It AlL StArTed wHEN oUR (fORmEr PRoN) sTAr, Dr do9, WOKE uP In a PHoxY pHoReST. It WaZ teH THIRD time IT hAd hapPEnED. pHeeLIN9 RiDiCULously STUnNED, dr do9 ATTaCKeD a dUll penCiL, ThiNKIn9 it WOULD mAKE him pHeEL 8ETteR (8uT az USual, iT dID NoT). A PHEW phreAkNaSTY MinUteZ lAter, he reALIZeD tH@ hiZ 8eloVeD marIjUana sEed WaZ MiSSin9! iMMEdiAtelY He kaLlEd HIz UNdEclAREd SOuLmatE, 9ypsy. DR Do9 hAd kNown 9YPSy Phor (PLuz OR MINUZ) 153 yeArZ, teh majorITY Of WhiCH wERe SaZzy oNEZ. 9ypsY Waz unIkWE. He WAz ClEVeR tHOu9h sOmETiMeZ A LitTLe... peSTerin9. dR Do9 kallED HIM ANyWAy, PHoR Teh SiTUatIon wAz ur9ENt.
9yPSY PiCkeD Up tO a VERY AN9rY Dr DO9. 9yPSy KalMlY AZzured him Th@ MOsT 3-le99eD wAlLa8IeZ yaWn 8EfoRe maTin9, YEt iNdOneSiAn dEVil katz UsUaLLy CHARISMatiCAlLY crIN9E *aFter* MAtin9. He haD NO IdEA wh@ TH@ mEAnT; HE WaZ oNLy KONCeRNEd WiT dIStRACtIN9 Dr dO9. Why WAz 9YPsY TRyin9 TO DIstraCT dR Do9? kuZ He HAD SnuCK out pHROM dr DO9'z WiT Teh marijuaNA SEED oNly phouR dAyZ PRIOR. iT Waz A phlAm8oyaNT lIttLE MarIJUaNa sEed... How koULd hE reSIsT?
IT dId'Nt TaKE LOn9 8EFoRe Dr dO9 9OT 8acK TO Teh su8JeCT @ Hand: HiZ maRIJuANa SEED. 9ypSY yAwned. ReluNCtantly, 9YPSY invITeD hIm oVER, aZzuRIn9 hIM thEy'D phiNd TEH marIJuAnA SeeD. Dr do9 9Ra88Ed hiz hAmMoCk aND Disem8arKed IMmedIAtely. afTER HAN9In9 uP tEh phONE, 9yPSY ReALIzEd tH@ hE WaZ iN trOu8LE. HE Had TO pHiNd A plACE TO hIdE teh maRiJUanA seEd AND HE HAd TO dO iT skILlFULlY. he PhI9UReD Th@ IF DR Do9 tOoK TeH kur8-JUMpiN9 9heTtO SLED (impaLa), He hAd takE @ LEAsT PhiVe minUTEz 8efore DR dO9 would 9Et tHeRe. 8UT iF he took tEH TImE machIne? tHen 9yPSy wOULD 8e a8norMAlLY ScReWEd.
8EFOre HE KOuld koME up wit anY REaSONa8le ideAZ, 9yPsY WaZ inTERRuptEd 8y THREe pHunny-sMELlIN9 anTeATerZ TH@ WERe LUREd 8Y HiZ maRIJUanA sEeD. 9yPsy paNIckEd; 'NoT a9AIN', hE THOu9Ht. PHEEliN9 RelIEVED, hE APtly ReAcheD pHor hiz LIVe HanD 9reNAde AnD SkIllfULLy HIT everY LaSt oNE oF thEm. ApparentlY tHIz waz A ADEkwAte DeterReNt--the disCOURa9Ed cRiTterz 8e9aN TO scurrY 8ack tOWard TeH DIseaSE-inFesTED JUN9LE, SkwEALIn9 wiT DISCoNTEnT. He Exhaled wIt reLieF. TH@'Z wHEN HE HEaRd TeH TimE MaCHInE RoLliN9 Up. IT wAZ dR Do9.
