Yes, I'm stupid...you have been too...

[humble1]

2.
I was working over at the grow and I like to be comfy when I work. So I strip down to boxers and get back at whatever I was doing. Cloning, I think.
Clone area is in a garage separated from the main area by a hallway with two sets of doors. I'm grooving to the radio and am about to start a new set of cuts when I decide to go get a drink out of the fridge. I take my gloves off and set the razor down. Walk over to the door and twist the handle. It's locked. Oh shit!
It's also about 12:30 at night. I have no phone, no keys, no money, and no clothes except for my boxers. If I open the garage door I can get out, but other mofos can see in to my work area. If I open the garage door and close it behind me I'll be totally locked out. What to do?
Tried picking and then breaking the connecting door to the hallway. It's steel and I am not a locksmith. Crap!
So I figured the friendly biker bar down the way would at least let me use their phone, right? Wrong! Douchebags told me that their phone doesn't work and then gave me 15 cents. WTF am I gonna do with 15 cents? Payphones have been 50 cents for years now and there's no foot traffic around here for me to panhandle some more change..... Crap!
So I continue on foot around the corner to the classy, upscale bar. Two old ladies see me coming up the block and quickly get into their car to get away from me. Ahhh, Christian charity.
The bar is already closed, according to the sign, but I can see through the windows and there are a few more patrons finishing up as well as the wait staff. Bang Bang Bang, I knock on the door and attempt to explain myself coherently to the pretty waitress who looks at me through the glass. She looks to her manager for confirmation and he nods consent, even as he's reaching for his shotgun over the bar.
I enter and thank them all profusely and apologize just as thoroughly. They let me use the phone, but I'm really bad at remembering numbers and all my important ones are speed dial anyway! Crap!
After another half-hour of trying all the numbers I can remember and waiting for calls back I've just about given up. My girlfriend would come pick me up, but I have her car. No cabs want to come pick me up for such a short ride and "promised" money at the end of the ride.
Finally one of the bartenders gives me a ride home, after a short stop to lock up the garage, and he even manages to find a jacket in the lost and found so I dont catch pneumonia. What a guy!

God I feel like such an idiot even now. But that shit was funny!

 

[Yes4Prop215]

dude ive had a couple brainfart moments but i definately cannnot remember them.

i remember once i was drunk off 6 fat tires and 6 jello shots, smoked some weed then got up to go to the bathroom and i crashed into like 3 different walls trying to find the bathroom and everyone was cracking up hard about it...i was bumper car drunk.

 

[alaskan]

This happened about two weeks ago, and I definitely could have died...

I was making a sandwich and didn't feel like doing dishes, so to spread the mayonnaise i just grab a big butcher knife, like this one...

I was wearing a hooded sweatshirt, and I only wear the hood up when I'm stoned, which I was, so the hood was up...

Well with the knife in one hand, and the mayonnaise jar and bag of cheese in the other, I brought the jar to my chest and went to screw the cap back on.

I wasn't thinking, and as I raised my hand to screw on the cap (knife still in hand) I jab myself really hard, right where the carotid artery is on your neck - where you check your pulse, and if my hood wasn't up to snag the blade, it would've gone a good 2-3 inches into my neck.

I don't know whether to say the weed almost killed me (made me careless?) or if it saved me (wearing the hood) but it definitely put a different perspective on the rest of the day.

 

[Marywanna]

lol. I was expecting a story about you exposing yourself in public. I thought you were going to say you were so stoned you urinated on the gas station and got arrested.

Yeah! now I'm disappointed.................

 

[Shanti]

man i thought this thread was just about being really stupid sometimes

i could relate to that

 

[supermanlives]

i was dressed up like a flasher, it was halloween,on main street daytona florida and i was stoned. few friends drove by and i opened my trenchcoat. found out real fast there was an undercover right across street.

 

[Holdin']

A few hours ago I went to the corner store to get a coke and some other munchies.

When I walked up to the counter there was a basket of bananas sitting there.

The bananas looked really good, so I picked one up, and asked the cashier, "how much for the burrito?"

She looked back at me like I was an idiot, and me, not knowing what I'd said looked back at her like, "yeah so... ?????"

