some advice from the wise please...

[Tonatiuh]

wassup IC mag friends,i have a lil dilemma i need some advice on how to handle in the best way...

i have 2 teenagers 14 and 16 that i found out today are smokin bud,now i knew this day would eventualy come but i thought it would maybe be sooner then later...first off let me tell you about these two kids,they are both honor roll students with bomb ass g.p.a.'s my son will be graduating early,probably by the end of this year my daughter is also on the way to doing the same...both are into sports and other activities at school.honestly they are really well rounded,well mannered respectful kids...my 16 year old has a job and is a real good kid.
they know i smoke and ive never hid it from them so i cant really go off on them for smokin,i had been smokin for years by the time i was their age.still i dont want them smokin quite yet because their minds arent even fully grown enough to start burnin already imho...on the other hand in this day and age i am counting my blessings that they chose weed to try instead of the plethora of other drugs that are available in the streets and schools these days...honestly these kids are so well behaved and trusted by me and their mother,i would have never guessed they were smokin but their mother found a bag of bud in one of the bedrooms and we arent stupid...and this shwag was nothing that i dropped fasho ....i honestly think that the 14 is waaaaaaayyyyyy too young and im gonna have to stay on that ass to make sure to get that in check,but my 16 year old admitted he been smokin for like a year and a half already...

now i know that there are alot of you out here that have had to deal with this exact same thing,i would really love to get some advice on how you handled it,maybe what you did,what you wish you woulda did ,or what you wish you would not have done...im really lookin forward to hearing from you guys so thank you in advance.
peace -T-

 

[Hash Zeppelin]

just teach them moderation, and if their grades drop it's there ass! GROUNDED. Also replace their shwag one day with dank.

 

[noreaga]

I had to pull the trigger on my buddies son the other night cause he was way too nervous to do it himself, you gotta explain to them there minds are fresh......and to appreciate that, then again they dont know what it is to be full fledged stoners yet BUT they should continue pointing there lives academically and future financially to where it will suit them best! sounds like your kids got there shit way way way way WAYYYYY more straightend out already then this lil dude but i tried tellin em the whole shpeel like that. i hope it sunk in but what can ya say really? this little guy knows ive been smokin with his pops since he was shittin in diapers... def gonna take some time to marinate innnn , if not throw em on the grill with some bubba

 

[Big D]

Well T. I have 4 kids 10, 13, 16 and 18, but I have never had to deal with your situation but what I would do, is say, they are not old enough to smoke. Even if herb was legal, it would not be legal for them and tell them that you love them and you are worried about them getting in to trouble and that there is plenty of time for that when they have finished school and gone as far as they could in their athletic careers.

Good luck bro, I know you will figure it out. Peace!

 

[lockehead]

1 Thing i can add... tell them to never ever have marijuana at school, even if its not theirs.. if they get caught (ive heard of schools hiring dogs to do random drug searches) theyll be in deep shit..

 

[Diskrete]

I have two daughters 16 and 14 the 14 year old turns 15 next month. They both have tried it and experimented a bit. When we first found out it was the 14 year old...she had bad grades last year and has since been so involved in softball she has had no other choice but to stick her head in the books aswell, she tried it over the summer and has done it on a few occasions. I think I got lucky with the timing though because her dumbass decided to try it the first time a few hours before practice, she sucked ass! And I mean Sucked! she was missing catches, throws, her fielding was off and she realized it that day that it was because she had smoked. The only thing I was able to boldly say is that she has priorities and as long as those priorities and responsiblities are met I would supprt her. That meant maintaining the 3.5 or higher GPA and staying on her softball game, That she needed to be responsible in using anything, because smoking in the park when you are known local athlete is asking for trouble. She needs to be careful who she is around and learn that not everyone is "cool". gave that same speech to the 16 Y/O she said she has smoked but I think she may just be saying that to keep up with her younger sister. I think the biggest thing for me was to not condone the usage but support them at the same time. I believe they are to young aswell, but you can only let them know your opinion. If I were to be a hypocrite and say they needed to stop, I think they would come at me a whole lot different and they would begin to be highly dishonest. There are days that they make me wonder, but anytime something is different or something has happened they talk to us about it. They have been honest and continue to do so, so that may be a good thing and for that we cannot put them down, but we leave the door open for future discussions about anything.

 

[DogBoy]

If you ban them they will do it behind your back so my advice would be educate them, treat them as adults and ASK them if they would ensure that all work is done before smoking and to also ensure that they smoke in the house or other such safe places.

I find with teenagers it's best to work with them rather than bark at them. If they have good history and good grades they deserve to be treated as adults and given the option to work with you. If they persist or get dangerous then it's time to bring down the houselaw but if they are good kids, they sound quite smart, they will probably see your side and try to conform. Might have a few hiccups but it worked fine for me when i spoke with a friends teenage kids. They are pretty switched on about it now and it's not a 'cool thing' all the kids are doing.

After all, how nice would it be to share a joint with dad on special occasions etc.

.02

 

[MrGreen]

If you ban them they will do it behind your back so my advice would be educate them, treat them as adults and ASK them if they would ensure that all work is done before smoking and to also ensure that they smoke in the house or other such safe places.

