MASSIVE OUTDOOR GROW

[antimatter]

30 ps out of 25x25 How would you do it?

625 Square feet with 1 mini/af per square foot and if each plant gave 20-30 grams you would be at 30-40 lbs, I couldn't really imagine putting that many bigger plants in one spot to get 30-40 pounds would seem crazy obvious but 625 2 footers why not lol, isn't this thread fun you get to talk about big numbers..lets play commercial grower, poeple who read this think were being serious nobody saw nothing.

 

[InjectTruth]

You are a beast Julian.

One day I hope to be half as raw as you.

.....I am humbled.....truly....and lately in real life have been encountering some issues.....will address below........maybe of interest and use to some....maybe of help to some.......cause being so is not what it seems........being able to be so is not what it seems.....

Am going to inset something below....will be interesting (I think it is.....and have been contemplating it quite a bit lately.....)

P.S. I wish the indoor thread was still around. I archived it, but after the other handle was killed. I need to see what your routine is. I cant stop trying new things every round, so Im not really getting "better" it seems. I need efficiency aka at least 1lb per 1k, and im not getting it. Cant stop trying to reinvent the wheel which is killing me.

I highlighted the above, and, of course remember conversation (and was quite a while ago actually)......couple points:
1. Why are you changing process? (trying to improve?)
2. Efficiency and yield lies in everything combined...(strain?, method, spacing, feeding, light, temps, etc.......)
3. Mentioned earlier regarding out and applies in also: Don't fall into "chasing" it.........ie: An issue, so adjust to something else........then an issue, so readjust to something else......and so on........happens out a lot in many ways regarding season and such.....
4. The most simple of issues is everyone has a method which "they take to"......which they prefer, do well.....and most will stick to that.....(actually the opposite of above.....they will cling to it regardless of possible more efficient methods and approaches, etc.....)

Could be as simple as better utilizing existing space..are you using every sq. inch you can?...etc.....don't know what to tell you brother without specifics......Maybe an indoor thread asking for diagnosis and suggestions for greater efficiency........you are in a place where you have the luxury of doing so ....priceless resources........

Well, was starting to get on track (quality/consistency wise. yield still lacking due to spacing/plant size issues) using peat/perlite/lime, feeding floranova bloom at 8ml/gal every other watering. Also, having good success with custom organic "add water only" mix at another spot simultaneously (peat/perlite/lime/biotone/blood/bone/kelp/rock phosphate). Ran into problems with white flies and a partner, so got out of that spot, and into a new one.

New spot has different security threshold and is smaller (i.e. had no problem getting 4cf bales of peat and 4 cf bags of perlite into the old spot and storing, new spot would be much sketchier). This lead me towards coco, as Ive read it to be a "peat substitute", and it comes in nice neat compressed blocks that are much easier to conceal in a larger box without drawing suspicion. While Im waiting for the blocks to arrive, I begin to do some reading in the coco forum, and am smacked in the face with the repetitive mantra of "DONT TREAT COCO LIKE SOIL"

SHEESH!!!

Mentally, I retreat, "Ok, no biggie, I remember reading in the organics forums about the soil mixes - LC's #1 calls for:"

5 parts peat or coco
3 parts perlite
2 parts worm castings/compost
2 tbls dolomite lime per gal

"Shit, no worm castings! No problem, they say coir is hydro, and I have a ton of Flora Nova bloom and Floralicious+ -(reads coco forum) 'Using non coco specific nutes will make your life hell' FUCK!!!!"

Meanwhile, someone I taught less than a year ago is having tremendous success with 1/3 FF Ocean Forest 1/3 perlite 1/3 vermiculite and watering with tap water all the way to harvest! Im just about to order a ton of Ocean Forest and stop guessing, but Id really like to avoid ordering more/bringing more supplies into the new spot, especially when I am stocked up on a enough supplies to start a half ass garden center.

Im yearning to continue on with the methods that have been working for me, but cant find a way of getting the huge peat and perlite bales in without some unsavory exposure. Thought about buying during the day, leaving in back seat until night time, but the bales ARE huge, and had one close call already expecting no one to know what it is. Im not sure, but i dont think the bales would even fit in those 6mil contractor bags.