AZ HE PUlled UP, hE PhElt a sENze of UR9EnCy. He hAd HAD To MaKE A UNSCHedULed Stop @ SEArZ TO PICk uP a 12-PacK Of 9Er8Ilz, so HE KNEw hE waZ runNiN9 LaTe. wit a kAlCUlatEd LEap, DR DO9 WAz ouT Of TEH tIme macHInE AnD WeNT ScAnDAloUsly JaUnTIN9 tOWaRD 9ypSy'z pHRoNT DoOR. MEAnwhile INsiDE, 9YPSy WAZ pAniCkIN9. NoT tHInKiN9, He toSSED TeH marijuanA SeEd iNto a 8Ox OF LivE hanD 9RenADEz AND THen slID tEH 8OX 8ehInD hiz rHINOCERuZ. 9ypSy wAz PlEeZd 8ut @ lEasT tEH mariJuANA SeED WAZ KONcEaLed. tEh dOOr8ell RAN9.
'KomE IN,' 9YPsy CHaRIsMAticAlLy PUrrED. Wit a kAREfUl PuSh, DR DO9 OPeNeD TeH DOOR. 'sORRy phOr 8ein9 LAte, 8UT I WAz 8EIN9 ChAseD 8Y sOMe CLUELeSS NO8Le 9EniUz iN a KUr8-JuMPin9 9HetTo SLed (IMpAla),' he LiEd. 'IT'Z PHINe,' 9yPSy AZZUReD him. DR do9 TOOK A SEat eXCRUCIaTin9LY CLoZE to WhERE 9YpsY Had HIdDEn TeH MARIjuAnA seEd. 9yPsy PAnickEd trYin9 UNSuccessfUlly TO hidE hIZ neRvoUSnEeZ. 'uHH, KaN i 9ET u anYtHIn9?' hE 8LurTED. 8UT dr do9 WAZ dIsTRacTEd. SuddeNLY CHeEREd uP 8Y TEh hAmTARo tHEMe SON9, 9YpsY noTIced a A8RAsive LOoK On DR do9'Z pHacE. dr Do9 SlowLy openeD HiZ MOUth to speEK.
'...wH@'z TH@ SmeLL?'
9yPsY pHelt a sTA88iN9 pAIN In hiz EAr WHeN dr Do9 asKED thIz. IN A momeNt Of dis8elIeF, He rEALIZed TH@ hE HAd hiDdEN Teh MariJuaNa sEED RI9Ht 8y HIZ oSCIllATin9 phaN. 'WH-WH@? I dO'Nt smElL aNYTHIN9..!' a lIE. A A8raSIVe lOOK StaRTed To PHOrM oN dR Do9'z PHace. HE TuRnEd to NoticE A 8OX tH@ SEEMEd clearLy OuT of PlAcE. 'Th-TH-tHoZe r JUSt My 9RanDMA'Z RIpENED AvocaDOz phRom when She usED tO havE peT VENOmouz kOALAZ. SHE, UH...DrOpPEd 'Em 8Y HeRe EarlIeR'. DR dO9 NoDded WIt PhakE aCKnOwlEd9EMeNT...THeN, 8efoRE 9YPSy koulD REaCt, DR Do9 SKiLlFulLY Lun9Ed TowarD TeH 8OX anD OPEnEd It. tEh MaRIJUaNa seeD waZ PLAInLy In vIEw.
dr Do9 sTared @ 9yPSY phor WH@ WH@ muSt'vE 8eeN pHouR sEconDz. sUddEnLY inspIRED 8Y tEh wIZe teachIN9Z of koNFUScIOuz, 9yPsy 9roped scaNDALOusLY IN dr do9'z dIrECTIoN, CLEARly deSperATe. Dr dO9 9rA88eD TeH maRIJUaNA sEed AND 8olteD PHoR tEh dOOR. It WAz LOCKED. 9ypSY let ouT a PhlaM8OyANT CHuCklE. 'IF ONLy U haD'nt 8eeN SO protecTiVE Of TH@ THIN9, NoNE of thIZ wOuld hAVe HApPENeD, dr dO9,' He re8uKED. 9yPsy aLWAyz Had 8EEn A LiTTle PHuNny-SmelliN9, SO Dr dO9 KNew tH@ RECOnCiLIatIOn WaZ NOT A OPtiOn; hE NEeDEd To EScAPe 8efORe 9yPSy DId soMEtHIN9 CrazY, Like... STart CHUCkin9 rIpenED AvocADOZ @ HIm or SOMETHin9. lIKE a DrUNKeN sAilor @ happy Hour, He 9RippED HIz MaRIJuAna SEeD ti9hTly And madE a d# toWarD Teh WinDoW, dIVIN9 HeAdLon9 THrou9h TeH 9lazz PANElz.
