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    It's not your fault you're ill. Do the best you can is all anyone can do. You haven't let anyone down.

    Cheers
    I'm probably up to no good.

    Terpene Amplification

    Comment


      Some daze.
      BARBER Adagio for Strings
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N3MHeNt6Yjs
      That which matters most

      Comment


        vitamin c is what helps absorb iron also booze with food...got 10X legal limit of iron comes out in my nails.. good luck moose! stay strong. it is unfortunate u cant listen to docs anymore and really need to be proactive for proper care...

        glutothione omegas magnesium and dont drink tap water ie a good filter is fine.. some of those organic meal replacement veggies plus may be helpful. def cost more but in reality for an organic meal its reasonable.

        mind controls hormones, hormones control body.. watch comedies and be outside move around as much as u can!

        nothing u prob dont know already. stay up!

        Comment


          All the best,bro

          Comment


            Are you able to walk?

            Take as many steps as you can.

            Magical thought for the day: Choose the 15% option.
            “The sun will eclipse soon unless you sacrifice the prince consort to the goddess of the moon.”
            Hans Bornefeld

            Comment


              Thank You moose eater!
              you have been inspirational, and through the worst of times (yours not ours) have been elaborate and eloquent in your descriptions and explanations.
              i believe you've faced this tragedy quite bravely despite your wavering on it's worth.
              we're here pulling for you to beat this too...wouldn't want to think that was wasted effort.
              you've been through the worst, but recovery takes time and dedication...and sometimes strong medications.
              the strength you've shown thus far is extraordinary and exemplary and my hat is off to you. i'll raise a glass/smoke a doob in salute.
              bless you and your family for sharing your personal story under such harsh circumstances.
              Thank You again. be well.

              https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-yzOpjQsXvk
              Cowboy Junkies "Powderfinger" (Neil Young & Crazy Horse Cover)

              "when i run outta weed, i smoke match sticks...
              that first hit is FIRE!!!"


              "I'm not always a dick...but when I am, I drink cheap beer".

              Comment


                I can't reply individually in the way I would like. I'm warmed by the outpouring of support.

                Last night was rough. About 1:30 AM my wife had been called to help me, and upon her second entry in the restroom, she found me non-responsive.

                She went to get her phone to call 911, and when she returned, I'd uprighted myself (ringing and buzzing in ear, and slow speech). She's inclined to believe it was a seizure, but I can only attest to the parts I was 'there' for, which wasn't the whole thing.

                Trying to choose the 15% option buzz, but wrestling lots of gators at the moment. I can walk, and I'm no longer tethered to the cath or the drain, but when I go ambulatory, typically after 'X' time up, I get a bit light-headed, and the fever comes back around for another pass.

                Weez, the leakage is typical, though lesser so, the streams around the catheter. Found an article and anecdotes re. the 'dick farting'. Healthline asserts it's a likely product of the insertion of the cath, but I think the volume of air they put into my abdominal cavity played a role, too.

                While 'night sweats' are sometimes associated with meds that affect the liver/pancreas, these were not 'night sweats', but closer to a 'night bath'; soaking the sheets multiple times over... including last night. Soaked. They'd said I'd be maybe using a pad per day, but since yesterday's appt., I've used at least 2 pads, and 2-3 Depends undergarments. All somewhat heavy.

                We abstained from calling the EMTs last night; would've likely been another pointless use of resources; last time they tried to claim at the ER that the tachycardia was an anxiety attack; it was not.

                My Doc is so focused on his specialty, that it seems the primary course they see is to collect the $$ for their services and get me on a plane back to Alaska. Had last night's episode occurred in the air, the flight would've likely been turned around.... and resulted in another mostly pointless trip to the ER, while pissing off ~180 other passengers.

                Trout, You're one of the caring crowd here. I thank you for your words. I don't always feel worthy of the love I receive. Like many, I've been a sinner and a saint, sometimes in the same day. My family may not get the mileage from me I had hoped to deliver, but then, years ago, I'd anticipated meeting my demise by age 42; didn't happen, but at the moment it feels like it might be closer than we think.. Pay day for my wife and son, maybe. Admittedly, I'd prefer going out in a blaze of glory (ego shit) rather than feeling like a piece of lukewarm dog excrement. In the end, we often 'get what we get', sometimes with surprisingly little control over it.

