gf is beating me up... wtf?

[devilgoob]

I think many are misunderstanding something.

She deserves blame for making the choice to hit you, but she may have a mental disorder.

Now we have people blaming people for mental disorders.
People who have anxiety "It's a all in their head, they must be afraid"
People with schizophrenia "They choose to be helpless"

People just can't get not having control of their mind. They think they choose all what it does, probably to hide the fact that we don't have true minds, only minds that operate avoiding the negative and going toward the positives. If you let consequences guide you, you'll be saying you turn your blinker on so that you don't get a fine - not so it saves lives. It makes me think everyone does not have real agency or a real conscious and the only reason they have it, is because it's socially imprinted.

 

[Hydro-Soil]

The gf is getting better... she knows she needs help atm and is getting it.
Im trying to change the way I do somethings also.. its not ALL on her..

I have spoken with her family and an ex bf she was with for a long time.. and up until a few months ago she has for the most part led a fairly high achieving good life.. This is the first time in her life she has had to deal with real mental illness...

Awesome...

Totally awesome to hear. I have high hopes for you two... especially if you can keep the attitude positive and forward moving.

Hardest thing in the world is to keep your mouth shut at the right times and let stuff play out till they're receptive. Awesome to hear receptiveness already. Awesome to hear she's been pretty sane up to this point... Food man... food. Just... wow.

Stay Safe!

 

[yortbogey]

I don't even know where to start... Ok, three things:

First of all, it's her daughter, not his. Her, her family, and the state will have to deal with that issue.

Second, you have yet to address the double standard that you're applying to the situation. Why are you excusing her behavior when that same behavior would land a man in jail?

Third, and most pertinent to this forum, is the immense risk the OP is taking by entrusting his grow op to someone who is obviously unstable.

No one here has made a single logical argument in favor of maintaining this toxic relationship.

never once did i mention her... or her behavior... of course I don't condone...Bad, behavior , boy or girl, ... and the violence... only breeds silence....thus keeping them in there current viscous circle
WHAT I DO condone, and applaud is this mans ability to see
He's own faults, that could be aggravating the situation, and takes the necessary steps to make it better... for Her, and the kid.
which obviously from the guys post is what makes him happier also....seems like a win/win/win.... why, because HE, was a better person and was able to see past the physical, problems, and deal w/ the emotional, hopefully then stopping the abuse before it even starts...again...

that is what i applaud.....

is the "effort", the endeavor to try...
and not just give up, and call it QuitZ...

the man stepped up... placed his own fear, and concerns, aside... and took a chance on someone he obviously cares for....
this I applaud

 

[huligun]

Nobody wins with violence. We are in a society that doesn't allow it. When you have a woman coming at you in a mad rage and she is swinging some large piece of steel (in this case the holder for Kuerig Coffee cartridges) you have fractions of seconds to make the right decision. If you defend yourself you could be the one going downtown and if you don't defend yourself you could be the one going to the morgue.

In my case my gf was mentally unstable. My bringing that up and suggesting treatment was fighting words. I equate her behavior to that of a spoiled child demanding her way no matter what. Once she has gotten you to duck her attempted blows she owns you. She can pretend (or it could be real) that she is going to lose it if she don't get her way and you will just take the short path and give in to everything she wants. Nobody learns anything here and there is an improper change in power where insanity rules and logic goes to the side.

I had done what he is doing and have my opinions. Believe me, I wrote about the same thing in another weed forum when I was going through this and everyone told me the same thing I am telling you. I had to kill a crop in flower and had to repair things that were broken, like laptops, phones and holes in sheet rock. When the cops took her away and issued a no contact order that was it for us. She called me (in violation of the no contact order) begging me to take her back. I forced her to send family to come collect her things and I moved on with my life. She is stuck to answer for her tantrums to the system now, go to classes, bear the expenses, and live the life of a convicted felon. In the game of chess we were playing she lost. She thought she could control me and she lost everything. I didn't have to do anything, she did it all to herself.

 

[Scottish Research]

I had a girlfriend come after me with a knife one time. Scary shit for sure. Kicked her the the curb.




R.Fortune

 

[ThirstyKenny]

An ex girlfiends mother tried to shoot me one night. She thought the rifle was loaded. Thankfully it wasn't. Like Rob, i was single again after that
Kenny

 

[quitelost]

Wow, always thought that female on male domestic abuse was more widespread than apparent due to the social stigma of a man admitting to being a victim of physical abuse, but I didn't expect so many male members to chime in with there own experiences.