9YpSy LOoKEd oN, 8lAnKLY. 'wh@ TEh HELL? TH@ SEeMeD ExcessIve. teH otHEr Door WAZ OpEN, U kNoW.' SiLENcE PHROm DR dO9. 'aND TO tHINK, I varnISHED Th@ wInDOW pHRame TeN DayZ A9o...iT NeVeR ENdz!' SudDeNLy HE PHElT a Tin9E OF kONcerN phor Dr dO9. 'oh. U ..OKAy?' StIll siLEnCE. 9YPsY WalKed OvER tO TEH wIndOW and lOoKED down. dr do9 wAz 9onE.
JUsT Yonder, Dr do9 waz STru99LiN9 TO MAKe hiZ way thROU9h TeH HAUntED thicKEt 8EHInd 9YPSY'Z plaCE. dr DO9 Had sEVeRElY huRt hIz sHIN dURiN9 teh WiNdOW INcidENT, and WAz STarTiN9 tO LOZe sTren9th. AnoTher PAck OF PhERal ANtEAtERZ SUdDenly appEaREd, haVin9 KAU9hT WINd OF teh maRIJUanA SeeD. onE 8y oNe TheY lATCHEd oN To dR Do9. alreaDY wEAKeNEd pHrOM HiZ INJURy, dr do9 yIeLdeD TO TEH PHURrY onslau9hT And KolLaPsed. teH lAst thIn9 hE SAW 8efore LoSiN9 konsCiOuSNeez Waz a 8uZZIn9 HOrDE oF AnTEAtERZ RunNin9 OfF wit hiz mArIJUAna sEEd.
a8OuT three HOURZ LATer, dR Do9 AwokE, hiz shin ThRo88IN9. It WAZ DArk anD dR do9 Did NOt kNOw where hE Waz. dEeP IN TEh 8ROad MA9iCaL KOrnFiELD, Dr DO9 wAz sCaRCElY LosT. SuDdenlY INSPIrEd 8y tEh WiZE teacHiN9Z OF konfUsciOuZ, hE ReMem8EreD th@ HiZ MarIjUaNa Seed Waz TAken 8Y TEH anteATeRz. 8ut @ th@ POiNT, He WAz jUsT thaNkFUL PhOr hiZ lIfE. TH@'z wHeN, tO hIZ hORRoR, A 8i9 aNtEaTeR Emer9Ed phroM Teh swAMp. It Waz tEh ALpHa antEAteR. Dr Do9 OPened HiZ Mouth TO screaM 8Ut WaZ kuT ShoRT WHen tEH anteATEr SUnK Itz tEETH iNTO dR DO9'Z pRostATe. WIt A phaINT 9roAN, teH LifE esCaPed phRoM dr do9'z lun9z, 8ut NoT 8eFOre he rEAlIzed Th@ He WAZ A PHAiluRe.
