Is it always you reaching out or making the first move?

[Nor'Easter]

It seems whether it is in everyday life or online, I am always the one that has to make the first move, or reach out to others. Why not vice versa for a change?

I have those on my friends list, that I leave a message on their user page and don't hear from them, I have to badger some of them repeatedly before they respond. If they are absent for a while, I check in to see all is well, if I am gone no one cares it seems. In "real life", it also seems I keep reaching out and no one seems to make any effort at all. Now I don't stink nor am I some tyrant or something so what gives? anyone else notice this happening to them?

 

[Bionic]

Absolutely. I've been thinking about this quite a bit lately and have been considering "cleaning house" of all the "dead weight." You're definitely not alone, pal.

 

[big twinn]

In this world, there are those that "do" and those that "think" they do. I, much like yourself am a doer.

 

[rootfingers]

This sounds like one of those times you may have to try and adjust the way you look at the situation. Or change your approach, and I don't mean approach people differently but don't approach them at all for a while. Friendships that are not nurtured suffer and with enough neglect die. So let some die and see how that fits on you perhaps.

I am sort of the opposite, I hardly ever reach out to people and make the first move. I am afflicted with shyness sometimes and lethargy sometimes too. It isn't so bad always, I can be extroverted at times but it is not the usual me. It sucks cause I miss out on lots of cool people and alienate my friends and family every now and then but I am pretty much okay with that for now. I am only me, ya know.

Idk, I think you are a good dude Nor'Easter, hope you feel some of the connections you seek soon. Just gotta find a way to feel okay with yourself.

This next pack is for you

 

[Nor'Easter]

Hey good to hear from you man! I am anything but extroverted, maybe here I am but not otherwise. Either way, I try to overcome this and reach out. next pack? You got my attention man!

And thanks Big Twinn and Bionic, glad to know I am not alone on this. Not that I revel in any one else's misery, that couldn't be further from the truth, but you know what I mean, that I am not some grand universal reject or something. I wish you well in your quest to restore balance, I have started to do the same. And if I haven't reached out to someone in a while, it is prob because I thought I did and forgot that I didn't so give me a good kick in the ass in that case! That could explain some things on the other end as well. peace

 

[Luv-U-Long-Time]

This is an illegal activities website...people get sketched,I wouldn't put any personal stock in to it.

Sometimes I go months not hearing from a soul,or reaching out...the simpatico is still present without the constant need for affirmation.

Ya' Dig

 

[ariston]

hang out in the icmag chat

 

[MIway]

I'd rather have em to be solid... Good to their word... A straight shooter. I'd respect that guy even if he were a prick or recluse or just maybe busy w shit that outweighs me.

Lol... I'm projecting... God damn fuckin people misrep'n shit... Yet again. Not suggestin at all u-r not reliable nor... Just my own issue w peeps that keeps raising it's head.

I'd cut some peeps a lot o slack tho... Esp if they are deep down honest and trustworthy... The real keepers in life... Not nec the 'nice' ones, ya know? Peace bro... May we be lucky enough to find em! ;-)

 

[Harry Gypsna]

Some people just are not interesting in playing popularity games.... I generally reply to visitor messages, but I rarely, if ever "vote up" a post.

 

[HempKat]

It seems whether it is in everyday life or online, I am always the one that has to make the first move, or reach out to others. Why not vice versa for a change?

I have those on my friends list, that I leave a message on their user page and don't hear from them, I have to badger some of them repeatedly before they respond. If they are absent for a while, I check in to see all is well, if I am gone no one cares it seems. In "real life", it also seems I keep reaching out and no one seems to make any effort at all. Now I don't stink nor am I some tyrant or something so what gives? anyone else notice this happening to them?

It happens to everyone it's just that some are less bothered by it then others. As far as this site goes I'd say try not to read too much into it. Also ask yourself are these people on your friends list real friends or are they more just aquaintences? It's real easy to send and accept friend requests. This in my opinion dilutes what it means to be a friend. Before the internet and social networks people actually had to do something, work at it so to speak or prove themselves to become a person's friend. Even then you had aquaintences, people you were friendly with and also true or real friends. I'd bet chances are better then average that most of the people on your friends list haven't really done much to earn the title friend.

Now in the real world that's a bit more complex, In this day and age of stalkers, psychos and all manner of crazies roaming the earth every where you go, people are probably more reluctant to reach out to an unknown quantity and therefore are more incline to wait for some sort of sign of interest from others before they react,

 

[BurrZurrKurr]

I used to be the one to reach out - then I wised up and stopped.

Fuck 'em - stopped losing sleep about it years ago.

 

[CosmicGiggle]

When people 'reach out', it generally means they want something and you get to figure out what it is!





.......... not that there's anything wrong with that.

 

[Iron_Lion]

I have those on my friends list, that I leave a message on their user page and don't hear from them, I have to badger some of them repeatedly before they respond.

uh...hmmm.....and you wonder why they dont want to talk to you?

 

[Nor'Easter]

I should have added "repeatedly badger" means posting messages on their page about once a month for a few months, certainly not a daily or weekly thing! But everyone is right, no worries! peace

 

[greenmatter]

maybe all the people on your friends list type as slow as me ........ takes me 20 minutes to type what i could say in 30 seconds. i'm not unfriendly, just computer retarded

 

[supermanlives]

i dont really think about it. your too sensative. get over it.man up

 

[Iraganji]

When people 'reach out', it generally means they want something and you get to figure out what it is

This I agree with if "reach out" means "over gifting" in the beginning stage of a friendship. Sometimes friends who in the beginning shower you with gifts, are the friends who later on behave as though everything you have they are entitled to. What motivates people to connect with others is innumerable.

I do a lot more reading here than I do posting, and I notice things about peoples personalities in the process.

I just want friends whom I feel are genuine individuals, and more often than not, have positive things to say.
I keep no expectations.

 

[bombadil.360]

everyone here LOVES to value their privacy, a LOT. no need to feel like no one cares, we're all just a bit too over-protective of personal details.

blessed are those who have met in a cup in holland or somewhere else due to lax-laws though.

 

[Harry Gypsna]

LOL, some numpty neg repped my post--identify yourself, Snide.
Oh noes
Edit, I couldn't give a toss for the points, because its meaningless at the end of the day, but I would like to know what exactly in my post warranted a neg rep.

 

[djonkoman]

not meant to be negative, and in general
quit whining. I myself am rather passive, met almost all my friends trough mutual friends, and the ones I know not trough mutual friends were people that aproached me. and somehow eventough I'm passve socially I have a good load of friends, seem to have lot of fans too, I just act myself and some people admire me for that eventough I can't imagine otherwise...

some people are more active in their aproach, others passive, we're all different and that's good, makes us stronger as a species. so doesn't mean anything if others are more passive