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    Originally posted by Teddybrae View Post
    A Guy CAN hope ...

    Listen Moose ... you and I are like chalk and cheese. You're too full-on for me and I 'm probably too lazy for you ... but I want you to know that I feel for your Loss and I hope things improve for you.

    In my imaginary world you will be grieving for yourself. You will be tending to the loss of years ahead with your Family. And you will be sad for the loss of the person you consider yourself to be. (Which in Aussie is: You're a good bloke!)

    And in my world sadness for ones self at this time is perfectly normal.

    You allude to 'disequilibrium' and 'disorientation' ... the two prime NORMAL grieving states.

    And you must be angry! At least in my imaginary world most grieving people get angry as fuck when they find that Death is sneaking up on them.

    Hard to swallow, but Death sneaking up is happening to all of us all the time. Death actually is normal!

    Want to say more ... but maybe I 've said enough ... hope I haven't said too much ...
    Thanks Teddy.

    Not sure you caught my biggest or greatest nemesis in all of this. