Freaky Insect Encounters While Stoned

[Marywanna]

So since the close call with the scorp last week, I've been keeping an eye out, shaking out my boots, sheets and towel. Here's what was under my lawn chair today.

I'm not obsessing or anything, and wouldn't have posted this, except it was the 2nd big brown spider I ran into today. Starting to wonder if these things are there all the time- we're too buisy to pay attention. Many of the scorps I find look like a dried out leaf at first glance. Luckily, they have a tendency to freeze, in hopes of blending in, rather than running.

HOLY GOD IN HEAVEN,get out the bug spray. I know spiders have an important purpose,but they make me scream and freeze in fear. TERRIFIED of them.

 

[TexasToker]

 

[ydijadoit]

Two bad ones when I was a kid. 16 years old, just tore it up with my buddies on the old red plastic USA bong we had....Went for a walk down main street of the tiny little town I lived in (Pop 1200..) Cut through a grassy field, on the way to town. I hadn't been smoking long, and was super high (Do you remember asking yourself over and over "Do I look normal?? Actually stopping at store windows for a second, to see if you look high in the reflection?) Anyway... Something was crawling up the inside of my pants leg. Long prickly legs, and scuttling around. Scorpions are very rare where I lived, but have been seen. I just KNEW it was a scorp, heading up my leg, to sting me in the junk. Total composure loss. I knew I had one chance. Standing on the sidewalk, at sunset in a small cow town, is not the best place to drop your 501's to your ankles, and jump around slapping yourself and making "Ugg, Ugg, Ugg!!" noises. People in cars, staring. Old women shrieking. Not good. After slapping myself silly, I saw it on the sidewalk. A 4" Praying Mantis, looking at me, and cleaning her head with her legs. Damn, epic embarassment.
That same summer I had another one. Not a bug, but a bat. I was one of those long haired 1986 rocker boys. (Yeah, I know. But it seemed so cool) This time we had fired up on the high school football field, just after sunset. We were laughing and chasing each other across the grass, when somehthing smacked my head and started squealing. Yup. A small bat must have mistaken my flopping 80's do for a trophy sized bug. So here I am again, dancing and slapping and making pathetic noises. Killed the bat, and had to cut it out of my hair. I got lucky, as it didn't even scratch me, so no shots. But goddam, both of those were 20 second terror moments, made a thousand times freakier by my stoned imagination.

 

[festivus]

Two bad ones when I was a kid. 16 years old, just tore it up with my buddies on the old red plastic USA bong we had....Went for a walk down main street of the tiny little town I lived in (Pop 1200..) Cut through a grassy field, on the way to town. I hadn't been smoking long, and was super high (Do you remember asking yourself over and over "Do I look normal?? Actually stopping at store windows for a second, to see if you look high in the reflection?) Anyway... Something was crawling up the inside of my pants leg. Long prickly legs, and scuttling around. Scorpions are very rare where I lived, but have been seen. I just KNEW it was a scorp, heading up my leg, to sting me in the junk. Total composure loss. I knew I had one chance. Standing on the sidewalk, at sunset in a small cow town, is not the best place to drop your 501's to your ankles, and jump around slapping yourself and making "Ugg, Ugg, Ugg!!" noises. People in cars, staring. Old women shrieking. Not good. After slapping myself silly, I saw it on the sidewalk. A 4" Praying Mantis, looking at me, and cleaning her head with her legs. Damn, epic embarassment.
That same summer I had another one. Not a bug, but a bat. I was one of those long haired 1986 rocker boys. (Yeah, I know. But it seemed so cool) This time we had fired up on the high school football field, just after sunset. We were laughing and chasing each other across the grass, when somehthing smacked my head and started squealing. Yup. A small bat must have mistaken my flopping 80's do for a trophy sized bug. So here I am again, dancing and slapping and making pathetic noises. Killed the bat, and had to cut it out of my hair. I got lucky, as it didn't even scratch me, so no shots. But goddam, both of those were 20 second terror moments, made a thousand times freakier by my stoned imagination.