Definitely feel like Im "chasing" 1gpw or "2lbs per light". I know you suggest a job, and I know its the right thing to do, but I mean, I got knocked on my ass at 13 (dad died, mom embezzled s.s. stipend and took off at 15, violently attacked at 16) been struggling to stay dry, warm and fed for 10 years. Kinda felt like I was pushed outta society in a way. Said "Fuck it, I refuse to be marginalized" got involved in our thing here, and started to see a real light at the end of the tunnel (5 year old business plans actually looking like they have a way to get financed).

Now, I feel like I have to bring home the prize buck before I can face the wife, lol. I feel like me going to get a job right now would be tucking my tail between my legs and saying "Puh, puh, puhhhhlease sir, could you spare some porridge for a meager orphan boy?"

I have this horrible attitude in the back of my head concerning "superiors (ugh) in the workplace" (where were these people when I was sleeping on a concrete block using piles of leaves as an early warning system, telling people I needed to catch the bus so I could buy a loaf of bread as cover while I stole some cold cuts? Im supposed to get down on my knees and ask them if they would be so kind as to please allow me to mop their floors for just enough money to get lunch and catch the bus back again tomorrow?)

I know thats all a bunch of psycho lunatic bullshit, but its how I feel, and I know if I can just pull a decent one to make me feel better, all that would melt away because then I'd be going in for the job "on my own terms" and not just because I was desperate. My self esteem is shit now, after a recent "milestone" birthday and subsequent evaluation of the 4 senses of self, and to be able to emerge from the ashes reborn is something I need to do as a matter of pride. Ever see Alone in the Wilderness? "I suppose I was here because this was something I had to do. Not just dream about it, but do it. I suppose, too, that I was here to test myself. Not that I had never done it before but this time it was to be a more thorough and lasting examination. What was I capable of that I didnt know yet."

PHEW! (quarter century, lol, who knew!) I guess this thread is as much about improving GrowERS as it is about improving grows! (if not more so ).

It might sound ridiculous, but I feel a lot better just typing that out. Im going to go lie down now.

Id like to thank everyone for putting up with me. good night.



P.S. Here's a link to a thread in the infirmary I started http://www.icmag.com/ic/showthread.php?t=111057

 

[Hindu Killer]

J thats real life..action and decisions right there....I like the Why do favors at the end of your last post....its not a free ride.

 

[antimatter]

Lifes a game, there are no rights or wrongs do what you wanna do in the end it doesn't matter... with that said I hope everyone reading this has a fantastic season outdoor this year, never give up, just keep learning and trying your best.

 

[Julian]

Just stopping in.........will get to the above......had an increasingly rare night out (local) and went extremely heavy on the sauce...(when I drink...I get "wired".......30 drinks and like just did an 8 ball....doesn't help at all......)

You know.......to effectively carry out everything discussed...........one ends up leading quite an "insulated" life....and, to anyone who says otherwise?....well.....we're not living anywhere close to the same life.....

It is quite "insulated"...........quite.....

Living 2 or more separate lives....

Not easy...........and....sometimes...very, very hard....................

I've found that's one reason why I personally draw great comfort in "old" friends......and my circle is increasingly such...this guy I've known for 20 yrs....this guy for 30 yrs, etc.....and, sure, sometimes the newer people as mentioned earlier....and actually perform better, but....nothing like "old" friends......

(Not sure if I mentioned above, but, just found out not too recently one of ex partners into the whitey heavily...............is weighing heavily on my mind..........)

I know the answer and remedy.......this is not the place for such a topic or discussion.........

Very hard sometimes to those who do it effectively......(keep all separate..........)

Very hard.............(or not....)

Anyway...insulation..........

Tiring.......frustrating.......etc...

(not to be confused with "ISOlation".......which I believe is a little extreme.....and not necessary if one is doing the work........a balance possible........so.......once it starts to affect one in such a way...well...I think maybe not the game for them......)

I'll get to the above........didn't intend on posting, etc anything...just stopping in.....(might even be out of town right now ....)........

Have 10 things from 4 different sources of AF's......think about 2 weeks will be ready for pollination (could be 3....estimating 2-3).......have CS, might go STS because second guessing (which is a pet peeve of mine...I shouldn't be but can't afford anything less than 100% guarantee, so, anyone well versed feel free to leave me something on treatment.......(when showing sex treat, etc......once....again, etc.......)

