Headstones and is this a bad idea?

[GeorgeSmiley]

Two and a half years ago my wife's father died. At the time it was tough for everyone to scrape up the money just for burial but we all agreed we would chip in 6mos later for a headstone. He has 7 children and a wife, his second and not the father of his children.

Fast forward 2.5 years and no one has any money or won't answer calls. I see on facebook they all go to the coast every other weekend, or just bought a mac book or a bmw whatever the bullshit reason. How pathetic. We get to go up there and wander around hoping we're putting the flowers on the right piece of lawn.

I decided it's a priority and want to buy and have it set. So I called the cemetery and they said his wife owns the plot. I would need to ask her permission. Or sign a form holding the cemetary not liable if she should see it and decide it wasn't right. Which is the problem

The oldest son and the wife both were insisting at the time that he have a large monument and it was going to be $3500 so we have to put in together to honor him properly. We can afford a nice stone but not a monument so part of me thinks it's going to be a problem getting permission and a problem after we do it.

But then again, they haven't done a single thing..... I doubt any of them have gone up there. Think I should just do it? Try and talk to the widow? she's just, well, not nice.

This has been weighing heavy on my mind lately.The guy at the cemetery told me a stone is about $800-$1000 and a monument is $2000-$3000 and up, is that a normal sounding figure?

Thanks

 

[Anita Bonghit]

buying shit for death is considered an investment at best
stones have a lifetime guarantee im pretty sure, well good luck on your decision

 

[antimatter]

When I die I want someone to climb tree with my dead body and strap it to the very top, just sayin you know?

 

[FreezerBoy]

All you can do is make the offer and accept the wife's decision.

 

[Lazyman]

Plant a pot plant there instead. no I'm kidding, you have my sympathies. But i'd rather see a tree than a headstone there.

 

[messn'n'gommin']

As far as legalities are concerned, I say ya, get the widow's permission (written if need be). After that, the honor one shows for the memory of another, is strictly for those who grieve. Although, I would ask, what kind of man was he to you and your wife, his daughter? What was his passion in life? What motivated him to get up in the morning? What made him laugh until he cried and cry until he laughed? Honor those things that was his essence and you honor the memory of the man...and you need no one's permission for that.

My belated condolences to his daughter and her husband.

Namaste, mess

 

[Pythagllio]

I want to be mulched when I die. The University of Tennessee has agreed to supervise the process in exchange for taking notes.

"Dispose of it as you wish; it is but an empty shell now"

 

[GeorgeSmiley]

Thanks everyone, you guys never fail to send me some perspective.


Maybe I'm just venting since tomorrow we are going out there.

He was a hard working man his entire life. He served 3 tours in Vietnam. He could build and do anything. I know for a fact he would want his daughters happy. He was an honorable man.

I know we don't need anything fancy or even a stone to remember him.... but it would be nice to be able to find him.

Who knows. I think we're going to take her out for dinner and talk about it later back at her house. Ya know.... during these economic times, she may be really happy that something can get done.

The more I think about it, the more I just want to do what everyone wants...... I'm just going to pay for it which is no big deal I guess I was caught up on wanting it the way my wife wants it instead of his wife. She wants a color picture on the thing for Christs sake.

 

[SuperSizeMe]

Thanks everyone, you guys never fail to send me some perspective.


Maybe I'm just venting since tomorrow we are going out there.

He was a hard working man his entire life. He served 3 tours in Vietnam. He could build and do anything. I know for a fact he would want his daughters happy. He was an honorable man.

I know we don't need anything fancy or even a stone to remember him.... but it would be nice to be able to find him.

Who knows. I think we're going to take her out for dinner and talk about it later back at her house. Ya know.... during these economic times, she may be really happy that something can get done.

The more I think about it, the more I just want to do what everyone wants...... I'm just going to pay for it which is no big deal I guess I was caught up on wanting it the way my wife wants it instead of his wife. She wants a color picture on the thing for Christs sake.

Hey George, if you can't get any response from the other family members/wife, just go ahead and have the grave marked with a simple stone bro.

Sounds like someone I knew and he definitely deserves that.

Everybody wants the best....except when it comes to paying for it, then you have a grave go unmarked for 2 1/2 years...

Sounds like you and he had mutual respect

 

[GeorgeSmiley]

Hey George, if you can't get any response from the other family members/wife, just go ahead and have the grave marked with a simple stone bro.

Sounds like someone I knew and he definitely deserves that.

Everybody wants the best....except when it comes to paying for it, then you have a grave go unmarked for 2 1/2 years...

Sounds like you and he had mutual respect

He was the first father of a girlfriend that I wanted to earn his respect. He told me he respected how hard I worked and wanted me to take care of his daughters. Being there for him to the end was an experience I was glad to be part of.

I don't want anyone involved to feel bad they couldn't do anything because I don't want to create drama. But I'm not going to do nothing because that can't do anything.

Thanks again guys

 

[qdavid]

Take the widow and your wife to the cemetary for a visit. Complain when you can't find the exact spot. Offer to buy a marker then. Go by her reaction.

 

[messn'n'gommin']

Thanks everyone, you guys never fail to send me some perspective.


Maybe I'm just venting since tomorrow we are going out there.

He was a hard working man his entire life. He served 3 tours in Vietnam. He could build and do anything. I know for a fact he would want his daughters happy. He was an honorable man.

I know we don't need anything fancy or even a stone to remember him.... but it would be nice to be able to find him.

Who knows. I think we're going to take her out for dinner and talk about it later back at her house. Ya know.... during these economic times, she may be really happy that something can get done.

The more I think about it, the more I just want to do what everyone wants...... I'm just going to pay for it which is no big deal I guess I was caught up on wanting it the way my wife wants it instead of his wife. She wants a color picture on the thing for Christs sake.

To find his place until the headstone itself is placed, you could make some sort of sign, marker, flower pot or even a small patch of flowers for a temporary marker. From the sound of it, I think he would appreciate the honor and beauty of it's simplicity.

Namaste

 

[kmk420kali]

Me and my son went to visit his Mom's grave...it was unmarked--
They had to tell me the person's name that was connected to hers...they said that she was at his feet--
That was crazy to me--
A li'l history, she was murdered by a serial killer,(after me and her split up) and I was going to buy a headstone...then her Family finally stepped up and done it--
Nobody should have to spend eternity in an unmarked grave-
We only live eternal, through our family and friends remembering...and keeping the Dead Alive--

 

[flubnutz]

buy a modest stone. i have no idea what he was like, but from the little you've said, i think he would have been happy with that. you'll have to check with the widow of course. it ain't the show that's important, it's the thought and attention. great people have been buried in humble graves.