                My wife sent a fairly concise, but relatively thorough, 3-part summary to my care team, followed up by a phone message marked 'urgent' through the hospital operator's system; waiting on a reply.

                Yesterday, in follow-up re. the request for the ant-nausea pills (Zofran 4 mg; which I had to eat 1 of my remaining 5 during the crisis, as vomiting would potentially undo all kinds of internal shit), someone who failed to ID themselves in reply, stated they couldn't figure out why I was still experiencing nausea, other than perhaps opiate use; a subtle accusation of me maybe creating this w/ pills; I have not, staying to ONE 5 mg oxy per night, as constipation could be almost as dangerous to my 'healing' as puking. Never really been into opiates or downers; lots on the other end of the spectrum however, if they made things prettier or go more quickly, but that was years ago, as well. The implicit insults of a medical profession that is prone to generalizing their patients integrity/honesty; fuck 'em.

                I don't recall seeing my wife in that sort of distress before, and didn't want to be the cause of her upset & panic.

                My 'junk' is a bit in pain this AM, and there were lots of other symptoms, but I need to cease typing now.

                Things are not well, and if I exit the planet as a result of the current symptoms, despite that bringing some abrupt changes to my family that remains, in other ways it's a win:win.

                Take care. Thank you for the kindness, and I'll try to post more later.

                --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

                Stephen Allen Davis

                'Jesus in the Back of a Cadillac'

                https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MpNEaL9G8fk





                Last edited by moose eater; 04-21-2021, 18:23.

                Comment


                  Stay well hydrated and constipation is less likely to happen.
                  I'm probably up to no good.

                  Terpene Amplification

                  Comment


                    Don't you be worrying about the bandwidth moose - have as much as you like - for someone with such humanity and integrity - someone who has so much to share - someone that really does care - and we all care about - you will always be welcome here -

                    - oh - and get well soon -
                    'It can all start from a seed'

                    Comment


                      Originally posted by trichrider View Post
                      Thank You moose eater!
                      you have been inspirational, and through the worst of times (yours not ours) have been elaborate and eloquent in your descriptions and explanations.
                      i believe you've faced this tragedy quite bravely despite your wavering on it's worth.
                      we're here pulling for you to beat this too...wouldn't want to think that was wasted effort.
                      you've been through the worst, but recovery takes time and dedication...and sometimes strong medications.
                      the strength you've shown thus far is extraordinary and exemplary and my hat is off to you. i'll raise a glass/smoke a doob in salute.
                      bless you and your family for sharing your personal story under such harsh circumstances.
                      Thank You again. be well.

                      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-yzOpjQsXvk
                      Cowboy Junkies "Powderfinger" (Neil Young & Crazy Horse Cover)
                      Thank you, trich. That was humbling.

                      I've heard John Mayer thank folks a number of times at the end of shows, "Thank you for accepting us." Each time I heard him graciously thank people with that specific phrase, it said something about him and his 'fit' in this world. But it also said something about us, our culture, our treatment of each other, etc. I cry and grin when I hear him say that now.

                      Acceptance; a place to be safe in what ever way.

                      We watched 'Deep Water Horizon' today, and reflected on how many of us process serious uncertainty; initially resenting the dilemma, then contemplating options, then, as Hunter Thompson said, "When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro."

                      The time spent blinking, contemplating, etc, has become less and less over time. Like the near-end of the movie, when Kurt Russell grabs his co-worker, and tosses her off the burning rig to save her life; time for action, or simply accept the end has arrived.

                      It's been months of accepting early, preliminary pathology & imaging reports, knowing these were not definitive. They were not all that hopeful, but they were better than what landed yesterday; a day that will always be associated with 'the news.'

                      But as buzz sorta' said, there's 15% of the pool who won those odds, and 85% who didn't. Like with the early labs/imaging, we don't get to know which camp we're in until we get there.

                      For now, if I'm to better avoid the uglier outcomes down the road with this, I can't afford to let the optimistic or resentful unknowns be used in my self-talk, as a means of compromising what I otherwise know I need to do now, if I'm to avoid painful ugliness.

                      I rolled the dice, may have forfeited some functions I didn't want to gamble with, and, for now, came up with the Cosmos wanting, maybe, some sort of greater payment.

