T
the_baked_chef
The 10(+X) commandments of secure growing
as they were deliverd by a lordish voice - written down and interpreted by a baked chef...
Last night whilst almost sleeping i fell asleep and the voice (a voice actually - as i hadn't introduced it before) of the lord - or what i considered to be the voice of the lord at this time of night ('t was already dark outside - well darkish at least) spoke to me out of nothing. NOTHING!
And so he said.
And "So" he said. "Listen closely to these commandments as those are my commandments for thee and those others over at the net."
So i lay there in aw and listend and it was whilst listening that i realized that the voice which i originally assumed belonging to the lord - it did actually belong to Janis Joplin.
Fair enough, i thought - why shouldn't he (HE) send someone that i truely admire and it was just for safety reasons that i interrupted her girlish talk of the one plant and a healthy symbiosis between good plants and good men (and women - at least that was what i assumed) to ask her for a Mercedes Benz.
This may seem unreasonable but you know.. my friends all drive porsche... so my Volvo ( an extremly safe car btw..) does suck a little in comparision - unfortunately she ignored me blabbering and started to dictate her 10(+X) commandmants to me.
1. Thou shalt not steal thy energy!
Well its pretty obvious that everybody simply hates to pay for stuff he or she didn't use. So chances are that every person or company whatsoever will eventually get suspicious and start investigate.
Considered the cannabis prices and the amount one will harvest i find the costs for the energy to grow the stuff pretty much neglectable. Just pay it.
2. Thou shalt not vent thy air unfiltered!
It may come as a surprise for most readers but cannabis has a quite distinct odor so that people will smell you out faster than you can say carbon scrubber.
So don't hesitate get a decent sized carbon scrubber - or built one there are tutorials enough...
3. Thou shalt not let thy hydrosystem flood thy growroom!
Faced with water coming through the ceiling of their appartements most people will tend to phone their landlords or directly the fire department - which will send some guys to break down your door and seal the potential water leak...
One may consider the use of pond liner or similar stuff so that in the case of a broken fitting your expensive nutrients won't flood the appartment of your neighbors.
4. Thou shalt not grow next to thy neighbors bedroom!
Almost every decent sized grow will use some fans, ventilation, pumps or magnetic lamps that tend to make some noise. Though that noise may seem harmless during the day in the night our senses get sharper so that we are able to perceive noise that we wouldn't notice during the day (e.g. the voice of janis joplin from inside your head). Most people react pretty offended to any noise disturbing their well earned night rest...
Check out where your neighbors sleep and don't use the adjoining rooms for your grows.
5. Thou shalt not brag about thy grow!
Oh come on! Not even a little? To my best friends? To my brothers?
NO!
I will put it down pretty simple so that everybody will get it:
If you can't keep your own secrets how can you expect your friends/family to keep them? Chances are you can't.
The problem is that with every person knowing of your ongoing grow the danger rises exponentially [e.g. you tell it to your brother, who tells it to his girlfriend (to fill the empty silence after sex), who tells it to her best friend (to brag with her wild and dangerous friends) - so within 2 day a minimum of 3 people know about your grow. This give you 2x2x2 times --> 8! times higher chances of getting busted]
Just shut your mouth. Nowbody mhas to know of your grow. You will be the one who has to face the consequences of any illegal activities - not your friend, not your brother - don't forget that.
5. Thou shalt not deal!
Don't get me wrong i like making some cash out of water, some seed and a lot of dirt as much as the next guy and i don't find dealing cannabis ethically wrong at all, but it posts a severe risk for your security. It's essentially the same as above. The more people know your growing the worse of you are.
However, considering the fact that you aren't a close friend or relative to any of your aquaintances they are more than likely to give your name and phone nummer to the police when facing any kind of trouble...
To avoid that risk, don't sell your stuff. Don't hand it out for free neither. I know that the overgrow movement will probably not like that but a guy who gives away loads of cannabis for free could also tattoo GROWER! straight down on his face...
6. Thou shalt keep away from any other illegal activities.
Consider the following. You build a stealth growroom and talk with nobody about it and all is well until the police knocks your door down because of illegal downloading files (this may actually happen in some countries) or not paying alimony to your wife and kids...
Whilst growing you are in acut danger so you should behave as correct a an old nazi in argentina during the 70s.