Seconds later I realized what I'd said and she started just crackin' up. Red eyed and with a arm full of junkfood (and a banana) I think she knew what was up.

 

[mugenbao]

One time my cousin called me from county and asked me to come put some money on his books. I was completely blazed, but it wasn't far to go, so I figured "Why not?"

I drove there very carefully, parked the car in an inconspicuous location, stashed my baggy in a nice spot under the console, and walked into the building. I'd never been there before, so I didn't know what to expect, so as soon as I entered the doorway I stopped to look around. I located the counter, two uniformed officers, and some guy that looked like a clerk, and they were all looking at me, so I started heading toward the clerk.

Maybe a couple yards past the door I suddenly saw that there was a metal detector. "That's not a problem," I thought as I started feeling around in my pocket, "I didn't bring any weapons or anything. Let's see, I got some change, a pack of smokes, a pipe, and some loose cash".

I was about two steps away from the metal detector before I realized that the pipe, while not a weapon, was something I really didn't want to put in the change tray, so I muttered "DOH! forgot my wallet" and turned around again in a big hurry. Went out to my car and stashed the pipe, and went back in and paid the guy with the loose cash, having totally forgotten about my whole wallet ruse.

I had a good laugh over it with my cousin later, though

 

[budlykush]

I was taking a trip with my dad and step-mom. It was early in the morning, we just got on the road to visit her brother. I couldn't find my pack of smokes so I bummed one off her.

When we stopped for gas, everytime my dad would always make a beeline for the bathroom, but not this time. I waited to see and then went in to smoke a joint. I sat on the can for a few mins tokin' up real good, that lil' bathroom was fogged up.

You know when you take the last hit and hold it in till there's no smoke? I did that, went to the sink and started to wash my hands. Just then, the door opens and it's my dad. I look at him with a lung full of smoke, can't say a word and just went outside.

Back on the road, I was so blazed and I found my pack of smokes under the front seat. I lit one up and my step-mom says "where did you find your cigs, on the floor of the gas station bathroom?" my dad eyeballed me in the rear view mirror with a smirk.

Good times.

 

[hazydays]

Pulled my bag out and laid it on the counter with my cash at the store once. The cashier looked at me and smiled. I put it up.

There's more, lots more.

Another time I was in the cop shop in a small town to pay a fine for a possession charge, and pulled out a nickle bag, but the cop didn't see it, and I stuffed it back in my pocket.

And I'm still laughing at Holdin' about that banana. How much is the burrito? haha. lmao

 

[LolaGal]

dropped an ounce of weed on the Quikie Mart floor when I pulled out my money.

had to put it back in my pocket with everyone watching!

 

[Wilson!]

okokok,

so us guys, my cuz and and a couple of udder hombres, had just dropped an engine in an e con o line. We'z opeing it up a bit on the highway in TEXAS back in the day. Just flushing it out a bit and it sputteres then poops out. We pull to the side of the road and stash a nice bag of weed wrapped in a wrag, in the bushes by the van. After many miles of hiking back to the world we made our way back to the van and that bag of weed on motorcycles.

I run to the bag site grab the stash and shove it in my skivvies. I'm on back of Cuz's rice grinder as he's hitting it up to 80 in no time I suddenly note a sharp sensation of extreme discomfort all along my watchtower. The rag had become a motel for TEXAS RED FIRE ANTS. They had settled on my Wilson! for dinner.

I indicated my discomfort to Cuz who pulled over as I stripped neked on a TEXAS highway fighting ants over my weed.

It's like a sore dick. You can't beat it.

 

[ithinkiam]

Haha! I love these stories.

One thing I'd like to mention about people offering strangers some weed... I've learned that it's just not a good idea to trust people anymore. Around and in my town there are undercover cops that try to persuade people into selling them some weed or THEY offer to sell weed to the other person. It's just sad. :/

 

[ellipsis]

left a roach on my work windowsill. got looks for a while luckily no questions.

 

[StoneByName]

I remember I had a series of fucks ups goin on the bus back from my friend's house.

We would always go to see him and get real stoned then always end up rushing for the bus to get back. I think I did some stupid stuff a few times but luckily forgot haha.

