OMFG!!! This is not like the "Woman's Restroom"!!

[kmk420kali]

I always avoided this Section because it said "Woman's"
But I got inspired by the "Dad needs Help" Thread!!
I have an 11 year old Daughter, and I have issues...
First, she is way too much like me, and at 11...I was smoking ciggs, weed, lying to my Parents...all that--
I also have a 21 year old Daughter, and she was very easy to deal with...altho not at the time!! But yeah, she didn't get interested in Boys till she was like 16...and she is engaged with the same boy now!! I thought I had it tough with her!! lol
My 11 year old is now Officially Boy Crazy tho-- And she is always wanting to take off for the afternoon...saying things like, "We are just going walking around"...and other things that I used to tell my Parents when I was up to no good--
My Quandary is...What is the line between being a good Parent, and being an overbearing Parent??
Damn...I guess with all this weed...I forgot we have a lot of Ladies here..to help us mere males out with life's confusing questions--

I am 49, so I really feel I am out of touch with what she is going through...but I want to be a Supporting Dad...but not a "Pushover" Dad--
If anybody recognizes what I am trying to ask here, please help me out...as I am more than confused by all this--
Should I be Strict?? Should I be "Understanding"...with the possibility of letting her "Work" me??
Help??

 

[Lazyman]

Oh brother, this is something that already gives me sweats, and I don't even have kids yet. I grew up with a child psychologist professor though, and know about as much as one.

This is a good time to be gentle with kids. They want independence and freedom to figure out who they are and how they fit in the world. Puberty makes this a wacky time to be a parent, you have my condolences.

I think you can educate your kids as well as possible on safe sex, drugs and pregnancy, get her on the pill if you want to be safe. Also get her that Guardasil shot. No avoiding it, if you are overbearing she will rebel even harder. You won't win, only alienate her by being too strict. Rules and fairness are still important to teens, but know they will want to test every rule. Good luck bro!

I only come to this forum when I see an interesting thread title, otherwise it's kinda like a woman's purse. Kinda scary!

 

[ureapwhatusow]

a good parent gives their child freedom in relative doses and makes sure they learn freedom is earned and certain behavior is required to maintain it

if she argues then you explain learn it now or learn it as an adult

 

[Marywanna]

STRICT. Locked in her bedroom till she is 21,lol!

 

[Inkster]

seriosuly though... no man you're NOT being an over bearing parent!

you need to get this on lock down bro...

dont be too down on yourself... tv now a days is giving girls the wrong idea...but yeah nip it in the butt before it gets worse

 

[Centrum]

Depends on how many babies you want her to have.
If she starts now by the time she is 18 you could be rich from income tax returns.

 

[Mrs.Babba]

Keep talking to her...show interest in what she does, dont be accusatory it will only drive her away. Let her know you care what the hell happens to her and what she does. KEEP TALKING, thats the best thing you can do, let he know she can come to you for anything and you wont judge her or not love her. Good luck, its a tough age..your not a kid anymore but not a woman, and your emotions are all over the place..be patient dad, you'll get thru it!

 

[mrwags]

I would say that if you have raised right up to this point you shouldn't have anything to worry about. I have a pretty little one myself and the one key thing I have instilled in her from day 1 was respect.

She is spoiled ass rotten BUT by the same token she is also a well minded and has the utmost respect for those she meets and we also have a deal of telling each other whats on our minds (OPENLY) and we can discuss it openly without judgment and more importantly without confrontation of ANY KIND.

Mine like yours is a tween as well and the boy crazy part is sadly a way of life only now it's much sooner than in the past. TY cable tv. Have you talked to her about what to expect from these boys? Have you discussed the lines they will use the lies they will tell? What I have found with mine is when we talk about something I will not necessarily tell her how the handle the situation but I will tell her how it will unfold,and just the other day she came up to me and told a story about something that we talked about and she went on to say Dad you were right,it worked out just like you said it would.

You see imo it's not what we do that's important it's what we have already done that's crucial. The world is not a pretty place at times but My World Is and so is hers and she knows that NO MATTER WHAT if she has an issue she can ALWAYS come to dad and get an opinion not an order.