Also you might not want to piss of your neighbors or anybody else. Be the most friendly possible. Hand out free cake - everybody loves free cake. Just be Mr. Nice (if you actually are Mr.Nice i wouldn't say no to some freebies ^^)
7. Thou shalt not make nor post pictures of thy grow.
Obviously sharing pictures and information is a big part of our community here but you should always consider the risk of doing so.
If you feel the strong need to post your report i advice to post it after the grow is harvested and the growroom is torn down.
Anyway you should always use programms to delete any additional information that the pictures may carry (e.g. irfanview does the job) and disguise your ip (e.g. with tor or perfect-privacy or others). Furthermore you should always encrypt all your harddrives at any computer you use (e.g. using truecrypt and a long enough password).
This all may seem inconvenient but you will be glad you did it once the cops come knocking.
One last thing. Whenever you take pictures, you will need a picture-taking device. It makes no difference wheter this is your camera or your Iphone - both tend to get stolen and both will be taken by the police to search through for evidence. Simply erasing a picture after taking it is by no means enough...
8.Thou shalt not grow after a breakup!
Any break will leave your partner with moments of regret and maybe even hatred. These are bad emotions for someone knowing of your grow. Stop growing for as long as it needs for him or her to forget you.
Be nice about your breakup - you may have more to loose than a beloved partner.
9. Thou shalt not use ballasts that cause interferences!
Some ballasts do transmit signals that can disturb your neighbors radio, tv, w-lan or navigation systems. You should check for those disturbances.
Just start your pc, radio, tv and mobile phone in the room next to your growroom. If you notice no interferences your probably okay.
10. Thou shalt not give away thy real name or address online!
This is more important than many might think. Consider me and Scrubninja. I claim to live in the netherland and Scrubninja seems to live down under. Chances are that we both are neighbors in a small city in next to Santa Fe - who knows we might even be the Olson twins - Jesus we probably are the olson twins.
Gosh i rather would have been Reese Witherspoon - no better! I wish i would be with Reese Witherspoon.. and Jennifer Aniston .. and Sawyer... good times.... gooooood times...
11. Thou shalt not vent thy exhaust air out your window!
Well why the hell wouldn't i want to do that? Because of infra_red cameras. No normal person vents warm air to the outside especially not in the winter. So every mediocre intelligent cop with an infra_red camera will get highly suspicious if he sees a giant red flag flowting out of your windows.
You could simply vent out your roof (it would look like a fire place - or something), down the sewers (if thats an option), or use the air to warm your livingroom (might need some dehumidifier though) or just use a closed system.
12. Thou shalt not grow illegal - unless you have to!
I strongly advice that if there is any possible way for you to grow legal - you just do that.
In any case you should inform yourself about your countries cannabis-related punishments and keep your grow as harmless as possible (i.e. if the number of plants plays a role -> grow trees | if the amount of plant material plays role grow sog-style - just go the least harmful way). You also should think your personal worst case scenario through. How do you have to react when the police comes knocking? What is the number of a good lawyer? Its inconvenient to search such information but it will be much more inconvenient once you find yourself in a high stress situation.
13. Thou shalt not commit bad wiring!
Bad wiring is a serious fire hazard and almost everybody will probably have read of some grower or another that burned downthe whole house. Fires caused by malfunctioning electronics may even cause your life so inform yourself about relais, fuses and fire alarms. If all that stays chinese for you, just buy some plug'n'play stuff. Will be one of those occasion where spending more is actually spending less.
Always use firealarms though...
14. Thou shalt not take openly part in the cannabis culture!
About 10years ago i had some long and thick dreadlocks. During that time i got pulled over by the police about once or twice per month. After cutting my hair back and wearing it in an socially accepted fashion this happend not once. Policeofficers look for clues if someone could use or grow cannabis and if a widly grinning rasta cloaked in a red, green, yellow flag comes along, they are almost sure to control him. If this happens to you whilst you are under the influence or carrying cannabis with you they will have reasons enough to visit your home and you obviously wouldn't want that. Now i love reggae, i love jamaican-ish culture and i like all the fancy bongs, funky pipes and spacy vaporizers just as much as you, but i do not display that openly because that would put any ongoing grow in a serious risk.