LeSS THaN PhoUR miLEZ Away, 9YpSY waz ENtoM8ED 8y aN9uISh OveR TEH LoSs Of teh mARIJuaNA sEED. 'My pREcIoUz!!' hE cRiED, az He rEaCHED pHOr a SharPENEd 8aNaNa. wIT a inEpT THrUst, he 8uriEd iT DEEpLY iNTo Hiz Shin. az TeH ROom 8e9aN TO pHADE To 8laCk, hE thoU9ht a8oUt DR DO9... wIsHiN9 HE HaD phoUnd Teh KOurA9e TO tElL HiM th@ he LOVED HIm. 8UT he wOulD DIe aLONE tH@ Day. aLl th@ REMaineD Waz teH MarIJUaNa sEed th@ HAD TUrned tHEM A9AINsT EacH OtheR, ultIMaTELY kaUsIn9 their demIze. AND AZ Teh deW oN MelANcHOlY SaPPlIn9 8rAnChez 8E9AN tO rEfLEcT Teh dAWn'z rEddisH 9lAre, alL Th@ KoUld 8e hEArD WaZ TeH ChIlliN9 Cry of dIStaNT ANteaTErZ, DeSECrATIN9 aLl tHin9Z sAcRed tO vIrtuouZ Men, and PeRpEtUATin9 A eVIl tH@ wOuld rEi9N pHOR CENtURieZ TO KOMe. OUR HEROez WOULd've lIved UnhaPPIly Ever aFTeR, 8uT THeY WErE TOo 8Usy 8EIn9 deAD. So, nO OnE lIvED phorEVEr AftER, TEH eND. :'(
LolZ!!1
9yPSY PiCkeD Up tO a VERY AN9rY Dr DO9. 9yPSy KalMlY AZzured him Th@ MOsT 3-le99eD wAlLa8IeZ yaWn 8EfoRe maTin9, YEt iNdOneSiAn dEVil katz UsUaLLy CHARISMatiCAlLY crIN9E *aFter* MAtin9. He haD NO IdEA wh@ TH@ mEAnT; HE WaZ oNLy KONCeRNEd WiT dIStRACtIN9 Dr dO9. Why WAz 9YPsY TRyin9 TO DIstraCT dR Do9? kuZ He HAD SnuCK out pHROM dr DO9'z WiT Teh marijuaNA SEED oNly phouR dAyZ PRIOR. iT Waz A phlAm8oyaNT lIttLE MarIJUaNa sEed... How koULd hE reSIsT?
IT dId'Nt TaKE LOn9 8EFoRe Dr dO9 9OT 8acK TO Teh su8JeCT @ Hand: HiZ maRIJuANa SEED. 9ypSY yAwned. ReluNCtantly, 9YPSY invITeD hIm oVER, aZzuRIn9 hIM thEy'D phiNd TEH marIJuAnA SeeD. Dr do9 9Ra88Ed hiz hAmMoCk aND Disem8arKed IMmedIAtely. afTER HAN9In9 uP tEh phONE, 9yPSY ReALIzEd tH@ hE WaZ iN trOu8LE. HE Had TO pHiNd A plACE TO hIdE teh maRiJUanA seEd AND HE HAd TO dO iT skILlFULlY. he PhI9UReD Th@ IF DR Do9 tOoK TeH kur8-JUMpiN9 9heTtO SLED (impaLa), He hAd takE @ LEAsT PhiVe minUTEz 8efore DR dO9 would 9Et tHeRe. 8UT iF he took tEH TImE machIne? tHen 9yPSy wOULD 8e a8norMAlLY ScReWEd.
8EFOre HE KOuld koME up wit anY REaSONa8le ideAZ, 9yPsY WaZ inTERRuptEd 8y THREe pHunny-sMELlIN9 anTeATerZ TH@ WERe LUREd 8Y HiZ maRIJUanA sEeD. 9yPsy paNIckEd; 'NoT a9AIN', hE THOu9Ht. PHEEliN9 RelIEVED, hE APtly ReAcheD pHor hiz LIVe HanD 9reNAde AnD SkIllfULLy HIT everY LaSt oNE oF thEm. ApparentlY tHIz waz A ADEkwAte DeterReNt--the disCOURa9Ed cRiTterz 8e9aN TO scurrY 8ack tOWard TeH DIseaSE-inFesTED JUN9LE, SkwEALIn9 wiT DISCoNTEnT. He Exhaled wIt reLieF. TH@'Z wHEN HE HEaRd TeH TimE MaCHInE RoLliN9 Up. IT wAZ dR Do9.
AZ HE PUlled UP, hE PhElt a sENze of UR9EnCy. He hAd HAD To MaKE A UNSCHedULed Stop @ SEArZ TO PICk uP a 12-PacK Of 9Er8Ilz, so HE KNEw hE waZ runNiN9 LaTe. wit a kAlCUlatEd LEap, DR DO9 WAz ouT Of TEH tIme macHInE AnD WeNT ScAnDAloUsly JaUnTIN9 tOWaRD 9ypSy'z pHRoNT DoOR. MEAnwhile INsiDE, 9YPSy WAZ pAniCkIN9. NoT tHInKiN9, He toSSED TeH marijuanA SeEd iNto a 8Ox OF LivE hanD 9RenADEz AND THen slID tEH 8OX 8ehInD hiz rHINOCERuZ. 9ypSy wAz PlEeZd 8ut @ lEasT tEH mariJuANA SeED WAZ KONcEaLed. tEh dOOr8ell RAN9.
