lovingly arrange them and she was immediately touched by the amount of thought he had put into organizing the display.
There were small bears all along the bottom shelf.
Medium-sized bears covered the length of the middle shelf.
And huge, enormous bears running all the way along the top shelf.
She found it strange for an obviously masculine guy to have such a large collection of
teddy bears.
She was quite impressed by his sensitive side, but didn't mention this to him.
They shared a bottle of wine and continued talking and, after awhile, she found herself thinking, 'Oh my God! Maybe, this guy could be the one! Maybe he could be the future
father of my children.'
She turned to him and kissed him lightly on the lips.
He responded warmly.
They continued to kiss, the passion built, and he took her in his arms and carried her into his bedroom where they peeled off each other's clothes and made hot, steamy, monkey love until dawn.
She was so overwhelmed that she responded with more passion, more creativity, more heat than she had ever known.
After an intense, explosive night of raw passion with this sensitive guy, they were lying there together in the afterglow.
The woman rolled over, gently stroked his chest and asked coyly,
'Well, how was it?'
The guy gently smiled at her, stroked her cheek,
looked deeply into her eyes, and said:
'Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf.'
They talked; they connected; they ended up leaving together..
They got back to his place,
And as he showed her around his apartment, she noticed that one wall of his bedroom was completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears.
There were three shelves in the bedroom, with hundreds and hundreds of cute, cuddly teddy bears carefully placed in rows, covering the entire wall.
It was obvious that he had taken quite some time to lovingly arrange them and she was immediately touched by the amount of thought he had put into organizing the display.
There were small bears all along the bottom shelf.
Medium-sized bears covered the length of the middle shelf.
And huge, enormous bears running all the way along the top shelf.
She found it strange for an obviously masculine guy to have such a large collection of
teddy bears.
She was quite impressed by his sensitive side, but didn't mention this to him.
They shared a bottle of wine and continued talking and, after awhile, she found herself thinking, 'Oh my God! Maybe, this guy could be the one! Maybe he could be the future
father of my children.'
She turned to him and kissed him lightly on the lips.
He responded warmly.
They continued to kiss, the passion built, and he took her in his arms and carried her into his bedroom where they peeled off each other's clothes and made hot, steamy, monkey love until dawn.
She was so overwhelmed that she responded with more passion, more creativity, more heat than she had ever known.
After an intense, explosive night of raw passion with this sensitive guy, they were lying there together in the afterglow.
The woman rolled over, gently stroked his chest and asked coyly,
'Well, how was it?'
The guy gently smiled at her, stroked her cheek,
looked deeply into her eyes, and said:
'Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf.'
What did one lesbian frog say to the other?
~We do taste like chicken!
How do you eat a frog?
~Put one leg over this ear and one over this ear!
~We do taste like chicken!
How do you eat a frog?
~Put one leg over this ear and one over this ear!
i'm at the bar and there's a guy chatting up a girl next to me.
at some point in the conversation, things break down. she turns to him and, loudly enough that half the bar can hear her says, "i wouldn't let you fuck me if you were the last man on earth."
he leans in a little closer and replies, "that's ok, because if i was the last man on earth, i'd just rape you."
it's funny because it's true.
at some point in the conversation, things break down. she turns to him and, loudly enough that half the bar can hear her says, "i wouldn't let you fuck me if you were the last man on earth."
he leans in a little closer and replies, "that's ok, because if i was the last man on earth, i'd just rape you."
it's funny because it's true.
A guy walks into a bar and notices a lady sitting at the end of the bar. He tells the bartender buy that douchebag at the end of the bar a drink, on me. The bartender says I'm sorry we don't talk about people like that here. The man says ok buy that lady at the end of the bar a drink on me. The bartender asks her what she is drinking and she replies vinegar and water.
S
shokdee
Hank
Herman
Since yo are so funny, why not provide yo own punchline?
Can yo laugh at yo self?
I'll set yo up:
How do a monkey and a mermaid make love ?
- I don't know! How do a monkey and a mermaid make love ?
They do it ............. ...... .... ... .. . .
Ha ha classic!
HermanSince yo are so funny, why not provide yo own punchline?
Can yo laugh at yo self?
I'll set yo up:
How do a monkey and a mermaid make love ?
- I don't know! How do a monkey and a mermaid make love ?
They do it ............. ...... .... ... .. . .
Ha ha classic!
If I post a crippling joke, I'd also get a lame response.
Since you are so funny, why not provide your own punchline?
Can you laugh at yo self?
I'll set up up:
How do a monkey and a mermaid make love ?
- I don't know! How do a monkey and a mermaid make love ?
They do it In labyrinths of coral caves.
View Image
So There!
S
shokdee
Another one for Weezard, self-therapy:
I am ..............ing ............ing ............ing today!
I am ..............ing ............ing ............ing today!
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I've just missed being hassled by you Hank