15. Thou shalt not ignore thy children - nor the children of thy children.
Well obviously most children will not like being ignored anyways but if you are growing they will need some advanced attention. Children as such (especially the small one - no screw that - children as such)will have hard times judging the serious negative consequences that your "hobby" may have for you and if they know about it they will be likely to tell their friends about their cool dad, mum, uncle, grandma...
You also may want to assure that they call no unwanted attention to your grow location. Secure your telephone - they might randomly dial 911 or other panic numbers and teach them to respect the (real) law otherwise you might find your child being escorted home by a bunch of policemans for smaller thievery or other stupid crimes...
It surely is an appealling scenario: sitting with your teenage offspring in your garden, (re-)connecting and talking about the world and shit while smoking some of the good stuff - nevertheless... seriously dangerous behavior as they will tell their friends about the source of their cheap but ultra high quality weed...
Last but most important...electricity and even the ultra bright light emitted by some types of lamps may harm any child entering the growroom unsupervised - i would therefore consider a growing location apart from where your children are living...
16. Thou shalt not ignore any reasons for others to enter thy growing area!
Remeber! we are not talking about "Lost"-Others but "other"-others. You obviously may want the "Lost"-others to enter your growroom... they are always so tense - they need to relax... wait i'll turn on some Hurley tunes...
It may come handy to sit down an think about "other"-others that have reasonable interests to enter your growarea. Does your landlord plan to renovate his house? Will the desaster in japan cause him to install alternative sources of energy at "your" place? Do you have any "fire"- or whatsoever alarm that might trigger an autmatic reponse of the police or the fire department? When and which rooms will the cable guy have to enter? The chimney sweeper? Will there be someone to control the heating? Will there be regular checks by the pest control (seriously where are you living dude... or is it for the gnats? You don't have to call pest control for that - would be a funny buisness though...Grow room pest control - we even kill your mildew and fungus
) )
It would be best to set up your grow in a location that only you has reason to enter - ever...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Well, for most people this 10 commandments will be pretty obvious but i would be glad i someone would share more potential risk factors and how they can be avoided so that we can get a list that is nearly complete
Even more obvious most people will break one or more of these holy commandments (isn't that always the case) - just consider that your chances to get busted rise with every commandment you break (you are never perfectly safe though - randomness strikes random).
as they were deliverd by a lordish voice - written down and interpreted by a baked chef...
Last night whilst almost sleeping i fell asleep and the voice (a voice actually - as i hadn't introduced it before) of the lord - or what i considered to be the voice of the lord at this time of night ('t was already dark outside - well darkish at least) spoke to me out of nothing. NOTHING!
And so he said.
And "So" he said. "Listen closely to these commandments as those are my commandments for thee and those others over at the net."
So i lay there in aw and listend and it was whilst listening that i realized that the voice which i originally assumed belonging to the lord - it did actually belong to Janis Joplin.
Fair enough, i thought - why shouldn't he (HE) send someone that i truely admire and it was just for safety reasons that i interrupted her girlish talk of the one plant and a healthy symbiosis between good plants and good men (and women - at least that was what i assumed) to ask her for a Mercedes Benz.
This may seem unreasonable but you know.. my friends all drive porsche... so my Volvo ( an extremly safe car btw..) does suck a little in comparision - unfortunately she ignored me blabbering and started to dictate her 10(+X) commandmants to me.
1. Thou shalt not steal thy energy!
Well its pretty obvious that everybody simply hates to pay for stuff he or she didn't use. So chances are that every person or company whatsoever will eventually get suspicious and start investigate.
Considered the cannabis prices and the amount one will harvest i find the costs for the energy to grow the stuff pretty much neglectable. Just pay it.
2. Thou shalt not vent thy air unfiltered!
It may come as a surprise for most readers but cannabis has a quite distinct odor so that people will smell you out faster than you can say carbon scrubber.
So don't hesitate get a decent sized carbon scrubber - or built one there are tutorials enough...
3. Thou shalt not let thy hydrosystem flood thy growroom!
Faced with water coming through the ceiling of their appartements most people will tend to phone their landlords or directly the fire department - which will send some guys to break down your door and seal the potential water leak...
One may consider the use of pond liner or similar stuff so that in the case of a broken fitting your expensive nutrients won't flood the appartment of your neighbors.
