Anybody Remember Your First Dirty Joke.

[DiscoBiscuit]

Wifey - "I want a boob job!"

Hubby - "Rub em with Scottie tissue!"

Wifey - "Scottie tissue? What the hell will that do?!?"

Hubby - "You rub your ass with Scottie tissue and it's huge!"

 

[DiscoBiscuit]

Daughter - "Daddy, can I have the car keys?"

Dad - "Yep, you know what that takes."

Daughter - (kneeling.) "Ah Dad... damn, Dad! That tastes like sh!t!"

Dad - "Yep, your brother had to borrow $20."

 

[HighDesertJoe]

Wifey - "I want a boob job!"

Hubby - "Rub em with Scottie tissue!"

Wifey - "Scottie tissue? What the hell will that do?!?"

Hubby - "You rub your ass with Scottie tissue and it's huge!"

Daughter - "Daddy, can I have the car keys?"

Dad - "Yep, you know what that takes."

Daughter - (kneeling.) "Ah Dad... damn, Dad! That tastes like sh!t!"

Dad - "Yep, your brother had to borrow $20."

I don't think I'll be able to tell my sweet Innocent BROWN eyed Mom one of those jokes..LOL..

 

[FlaDankster]

Daughter - "Daddy, can I have the car keys?"

Dad - "Yep, you know what that takes."

Daughter - (kneeling.) "Ah Dad... damn, Dad! That tastes like sh!t!"

Dad - "Yep, your brother had to borrow $20."

 

[catcherintheye]

Daughter - "Daddy, can I have the car keys?"

Dad - "Yep, you know what that takes."

Daughter - (kneeling.) "Ah Dad... damn, Dad! That tastes like sh!t!"

Dad - "Yep, your brother had to borrow $20."

Dude... when I first read this , I read it 10 times over and never got it. came back, read it 3 more times. Just right now, I got it....... Thats some fucked up shit bro.




anddd cmon, no more farm jokes?

Farmer was depressed as hell at the bar. His buddies says "whats up john why the long face?"

Farmer replies " I dunno man, some things you just cant explain."

He then goes into his day, "this morning i was milking my prized cow and when the bucket filled up she kicked it over with her left foot. Pissed, I took what was closest, my shoelace and tied her left foot up with it. So I filled up the second damn bucket and she kicked it over with her right, again screaming pissed, I took off my right shoelace, right by her hoof and tied up her right foot with it. With no milk for my damn cereal I continued milking, filling the third bucket and as it was almost full her tail swung down and knocked the milk bucket over. I was so pissed after that third bucket that I took my damn belt off to tie her tail to her leg and well, when I did that, my trousers fell down just as the wife walked in asking whats takin so long with the milk, And some things, you just cant explain."

 

[HighDesertJoe]

when i was 10 i helped my uncle digs graves for the cartel on the island and main land

but digging graves alone isnt the job, we would have to strip the bodies and spray em with some type of chemical before throwing them down the hole

i was told it would be good for fertilizer ....

did it for a few years and the death tolls deceased as the cartie killed everyone
we were out of jabs


red.

oops

lol nvm i thought this thread is about dirty job i guess i was a bit high when i read the tittle

Oh SHIT I had to read this one a few time before I got it DUH...LOL

 

[HighDesertJoe]

Dude... when I first read this , I read it 10 times over and never got it. came back, read it 3 more times. Just right now, I got it....... Thats some fucked up shit bro.




anddd cmon, no more farm jokes?

Farmer was depressed as hell at the bar. His buddies says "whats up john why the long face?"

Farmer replies " I dunno man, some things you just cant explain."

He then goes into his day, "this morning i was milking my prized cow and when the bucket filled up she kicked it over with her left foot. Pissed, I took what was closest, my shoelace and tied her left foot up with it. So I filled up the second damn bucket and she kicked it over with her right, again screaming pissed, I took off my right shoelace, right by her hoof and tied up her right foot with it. With no milk for my damn cereal I continued milking, filling the third bucket and as it was almost full her tail swung down and knocked the milk bucket over. I was so pissed after that third bucket that I took my damn belt off to tie her tail to her leg and well, when I did that, my trousers fell down just as the wife walked in asking whats takin so long with the milk, And some things, you just cant explain."

You made me laugh

 

[ganjasuiteseat]

famer goes to the doctor for a bad case of hemroids.doctor tells him he need to put this pill in his anus twice a day and says im going to get you started now.so he does and the man was like holy shit doc thats alot for just that pill.doc says the first does is always the biggest.
later that night the famer is having trouble put that pill is his anus,wife see and ask if she can help,farmer says yes if your up for it.so she puts a hand on his shoulder and inserts the pill.farmer goes nuts screaming and cussing.omg did i hurt you the wife ask's. no honey i just relised the doctor had both of his hands on my shoulders!

 

[bird]

a baby seal walks into a club

 

[HighDesertJoe]

A guy went to see his Doctor
He asked him "Doc how do I tell if my wife has Tuberculosis"?
Doctor say's "Chase her around the bed if she doesn't cough FUCK her".

 

[HempKat]

A corporate Salesman just landed the biggest deal he's ever made, worth millions. The customer is a large prominent Japanese Corporation and getting their business will almost certainly lead to other big sales contracts. The only thing is, the deal isn't quite done and the salesman has to go to Japan to close the deal in person. So he boards the next flight for Japan and when he gets to his hotel he finds a note from the customer explaining that he'll be closing the deal with The President of their company who likes to conduct business on the Golf Course. The note goes on to say that he is to join the President at the local country club tomorrow morning.

Understandably the Salesman is quite excited, he's closing the biggest deal of his life, he's in an exotic land he's never been in before and he has the night to enjoy himself and celebrate. Which he decides to do by finding an attractive JApanese woman to bed as he had never been with one before. So he finds a suitable attractive Japanese woman that is interested in his advances and after a few drinks they go back to his room. She doesn't speak english and he doesn't speak Japanese but they manage to communicate well enough to get things going. Well as soon as the foreplay is over and they get down to some serious love making the woman begins saying this phrase in Japanese over and over. Softly at first but then louder and louder as the salesman continues to make love to her. Then it is over and the woman hops out of bed and puts her clothes on and leaves. The salesman doesn't care though as he got what he wanted and it wasn't like there was going to be any meaningful conversation since they didn't speak each other's language. He layed there musing about how wild she got during intercourse and the phrase she kept saying over and over. Surely it was a compliment to him about how good he was. He thought to himself, "I sshould remember that phrase, maybe I can use it tomorrow to compliment the President on the golf course?"

So the next day comes and the salesman meets the President and they tee off and everything is going great. Well at the 9th hole the President tee's up and hits a beautiful shot that lands on the green and then bounces a couple of times before falling into the hole for a hole in one. Well the salesman thinks to himself, "it would be great if I could impress him with a compliment to his ability in Japanese. What was that phrase the girl from last night used?" Upon remembering the phrase he goes to the President, pats him on the back and repeats the phrase he learned from the woman the night before. The President turns to him with a puzzled look on his face and exclaims, "What do you mean, Wrong Hole?"

 

[cabeza]

My dad told this at restraunts.....
Do you know the difference between parsely and pussy?
No one eats their parsley.