Applying for SSDI for bipolar... and wondering.

[PondeLftHndSide]

So I'm finally applying for Social Security for my bipolar. Even in the Great Cali Weed Gold Rush, I couldn't keep it together enough to make a living. The growing part wasn't the problem, that I can deal with, one look at my galleries will attest to that - it was all the life happening around it. Have to pay the bills on time. Have to deal with the people at the club, my patients, the landlord. Have to keep track of every little fucking thing myself. Too much. Just too much.

My psychiatrist tried dozens of different medications on me in various combinations over the course of several years, and none of them worked, they all made things worse or created new problems. He finally told me straight up "there's nothing else I can do for you". So for the past three years, I've been using strictly cannabis to control my symptoms. Cannabis, diet, exercise and regular sleep. I haven't been to the hospital or tried to off myself this whole time, so I'd say it's working pretty well considering.

So the Social Security Administration is sending me to a doctor for an exam. I'm still not sure how I should deal with the subject of my cannabis use. I've had a doctor's recommendation here in California for the past ten years. And I welcome the opportunity to discuss my therapeutic cannabis use with a doctor, I have no reservations whatsoever about it. But this is Social Security - them's federal. They might not look too kindly upon a dope smoker, even if a doctor told him it was okay.

Anyone knowledgeable about the process have any advice?

 

[DoobieDuck]

Pond I'm sorry to hear about your health issues. The Social Security Doc/Cannabis issue, I haven't heard of how anyone else has delt with this issue. I hope someone with experience will chime in for you.

I have gone through the SSI Disability system all the way to a court hearing and being awarded mine in the end. It's at least a two year ordeal. I had real issues with "The SSI" doctor. I had to go to him and get his opinion, that is necessary. He saw me for only 30 minutes if not less. He asked very few questions, he gave me what I would consider a quickie exam. Nothing that would provide him anything to correctly diagnose my health issues or current condition.

SSI then denied my claim and I appealed it. His report astounded me. It contained no information from the exam he gave me. Only the facts he obtained from my past history and only those facts that would help the goverment deny my claim.
This system is not fair at all, period! It doesn't seem right when a doctor that has never seen you before in his life, makes a decision this important, in a half hour, that can affect the rest of your life. Mine was a very biased report. Even though I had several physicians and neuro surgeons that had all seen me for 8 years or more, agreed in writing I was completely disabled , he saw it otherwise and did not report this part of their findings in his document.

I caution you, I would not report your use to him if I were you, although he might obtain that from a piss or blood test. They will use anything to deny your claim for part of the money back you paid in all your life. Good luck...DD

 

[420247]

With a mental illness your in... You got it... Be careful... Tell them what they want to hear... Have a history... 5150's are very good in this case... Your building a case... Get as many meds as possible from your doctor and act like your taking them... Uncontrollable anger issues help (show powerful up's and down's)... Show the reasons you cannot work.... Do not talk about pot...

 

[420247]

Oh!!! If you have a famly member or somebody you trust living with you, then also look into IHSS after you get the SSDI... The hours IHSS gives depends on how little you can do for yourself... the less you can do, the more you get


The system has many flaws... Its up to you... Do you fuck the system... Or be good and watch everybody else do it...

 

[PondeLftHndSide]

Thanks for the input, DD and 420247. Much appreciated.

The medication issue... people have told me that if I'm not taking any medication that might hurt my chances. The reasons I'm not taking them have been well documented by my last psychiatrist. He tried me on all the classes of meds that purportedly work for ultrarapid cycling bipolar, and none of them worked. I spent more time out of work on CA state disability for side effects from medications than I ever did from my non-medicated symptoms. In fact, that was the reason every one of the six times I went on CA SDI while I was still employed. Tegretol made me extremely prone to infections. Effexor put me out of commission for 6 months. Risperdal put me out for 4 months. Abilify put me out for 2 months. All documented.

I have an extremely sensitive head and extremely rapid cycles. That was one of the challenges my doctor faced - he said successful treatment was like 'turning the Queen Mary'. Slow and deliberate, not quick and jerky. But my cycles are quick and jerky by default, and anything he threw at them just made them infinitely more complex and harder for me to deal with. These medications cause wholesale shifts in one's constitution. I experienced side effects so strange and troubling that to this day I cannot properly put into words. For instance, Effexor made my internal voice, the 'voice' of my thoughts, slur like a drunk for 6 months. When I tried to think, my inner voice was constantly on a fistful of downs. My doctor didn't believe me when I told him about it, "that's not a listed side effect", until I broke down crying in his office telling him I was dead fucking serious. I lost a month of my life to Effexor - experienced extremes of mania and depression like no other time in my life. I don't remember an entire month, but I do remember being in all sorts of shit at the end of it. Like finding myself in a 20 foot pit with a shovel in my hand, and thinking "shit, I don't remember doing any digging". I know my penis went to some dark, dark places in that month. I think I'm glad I can't remember.