4. Thou shalt not grow next to thy neighbors bedroom!
Almost every decent sized grow will use some fans, ventilation, pumps or magnetic lamps that tend to make some noise. Though that noise may seem harmless during the day in the night our senses get sharper so that we are able to perceive noise that we wouldn't notice during the day (e.g. the voice of janis joplin from inside your head). Most people react pretty offended to any noise disturbing their well earned night rest...
Check out where your neighbors sleep and don't use the adjoining rooms for your grows.
5. Thou shalt not brag about thy grow!
Oh come on! Not even a little? To my best friends? To my brothers?
NO!
I will put it down pretty simple so that everybody will get it:
If you can't keep your own secrets how can you expect your friends/family to keep them? Chances are you can't.
The problem is that with every person knowing of your ongoing grow the danger rises exponentially [e.g. you tell it to your brother, who tells it to his girlfriend (to fill the empty silence after sex), who tells it to her best friend (to brag with her wild and dangerous friends) - so within 2 day a minimum of 3 people know about your grow. This give you 2x2x2 times --> 8! times higher chances of getting busted]
Just shut your mouth. Nowbody mhas to know of your grow. You will be the one who has to face the consequences of any illegal activities - not your friend, not your brother - don't forget that.
5. Thou shalt not deal!
Don't get me wrong i like making some cash out of water, some seed and a lot of dirt as much as the next guy and i don't find dealing cannabis ethically wrong at all, but it posts a severe risk for your security. It's essentially the same as above. The more people know your growing the worse of you are.
However, considering the fact that you aren't a close friend or relative to any of your aquaintances they are more than likely to give your name and phone nummer to the police when facing any kind of trouble...
To avoid that risk, don't sell your stuff. Don't hand it out for free neither. I know that the overgrow movement will probably not like that but a guy who gives away loads of cannabis for free could also tattoo GROWER! straight down on his face...
6. Thou shalt keep away from any other illegal activities.
Consider the following. You build a stealth growroom and talk with nobody about it and all is well until the police knocks your door down because of illegal downloading files (this may actually happen in some countries) or not paying alimony to your wife and kids...
Whilst growing you are in acut danger so you should behave as correct a an old nazi in argentina during the 70s.
Also you might not want to piss of your neighbors or anybody else. Be the most friendly possible. Hand out free cake - everybody loves free cake. Just be Mr. Nice (if you actually are Mr.Nice i wouldn't say no to some freebies ^^)
7. Thou shalt not make nor post pictures of thy grow.
Obviously sharing pictures and information is a big part of our community here but you should always consider the risk of doing so.
If you feel the strong need to post your report i advice to post it after the grow is harvested and the growroom is torn down.
Anyway you should always use programms to delete any additional information that the pictures may carry (e.g. irfanview does the job) and disguise your ip (e.g. with tor or perfect-privacy or others). Furthermore you should always encrypt all your harddrives at any computer you use (e.g. using truecrypt and a long enough password).
This all may seem inconvenient but you will be glad you did it once the cops come knocking.
One last thing. Whenever you take pictures, you will need a picture-taking device. It makes no difference wheter this is your camera or your Iphone - both tend to get stolen and both will be taken by the police to search through for evidence. Simply erasing a picture after taking it is by no means enough...
8.Thou shalt not grow after a breakup!
Any break will leave your partner with moments of regret and maybe even hatred. These are bad emotions for someone knowing of your grow. Stop growing for as long as it needs for him or her to forget you.
Be nice about your breakup - you may have more to loose than a beloved partner.
9. Thou shalt not use ballasts that cause interferences!
Some ballasts do transmit signals that can disturb your neighbors radio, tv, w-lan or navigation systems. You should check for those disturbances.
Just start your pc, radio, tv and mobile phone in the room next to your growroom. If you notice no interferences your probably okay.
10. Thou shalt not give away thy real name or address online!
This is more important than many might think. Consider me and Scrubninja. I claim to live in the netherland and Scrubninja seems to live down under. Chances are that we both are neighbors in a small city in next to Santa Fe - who knows we might even be the Olson twins - Jesus we probably are the olson twins.
Gosh i rather would have been Reese Witherspoon - no better! I wish i would be with Reese Witherspoon.. and Jennifer Aniston .. and Sawyer... good times.... gooooood times...