'KomE IN,' 9YPsy CHaRIsMAticAlLy PUrrED. Wit a kAREfUl PuSh, DR DO9 OPeNeD TeH DOOR. 'sORRy phOr 8ein9 LAte, 8UT I WAz 8EIN9 ChAseD 8Y sOMe CLUELeSS NO8Le 9EniUz iN a KUr8-JuMPin9 9HetTo SLed (IMpAla),' he LiEd. 'IT'Z PHINe,' 9yPSy AZZUReD him. DR do9 TOOK A SEat eXCRUCIaTin9LY CLoZE to WhERE 9YpsY Had HIdDEn TeH MARIjuAnA seEd. 9yPsy PAnickEd trYin9 UNSuccessfUlly TO hidE hIZ neRvoUSnEeZ. 'uHH, KaN i 9ET u anYtHIn9?' hE 8LurTED. 8UT dr do9 WAZ dIsTRacTEd. SuddeNLY CHeEREd uP 8Y TEh hAmTARo tHEMe SON9, 9YpsY noTIced a A8RAsive LOoK On DR do9'Z pHacE. dr Do9 SlowLy openeD HiZ MOUth to speEK.
'...wH@'z TH@ SmeLL?'
9yPsY pHelt a sTA88iN9 pAIN In hiz EAr WHeN dr Do9 asKED thIz. IN A momeNt Of dis8elIeF, He rEALIZed TH@ hE HAd hiDdEN Teh MariJuaNa sEED RI9Ht 8y HIZ oSCIllATin9 phaN. 'WH-WH@? I dO'Nt smElL aNYTHIN9..!' a lIE. A A8raSIVe lOOK StaRTed To PHOrM oN dR Do9'z PHace. HE TuRnEd to NoticE A 8OX tH@ SEEMEd clearLy OuT of PlAcE. 'Th-TH-tHoZe r JUSt My 9RanDMA'Z RIpENED AvocaDOz phRom when She usED tO havE peT VENOmouz kOALAZ. SHE, UH...DrOpPEd 'Em 8Y HeRe EarlIeR'. DR dO9 NoDded WIt PhakE aCKnOwlEd9EMeNT...THeN, 8efoRE 9YPSy koulD REaCt, DR Do9 SKiLlFulLY Lun9Ed TowarD TeH 8OX anD OPEnEd It. tEh MaRIJUaNa seeD waZ PLAInLy In vIEw.
dr Do9 sTared @ 9yPSY phor WH@ WH@ muSt'vE 8eeN pHouR sEconDz. sUddEnLY inspIRED 8Y tEh wIZe teachIN9Z of koNFUScIOuz, 9yPsy 9roped scaNDALOusLY IN dr do9'z dIrECTIoN, CLEARly deSperATe. Dr dO9 9rA88eD TeH maRIJUaNA sEed AND 8olteD PHoR tEh dOOR. It WAz LOCKED. 9ypSY let ouT a PhlaM8OyANT CHuCklE. 'IF ONLy U haD'nt 8eeN SO protecTiVE Of TH@ THIN9, NoNE of thIZ wOuld hAVe HApPENeD, dr dO9,' He re8uKED. 9yPsy aLWAyz Had 8EEn A LiTTle PHuNny-SmelliN9, SO Dr dO9 KNew tH@ RECOnCiLIatIOn WaZ NOT A OPtiOn; hE NEeDEd To EScAPe 8efORe 9yPSy DId soMEtHIN9 CrazY, Like... STart CHUCkin9 rIpenED AvocADOZ @ HIm or SOMETHin9. lIKE a DrUNKeN sAilor @ happy Hour, He 9RippED HIz MaRIJuAna SEeD ti9hTly And madE a d# toWarD Teh WinDoW, dIVIN9 HeAdLon9 THrou9h TeH 9lazz PANElz.