Without mood stabilizers, antipsychotics, antidepresants, I still cycle on a daily basis, but I know what's coming, I know what it feels like, I know what it does to me, I know how to deal with it and I know how to let others know what's going on with me. I know how to stay out of trouble now. I just can't honestly tell an employer that I will be there every day at the same time, ready and able to do my job. Or that I won't be constantly distracted wanting to fuck every mildly attractive female in the office. That would be a bald-faced lie. Some days, I can't even feed myself. I'll just look at food and wish I had the energy to eat it. And other days I need to stay in and play the drums for hours or I'll go out looking for strange. But at this point in the game, I know how to deal with, control and contain it much, much better than I did when I was part of the work force.

When I had a straight job, I used to wake up horribly depressed, spend 2 hours getting myself psyched enough to go out the door, usually late by this point, then end up going full-blown manic in rush hour traffic and experience intense road rage. There were days when I would end up doing 100MPH on the shoulder, yelling and screaming, running red lights, punching the steering wheel in frustration, laying on the horn, in order to get to work on time. I injured my hand punching the steering wheel more than once. Then when I'd make it to the parking lot, I'd break down sobbing because the reality of how I had just behaved would hit me. Knowing that I could have hurt and/or killed someone. And that the same thing would probably happen the next day. I came close to killing myself in the parking lot at work more than one. One time I beat the shit out of my car with the trucks of my skateboard, right in front of some coworkers. I can't go back to that.

I have never felt this powerless in my life. I tried to make a living as a med grower, but I refused to grow anything that, for me, was not medicinal. Looking back, maybe I should have just thrown some flow trays of mersh garbage under my lights and vomited it up into the status quo rather than insisting upon trying to craft something special. I believe I succeeded admirably in that regard, but the market did not. At one point I was growing for six patients, but our collective garden just wasn't sustainable financially. I only have one strain that finishes in 60 days, some go well past 14 weeks, and as a daily user I need variety to maintain effectiveness. I need 1KW going just to supply my own needs. I go through more meds myself than all six of my fellow patients combined. And the clubs weren't at all interested in my product until I was just too broke to possibly continue. Now they want it, but I can't even afford to run a 400 for 3 months at this point, let alone my whole room. At least I still have my selections, hopefully I can afford to grow them for myself again soon.

Fuck it, I'm going to vape some Super Jack QWISO and try to level out...

 

[420247]

I have never felt this powerless in my life. I tried to make a living as a med grower, but I refused to grow anything that, for me, was not medicinal. Looking back, maybe I should have just thrown some flow trays of mersh garbage under my lights and vomited it up into the status quo rather than insisting upon trying to craft something special. I believe I succeeded admirably in that regard, but the market did not. At one point I was growing for six patients, but our collective garden just wasn't sustainable financially. I only have one strain that finishes in 60 days, some go well past 14 weeks, and as a daily user I need variety to maintain effectiveness. I need 1KW going just to supply my own needs. I go through more meds myself than all six of my fellow patients combined. And the clubs weren't at all interested in my product until I was just too broke to possibly continue. Now they want it, but I can't even afford to run a 400 for 3 months at this point, let alone my whole room. At least I still have my selections, hopefully I can afford to grow them for myself again soon.

This might sound harsh... But real life is harsh sometimes

Most artists starve...

A collective grow is not just what you want... Thats why its a collective grow, and not your grow, if you have 6 other people, you can have 1/7th as your grow... Its very easy to build a following of loyal patients if you know what your doing and not trying to rape($$$) them

What other plant can you harvest every 2 to 3 months indoors, all year, and get over $1000 a lb. and still say your non-profit?

 

[PondeLftHndSide]

The reason I had the patients I did was because they also preferred what I grow. I wasn't forcing my will upon them by only giving them what I liked, on the contrary. I have a hardcore crew of connoisseurs. Several of them would only smoke what I grew, period. It's the rare and exotic Sats that turn them on the most, just like me. It's just that none of them need as much of it as I do, and their financial contributions to the collective weren't enough to keep it sustainable. And none of them are in a position to help me any more than they already have. Combine that with my long-flowering plants, and it gets tougher and tougher to simply break even. I increased the scale of my grow in an effort to simply become sustainable, not to make a bunch of money. But it cost a whole hell of a lot to get there. Constantly eating its own tail.