Going to do quick in for AF fems and actually talking to someone, think going to get a couple Marocs in the room (fem) and hit them also............(am not expecting Maroc AF from initial cross.....but, they are so early to start with....really doesn't matter anyway.....mixture of stock is fine.......can't be later, so..........lot of Maroc fem stock early and earlier Not a bad thing.....performed well....didn't get too big....finished fairly quick right out of the package, so.....figure results will be interesting.....Thought about putting a couple nice things in there also (Maybe some Sensi Star......hit it.....then on later run hit it back again with fem run, etc......objective being a little earlier....and then some depending on how much time want to devote....orders starting to roll in and will continue for a while, so............)

Will be back around and will get to above.........feeling very good about upcoming season.........."ferocity" getting a little uncontrollable.....comments from people starting to bleed into everyday life, but....is what it is.........

Making a pot of tea and wearing pink I'm not quite sure is going to put me at 40,000 at end of year, so............

Not sure what to expect from AF run.........hoping for 10,000 from initial run......and then additional from Marocs and Sensi's......

Note: Plan is going to hold 30% back on side to treat...........which might be adjusted as I go along......so if 1,000......hold 300 or so on the die......pull males....then mix females throughout and do open pollination.....(if problems is the case I hear....well, will have to do manually.......)

Figure initial run 10k fem AF's.......maybe 5k Maroc and Sensi fems........(both being earlier....quicker, smaller.....)

Well aware of the nuances involved..........will deal with them when the time comes and decide what to do........


To quote a dear friend:
And so it begins.........................

 

[FoothillsFarmer]

and so it begins.... again. You are held in the highest regard brother, I wish you and yours safe passage on your future endeavor. I could say a lot in regards to the partner issue, but I don't think it's anything that you don't already know. One day, my friend, I will buy you a drink.

 

[almostoverit]

uhhh wait wait, can't archive for a couple days still. Easily one of the best threads around, don't take it from us yet J!!!

 

[almostoverit]

Was having another discussion the other day with a family member in which I stated something to the effect of:
"Do you know how fuckin hard it is....how frustrating it is to work on something day in, and day out, for nothing, knowing no payout for it for 6 months...12 months....2 yrs?"

Relating to something above...certainty.......

I know I'm not alone.....and find myself explaining the above issues to more and more people in real life around me.........

Knowledge?......While others are sleeping I am going through thousands of pages of many subjects.....

While others are fucking around or on vacation I am working on things which won't produce anything, anytime soon...

(Both phrases which I have used recently in real life)......

It's hard......it's tiring.....it's frustrating to be in such positions......but, in many games, and this one especially, that's what is called for......

And the focus it takes is enough to wear one down.........

So, while I offer thanks....and am humbled....sometimes I do take the stand of "damn right, and you know how much fuckin work it is"?...

People ask me sometimes about certain things I do, etc (they want to do it also), and my response for years has always been "It's a true blessing........I'm the luckiest guy in the world.....I give thanks for everything I am and have.......but wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy"

(I'm in the no sleep thing again lately also.....5am......2-3 books open in front of me.....checking emails, news, news on TV..and listening to 2 different languages....one on system, one on other......)

My thanks I suppose goes to adrenaline .......

And then I interact with people who you'd need an appointment 3 weeks in advance to get them to do a 5 minute task.......

Which all comes full circle about many things in life.......

"Easy money"....

There is no "easy money"...

What means the most to me is the recognition of the above.....(willpower, patience)....

Again....applies to many..........planning something months or years in advance........expenses going out and nothing coming in....remaining focused from far before start past finish......

It's fuckin tiring.........it's draining......and enough to frustrate even the baddest almost to tears.......

But it's gotta be done....

The only reason I'm the way is am is because someone has to be....so....

Was talking about this exact subject with people last couple weeks........persistence when nothing to show for it.....focus for extended periods of time......etc..........hard work........but...in the end?....

God forbid all should be in a time when one not doing well financially...have other things on plate psychologically........but again: You do what you have to do.,.....

I've had the conversation many times with people about the "Do I want to do this?....fuck no.......would I rather be doing something else, somewhere else?....fuck yeah".....

But it's gotta be done.

So, in those respects.....I am hardcore.........and I put a lot of work into being hardcore......it's very tiring.....very frustrating.....very draining.......

Which all leads to another statement I use often in real life:
Is there any other way?

Is anything less acceptable?....

In any case....a subject which I thought applies to many...and has been giving me a lot of grief lately.....

Thanks man......I am humbled.....

perfect right now. glad i read back. i think this for me was just what you are going for. Thanks guy.

 

[RudolfTheRed]

i already got this entire thread archived on my computer.
i've decided that i will probably be archiving more threads that are considered to be important on ICMAG. probably wont be making these files public, but if someone really wants it ill see what i can do.