Funny you should mention a praying mantis- yesterday, like right after I posted the spider pics, I felt something on the back of my arm. I squished it and threw it on the floor. Looking at it, it looked like a small piece of fresh bud. I picked it up, and it was a baby mantis. Kinda felt bad for squishing it...

 

[LolaGal]

lol at the preying mantis dance!

I was in my backyard one day and a mouse ran up my pants leg! OH MY! Did I dance?

I was shucking blue jeans as fast as could be! it was funny.

 

[Marywanna]

Mice,snakes,coons, bats,not scared of them. SPIDERS.....I know they will jump onto my face and bite me in the eyeball,just like that movie.

 

[Weezard]

Woo-bleeding-hoo!

Woo-bleeding-hoo!

lol at the preying mantis dance!

I was in my backyard one day and a mouse ran up my pants leg! OH MY! Did I dance?

I was shucking blue jeans as fast as could be! it was funny.

Lola's lose da pants dance.
Sheds her jeans an' gallivants
Yay mice!
Dem mice jus' gave my life some spice.

Hola, Lola.
Jus' came to bug ya;


Sweet, yah?

Weeze,
(Watchin' dis li'l movie in my head :-})

 

[genkisan]

Here are a few arthropods you really do not want to be fucking around with:


Tarantula Hawk Wasp (Pepsis Wasp)

Japanese Hornet

Giant Amazon Centipede

Bullet Ant

All of the above are nasty as fuck.....just Goggle 'em.

Me, I refer to keep something like a nice Nephila spider (Giant Golden Orb Weaver). They spin webs up to 8 feet, and the silk is metallic gold in colour.

 

[Cone Head]

Not really an insect story, more reptile. When I was younger, I used to make my own bongs with a plastic bottle and a garden hose with a brass piece stuck in it, the classic aussie bong. One time I made one, I smoked the first toke out of it and a gecko (small lizard that drops its tail) fell into the water and started flipping around in there. It tripped me right out and I kind of wonder how stoned that lizard must have been.

 

[mriko]

During my last stay in Pakistan i spend some time in Mastuj, North of Chitral. One night as we were playing cards while sipping some opium tea and enjoying good charas some visitors showed up for greetings.
Not much freaky, but cool & beautifull "monsters" eheh...


A rhino beetle


A big spider, wider than my palm ( a little bit freaky I admit..)

Note that spiders & scorpions are NOT insects.

Irie !

 

[Marywanna]

THAT SPIDER DIDN'T SCARE YOU????? HOLY SCHNIKES!

 

[mriko]

Well... let's just say that I shot close ups of the beetle, but not of the spider haha !

I used to be very scared of spiders, and still am somewhat. But this one was really beautifull, and this took over the fear (up to some point eheh...).

Once in India I found an at least as big one, and all brown/black, on... my coffee table in the bedroom of the family i was staying with, in Kullu valley. THe thing moved at speed light, it was impressive and scary indeed. At night time, many big ones of a different kind (thin & very long yellowsh legs, tiny greyish body, big head and huge hooks) were appearing on the walls of the room, spending the night above your bed, waiting for some cockroach to pass by.
I think that, this night, when I realized that the flowers painted on the walls, were not flowers, and not painted either, I got rid of a big part ofof my fear of spiders haha ! But i still don't like our locals "black widows" and some other big black one with stripes don the back, living in the garden under wood logs. nasty looking.