9YpSy LOoKEd oN, 8lAnKLY. 'wh@ TEh HELL? TH@ SEeMeD ExcessIve. teH otHEr Door WAZ OpEN, U kNoW.' SiLENcE PHROm DR dO9. 'aND TO tHINK, I varnISHED Th@ wInDOW pHRame TeN DayZ A9o...iT NeVeR ENdz!' SudDeNLy HE PHElT a Tin9E OF kONcerN phor Dr dO9. 'oh. U ..OKAy?' StIll siLEnCE. 9YPsY WalKed OvER tO TEH wIndOW and lOoKED down. dr do9 wAz 9onE.
JUsT Yonder, Dr do9 waz STru99LiN9 TO MAKe hiZ way thROU9h TeH HAUntED thicKEt 8EHInd 9YPSY'Z plaCE. dr DO9 Had sEVeRElY huRt hIz sHIN dURiN9 teh WiNdOW INcidENT, and WAz STarTiN9 tO LOZe sTren9th. AnoTher PAck OF PhERal ANtEAtERZ SUdDenly appEaREd, haVin9 KAU9hT WINd OF teh maRIJUanA SeeD. onE 8y oNe TheY lATCHEd oN To dR Do9. alreaDY wEAKeNEd pHrOM HiZ INJURy, dr do9 yIeLdeD TO TEH PHURrY onslau9hT And KolLaPsed. teH lAst thIn9 hE SAW 8efore LoSiN9 konsCiOuSNeez Waz a 8uZZIn9 HOrDE oF AnTEAtERZ RunNin9 OfF wit hiz mArIJUAna sEEd.
a8OuT three HOURZ LATer, dR Do9 AwokE, hiz shin ThRo88IN9. It WAZ DArk anD dR do9 Did NOt kNOw where hE Waz. dEeP IN TEh 8ROad MA9iCaL KOrnFiELD, Dr DO9 wAz sCaRCElY LosT. SuDdenlY INSPIrEd 8y tEh WiZE teacHiN9Z OF konfUsciOuZ, hE ReMem8EreD th@ HiZ MarIjUaNa Seed Waz TAken 8Y TEH anteATeRz. 8ut @ th@ POiNT, He WAz jUsT thaNkFUL PhOr hiZ lIfE. TH@'z wHeN, tO hIZ hORRoR, A 8i9 aNtEaTeR Emer9Ed phroM Teh swAMp. It Waz tEh ALpHa antEAteR. Dr Do9 OPened HiZ Mouth TO screaM 8Ut WaZ kuT ShoRT WHen tEH anteATEr SUnK Itz tEETH iNTO dR DO9'Z pRostATe. WIt A phaINT 9roAN, teH LifE esCaPed phRoM dr do9'z lun9z, 8ut NoT 8eFOre he rEAlIzed Th@ He WAZ A PHAiluRe.
LeSS THaN PhoUR miLEZ Away, 9YpSY waz ENtoM8ED 8y aN9uISh OveR TEH LoSs Of teh mARIJuaNA sEED. 'My pREcIoUz!!' hE cRiED, az He rEaCHED pHOr a SharPENEd 8aNaNa. wIT a inEpT THrUst, he 8uriEd iT DEEpLY iNTo Hiz Shin. az TeH ROom 8e9aN TO pHADE To 8laCk, hE thoU9ht a8oUt DR DO9... wIsHiN9 HE HaD phoUnd Teh KOurA9e TO tElL HiM th@ he LOVED HIm. 8UT he wOulD DIe aLONE tH@ Day. aLl th@ REMaineD Waz teH MarIJUaNa sEed th@ HAD TUrned tHEM A9AINsT EacH OtheR, ultIMaTELY kaUsIn9 their demIze. AND AZ Teh deW oN MelANcHOlY SaPPlIn9 8rAnChez 8E9AN tO rEfLEcT Teh dAWn'z rEddisH 9lAre, alL Th@ KoUld 8e hEArD WaZ TeH ChIlliN9 Cry of dIStaNT ANteaTErZ, DeSECrATIN9 aLl tHin9Z sAcRed tO vIrtuouZ Men, and PeRpEtUATin9 A eVIl tH@ wOuld rEi9N pHOR CENtURieZ TO KOMe. OUR HEROez WOULd've lIved UnhaPPIly Ever aFTeR, 8uT THeY WErE TOo 8Usy 8EIn9 deAD. So, nO OnE lIvED phorEVEr AftER, TEH eND. :'(
LolZ!!1
