You know the game!

[TheyCallMeJJay]

I'm not a roman mum, I'm a kike, a yid, a heebie, a hook-nose, I'm kosher mum, I'm a Red Sea pedestrian, and proud of it!

Reg: All right, but apart from the sanitation, medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, the fresh water system and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us?
Attendee: Brought peace?
Reg: Oh, peace - shut up!
Reg: There is not one of us who would not gladly suffer death to rid this country of the Romans once and for all.
Dissenter: Uh, well, one.
Reg: Oh, yeah, yeah, there's one. But otherwise, we're solid.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0079470/quotes?qt0471953

 

[lost in a sea]

Brian is writing a slogan on a wall, oblivious to the Roman patrol approaching from behind. The slogan is "ROMANES EUNT DOMUS".

Centurion: What's this thing? "ROMANES EUNT DOMUS"? "People called Romanes they go the house?"

Brian: It... it says "Romans go home".

Centurion: No it doesn't. What's Latin for "Roman"?

Brian hesitates

Centurion: Come on, come on!

Brian: (uncertain) "ROMANUS".

Centurion: Goes like?

Brian: "-ANUS".

Centurion: Vocative plural of "-ANUS" is?

Brian: "-ANI".

Centurion: (takes paintbrush from Brian and paints over) "RO-MA-NI". "EUNT"? What is "EUNT"?

Brian: "Go".

Centurion: Conjugate the verb "to go"!

Brian: "IRE"; "EO", "IS", "IT", "IMUS", "ITIS", "EUNT".

Centurion: So "EUNT" is ...?

Brian: Third person plural present indicative, "they go".

Centurion: But "Romans, go home!" is an order, so you must use the ...?

He lifts Brian by his short hairs

Brian: The ... imperative.

Centurion: Which is?

Brian: Um, oh, oh, "I", "I"!

Centurion: How many Romans? (pulls harder)

Brian: Plural, plural! "ITE".

Centurion strikes over "EUNT" and paints "ITE" on the wall

Centurion: "I-TE". "DOMUS"? Nominative? "Go home", this is motion towards, isn't it, boy?

Brian: (very anxious) Dative?

Centurion draws his sword and holds it to Brian's throat

Brian: Ahh! No, ablative, ablative, sir. No, the, accusative, accusative, ah, DOMUM, sir.

Centurion: Except that "DOMUS" takes the ...?

Brian: ... the locative, sir!

Centurion: Which is?

Brian: "DOMUM".

Centurion: (satisfied) "DOMUM"...

He strikes out "DOMUS" and writes "DOMUM"

Centurian: ..."-MUM". Understand?

Brian: Yes sir.

Centurion: Now write it down a hundred times.

Brian: Yes sir, thank you sir, hail Caesar, sir.

Centurion: (saluting) Hail Caesar. If it's not done by sunrise, I'll cut your balls off.

Brian: (very relieved) Oh thank you sir, thank you sir, hail Caesar and everything, sir!
Home

 

[lost in a sea]

priest: are there any women here today ???

 

[TrichyTrichy]

 

[lost in a sea]

oh sir its only wafer thin

 

[trichrider]

what is life?

 

[resinryder]

Uh, ok.

 

[Weird]

monty python

if gypsy were here he would approve

signed,

the knights of kneet

 

[Weird]

Now go chop down the mightiest tree in the forest!

































WITH A HERRING

 

[Blueshark]

When danger lifts it's gruesome head, he boldly turned his tail and fled......

 

[Weird]

And here in Castle Anthrax, we have but one punishment for setting alight the grail-shaped beacon:

 

[purple_man]

knight1: "you givin up now?"
knight2: "no, i can still fight, i will spit in your eye and blind you!" MUHAHAHAHA

monthy python crew aka the kings of comedy...

 

[TheyCallMeJJay]

Coordinator: Crucifixion?
Prisoner: Yes.
Coordinator: Good. Out of the door, line on the left, one cross each.
[Next prisoner]
Coordinator: Crucifixion?
Mr. Cheeky: Er, no, freedom actually.
Coordinator: What?
Mr. Cheeky: Yeah, they said I hadn't done anything and I could go and live on an island somewhere.
Coordinator: Oh I say, that's very nice. Well, off you go then.
Mr. Cheeky: No, I'm just pulling your leg, it's crucifixion really.
Coordinator: [laughing] Oh yes, very good. Well...
Mr. Cheeky: Yes I know, out of the door, one cross each, line on the left

 

[TheyCallMeJJay]

Stan: It's every man's right to have babies if he wants them.

Reg: But you can't have babies.

Stan: Don't you oppress me.

Reg: Where's the fetus going to gestate? You going to keep it in a box?

 

[lost in a sea]

Sir Bedevere: What makes you think she's a witch?

Peasant 3: Well, she turned me into a newt!

Sir Bedevere: A newt?

Peasant 3: [meekly after a long pause] ... I got better.

Crowd: [shouts] Burn her anyway!

(post 13 is one of my favourite bits of LOB !! nice one )

 

[lost in a sea]

The Witch: I'm not a witch I'm not a witch!
Sir Bedevere: But you are dressed as one
The Witch: *They* dressed me up like this!
Crowd: We didn't! We didn't...
The Witch: And this isn't my nose. It's a false one.
Sir Bedevere: [lifts up her false nose] Well?
Peasant 1: Well, we did do the nose.
Sir Bedevere: The nose?
Peasant 1: And the hat, but she is a witch!
Crowd: Yeah! Burn her! Burn her!

 

[lost in a sea]

Woman: Oh. How do you do?
King Arthur: How do you do, good lady? I am Arthur, King of the Britons. Whose castle is that?
Woman: King of the who?
King Arthur: King of the Britons.
Woman: Who are the Britons?
King Arthur: Well, we all are. We are all Britons. And I am your king.
Woman: I didn't know we had a king. I thought we were an autonomous collective.
Dennis: You're foolin' yourself! We're living in a dictatorship. A self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working class...
Woman: Oh, there you go bringing class into it again.
Dennis: Well, that's what it's all about! If only people would...
King Arthur: Please, please, good people, I am in haste. Who lives in that castle?
Woman: No one lives there.
King Arthur: Then who is your lord?
Woman: We don't have a lord.
Dennis: I told you, we're an anarcho-syndicalist commune. We take it in turns to be a sort of executive officer for the week...
King Arthur: Yes...
Dennis: ...but all the decisions of that officer have to be ratified at a special bi-weekly meeting...
King Arthur: Yes I see...
Dennis: ...by a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs...
King Arthur: Be quiet!
Dennis: ...but by a two thirds majority in the case of...
King Arthur: Be quiet! I order you to be quiet!
Woman: Order, eh? Who does he think he is?

 

[lost in a sea]

French Soldier: I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.

 

[mrcreosote]

Monty Python's crowning achievement: *

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r-L3JMk7C1A

Dedicated to me Mum, a cross-hugging, double-dipped, 33rd degree Catholic who would laugh herself insensible when she saw this.

* Besides my minor bit, naturally.

 

[lost in a sea]

^^^^^^^^^^ BRILLIANT !!^^^^^^^^^^

Just remember that you're standing on a planet that's evolving
And revolving at nine hundred miles an hour,
That's orbiting at nineteen miles a second, so it's reckoned,
A sun that is the source of all our power.

The sun and you and me and all the stars that we can see
Are moving at a million miles a day
In an outer spiral arm, at forty thousand miles an hour,
Of the galaxy we call the 'Milky Way'.

Our galaxy itself contains a hundred billion stars.
It's a hundred thousand light years side to side.
It bulges in the middle, sixteen thousand light years thick,
But out by us, it's just three thousand light years wide.

We're thirty thousand light years from galactic central point.
We go 'round every two hundred million years,
And our galaxy is only one of millions of billions
In this amazing and expanding universe.

The universe itself keeps on expanding and expanding
In all of the directions it can whizz
As fast as it can go, at the speed of light, you know,
Twelve million miles a minute, and that's the fastest speed there is.

So remember, when you're feeling very small and insecure,
How amazingly unlikely is your birth,
And pray that there's intelligent life somewhere up in space,
'Cause there's bugger all down here on Earth.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NQu_RRLbVDA

"souls dont develop because people get distracted"