                      From here on out, I'll have to dedicate myself to veganism, abstaining from any alcohol but maybe the occasional half-glass of red wine, working out, etc.

                      I've lost close to 60% of muscle mass in my once stout shoulders, biceps, and more; I'm going to need to rebuild that in order to finish my wife's sauna, the porch on the shed, clearing the nasty aspen/balsam poplar on the south end of the property, taking my youngest son on his first halibut outing, dip-netting salmon on the Copper River at Chitina with him (even if I can't eat them myself any more; my wife and son can), and more.

                      Time for me to be more serious than I have been in many ways.

                      I may still 'exit stage left' if/when this thing recurs, and especially if it metastasizes, but the towel's not going into the ring quite yet.

                      "Thank you for accepting us."

                      -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

                      Stephen Allen Davis

                      'The Innocence of Doubt'

                      ​​​​​​https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KA7StfzWeT0

                      Comment


                        Originally posted by Gypsy Nirvana View Post
                        Don't you be worrying about the bandwidth moose - have as much as you like - for someone with such humanity and integrity - someone who has so much to share - someone that really does care - and we all care about - you will always be welcome here -

                        - oh - and get well soon -
                        Thank you, Gypsy.

                        --------------------------------------------------------------------------

                        Stephen Allen Davis

                        ':44 Seconds'

                        ​​​​​​https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ziXflbK0ZT4

                        Comment


                          You have incredible strength that you are about to discover.
                          Click image for larger version  Name:	strength.jpg Views:	1 Size:	156.4 KB ID:	17838790


                          You are not alone. soot
                          “The sun will eclipse soon unless you sacrifice the prince consort to the goddess of the moon.”
                          Hans Bornefeld

                          Comment


                            Originally posted by buzzmobile View Post
                            You have incredible strength that you are about to discover.
                            Click image for larger version Name:	strength.jpg Views:	1 Size:	156.4 KB ID:	17838790


                            You are not alone. soot
                            Thank you, buzz. That was very sweet & kind.

                            I think I've been tapping that strength in ways, for years. It's gotten me this far. I hope there's enough left to get through this next period, however long that is.

                            Sweated the sheets and pillows to the 'soaked' status again. Really like to know when this feature might end.

                            The surgeon's primary nurse has seemed like a very understanding and knowledgeable person; turns out she was the one who wrote the unsigned query re. opiates as a possible reason for some of the difficulty. I told her my thoughts re. that exchange, and she asserted that had not been her meaning at all. That she was truly trying to understand the causes.

                            Her opinion re. the non-responsive blackout the other night, chilled convulsing and all, was that it sounded like a blackout caused by low blood pressure. She'd know more about that than I would; it's never happened to me before. New highway.

                            Surgeon came through with 25 of the Zofran 4 mg yesterday, after a conversation with the same nurse. They added that the anti-nausea Rx in ref. can add to constipation, so to be judicious in its use. Otherwise the stuff is damned near magical; dissolve on the tongue, and.....POOF!!! no more nausea.

                            More 10-grain hot cereal with organic hemp hearts this morning with 2 smaller organic Turkish apricots chopped up, and a 1/4-cup of almond milk on top, preceded by a half of a giant pink grapefruit, and a protein shake earlier than that. Protein is what heals these moments, physically; hell of a time to quit meat, eh? More plant proteins will have to be the answer.

                            Surgeon caught on that I'd continued abstinence from supplements, etc., and he advised that I continue a normal diet, including supplements at this time.

                            The nurse briefed him re. the 3-segment report my wife had submitted, but no inquiry re. tests. I'll schedule an appt. this morning with my primary care Doc up north, though as of 2 days ago, I likely won't be able to see her until into the second week of May. Learning to ride along with few requests.

                            My wife has been amazing, though I discovered yesterday that there's somewhat serious financial wrangling to address at her clinic, that she initially didn't tell me about, likely due to not wanting to worry me.

                            Found out yesterday that the Bavarian Meats store at Pike Place Market has reportedly died due to COVID-19 economic losses. I frequented that place or did mail-order biz with them for MANY years. We plan to go down to Pike Place Market today, as I need a humidor of sorts to place the ganja in that was gifted to me this trip, and I still have 2 packs of seeds I brought down, to give to someone before we fly out tomorrow.

