Help Me Help Myself? Before I Lose The One I Love

[SpasticGramps]

This is an issue about communication.

Hardcore communication issues IMO too. It seems like you have a lot of pent up anger and you say you don't like arguments. It sounds like you keep stuff bottled up inside. That's bad, bad, bad.

If you can't be up front with your lady and tell exactly how you feel without it turning into an "argument" then you need to check temper.

If she is lying then there is a problem. Sit her down and find out why she felt she needed to lie and take it from there. You have to keep your head and be the one to tone it down if it keeps a little loud. The calm one controls the conversation.

Watch her body language. If it feels like she's being dishonest......



If you can't be honest with your lady and vice versa, it's never going to work.

 

[Perpetual Nooch]

Move on. You obviously don't love her. And you will never trust her.

 

[ka0tik_kreati0n]

I can tell you from being in "her" situation that she seems to be intimidated by you and your behavior. That's why she hid the truth, maybe she thought that it would just be another fight...

i would recommend you give each other some space so you can get the help you need...

 

[Kcar]

i know the only way to fix me and her is by fixing myself

The question is the answer.

 

[NOKUY]

if you really love her then forgive her, and get past the bs if thats what she wants.

u gotta communicate.

ive got communication issues like a motherfucker, and ive lost ppl i love because of it.

ive got the best girl in the world right now and forever, and we have had a cpl ruff spells, but we have got thru it, and are seriously very happy together.

good luck with it tho....swallow some pride, and if u love her show and prove it.

 

[Marywanna]

i dont understand where this jeliousy stuff is coming from? i was pissed because she lied to me, to my face, several times about the same thing.

You get too mad too fast. Thats scares women,especially if she has dealt with this before. Sex isn't love. You need to control your angry feelings. If she is afraid you may hurt her,she is probably right. Get some help.

 

[Big D]

this is love man, my relationship before i was racking up sex 3-4 times a day, in this one i was lucky to get it 1 - 2 times a month

Thats a pretty crazy definition of love bro.

I would say that you are not mature enough for a relationship at this level. You need to take time to grow up and get over your issues.

The problem with people today is they have NO idea what loving someone really means.

 

[SpasticGramps]

Everybody has got it right cork. This is really all about your insecurities and emotional immaturity.

There are two types of people in this world. People who are bigger than their problems and people whose problems are bigger than them.

One has control of their life, the other does not. It really is a black and white state of mind. You need to unplug yourself from the chaos and get back to finding out who cork is and why he acts the way he does.

You have to understand your weaknesses to overcome them. It's not a switch you flip. It's lots of hard mental work and lots of being honest with yourself.

You can only fix yourself and that in turn fixes your life.

 

[cork144]

Thats a pretty crazy definition of love bro.

I would say that you are not mature enough for a relationship at this level. You need to take time to grow up and get over your issues.

The problem with people today is they have NO idea what loving someone really means.

i was making the point of, what other 20 year old guy will be happy with a lack of sex? it wasnt a problem i understood that was what she is like,


other guys my age are running around and pounding anything that will open its legs, instead we have one here making himself look like an ass on a forum because he wants to change...

and when a guy lays down his dignity to find help, i beleave thats a better example of love.

 

[Miss Blunted]

You forced her into lying to you so she can just be a human being like you. You would trust yourself being around a few girls to smoke a j, she does too. Most girls that will get into a REAL relationship, won't cheat.....she wants YOU!!!! Don't push her away.... Now, you've got yourself into a pickle....you almost can't trust anything she's saying to you now because she' lied to you. You have to start over with her.....have an honest talk, change your actions and let your relationship grow. If she want's other men, she would have left you.....women don't have time for multiple boyfriends. If anything, we date one for a short time, get bored and find another.

I'm sure she loves you, letting go of your fears of being cheated on are what you gotta do.


EDIT: I just read more....you don't have a handle on your emotions if you're emotioanally abusing her. I've been through that shit and I'll tell you what man, nothing makes a girl hate your guts more than being emotionally/mentally abused. If you've told her that you want to cheat on her because you're mad, you better do the right thing and let her go so you can work on yourself. What the fuck are you thinking Cork? I've had the same shit said to me, abusive abusive abusive!!!!! That's ABUSE. You are abusing another human being. Talk to a therapist or counselor seriously.....something from your life has made you act out in this way.....address it. The fucking abusive asshole I was with had a ridiculous set of drunk parents and his Dad was physically and mentally abusive to him. I went through YEARS of SERIOUS depression because I felt sorry for the motherfucker. Years of my life wasted....that person is a fucking piece of shit and I base that on the man he is.

 

[Hazy Lady]

My 2cents not trying to be a dick but.........

bro! No person man or woman should make or break you! You gotta know that you can stand on your own to feet and not give a shit!

IMO you need some time on your own to work on yourself then worry about a relationship....let alone a relationship with a girl that LIES about being at work when she is out with some dudes gettin ripped???

Nah! I dont play that shit and you dont need that shit troubling your mind! Only thing that is doing is fuckin with your !

Take some time for you man!

Peace
DG

Didn't want to be a dick, I think you managed quite well.
Don't listen to this Cork, he must get laid like......never
or ok maybe pay-day

If this is the love of your life then you won't mind investing time and money getting back on track, you obviously both have issues that need addressing and while you are still hurt you will fight for the slightest reason, for this I say, stay apart for now, meanwhile employ a pro to mediate then you both spill your guts constructively to lay some firm foundations, starting to sound like a builder and need some tea strangely? good luck Cork. my $0.02 [could be $0.03 when the final bill comes in guv]

 

[Big D]

i was making the point of, what other 20 year old guy will be happy with a lack of sex? it wasnt a problem i understood that was what she is like,


other guys my age are running around and pounding anything that will open its legs, instead we have one here making himself look like an ass on a forum because he wants to change...

and when a guy lays down his dignity to find help, i beleave thats a better example of love.

I wasn't trying to put you down man, I admire any one thats trying to change.

But you are only 20(I've been married 20 years,lol), you should be out there having as many experiences as you can before you think about settling down... sow your wild oats. I sure did and I believe that I am a better man for it.

Good luck I wish you and your girl the best!

 

[MarquisBlack]

Okay Heartcry is down for some reason or other, but I found something that gives the same basic ideas.

http://www.crossroad.to/Excerpts/community/system-theory.htm

Someone else interested in Alice Bailey?? Nice..

 

[cork144]

it was all too late.

 

[Stoner4Life]

yeah, Yummybud's gonna kick your ass for working his corner bro.

sound's like she's got you right where she wants you, seems to be
way too one sided imo, when one person loves the other more then
that lopsided love equation is hopelessly doomed.......

 

[Kcar]

You have Angest. I had it once. It sucks. Too many hormones...

 

[Rob547]

I really feel you man, I actually went through the whole Im extremely honest, need the same, cant handle being lied to, paranoid of cheating, trust issue thing.
I guess my advice is similar to previous ppl, just work on not flipping out, just think shit out before you let it come out, I know easier said than done. But you said you both want it to work and you get along really well which makes me believe you can and will deal with it and get over it. As a person that just went down the long dark path, and still on it to some degree, losing her, and moreover, knowing that it was largely your fault/actions that brought it on will only lead you to a darker place, so I guess you have to decide if its worth it to lose her or just have to let it be the past and move on.

heres a song for ya too, cant tell you how much I've listened to it lately, best of luck

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TrIdTxBsmqI