It managed to finance itself up to the point that it was humming along quite nicely, then BOOM!, mites wipe out well over half my harvest. Then BOOM!, I get PM from a cut i neglected to quarantine, spreads everywhere, lost 3 of my best mothers and another half a crop. Multiple teardowns, redesigns, rebuilds. Got it under control, but not in time. The last cycle managed to just pay for itself but left me with no funds to continue.

And when I'd end up with a surplus - enough in the jars for myself, all of my patients taken care of - and then try to get some cost recovery at a club... ugh. Some of the most humiliating experiences of my professional life. Taking 2 pounds of assorted Sativas from club to club, only my best stuff, representing months of hard work, careful selection and of course expenses. Knowing full well that what I have to offer is absolute top-shelf, and able to provide a full genetic pedigree, photos, samples. Then hearing things like "What the fuck is Malawi? I've never heard of it". One guy looked at a jar, didn't bother to even open it, said simply "no", then had the security guard show me the door. Another threw me an offer so low as to be insulting. $100/oz for something that took 15 weeks under HPS and Halide and 8 weeks in the curing process. Because it looked "brown" and "wasn't dense enough". I got a bit indignant... "Dude, that's golden, not brown. That's from the 21 day flush. Yeah, the flowers have a running structure, but it's almost 60% equatorial Sativa, and those individual foxtails are dense and resinous. This plant was selected specifically for the incense and tropical aromas and for the extremely expansive high, not the structure. Break out a scope and check out the resins. Fuck it, take this branch, give some to everyone who works here to sample, and then try to tell me this is worth less than last year's outdoor". He just looked at me strange, then declined.

My last crop was 1973 Highland Guerrero x Blueberry, and it was amongst the best I've ever grown. My patients went nuts for it. And I brought a small sample into a club I hadn't visited before, not to vend, just to share. Traded for a 8th of their house stuff. They loved it (especially the older guys), and after sampling a few more of my offerings said they've been looking for legit Sativas and I could vend there anytime. Unfortunately, by then I had already reached the point of not being able to continue. At least I have a foot in a door if I can get things started again. But I don't think I'm cut out for running a big show anymore. If I could grow outdoors this wouldn't even be an issue.

I have never been more proud of what I do than when I successfully produce a crop of cannabis that completely exceeds my expectations. I've also never had my hard work and dedication shit upon in a more tangible and hurtful way than by trying to market these herbs in the current market. Having the guys at that club actually appreciate what I do was amazingly affirming. They treat me like a rock star in that place now.

Still, I wish I could go back and just throw some 8 weekers in a flow tray and collect a few paychecks. I'd probably be in a much different boat now, and able to grow what I like as well. Fucking scruples...

 

[Painfull]

Most people get denied 2 times, mine was 4 times till i got a lawyer and won the case. It took over 2 years and i lost most of my savings.
Be wise don't say anything about pot use, but go in with all your doctors info and presciption list. Don't be disappointed if you lose. If so, seek a good disability lawyer.

Good luck,
Painfull

 

[420247]

The reason I had the patients I did was because they also preferred what I grow. I wasn't forcing my will upon them by only giving them what I liked, on the contrary. I have a hardcore crew of connoisseurs. Several of them would only smoke what I grew, period. It's the rare and exotic Sats that turn them on the most, just like me. It's just that none of them need as much of it as I do, and their financial contributions to the collective weren't enough to keep it sustainable. And none of them are in a position to help me any more than they already have. Combine that with my long-flowering plants, and it gets tougher and tougher to simply break even. I increased the scale of my grow in an effort to simply become sustainable, not to make a bunch of money. But it cost a whole hell of a lot to get there. Constantly eating its own tail.

It managed to finance itself up to the point that it was humming along quite nicely, then BOOM!, mites wipe out well over half my harvest. Then BOOM!, I get PM from a cut i neglected to quarantine, spreads everywhere, lost 3 of my best mothers and another half a crop. Multiple teardowns, redesigns, rebuilds. Got it under control, but not in time. The last cycle managed to just pay for itself but left me with no funds to continue.