 

[InjectTruth]

I archived it as well.


Please come back, don't leave us hangin!

 

[SatoriSOG]

well, i'm on my third time reading through this thread, I just wanna thank you julian, this thread alone has taught me more than I've learned anywhere else

thing about it is, that its just so much more than a growing thread, what you've taught here can apply to anyones lives regardless of the situation.

I do hope you'll be back in the future cause truthfully, we all still have much to learn from you if you are willing to teach


me especially, if you get a chance I'd like to maybe pm you and discuss if theres any potential in a couple business ideas i have nad how i'd go about them

 

[Julian]

Nah, I'm around.....was moot point...went over it and over again several times and all aspects and all angles and no problems, (and I'm not going to go revisit it here nor should anyone else.....) but, regardless, asked for a lock as I feel has run it's course....(Did a little earlier.....)...let anyone catch anything they want to...so.....

Will get to the above here and there, and otherwise I'm good and hope all are doing well.....

 

[Julian]

Worth noting, and important I think is this is truly a great place....and what it offers to one limitless as far as knowledge, and, I think sometimes easy to overlook that operating such does indeed take a team (literally...) of dedicated and serious professionals, to whom member security is indeed very important....and of course they take it quite seriously....it is very important to them.......so.....thought worthy of mentioning....

A thankless job it is I am sure most of the time....but couldn't/wouldn't exist without such....

 

[RoarLikeAROOR]

How much water crystal should I add per square ft. of soil if there are 22.4 gallons of soil in a square ft?

 

[Aeroguerilla]

got this field thats about 100yards by 75yards, all prickers, inaccessible to people walking, far enough to keep odor, and close enough to a high powered stream... the prickers and shrubs are about 5-7 ft tall perfect for masking the plant to nearby choppers, my only question is how many do u think i can get away with in this field, and how should i space them out? 1every 10-15 feet? would like to plant between 250-500... if spread out far enough will it not admit noticable heat signature?? GUERILLA GROWERS I NEED YOUR THOUGHTS!

 

[Julian]

.
This lead me towards coco, as Ive read it to be a "peat substitute", and it comes in nice neat compressed blocks that are much easier to conceal in a larger box without drawing suspicion.

I begin to do some reading in the coco forum, and am smacked in the face with the repetitive mantra of "DONT TREAT COCO LIKE SOIL"

No problem, they say coir is hydro, and I have a ton of Flora Nova bloom and Floralicious+ -(reads coco forum) 'Using non coco specific nutes will make your life hell'

Meanwhile, someone I taught less than a year ago is having tremendous success with 1/3 FF Ocean Forest 1/3 perlite 1/3 vermiculite and watering with tap water all the way to harvest!

Im just about to order a ton of Ocean Forest and stop guessing, but Id really like to avoid ordering more/bringing more supplies into the new spot, especially when I am stocked up on a enough supplies to start a half ass garden center.

Im yearning to continue on with the methods that have been working for me, but cant find a way of getting the huge peat and perlite bales in without some unsavory exposure.

Definitely feel like Im "chasing" 1gpw or "2lbs per light". I know you suggest a job, and I know its the right thing to do,

Said "Fuck it, I refuse to be marginalized" got involved in our thing here, and started to see a real light at the end of the tunnel (5 year old business plans actually looking like they have a way to get financed).

Now, I feel like I have to bring home the prize buck before I can face the wife, lol. I feel like me going to get a job right now would be tucking my tail between my legs and saying "Puh, puh, puhhhhlease sir, could you spare some porridge for a meager orphan boy?"

I have this horrible attitude in the back of my head concerning "superiors (ugh) in the workplace" (where were these people when I was sleeping on a concrete block using piles of leaves as an early warning system, telling people I needed to catch the bus so I could buy a loaf of bread as cover while I stole some cold cuts? Im supposed to get down on my knees and ask them if they would be so kind as to please allow me to mop their floors for just enough money to get lunch and catch the bus back again tomorrow?)

I know thats all a bunch of psycho lunatic bullshit, but its how I feel, and I know if I can just pull a decent one to make me feel better, all that would melt away because then I'd be going in for the job "on my own terms" and not just because I was desperate. My self esteem is shit now, after a recent "milestone" birthday and subsequent evaluation of the 4 senses of self, and to be able to emerge from the ashes reborn is something I need to do as a matter of pride.