 

[ThirstyKenny]

I think when the woman has mental stability issues it's not too embarrassing for a man to talk about because a lot of us have or have had 'crazy' partners. Might feel a little embarrassing for a man maybe to talk about it if she was beating the crap out of him.- That society stigma thing that you were referring to.
I don't know. Tricky situation when there's kiddies involved. Might be a case of same type of horse but different jockeys
Kenny

 

[dddaver]

I think when the woman has mental stability issues it's not too embarrassing for a man to talk about because a lot of us have or have had 'crazy' partners. Might feel a little embarrassing for a man maybe to talk about it if she was beating the crap out of him.- That society stigma thing that you were referring to.
I don't know. Tricky situation when there's kiddies involved. Might be a case of same type of horse but different jockeys
Kenny

Not to hijack or get too far off topic, but also I have noticed a definite rudeness and air of anonymity in some replies, especially from the young it seems. People definitely do say things over the internet they wouldn't even think doing if face to face with another person. Before any young person gets butt-hurt because they think I'm accusatory, that air of anonymity is only generational because back in the day most person to person communication had to be face to face, or you at least knew who was talking. Now, no.

Anyway, people say shit over the internet they wouldn't normally irl.

 

[Alone]

Most times, a woman will use a mans most intimate, personal, sensitive spots in his heart and throw it in his face with no regard of consequence. They do this because they are the weaker vessel.
Emotionally, physically, and socially.
They were not made in the image of God. Man was. Woman was made in the image of man. God raised up/created man from the dust of the earth. Woman was made from the rib of Adam/man.
It is our duty, as the stronger vessel, to bear with our womans weaknesses.
To show patience,kindness,goodness, and self-control.
To teach them what true humility is. They in turn make us stronger men as they put us through the "pressure cooker", and teach us how to be a "real man".
But unless you are truly "in-love" with a woman, no man can handle the pressure from one.
If you are truly in love with a woman, you will cross land and sea to be with her, and will never leave her nor forsake her.
I think you chose the harder road to be with her and raise her kid which shows your either in love with her or just plain stupid. Either way I wish you and her the best.

 

[huligun]

I believe American society is very spoiled on so many things. Men are spoiled having sex before marriage and women are spoiled as in being empowered they can be on both sides of the fence. They can be the aggressor in a physical altercation and still have a man arrested. A woman can hurt herself tearing into a man and if there is a mark on her in the fray they will be hauling the man away and telling him he doesn't live in his house any more. It is too complicated to make snap judgements, but if a relationship has stepped over the line to where someone is hitting the other it is just time to end it. After the first hit a cherry has been popped and there is no turning back.

 

[noyd666]

what a load of tripe.

 

[SeaMaiden]

mhhm,im sure food plays a role,but come on?to blame behavior like this on food??im sorry hydrosoil,seems like pseudo science to me..so your saying people with schizofrenia or anything like that,blame it on the food?i think its a little more coimplicated than that sweety..

Oh, Lord, here I go. While H-S says a lot that I disagree with, there is good evidence that, in essence, food can make some people crazy.

Consider how powerful hormones are, and then consider that we're not just dealing with foods, but packaging. Xenohormones are what I'm referring to, and they can be as benign as bro-tits from eating too much soy and other foods containing phytoestrogens (as well as having too much body fat--did you know that all hormones are synthesized in the body from cholesterol?).

One of the diagnostics for my younger sister's lactose intolerance was her behavior, it became erratic and she became extremely hyperactive. You could also hear her in the bathroom struggling through the diarrhea, and see the black circles under her eyes--just from milk.

Rheumatoid arthritis? DO NOT EAT PEPPERS, they are known, proven to inflame the condition. In fact, many solanaceous fruits are known to worsen the condition.

Conversely, many conditions can be handled, should only be handled through diet.

****************************************************************************

Finally, I personally disagree with the idea that all disorders can be consciously controlled, and the first person I always think of is Andrea Yates. You folks remember her, right? Extreme PPD, and actually what she suffered was post-partum psychosis. All caused by hormones. She tried to control it, but kept getting knocked up, and there's not a lot that can be done while a woman is pregnant, especially with specific regard to anti-psychotic drugs, such as clonipine, Haldor, Zyprexa, Depakote, and so on. Also, having known many schizophrenics, both before and during the onset of their disease, it is just impossible for me to declare that someone like that has *any* control over their brains.