And when I'd end up with a surplus - enough in the jars for myself, all of my patients taken care of - and then try to get some cost recovery at a club... ugh. Some of the most humiliating experiences of my professional life. Taking 2 pounds of assorted Sativas from club to club, only my best stuff, representing months of hard work, careful selection and of course expenses. Knowing full well that what I have to offer is absolute top-shelf, and able to provide a full genetic pedigree, photos, samples. Then hearing things like "What the fuck is Malawi? I've never heard of it". One guy looked at a jar, didn't bother to even open it, said simply "no", then had the security guard show me the door. Another threw me an offer so low as to be insulting. $100/oz for something that took 15 weeks under HPS and Halide and 8 weeks in the curing process. Because it looked "brown" and "wasn't dense enough". I got a bit indignant... "Dude, that's golden, not brown. That's from the 21 day flush. Yeah, the flowers have a running structure, but it's almost 60% equatorial Sativa, and those individual foxtails are dense and resinous. This plant was selected specifically for the incense and tropical aromas and for the extremely expansive high, not the structure. Break out a scope and check out the resins. Fuck it, take this branch, give some to everyone who works here to sample, and then try to tell me this is worth less than last year's outdoor". He just looked at me strange, then declined.

My last crop was 1973 Highland Guerrero x Blueberry, and it was amongst the best I've ever grown. My patients went nuts for it. And I brought a small sample into a club I hadn't visited before, not to vend, just to share. Traded for a 8th of their house stuff. They loved it (especially the older guys), and after sampling a few more of my offerings said they've been looking for legit Sativas and I could vend there anytime. Unfortunately, by then I had already reached the point of not being able to continue. At least I have a foot in a door if I can get things started again. But I don't think I'm cut out for running a big show anymore. If I could grow outdoors this wouldn't even be an issue.

I have never been more proud of what I do than when I successfully produce a crop of cannabis that completely exceeds my expectations. I've also never had my hard work and dedication shit upon in a more tangible and hurtful way than by trying to market these herbs in the current market. Having the guys at that club actually appreciate what I do was amazingly affirming. They treat me like a rock star in that place now.

Still, I wish I could go back and just throw some 8 weekers in a flow tray and collect a few paychecks. I'd probably be in a much different boat now, and able to grow what I like as well. Fucking scruples...

I'm sorry if it seems my replys are short... I dont like to type much... I peck at it a bit LOL

Then you cant grow for those people... They have to put something in... Help vend and be aggressive to get top $... Something! Otherwise its not a collective... Its your grow and your giving everything away... Thats very nice but like you said, not sustainable... Go small and focus on yourself... If money comes, your grow can grow...

Most people in California have never heard of Chimera, icmag, or any of that stuff... Most have no idea of the clones they grow... They just know they want the big $$$ kush... You've been to these clubs, you must have waited to talk to a "budtender" at sometime, what do you think of the crap these people say? Do you want them to talk about your flowers like that?

Go to a busy dispensary and just watch and listen... Let the older people go in front of you, so they dont have to stand in line so long... Just watch and listen...

Vending your flowers at one of these places would be like selling diamonds at the gas station

 

[crazybear]

Get all your medical records from all your doctors! Fill out the form on line or mail it in, then when you get the forms from social security, don't hold back, lay it on the line about how F**KED your life is, that you can't do any job!
I agree with every one else do not tell them you use canabis! Just my two cents!
I got ssdi in 5 months!

 

[PondeLftHndSide]

420247 - In total agreement. The story of my stab at small-scale medical gardening is a long and twisted one. I had a financial backer/roommate for a while who was also one of the patients I mentioned. At one point I needed a place to live but was flat broke, and he freaked out so hard over some Thai Haze x Skunk I grew that he offered to rent a space where I could get back to work. So I dove in head first and started cracking seeds. We both had the naive but honest belief that if we provided top-quality product that was completely different than other stuff on the market we could get a premium for it. I was having tremendous luck finding great plant after great plant in the seeds I was searching, and our small circle of patients was extremely happy with the results. But the club buyers didn't want it, or if they did it was for bottom dollar. That cost recovery was pretty much the basis of our plan, and we just didn't understand the market. I never wanted to sell it anyway, I just wanted to grow it. I kind of thought my partner was going to take care of the business side, that was the plan anyway. I told him up front I couldn't handle that side of it. But after two years, aside from putting up the cash (which was much appreciated) and getting us a couple new patients, he contributed nothing. If anything he made things exponentially more difficult. I could go on for hours with outrageous security breach stories.


Crazybear - I haven't been to see my last psychiatrist in almost 4 years. I called him and asked for my records yesterday and his girl told me the SSA would contact him if they needed anything. She wasn't too keen on offering any assistance, maybe because I haven't thrown them any money in years. I still want my records...

