Dealing with passive aggressive friends

[TroubleGuy]

Appreciate all the replies but had to quote this one!

They are not going to change any more than you or I would, I accept the people in my life that act this way, realize how they handle certain situations and then just avoid those situations, if possible. If not, give them the "Look I'm gonna do this, if you act this way speech".

You hit on your source of pain right here, "you want" your friend to act a certain way. You want, not He wants. You make the point about being open minded, and since you put this post up I'm guessing you care about this friend enough to try and correct whatever it is that is cramping your friendship. Show him/her this post, smoke a fatty, come to an agreement, move on.

You're right, I do want him to act a certain way because the idiot is his own worst enemy and if he'd just listen one time to his close friends he'd get way farther in life than he will the way he's going.

and now that my wife is done typing her advice (which i mostly agree with) here's mine......

IF that doesn't work and its a guy your problem is with..... Fight.
punching a passive aggressive, should snap him right out of that train of thought.

If its not worth bleeding over then its not worth stressing over either.

Haha, believe it or not the guy trains at the same MMA gym I do, so we've thrown down a few times in sparring/fight practice. It's when we're outside the gym where he makes all his friends look bad though and that's gonna lead to us just excluding him from everything we do. Dude's a liability at the very least... I saw him flip out on some lady who asked him to drive slower in the neighborhood cause her kids were in the street. Screaming all kinds of obscenities at the lady... while she was kind of a bitch, she didn't deserve that.

To top it off there were a few of us sharing a house at the time, so we kinda had to make it a point to socialize with the neighbors when he wasn't around so they wouldn't let his actions bias their opinion toward us.

 

[hippie_lettuce]

I know what you mean, TroubleGuy. You want to try to give your friend advice and to start living in a way that may benefit him, but he just doesn't realize that. Maybe too arrogant? Well if he doesn't want the help then let him fall. Only way he'll learn is after some failing. In the meantime don't hang out with people who are a "bad influence" on you. It sounds like a motherly thing to say, but misery does love company.

 

[~fvk~]

Anyone around here know this guy that you're talking about?

I'd say you need to focus more on YOUR life, and instead of complaining about it on the internet, confront him, man to man. Passive-aggressives are hard to deal with, I've been in love with one before, so I know.

Anyway, another beautiful day, good morning People, Sun is Shining.

 

[Shanti]

I'm sort of saddened by the lack of compassion and understanding in this thread

It can manifest itself as learned helplessness, procrastination, stubbornness, resentment, sullenness, or deliberate/repeated failure to accomplish requested tasks for which one is (often explicitly) responsible. It is a defense mechanism, and usually only partly conscious.

I'm pretty sure I am like that

it's not really a choice, maybe it is, but I think it's a mix of lifepath and personnality..
you gotta try to become conscious about it and try to get help

I'm sure people can change

one person above said..
these people are impossible

I think that's like giving up on people

To the original poster, I know you want best for your friend, sometimes you gotta learn on your own

 

[Spl1fftast1ck]

I'm sort of saddened by the lack of compassion and understanding in this thread

Why? Joking and half ass judgments aside none of us really "know" all the details, so we are just using our past/present life experiences to try and help a fellow member whom is asking for advice. Is that not compassion? It also seems that most people that responded understood that someone was upset, and I'm sure quite a few of the answers made him smile. Nothing personal was posted about the passive-aggressive, so no personal harm, mental or emotional was done.

It seems as though you were the only one saddened by these post, thus I wish you well and hope you never have to feel the pain Trouble guy is going thru.

 

[GeorgeSmiley]

I let myself get too irritated by passive aggressive people. I think of course it comes from my mom lmao

Anyways, when I deal with passive aggressive people I go out of my way to ignore their needs, wants, or feelings. I will not play their game so if they don't start being honest, speak up and dealing with things like an adult then their "needs" have nothing to do with me.

All they want to do is bitch about how someone pissed them off..... but since they won't go talk to that person about the issue.... they torture you with all the drama and details and I end up getting pissed for them. I don't have the energy. Don't talk to George about nonsense....

I get what I want..... they get their hurt little pussy feelings and all I can really feel, and the only sympathy I will lend is "sucks to be you fuckface"


cheers
smiley


Edit: To the guy that talked about being insensitive for other peoples coping and defense mechanisms?

Their problems = Their problems

YP not MP

 

[SpasticGramps]

I'm sort of saddened by the lack of compassion and understanding in this thread

Parents, shrinks (not drugs), and support groups are good places to find compassion and understanding IMO. You are self aware. Most people aren't.

Speak your mind or GTFO is kind of how I run my little show. It's better for the person in the long run than enabling their stupid little games to go on unchecked.

 

[abitavenger]

I know these kinds of people all too well.

I'm sure everyone who read the OP had the name of a friend pop in their head soon after

 

[the_red_bull]

Passive aggressive people have trouble coping with conflict and confrontation. They are definitely the type of person that will talk about grievances with you to other people, and most times work themselves up to action (off of their idea of what you're thinking real or percieved) and take it out on you without restraint or consideration. I have a feeling if you're that close with this person you know what bothers them. Say nothings bothering you and do the things that you know to drive them crazy.

 

[danimal7]

play there game with them

 

[TroubleGuy]

Speak your mind or GTFO is kind of how I run my little show. It's better for the person in the long run than enabling their stupid little games to go on unchecked.

AMEN brother

I don't feel like there's a lack of compassion here at all. I used to be a pretty passive aggressive guy and it's a bullshit way to go through life. It's called "tough love" - make the person SEE that they're fucking up in a way that hits them hard and maybe they'll try to change it.

That's the only way, in my experience. When people enable that behavior all it really does is make the problem worse. It's much easier to just jump head first into the confrontation, deal with it, and be done with it...the only way someone's REALLY gonna understand what they're doing is wrong you is if you tell them - leaving up to them to figure it out usually doesn't accomplish anything.

 

[Shanti]

Why? Joking and half ass judgments aside none of us really "know" all the details, so we are just using our past/present life experiences to try and help a fellow member whom is asking for advice. Is that not compassion? It also seems that most people that responded understood that someone was upset, and I'm sure quite a few of the answers made him smile. Nothing personal was posted about the passive-aggressive, so no personal harm, mental or emotional was done.

It seems as though you were the only one saddened by these post, thus I wish you well and hope you never have to feel the pain Trouble guy is going thru.

hey bro

I know YOU were trying to help

but others were passing some pretty bad remarks

 

[Shanti]

I don't think i'm much of a passive agressive person

maybe i have some negativity traits sometimes

but my dad fits the description to a fit

 

[alflud]

Shanti - compasssion needs to be tempered. Some people literally live off of other peoples compassion and I think this is what Gramps means. I could be wrong but even if that's not what he means it's still true. Those folk who thrive on other peoples sympathy are not perhaps as self-aware as some of the rest of us. Some people, no matter how you try to help them, will always portray themselves as always needing help so how do you deal with something like this? Do you just keep on feeding their wayward desires? That's doesn't help at all. Sometimes it really is better to do as GeorgeSmiley does and say something along the lines of "sucks to be you". It can and does be the best help for this sort/type of personality.

 

[Shanti]

oh yeah of course ^^

I understand that you gotta set a limit, but still I believe in those people, that they can help themselves

I don't like to waste my time and energy either