A funny stoney spider story :

While staying in same place as above I fell ill due to so-called "wild water" (plain water from communal tap, but kept in horrendous condition at the home) and spend quite a few nights running to the toilet, which consisted in squat toilets, inside a crudely built little wooden hut, set under an apple tree and all surrounded by small cannabis plants (looks very cute !), the whole thing set in front of the house, somewhat in the street.
So, one of these night, giardia again got me to run under the pouring moonsoon, to the little wooden cabin which had become too familiar...
I quickly lighted up a cigarette (I love smoking a cig on squat toilet, just don't know why...) and proceeded.
While enjoying the deep perfumes & flavours of my local cigarette I , for some reason, started to look at the walls of the cabin, with the the light of my torch (no electricity). I just never paid attention, except that night.
I was looking at the crude work, make of planks nailed together, but with wide spaces left between several of them, allowing you to peek outside, or outsider sto peek at you...
And suddenly I froze. That same brown speedy-spider was standing in one of the space, sheltering from the rain, and peeking right at me with its height eyes. eeeek !
What could I do ? Only my best to quickly finish my job and making sure not to attract the spider's attention (I was very high from both fever and the loads of charas smoked weeks, days and hours before). I kept the light on it, just in case it would decide to move, then I thought "damn, if I keep lighting it, it might be attracted by the torch and jump at me, let's blacken the place."
Then in darkness. "Oh shit, if it moves while it's all dark, I won't know where it is and it could jumpt at me !". SO I lighted up my torch, and shifted it toward the spider. But again, same thought as first one above, torched turned off, and again "same thought as the second one !" torch turned on, and again, off, on ,off, on until eventually the spider was not anymore where it used to be.
I froze, again, looking around with only the eyes moving, ready for the attack. Luckily I was done, so I could escape, as smoothly and discretly as I could, but as fast as I could under the still-pouring moosoon.
I was glad to be back in my bed, smoke another one and get back to sleep, under the gaze of many yellow flowers painted on the walls...

Irie !

 

[PoopyTeaBags]

me and a few buds were out smoking on his porch when this landed on his shoulder.

then it was a mad rush to kill it. the pincers were almost an inch long

eastern dobsonfly

Im in mi ive seen one of those my whole life the coolest fucking bug ive ever seen

 

[Marywanna]

My little brother is so mean that when we were kids he told me that everybody eats a spider while they sleep...........they crawl up your nose or in your mouth. BASTARD. I should make him pay for therapy.........................

 

[festivus]

Im in mi ive seen one of those my whole life the coolest fucking bug ive ever seen

I like the idea of the male's mandible jaws that hold his partner in place during coitus...

 

[ocean_grown]

SO yesterday I'm sitting around a campfire in the daytime smoking a joint and it feels like a bead of sweat is edging its way down my asscrack, but I was not sweating. I reach down to feel what this barely noticeable sensation is and pull a fucking huge ass tick about 30 seconds from crawling right up my asshole.

Do I win?

 

[friscofrqancis]

Here's that Rhino beetle that flew into the bathroom while I was showering. The bathroom in my home, like most homes and apartments in Thailand, is basically a wet room with tiled walls and floors. There are usually no shower enclosures or curtains and there is a floor drain.

This guy flew into the bathroom and started making noises kind of a cross between a grunt and a growl. Now I, in all my wet nakedness, began to worry that he may try to take off and fly a bit more, maybe get tangled up in my hair or somewheres else. I got a dustpan scooped him up and deposited him out on the floor near the top of my stairs, grunt/growling the whole time. He was still there when I got out so I snapped this photo.

 

[mriko]

I reach down to feel what this barely noticeable sensation is and pull a fucking huge ass tick about 30 seconds from crawling right up my asshole.

Oh my...

Beautifull one friscof !

Irie !

 

[Marywanna]

Man that tick must've been a gay one...............

 

[StoneByName]

Just read about that tarantula hawk wasp that Genkisan mentioned, this line is particularly disturbing.....

"They capture, sting, and paralyze the spider, then they either drag the spider back into her own burrow or transport their prey to a specially prepared nest where a single egg is laid on the spider’s body, and the entrance is covered. The wasp larva, upon hatching, begins to suck the juices from the still-living spider. After the larva grows a bit, it plunges into the spider's body and feeds voraciously, avoiding vital organs for as long as possible to keep it fresh."