I find with teenagers it's best to work with them rather than bark at them. If they have good history and good grades they deserve to be treated as adults and given the option to work with you. If they persist or get dangerous then it's time to bring down the houselaw but if they are good kids, they sound quite smart, they will probably see your side and try to conform. Might have a few hiccups but it worked fine for me when i spoke with a friends teenage kids. They are pretty switched on about it now and it's not a 'cool thing' all the kids are doing.

After all, how nice would it be to share a joint with dad on special occasions etc.

.02

Too bad there aren't more parents like you. Excellent advice.

 

[mean mr.mustard]

Too bad there aren't more parents like you. Excellent advice.

that's too bloody well right

 

[hoosierdaddy]

Tona, we have raised four youngins. The youngest is 19 and still at home.
The two oldest are girls, and there is nothing I could do with them, as they were a product of a split marriage. Even though I have had full custody of them since the divorce, they were never really hip to me and their step mothers parenting techniques. Everything we did was undermined by my beotch of an ex.
I never did even try on the pot thing with those two. One blazes the other does not and never will.

The two younger ones are boys, and are my step sons. They got good grades and all, and never been in any trouble. Neither of them smoke weed at all. They all know I blaze, although I have never brought it out in front of them, and they have never seen me smoke.
The oldest even knows I grow, as he caught me at 3:00am petting my babies.
(the youngest still at home has no idea I am growing top shelf weed in the house...really, he hasn't a clue!...I'm a stealth mofo fosho!)

Anywho...The old lady and I have always told them how we felt about weed. And it is just about the same as what we feel about alcohol as far as the legality of a minor using it and choices to make. However, they all know that I am a big time disser of alcohol, as I pretty much hate the stuff.
They all have pretty much figured out that my philosophy is that anything and everything we do and intake can be done to excess. Everything.
They also know that I am one that chooses to smoke herb as my drug of choice. I have always openly preached at my house how alcohol is the worst drug available, IMO, with the mind altering chemicals coming in second.
I also state that when they find evidence of pot causing any of the problems that alcohol and chemicals can cause, that it will also be on my shit list...but that aint gonna happen.

They will bring up the points that their peers bring to the table. Such as pot causes boys to be sterile, and pot being the gateway to bigger drugs.
You must have your shit together when they bring up these issues. Counter immediately with the TRUTH. The truth sets us all free.

They are at a very volatile age. So easily swayed by peers. You must remain their father, but you need to be a friendly father. And always remember that kids that age are retarded. Really, they are retarded, and you and me were retarded at that age. Just look back and you will agree with me.
One must deal with retardos with "kid" gloves, as it were.

Bottom line....you are daddio, and you know what is best for your home.

 

[Cookie monster]

I've no kids but had the best wisest parents a man could ever wish for.

One day when i was about 15-16 i got the drugs talk from the pair of them you know the usuall stuff.

To cut a long story short my parents decided that it was better to permit me to smoke a little bit of pot at home than try and forbid me from smoking.
They knew me well and that telling me not to do something that i see no harm in would have the opposite effect.

There were still rules tho
No smoking during the day..no weed outside the house either smoking or buying it.
No hard drugs.

I was told if i was ever caught by the cops with weed or hard drugs then i was out of the house and on my own 2 feet, tough but fair.

They were cool about it and i followed their rules, pretty soon i was let start a small grow at home.

Maybe once i tryed coke but the guilt at breaking a promise to the folks was too much to bear....

The rest is history, a little bit of honesty and trust and a few rules is probably the best way to go

 

[DogBoy]

Thanks for the kind words dudes. Maybe one day i'll tell you all why i think like that but not in the current climate!


Best of luck with you kids, i hope you have more luck than me!

 

[PazVerdeRadical]

DogBoy and his red karma bar is all show... in the inside he is a big pink loved filled dog...

 

[motaloca]

When my mom found out, she told me to never lie about drugs, and that she was scared I will move on to other stuff as I was living around needlepark, she said it's better for her knowing than for me hiding it.
She wasn't happy about it, but said it was ok, as long as I do my homework and my grades would stay up.
Then she let me grow 2 plants on the balcony.
She also had her brother talking to me, because he was an expert on the subject.
On the other hand my friends parents grounded him sent him to Christian drug counseling, he died 4 years later on an overdose.
I'm sure his parents way had to do with it.
I'm a father now and I will be honest about drugs to my son. If he wants to smoke i'd rather he has some decent organic weed. (Although i would prefer he waited till he's at least 16)
If he decides not to, I'll be happy too.
peace

 

[Rouge]

Well, the apple don't fall too far from the tree now does it bud? Reminds me of my mom's......wouldn't let me eat in the living room and watch the tube......until I saw her eating in the living room and watching the tube. From then on nothing she could say could convince me not to do it. When I'm that far along I want to have your "problem".
The following comments is just for your amusement but the beer part is true.........If you are a turd, you could always try the Tony Robbins reverse psychology method. Sit your kids down with a couple of 6 packs of beer and a few joints. Now the trick is they have got to finish all the beer and the joints in one session. When they are puking and passing out, pile on more beer and joints. They should be fully innoculated after this and won't go near either beer or weed........... forever.

