farts ya gota lovem

[chuckyoufarley]

A fart is a pleasant thing,

It gives the belly ease,
It warms the bed in winter,
And suffocates the fleas. ​

A fart can be quiet,
A fart can be loud,
Some leave a powerful,
Poisonous cloud ​

A fart can be short,
Or a fart can be long,
Some farts have been known
To sound like a song.....​

A fart can create

A most curious medley,
A fart can be harmless,
Or silent, and deadly. ​

A fart might not smell,
While others are vile,
A fart may pass quickly,
Or linger a while...... ​

A fart can occur
In a number of places,
And leave everyone there,
With strange looks on their faces . ​

From wide-open prairie,
To a small elevator,
A fart will find all of
Us sooner or later. ​

But farts are all bad,

Is simply not true-
We must never forget.......
Sweet old farts like you! ​

Kinda brings a tear to your eye - right?​

 

[chuckyoufarley]

the spoiled under 30 crowd

the spoiled under 30 crowd

THE SPOILED UNDER-30 CROWD!!!
If you are 30 or older you will think this is hilarious!!!!


When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were. When they were growing up; what with walking Twenty-five miles to school every morning.... Uphill..... barefoot... BOTH ways Yadda, yadda, yadda


And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on my kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!

But now that.... I'm over the ripe old age of thirty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today.

You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia!

And I hate to say it, but you kids today, you don't know how good you've got it!

I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalogue!!

There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter - with a pen!

Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take, like, a week to get there! Stamps were 10 cents!

Child Protective Services didn't care if our parents beat us. As a matter of fact, the parents of all my
friends also had permission to kick our ass! Nowhere was safe!

There were no MP3' s or Napsters ! If you wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the damn record store and shoplift it yourself!

Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up! There were no CD players! We had tape decks in our car. We'd play our favorite tape and "eject" it when finished and the tape would come undone. Cause - that's how we rolled, dig?

We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting ! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, that's
it!

And we didn't have fancy Caller ID either!
When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your mom, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, a collections agent, you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!

We didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600 ! With games like ' Space Invaders ' and 'Asteroids'. Your guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination!! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen.... forever!
And you could never win... The game just kept getting
harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!

You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel! NO REMOTES!!!

There was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning . Do you hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little rat-bastards!

And we didn't have microwaves, if we wanted to heat something up we had to use the stove! Imagine that!

That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled. You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980 or before!

Regards,
The Over 30 Crowd

 

[chuckyoufarley]

spoting a gay terorist

spoting a gay terorist

I thought you might like to know
"How to Recognize a Gay Terrorist"

​

His name is:
"YOMAMA BIN SHOPPIN"​

 

[TrichyTrichy]

 

[Cookie monster]

Jeese chuck you would'nt be loving farts if ya lived with my 2 pups...or poops as I call em.

Funny shit tho .

 

[TrichyTrichy]

awe those little fart monsters are sooo cayuuuute

 

[Cookie monster]

oh yeah especially when I'm in bed and the let one rip right in my face...

 

[Tony Soprano]

Especially when girls fart. They have them little silent, squeaky
farts....MHMMMH sexy.

 

[cannabis59]

Especially when girls fart. They have them little silent, squeaky
farts....MHMMMH sexy.

Until you stretch em out a little

 

[dubdi3mond]

Especially when girls fart. They have them little silent, squeaky
farts....MHMMMH sexy.

lol i could puke from the thought

 

[whiterabbit9]

I stopped napping in class when I realized I could slip a huge fart lol

sometimes (at work or school)
I have one that's about to go out, and what I do, is I just, wiggle on the chair, and try to make it go back up, lol, it usually works, but a clever person would know what's up

I would die of embarassment

 

[Calimed]

Fat people fart better.

 

[Tony Soprano]

Every once in a while if I feel a fart coming, I cup my hand and stick it to my ass and fart in my hand, close it, then hurry up and open my hand in front of my nose and then smell the fart.

 

[Cookie monster]

When I was fixing up my brothers house and while on my back plumbing up the bath the f--ker hovered over me and tried to enhance what was going to be a mediocre fart by giving it a lil abdominal power.

Half way through his langhing changed from an evil chuckle to a deathly silence and a sudden look of realisation came upon his face..

Big bro had sharted and had to drive to our parents to shower and borrow a pair of trousers...think I laughed for about 3 weeks solid.

 

[whiterabbit9]

hahahaha ^

 

[chuckyoufarley]

heres the terorist

YOMAMA BIN SHOPPIN

 

[brain candy]

how come hot girls don't fart?

 

[chuckyoufarley]

thats funny shit cookie no pun intended

 

[Pythagllio]

I love my farts so much it puzzles me why they haven't made a designer perfume from them.

The best farts are after downing a huge mega-dose of THC and a large order of refried beans. Talk about a foghorn, and oh so aromatic.

Not entirely on topic but the other day my wife said 'you have to go flush the toilet, you forgot and there's a log in there'. I went and glanced into the bowl and sure enough saw what I thought was a blue ribbon sewer trout swimming there. But it wasn't my color! So I shout, 'Well I don't recognize this turd!' and flushed. Later she starts again, 'honey it didn't go down', so I went back in the bathroom for a closer look. It was a fucking dead chipmunk, not a turd. I think my wife learned a valuable lesson, a man can recognize his own turds at a glance. Ok, ok, I need to work on the recognizing a dead chipmunk part. But that has more to do with needing glasses than anything. But I must say I'm glad that the little rodent didn't back up the pipe. I don't know what the plumber would have thought of us.

 

[dFaceBanksy]

good ol' farts! great poem