As some of you may know my parents put me through 5 divorces 33 schools b4 I graduated and cheated me out of my childhood BUT I can remember when I was your daughters age I made a vowel to myself that I would NEVER put my kid through this and I would NEVER EVER forget what it was like to be a kid. You know what I mean,you played this video game for 2 hours to get past a certain level. You have been killed 100 times and try like you might you just couldn't get past it until BLAMO you make it and you see the end in sight,you running towards the door to escape and get past the level from hell and all of a sudden your dad or mom comes in shuts down the system b4 you could save it because supper is ready.

Now to a parent thats no big deal but to them you just kicked them in the balls and called their momma a whore

It took me forever to get my wife to understand this one lol she would say things like the foods gonna get cold bla bla bla until she could see the excitement in our little one's eyes when she came down to eat supper after taking an extra 3 minutes to get to a save point and saying we were the coolest parents in the Universe because we understand games. lol

If you my friend have taken the time to make her understand that you are her best friend who through thick or thin will be her rock of hope I don't think your gonna have anything to worry about. I think that when it comes to talking about boys you need to be her best friend not her dad. Dads want his little girls to die virgins and they know that by now . But a best friend will say things like he's a cute kid but I bet he's trouble or boys will usually lie to get what they want it's finding the one that won't is the hard part.

Just do your best to remember what it was like to be her age and share what you did in a situation rules are for the military but sharing and teaching a way of LIFE is being a parent IMHO and you don't need to be any kind of age to do just that.



Have A Great Day
Mr.Wags

 

[hippie_lettuce]

Well I do not want to put my life story on here but I think that if you know that you raised her well, then you may have nothing to worry about, as Mr. wags already mentioned. HOWEVER, just because she acts with you a certain way does not mean that she acts that way all the time. I can understand giving children their freedom, but I think that sometimes society in general gives them too much freedom, and then they make mistakes, etc. etc.

Mistakes of course are an integral part of growing up, but there are some mistakes which can be difficult to correct.

Always know who your child is going to hang out with. It would be useful to give the child a cell phone at this time, even if it is borrowing one of your own. Request that she leave the cell phone on at all times. Ask her to call you every two or three hours. This may sound like a pain, especially to her, but tell her that it really is for her safety.

My parents would have never let me go out later than 8:00p.m. on weeknights, and on weekends, I rarely went out anyway. As a result I am not the type of girl to go partying even when I am college. Take her personality into consideration, though, because it's not always about how you brought her up.

I do not know what my parents did with me to make me wait until I was in college and well over 18 to start having boyfriends, but I can tell you that they were strict with me. Take the middle road; remember that you are a parent, NOT just your daughter's friend.

 

[Marywanna]

Good point,HL. Being a parent is much harder than being a friend. When my Mom would say no to me,I would say it because she hated me. Then she said something I have remembered my entire life.............."if I didn't love you,I wouldn't say NO." And I think that is still true today. It is harder to say NO than to say yes to your kids. I'll take a 2 year old on any day,but teens,man,they are tough. It's like they turn into different people or something.

 

[kmk420kali]

Thank you all for your well thought replies!!
It is more me, remembering how I was at that age, that has me scared-- She is a great kid...haven't caught her lying or anything...it is more a battle with myself, to not relate her life to mine...if that makes any sense--
I was too strict with the older one...and I am trying very hard to relax....but it is hard....
I think I just needed ppl outside of my family to say what I already know...but am having a hard time releasing her to start growing up--
Damn...it is hard with girls...my son was a breeze!!
Thank you all so much for the advise...and it does help me remember that I am just here to make sure she stays safe, and to let her grow into who she is going to be...but to watch for "Red Flags", and keep our relationship strong--
Thanks ya'll!!

 

[Helps Me]

Yeah I feel for ya! When my kids were teens, they scared me worse than when they were two yrs old, lol! (I called it the 'terrble teens') YOU are going thru the 'terrible tweens' right now, tho, huh?

I'd try to stay flexible. You know,bend and sway like a reed. Be honestly interested in her life and daily activities. She'll be more open with you that way.

Good Luck!

 

[Marywanna]

We had 2 boys first. You are right, girls are a completely different thing!