11. Thou shalt not vent thy exhaust air out your window!
Well why the hell wouldn't i want to do that? Because of infra_red cameras. No normal person vents warm air to the outside especially not in the winter. So every mediocre intelligent cop with an infra_red camera will get highly suspicious if he sees a giant red flag flowting out of your windows.
You could simply vent out your roof (it would look like a fire place - or something), down the sewers (if thats an option), or use the air to warm your livingroom (might need some dehumidifier though) or just use a closed system.
12. Thou shalt not grow illegal - unless you have to!
I strongly advice that if there is any possible way for you to grow legal - you just do that.
In any case you should inform yourself about your countries cannabis-related punishments and keep your grow as harmless as possible (i.e. if the number of plants plays a role -> grow trees | if the amount of plant material plays role grow sog-style - just go the least harmful way). You also should think your personal worst case scenario through. How do you have to react when the police comes knocking? What is the number of a good lawyer? Its inconvenient to search such information but it will be much more inconvenient once you find yourself in a high stress situation.
13. Thou shalt not commit bad wiring!
Bad wiring is a serious fire hazard and almost everybody will probably have read of some grower or another that burned downthe whole house. Fires caused by malfunctioning electronics may even cause your life so inform yourself about relais, fuses and fire alarms. If all that stays chinese for you, just buy some plug'n'play stuff. Will be one of those occasion where spending more is actually spending less.
Always use firealarms though...
14. Thou shalt not take openly part in the cannabis culture!
About 10years ago i had some long and thick dreadlocks. During that time i got pulled over by the police about once or twice per month. After cutting my hair back and wearing it in an socially accepted fashion this happend not once. Policeofficers look for clues if someone could use or grow cannabis and if a widly grinning rasta cloaked in a red, green, yellow flag comes along, they are almost sure to control him. If this happens to you whilst you are under the influence or carrying cannabis with you they will have reasons enough to visit your home and you obviously wouldn't want that. Now i love reggae, i love jamaican-ish culture and i like all the fancy bongs, funky pipes and spacy vaporizers just as much as you, but i do not display that openly because that would put any ongoing grow in a serious risk.
15. Thou shalt not ignore thy children - nor the children of thy children.
Well obviously most children will not like being ignored anyways but if you are growing they will need some advanced attention. Children as such (especially the small one - no screw that - children as such)will have hard times judging the serious negative consequences that your "hobby" may have for you and if they know about it they will be likely to tell their friends about their cool dad, mum, uncle, grandma...
You also may want to assure that they call no unwanted attention to your grow location. Secure your telephone - they might randomly dial 911 or other panic numbers and teach them to respect the (real) law otherwise you might find your child being escorted home by a bunch of policemans for smaller thievery or other stupid crimes...
It surely is an appealling scenario: sitting with your teenage offspring in your garden, (re-)connecting and talking about the world and shit while smoking some of the good stuff - nevertheless... seriously dangerous behavior as they will tell their friends about the source of their cheap but ultra high quality weed...
Last but most important...electricity and even the ultra bright light emitted by some types of lamps may harm any child entering the growroom unsupervised - i would therefore consider a growing location apart from where your children are living...
16. Thou shalt not ignore any reasons for others to enter thy growing area!
Remeber! we are not talking about "Lost"-Others but "other"-others. You obviously may want the "Lost"-others to enter your growroom... they are always so tense - they need to relax... wait i'll turn on some Hurley tunes...
It may come handy to sit down an think about "other"-others that have reasonable interests to enter your growarea. Does your landlord plan to renovate his house? Will the desaster in japan cause him to install alternative sources of energy at "your" place? Do you have any "fire"- or whatsoever alarm that might trigger an autmatic reponse of the police or the fire department? When and which rooms will the cable guy have to enter? The chimney sweeper? Will there be someone to control the heating? Will there be regular checks by the pest control (seriously where are you living dude... or is it for the gnats? You don't have to call pest control for that - would be a funny buisness though...Grow room pest control - we even kill your mildew and fungus
) )It would be best to set up your grow in a location that only you has reason to enter - ever...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Well, for most people this 10 commandments will be pretty obvious but i would be glad i someone would share more potential risk factors and how they can be avoided so that we can get a list that is nearly complete
Even more obvious most people will break one or more of these holy commandments (isn't that always the case) - just consider that your chances to get busted rise with every commandment you break (you are never perfectly safe though - randomness strikes random).