 

[accessndx]

Tona my brotha: you should put yourself in their shoes first. Think about how you would respond if your parents caught you at their age with weed. My 2 cents is you keep an eye on them and make them understand the gravity of what they are doing from a legal perspective. Anything you tell them about the dangers of smoking with their young brains is going to fall on deaf ears. You know this is true because it's how I'd respond at their age to that parent/child talk about weed, and it's probably the way you'd respond also.
Nobody at any age likes people getting up in their grill telling them what they can or cannot do.
Of course as a parent, this is precisely what you have to do to be responsible.
The BEST thing you can do now is not facilitate, but to guide and shepherd them to safety.
And let's face it FTR: weed never hurt anyone. I don't know anyone that's been rendered "stupid" as a result of smoking lots of weed.
Hell, I started smoking it when I was 17, and over 20 years later I'm still puffin' without having lost a single brain cell.
There are MUCH worse things your children can be into or doing.

What I probably WOULDN'T do for a long, long time is pull out the dank you steadily pump out....and give any to them. That would be a bit much. Maybe when they're old enough to deal with dad's dank you decide to have that "special" father/son talk....LOL.

Good luck bro. I'm certain those kids are good eggs if they're even 1% like you...

Do make them tow the line however: if their grades slip or they start acting crazy you put the kibosh on their extracurricular activities. The trick is NOT to make a big deal out of it and make it a forbidden fruit...if you do...I can guarantee 1 singular result.....you're going to increase their interest in weed and make them devious about smoking/acquiring it. That's something you don't want to start.

 

[oldbootz]

i agree with dogboy.

no kids of my own but my parents were very strict on me.

i ended up doing everything but the worst drugs like heroin mandrax crack

partly due to curiosity partly due to the lies i had exposed about other drugs that were told to me to try and get me not to do drugs in the first place.

i beilieve i would have done less drugs if i was dealt with in a different way

 

[otherwhitemeat]

T, I don't have kids...but I started smoking at 14 and turned out pretty good. I may have missed it, but how old were you when you started? IMO, some messing around in HS is fine as long as it's not the ONLY thing. I would use my own experiences as a guide, but I would also try to reign it in if it got be too much.

 

[noreaga]

to also ensure that they smoke in the house

same thing my old man told me at a young age.. that was the rule #1 2 & 3

 

[Tonatiuh]

SEE THIS IS WHY I LOVE YOU GUYS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

thanks all you cool ass mf's for givin up the real 100% uncut for me...there is some great advice and experience in each and every post.i do agree that as long as they stay on track iand dont let it make their grades fall its ok in moderation,i mean there are alot of other things they could be doing...and how can i be a hypocrite and go all crazy about it,i mean i am F..U.C.K.I.N. Tonatiuh,im glad they dont know that jeeeesh...could you imagine if they somehow find out theyd be like mf you was bitchin at us and ur Tona ....my son is scared imma whup his ass,my daughter knows she has me wrapped so she has already called me like "im sorry daddy" im like dont be. its ok my love, we will talk,she says "i love you daddy" im like "i love you too you lil stoner" <<<<true convo

i want to let them know that dad aint disapointed,or mad or even trippin at all...we need to talk though because i dont want them to get into trouble coppin weed or holdin it....also i gotta tell them to never get weed for anyone else because if they do and get caught with it they can get a trafficking charge even a possesion would suck...plus they would bring heat to their home....if they were to get some bud from one of their lil friiends and th friend was to get caught by the parents and they are like whered you get this....the kid says my kids name it could get all bad from there...never smoke in public and never EVER tell ur gramma hehehe....last one was a joke....

i will have them this weekend,dad is gonna have a real deal talk with them about the decisions they are making,i think my 14 is just too young to start.... but yo i started when i was 11 years old and have been smokin daily since....the joys of fatherhood lol., knew this day would come,and i KNEW when my daughter ever tried weed she was gonna like it she just has that type of personality,shes just like me....ive been callin her my little hippy since she was around 2 years old,she would stop playing and come to whatever room i was in and try to sit with me when she would smell a J lit up...i used to be like oh shit shes a stoner LOL,i knew it....my son i wouldnt have expected to smoke yet but he said he loves it too....lil F.U.C.K.E.R.S. whats not to love i guess...

i would never tell them its bad and that im disapointed or anything.i can just tell them i think they are way too young to start smokin heavy and as long as the grades dont drop i dont have a problem with it in moderation...i would never give them any of my weed yet 1.)because the lil fuckers are prolly snatchin from my jars anyways and
2.)because i aint gonna get no mf child endangerment charge or someshit if they get caught with it and decide to be smart asses with the po-po like "i dont care call my dad,i wont get in trouble he gave it to me"(i know someone that this happened to,he did 6 months in jail)
so ty for all the advice and insight,i hope that you guys keep on comin with the posts because i could use all the experience i can get before i have the talk with them...peace-T-