Ever see Alone in the Wilderness? "I suppose I was here because this was something I had to do. Not just dream about it, but do it. I suppose, too, that I was here to test myself. Not that I had never done it before but this time it was to be a more thorough and lasting examination. What was I capable of that I didnt know yet."

It might sound ridiculous, but I feel a lot better just typing that out. Im going to go lie down now.

P.S. Here's a link to a thread in the infirmary I started http://www.icmag.com/ic/showthread.php?t=111057

I really wanted to leave this for now......really....but,I wanted to get to this......because of course quite a bit in there, and, someone goes through the trouble.....I didn't think it right to go unanswered.......I would have felt quite rude to not address.....Anyway,you know I'm straight.....devil's advocate, so.......can't say my response is good ,..but I think a lot of very interesting stuff..........

Okay my friend.........first of all:
"Chasing it".........you know you are, so, simply stop.

If you look over the above.....I'm sure you yourself can see something repeated......(and actually something people give me a lot of shit over)....

You started and changed over only to find out about overlooked nuances when too late....so, right there, the continuing issue is your starting and switching actually without thoroughly going through all angles...

Not something which can't be overcome......and actually not among the worst things, so.....you just have to sit down and go through things......sure nothing which can't be corrected.....Also of interest would be why didn't you stick with the coco?...(which from my understanding is hydro growth......next run I do might utilize myself....)

Work and test of ones self?..well....my friend.......every day is....every moment is.....every reaction is...(note "reaction"....how we react to anything and everything which we encounter and experience, etc.........)

Work?..........dude......you know, I know a lot of people who view it similar.....but, the fact is.......one can't "live their way"......

We all live and operate in the same world.......which has fundamental rules, etc....

We can however, adjust our own way to fit within the world

Was talking with someone within past week....were out, place with lot of people..,...and, we discussed this person performing specific tasks within the world (that was worded well I thought ).....and, it basically ended with me telling him "So.......how does it feel to know your one of the baddest mutherfuckers in this place "....)

(Related to our thing.....risky experiences, etc......good guy....one of mine .....)

Now...this is not someone who you would look at or talk to and think an extraordinary man...........

Nor is this a man with a healthy level of self esteem considering the above...(conversation also touched on why not.....given his demonstrated capabilities.....which few could do or come away from unshaken.......)

I'll tell ya this (listen carefully).....He walked away from that a foot taller......and sure is doing a little better with women...self confidence, etc.......

Work matters......well, anytime, anywhere....this is merely temporary...and, frankly (listen carefully ) it is much easier to deal with unpleasant things when one knows it is for the purpose of something greater to be accomplished in the future.....

Lot of people have problem with identity.......(I've been there.....)

Anything you do is not who you are.....simply a component which contributes to who you are....(assuming each and everything we experience in life shapes us.......etc, etc....blah,blah,blah....)

We all have to go through motions which we would rather not......(which also contributes to who are .....)

From me, not much on that subject because I live a life which contains more of that than I want....(but, again...not permanent......always working on it.....going to be lighter and easier one day, etc, so.....I do what I have to....and not always quietly ......)

While in many cases I may not have to bow and answer to "superiors"......well, there are people whom while not a "superior"......their effort and co-operation and input is needed.........so, therefore, frankly the same....(ie: I have to watch my tongue....because would be a problem to have a problem, so.......

We all have to get along per se.......especially when breaking into things with many people involved, and not always the same personalities.. ..backgrounds....even cultures.......

It is what it is man...(not to mention fills free time and more money ...)

My opinion?......2 jobs and school and ops ...

I know exactly how many hours there are in a day ...

Personally?....I think you'd be much happier using them all.....(and of course.......what we think, our views, etc, tend to change on a daily basis, so.......)

Lot of things one can do to fit their personality and be a little happier....

Anyway..........one truth in life:
You do what you gotta do....and, you know what man?....if your lucky you can fit some things you want to do in at the same time ...






Fuck it.....might as well ......

Gotta say Jules, this has been one of the best threads I've ever read. I'm only on page 52, but I'm hoping to have it finished before I start putting in the ground. An impossible dream I'm sure.

Thanks man.....glad of interest, any assistance.......honor and privilege...

625 Square feet with 1 mini/af per square foot and if each plant gave 20-30 grams you would be at 30-40 lbs, I couldn't really imagine putting that many bigger plants in one spot to get 30-40 pounds would seem crazy obvious but 625 2 footers why not lol, isn't this thread fun you get to talk about big numbers..lets play commercial grower, poeple who read this think were being serious nobody saw nothing.