Thanks, To all who responded. I got some good advice and have utilized much of it. Still with the gf.. and still have my garden.
but she is getting help (seeing a dr and a therapist)... and in the future if she does lose it again, hopefully I will identify it quick enough to handle the situation appropriately. (wrap her up and hold her down until she comes out of crisis mode).

Whoa.... you spoke with a behaviorist, too? This is a technique used in certain situations. You were taught how to take control of her arms from behind her, crossing them across her body low enough so she can't bite you, the whole thing then? That's my impression. And good for both of you on taking action and moving toward rectifying whatever may be wrong. I suggest charting her ups and downs on a calendar, and she may want to begin noting anything that precedes onset of the bad mood.

Also, I went and spent 500 bucks at the whole foods store... since she used to eat only whole foods and switched to cheaper stuff since being with me (because Im cheap and hate buying expensive stuff)... hoping that will make a difference.
anyway, thanks for the advice and kind thoughts. Im just muddling through life trying to figure out the right thing to do... I really have not much of a clue alot of the time... so getting someone else's perspective helps. Especially since I cant really talk about the whole situation with most people.

One other question for you--are *you* getting therapy yourself? If not, I suggest trying to get some. I don't know if you're in the US, or what state if so, but out here we have domestic violence crisis centers where anyone can seek out help. I utilized their counseling services after I was attacked.

I think many are misunderstanding something.

She deserves blame for making the choice to hit you, but she may have a mental disorder.

Now we have people blaming people for mental disorders.
People who have anxiety "It's a all in their head, they must be afraid"
People with schizophrenia "They choose to be helpless"

People just can't get not having control of their mind. They think they choose all what it does, probably to hide the fact that we don't have true minds, only minds that operate avoiding the negative and going toward the positives. If you let consequences guide you, you'll be saying you turn your blinker on so that you don't get a fine - not so it saves lives. It makes me think everyone does not have real agency or a real conscious and the only reason they have it, is because it's socially imprinted.

Fuckin' ACE. This needs bells! All you need is to have something like a tumor of the parathyroid fucking with your blood calcium levels and your head can become completely unscrewed. Just a few points difference in the calcium, and your brain won't function properly (neither will your heart).

 

[Max Bloom]

The amount of rationalizing going on here regarding her behavior is truly astounding.

"Stick with her she needs your help!"

"Oh, it's probably her diet that's making her crazy."

"Maybe she has a brain tumor!"

I wan't you to just pretend that the OP is female and that it's her boyfriend who's hitting her and jeopardizing her grow op. Would we even be having this discussion? Would so many people have chimed in trying to rationalize his behavior?

NO! We'd all be yelling, "Get the hell away from him! Break down your grow! Get a restraining order and file charges!"

And that would be a perfectly rational and prudent course of action. Yet, I see so many people here willing to give her a pass. Why do we not hold women up to the same standard as men?

 

[ThirstyKenny]

I don't have any empathy for women who screw over/manipulate their partner/ex. A good mate of mine strung himself up over a woman. He'd always done the rite things for his missus and kids. Hard worker, faithful, good father, never laid a hand on her or the kids- just a really nice bloke. Anyway i guess she got bored with this lifestyle and decided she'd cheat on him. She fell head over heals for this new 'bo' and she told my mate what she'd been doing. So my mate came to stay with me for a bit. We were getting on the drink one night when she rings him up and tells him that he's not welcome in his 'own' house and he'd never see the kids again. Well, with this he drove drunk over to the house to confront her. She locked the door to the house and belittled him from behind the locked door. He proceded to kick the door in to confront this bitch. No sooner had he got in, the cops turn up and she hands them a tape recorder with only my mate being heard, abusing the ex. He got dragged away to the cop station. She slapped a dvo on him. A year or so has passed and he has limited access to his kids. During this time she has moved in with the new boyfriend and has poisoned the kids minds against their father to such an extent that they don't want to see him any more and they hate him. Well that's enough to push old mate over the edge and uses alcohol to ease the pain. That was until one of the mates found him hanging from a tree with a note in his pocket saying'Hurts too much, i'm sorry'
He was one of the best mates i've ever had the pleasure of knowing and i miss him very much! I sometimes think, if i ever get a terminal illness i'll go n sort that woman for what she did, but couldn't really do that to his kids. Really hope karma comes round some day and gives her a swift kick!!
Kenny