The joke thread, cause we all need to laugh!!!!!!

[SpayceRayce]

What is the best thing to throw to a drowning cop? His partner.

What is brown and black and looks really good on a politician? A doberman.

You are passing by a burning house full of cops, what is the first thing you save? Time, by not stopping to help.

What is the first thing you ask a person that is trying to save a politicians life? Why?

Why is a 3 Stooges movie like a burning cop? They are both funny, and over way too soon.

 

[RudeDog]

I have cancer and I thought it was hilarious. Thanks for having the balls to post.

Yeah I gotta agree...I've cancer...and as old as the joke was...I lol'd when I read it again.

Toooo fuckin' funny Weezard.

I might of laughed if I'd of had cancer but to see a 14 year old lad be taken to an inch of his life with chemo.....Hope you guys overcome...

Still on with jokes...

What has Whitney Houston and a spider have in common?

Both are black and can't get out of the bath.

 

[greenmatter]

HEADLINE ......... Whitney Houston Beats Bobby Brown to Death !

 

[Bullfrog44]

Did everybody hear? Whitney Houston is now 1 week sober.

 

[5th]

A man and woman are at a bar having a few beers. They start talking and soon realize they're both doctors. After an hour, the man says, "Hey, how about if we sleep together tonight? No strings attached." The woman doctor agrees to it. They go back to her place and he goes in the bedroom. She goes into the bathroom and starts scrubbing up like she's about to go into the operating room. She scrubs for a good 10 minutes. At last, she goes into the bedroom and they have sex. Afterward, the man says, "You're a surgeon, aren't you?" "Yes," says the woman, "how did you know?" "I could tell by the way you scrubbed up before we started," he says. "That makes sense," says the woman. "You're an anaesthesiologist, aren't you?" "Yeah, how did you know?" asks the man. The woman replies, "Because I didn't feel a thing."

 

[Stoner4Life]

OK, it's a song but a parody on a funny subject.
ENJOY please.......

[youtubeif]pT9YI3hAkCY[/youtubeif]​

 

[greenmatter]

oh come on S4L the only thing cooler than the duck face is ......... planking

 

[Useful Idiot]

Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.
Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress.
One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, 'Kin ya swallar?'
The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?'
The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.
The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.
The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table.
His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!'

 

[Useful Idiot]

Two Men were out fishing when one decides to have a smoke
He asks the other guy if he has a lighter
He replies " Yes i do " and hands the other a 10 inch long BIC lighter
Surprised the guy asks "Where did you get this?"
The guy replies " Oh I have a personal genie"
The first man asks "Can i make a wish? "
Sure says the other man "Just make sure that you speak clearly cause he is a little hard at hearing"
"Ok I will" says the other as he rubs the lamp a genie appears and asks the man what he wants
The man says " I want a Million Bucks "
The genie says OK and goes back to his bottle and 10 seconds later a million ducks fly over head
And the guy says to the other " Your genie realy sucks at hearing doesnt He?"
The other man replies "I know, do you really think I asked for a 10 inch BIC"

 

[Useful Idiot]

Q: What's the difference between a penis and a bonus?
A: Your wife will always blow your bonus!

 

[billy_big_bud!]

Q-whats the difference between a pussy and a freezer? A- a freezer doesnt fart when you pull out the meat.

 

[BornToBeWild]

Little Johnny awoke one night to hear strange noises coming from his parents bedroom. When he opened the door his dad was on his mom naked . He said"Dad what are you and mom doing? His dad told him "I'm parking my car in yours mom's garage. Go back to bed."

Well the next day, the girl next door came over to play with johnny. He said " I have a new game for us to play." what's it called the girl replied . It's called parking the car . Wanna try it he said. Sure said the little girl.

Well Johnny tells her how to play and they get off to a good start. A few minutes later all you can here is little Johnny screaming . His mom rushes into the room and says" what the hell is going on here? . The girl tries her best to explain. She said "You see we were playing park the car and johnny got his car all most all the way in. The back tires wouldnt fit so I cut them off!

 

[5th]

Saturday morning I got up early, put on my long johns, dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, slipped quietly into the garage to hook the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.
There was snow mixed with the rain and the wind was blowing 50 mph. I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad throughout the day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. There I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."
She sleepily replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that shit."

 

[Superstone]

Q: What's the difference between an elephant and a taxi cab?
A: The elephant has the trunk up front and the asshole in the back!

 

[Dr.Young]

YO MOMMA JOKES...

Your momma so dumb she got hit by a parked car.

 

[Dr.Young]

Your momma so dumb she thought Wu-Tang was a African Orange Juice

 

[Dr.Young]

Your momma so dumb she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.


Your momma so dumb she sold her car for gas money

 

[5th]

Your momma so fat her drivers licence says picture continued on other side

 

[nobull56]

Bear Remover........

A man in rural Wisconsin wakes up one morning to
find a bear on his
roof. So he looks in the yellow pages, and sure
enough, there's an ad
for "Up North Bear Removers."

He calls the number, and the bear remover says
he'll be over in 30
minutes. The bear remover arrives, and gets out
of his van.

He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a 12-gauge
shotgun, and a mean old
pit bull.

"What are you going to do?" the homeowner
asks...

"I'm going to put this ladder up against the
roof, then I'm going to go
up there, and knock the bear off the roof with
this baseball bat. When
the bear falls off the roof, the pit bull is
trained to grab his testicles, and not let go. The bear will then be
subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van."

He then hands the shotgun to the homeowner.

"What's the shotgun for?" asks the homeowner.

"If the bear knocks me off the roof, shoot the
dog."

 

[demasoni]

Senator Joe Lieberman.