I wouldn't exactly agree with the above......

30 ps out of 25x25 you estimate J? How would you do it?

The basics above applicable.....625 sq. ft., but, my estimate was actually off the top of my head and I thought a little optimistic.....

625 sq. ft. at 3/4 z per is about 30.......

But here we enter "numbers".....is 3/4 per reasonable?......actually, yeah, depending on specifics.....many people pull 20 from half that all the time in and out...(I was referring to when I said that mini's (which I include AF's in for simplicities sake)......Lot of people pulling 3/4-1+ with AF's....mini's?....not uncommon.......(I have a picture deep somewhere of a certain mini next to a big one that pulled almost a q'per from and took about 9 sq. inches...(single stalk.......) so........(if I have a minute when done will link pic to this paragraph.....reason I remember that specific is it was one of earliest and first ones I cut last season, so....that q was my initial ps last season......

Should also be noted maybe across the board, as people pull that from indoors with trees.....(thinking about a 20 x 10' indoor tree grow that I saw pulling down 20......)

Could be anywhere from 625 to many times that, but, again....small area in whole scheme of things........low profile...minimal risk and exposure, etc, so..........

100k from 25 x 25 in 60 days with minimal risk and exposure.......

There are worse things .................

My estimate though was slightly optimistic and off top of my head.....if did it, I would expect much less (101:Expenses estimate high, product estimate low, etc....)

well, i'm on my third time reading through this thread, I just wanna thank you julian, this thread alone has taught me more than I've learned anywhere else

thing about it is, that its just so much more than a growing thread, what you've taught here can apply to anyones lives regardless of the situation.

I do hope you'll be back in the future cause truthfully, we all still have much to learn from you if you are willing to teach

me especially, if you get a chance I'd like to maybe pm you and discuss if theres any potential in a couple business ideas i have nad how i'd go about them

Really very kind of you to say.....and glad of interest........really....only do this to maybe be of help to someone.......

PM's.....I barely have enough time to answer dear friends......so....haven't been really answering them in a while...(occasionally one here and there if I have a second, but, far more built up than I will ever get to, so...lot in thread........)

 

[Julian]

I really did want to leave it as is for now......as earlier......I think some good things throughout......and no interest in addressing questions answered in detail and covered by many, and especially those who haven't read and feel fit to post....

Let people get to it who haven't finished, etc. Going to be killed at some point.

 

[Aeroguerilla]

got this field thats about 100yards by 75yards, all prickers, inaccessible to people walking, far enough to keep odor, and close enough to a high powered stream... the prickers and shrubs are about 5-7 ft tall perfect for masking the plant to nearby choppers, my only question is how many do u think i can get away with in this field, and how should i space them out? 1every 10-15 feet? would like to plant between 250-500... if spread out far enough will it not admit noticable heat signature?? GUERILLA GROWERS I NEED YOUR THOUGHTS!

 

[Aeroguerilla]

im on it bro

 

[almostoverit]

"PHEW! (quarter century, lol, who knew!) I guess this thread is as much about improving GrowERS as it is about improving grows! (if not more so ). "
i was going to write that there are times i feel this thread is as much if not more about improving ourselves, as it is our grows. And then i read on, and it became even more clear
have to say- I have come to realize work is important myself as of late-in so many ways. As easy as it seems it "could" come, it doesn't just fall into our lap. We have to make it happen. I have to make it happen. Because it's stated so right here, once the reserves run out, and shit HAS to change, you really have to take a look. Is this for me? Well what part isn't? Well what parts can I trully change? Where the fuck did I slack? Well, I see those spots, now do something?
but only this one thing is not enough. Being so extraodinarily not enough, it becomes too much-does this make sense anyone? So again the question-Is this for me? For us? When the answer is still fuck yeah-the next one now I guess is what to change? Julian is right-if we can't muster anhour's worth of solid work out of ourselves-what's the point?(Makes me think the quote I came across here earlier-someone posted shots of "a buddies" gorw-covered in PM. He simply stated-excuse the PM, my friend is more an abuser than a grower. If we don't see this in ourselves-not for us. If we see it, and change it-maybe then there's that light someone just mentioned?
But 2 jobs-plus school, plus work, now that i can dig right now-Life needs to be full. We need to walk out and get shit done. Insulation vs. Isolation. another fkn great one that hit home.