                            -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

                            Jerry Garcia Band

                            'Waiting for a Miracle' (Bruce Cockburn cover)

                            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FFeAD_OzNWI​​​​​​

                            Comment


                              Surgeon finally ordered blood draw and urine culture to rule out infection this afternoon at about 3 pm; the day before we fly out.

                              Shaved and made a beeline to the hospital with Lyft shortly before 4 pm.

                              Screener at the door said "which lab, there are two", like I'd know.. Referred me to info booth with clock ticking at 25 past 4. Lab says there is no order on file.

                              By now I am out of breath and more than a little disgruntled.

                              Directed to urology clinic in another building, but due to security re. COVID, the elevator won't take us there; end up at parking in basement floor, then back up to floor it WILL let us access, where security says I need to control my irritation & volume, or she'll have to call security; I told her there are times that irritation is appropriate!! Looked at her re. the threat of the goon squad as though to say, "Do I LOOK like I give a flying fuck if you call your goons.

                              My wife said I was never over the top to warrant such shit; they simply don't want someone orally outlining incompetence from their Prim Donna staff. Fuck 'em...

                              Back up in the elevator, which won't let us out on the floor with the lab (*there's only ONE lab, btw), so we end up jousting with the power tripping protector of decorum and superficial appearances once more; by now she knows she's ot intimidating me with her nicely pressed uniform and fake-ass badge. She wants me on my way)..

                              We take another foot journey back to the main building to find nirvana by way of elevators that WILL now take us back to the lab. We wait for the elevator for a while. I'm sweating, breathing is impacted, and my fever's back.

                              At that point most of what I might've given for a urine sample is either in my Depends, or sweated out; I gave them less than 1 oz. of pee, and in drawing blood, my typically easy-to-hit veins on my dominant arm are holding back, so they go to my lesser arm for limited pay-dirt.

                              I told the lab folks to tell the urology oncology clinic that had I NOT had to hike 300 yards all over God's green acre, one building or floor to the next, doing someone else's job for them who's paid quite well, they MIGHT have had a greater urine sample.

                              By the time we were back to the room, I had no breath, was dizzy & nauseous, nearly puked, and figured the Grim Reaper had expedited the schedule.

                              Folks if these are the people we intend to have save us, we're already fucked, big time.

                              Surgeon phoned my cell after we got back & wanted to dis cuss symptoms that are likely littered in spades throughout my e-portal. Says my blood draw indicates I'm a bit dehydrated. You think the write-up above MIGHT have something to do with that

                              Nearly puked upon return to the room, and dissolved the Zophran 4 mg on my tongue, And waited for the symptoms to at least settle down a bit, then, shaking, I hit the sack, drank some H2O in large quantity, and concluded once again, that this is NOT my planet, I DON'T belong here, and these are NOT my People.

                              Fucking 'professionals'!!! So many dollar signs in their eyes they sometimes can't see their mission clearly. "Come the revolution....."

                              -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                              Moody Bluegrass

                              https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pD_F...jMb-c4OX3BPD03

                              Comment


                                Surgeon came through with a 'scrip for a stout, potent, broad-spectrum ass-kicking antibiotic; night before we leave. My wife walked the half-mile to the pharmacy... nine days after surgery.....

                                I'd been reporting wack-a-doodle unpleasant and varied symptoms since release from hospital; I guess they finally decided to read them.

                                Blood results show notably elevated white cells, depleted hemoglobin, and depleted hematocrit, among other conversational topics.

                                I'm not a Doc, but I know what that means....

                                I suspect many of these folks prefer ignorant patients who don't complain, and don't know too much.

                                He says I should be feeling better by morning; we'll see.

                                7" cooking surface lab hot-plate (no stir function) arrived at my house today. First time I spent $350 for a hot plate, but suspect this one not only tends to stay at marginal/lower, predictable, reliable temps, but won't have me cussing under my breath quite as much.

                                So, now I can extract low-temp THC-A when I return home.

                                Uncertain if I'll be doing follow-up care at the same clinic, other than for a 3-month mtg. Bad taste left in my mouth after this bullshit. "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice,...." Well, we'll leave that alone for now.....

                                -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

                                Nanci Griffith

                                'It's a Long Way from Clare to Here'

                                https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=81L8i7Satxo

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