The one time I do remember was giving the driver my money which he set down so he could get my change, as he was getting my change I picked up the money I'd paid, and he's like "no....this is mine" whoops, shit, probably just thought I was a fool or a failing con artist tho

I remember one of the few times I've been caught smoking was when I was a kid, smoking in the park with my friend. We were smoking zoomies, which is where you make a small hole in a plastic bottle then put a joint in the hole and smoke through the bottle. When it fills up we'd say you'd milk bottled the bottle.

Anyway, we're smoking and a guy walks past outta nowhere (we were in the woods and its not usually busy per se). So my friend being the genius he is draws some smoke and pretends he is drinking from the bottle and it's milk.. we just got "you know you could be a little less obvious" haha coulda been worse

 

[Kush_Master]

back in 2002 i think i took the train from amsterdam to cologne germany, my pockets full with some souvenir samples.
i stashed all the weed in an ashtray a couple of seats behind me.

at cologne i got off the train and sat down at a bench. i was totally blazed and thought about the awesome weed i was gonna bring home and smoke. yes ... weed ... hold up where did i put my weed? then it hit me, SHIT i left my weed in the train. jumped back on the train which was about to leave the station every moment and realized fuck, all the ashtrays look the same. then i recognized a family with kids sitting next to the ashtray i hid my stash in. i went there mumbled somthing like excuse me and dug in the ashtray to get my weed out LOL. stupid looks on the familys faces.

then i went outside just before the train departed. sat down on a bench again.
i pulled out my cell to check the time then went back to daydreaming/being stoned again.

this old lady next to me looked at me, looked at the ground, looked at me again.
then she said to me "excuse me young man, i think you lost something". i looked to the ground and holy shit, all my weed baggies lay there scattered on the ground, i dropped then when i reached for my cell. there were cops patrolling just a couple of metres away from me. i grabbed all the stuff and got the fuck out of there. the old lady saved my ass lol, she was all friendly i still dont know if she realized what i dropped there haha.

i mustve done tons of other retarded shit in my 10+ years of smoking but tbh most i cant remember xD

 

[catman]

Great thread. Hilarious stories and fuckups.

When I was in college we hosted a party at our place and I got drunk as can be. I hardly remember all of this, but I brought my bong out of my room and down onto the front porch next to the side walk. Apparently I was also waving a bag of weed around proclaiming about much I loved it as people walked by on the side walk.

 

[poolplayer]

Thrown joints and little bags on the ground at grocery stores,etc...at least a half dozen times but never got in trouble. Have to say, I'm pretty good at snatching it back up and acting like nothing happened at this point.

Only time I was worried was when I was at an airport with a 1/4 oz, double ziplocked, and it started sliding down my pants leg walking through the terminal.

"Excuse me, where's the nearest bathroom?"

Tighty whities instead of boxers next time. People probably thought I crapped myself watching me trying to walk with the sack right at knee level and about to fall.

 

[RudolfTheRed]

I don't take the pot out in public so that's not a problem.

I have had red eyes and few times when I forget the drops. I probably wont have my door kicked down over it but I defiantly felt like everyone knows I am high, which I hate because I am all about being discreet. This has happened a handful of times in the 20 some odd years I have puffed so I guess its not that bad.

 

[Wilson!]

ohohohoh,

I got a million of em. Wilson!isms that is.

So my buds and me copped a nice score of a brick way the hell back when.

I have this memory, vaguish it is. We were breaking the brick down at Meydenbauer in the little covered picnic table blazing away. (I've always tried to hide in plain sight.)

Of course Bellevue's finest leo were crusing 15 feet away. Just sticking it out there b n crazie!

Later we pack up the Grand Torino find some brews and blaze non stop.

What seems to take place next was seeing flasing lights while surrounded by giant stalks of corn. Apparently the Torino took us to a corn field. It was so happy that it spun in circles mowing corn down in all directions. Tori likes to smoke and all that spinning created some serious friction=heat=smoke=flames=flashing lights=cops=+ 1/2 lb in the trunk. yea jail.but only for a bit.

I had created an enlistment bonus into the Marine Cops. Dad was a scrambled jar jead. The judge also a scrambled jar head. Dad and Judge have played a few games of poker over the years. They offer me the " You are now a winner" pitch that led to another long strange trip.