I was painfully honest on the daily function report. No mention whatsoever of herb or anything to do with it. But I really laid it all down. I've had a lot of time to really reflect on why I had such a difficult time being part of the work force. The commute is a major factor - the only way I can avoid road rage is by not driving certain routes certain times of day, and by never being in a hurry. Basically I don't drive much at all anymore.

The sex drive is another major, major factor. I can control my behavior much better now, but I absolutely cannot control the rush of hormones, the racing imagery and thoughts, the internal machinations that I experience when I'm around women at certain points in my cycle. It can get to be quite literally torturous. I used to share a cubicle with a very attractive girl at my last desk job, and some days I would just weep with frustration because even though my intellect wanted to concentrate on work, my subconscious wanted up in that ass real fucking bad at all times, and I could not get it out of my head no matter how hard I tried. It's like losing control of my higher thought faculties to some very basic grunting/thrusting energy that wants to punch holes in brick walls, glass windows, random cervixes, my frontal cortex, anything in its way. My resolve to stop it is no match whatsoever for a tight skirt. Sometimes I'll have to quit grocery shopping midway and get the fuck out of there as fast as i can, too many distractions, can't fucking think. My head gets flooded with all sorts of memories of the crazy sex I've had like HD movies in my head. So I don't shop in the neighborhood where the hot chicks live, I drive to the stores where the welfare moms shop in sweats at like 10AM.

I have an exam with their doctor on Friday - what was that like, Crazybear? Congratulations on the quick turnaround. I assume from your response you got benefits for a mental illness? Was it one of those yes/no questionnaire exams? Or did the doctor actually talk to you? It took a highly recommended board-certified psychiatrist several thousand dollars of my bread to even start to peel my onion, so I'll probably get downright indignant with them if they try to diagnose me with a form. Fuck that. This is my fucking life, not some "strongly agree/slightly disagree" standard test bullshit, and I'm almost past the point of giving a shit enough to cooperate anymore.

 

[TruthOrLie]

Just had the hearing. I was honest about my pot use (medical) and I admitted if I could work somewhere I would, I just didn't know where to find work.

BIG MISTAKE.

Judgement came back: Not unemployed because disabled from bipolar.

Unemployed because pot smoker and on probation.

I wish I knew where to find a "good" disability attorney because mine wasn't.

I specifically told him before the hearing that we should make a point of my criminal history and medical mj use so it wouldn't be an issue and he said no.

Couldn't my pot smoking criminal status be a byproduct of bipolar symptoms?

 

[crazybear]

Unfortunately you will probably pay to get your records $35.00 in my case , but worth it!!!!

 

[supermanlives]

i must really be fucked up cause i got mine first try within 6 months. the doctor i saw that they made me visit was very extensive on his questions and the exam took like almost an hour. my shrink told me i was easilly crazy enough to get ssi never mind my health issues.

 

[PondeLftHndSide]

Thanks for sharing the positive experiences. Gives me hope.

I had the exam on Saturday, and the guy was actually pretty thorough. We rapped for a good half hour. I have a very good grasp on what I'm dealing with and how it affects me, and I felt I was able to articulate it pretty well. So I guess we'll see what happens.

Thanks again, everyone.

 

[crazybear]

No mine is not for mental issues fucked up back, which back surgery fucked up even worse & the metal rods & screws caused arthritis ! Can't say I don't have mental issues though ! of course some of my answers on the questionnaire got them thinking I do have mental issues, I didn't have to see a SSDI doctor, just filled out on line filled out the questionnaire & five months after I started receiving SSDI, no lawyer NADA just my records I sent in!
They might of also talked to people that thought I was crazy!

 

[supermanlives]

wow you got lucky^^^^

 

[crazybear]

Yeah superman no doubt luck was on my side for once!

 

[nothing fancy]

I believe I can help you out. What you need to do is pick a doctor (preferably in private practice) that you see frequently. Keep seeing him like clockwork, see a psychologist too...you will likely walk away with disorders you didn't even know you had. I suspect you may also have a severe anxiety disorder, because that frequently goes with bipolar. The KEY in all of this in getting what you deserve (because you do seem to have a legitimate claim), is to have a paper trail of treatment going back as long as possible. You will always get duped on those 30 minute "government sponsored" evaluation exams with the doctor they pay for.

 

[squarepush3r]

They are like insurance adjusters, their job is to deny you claims.
Why can't you get a job or work?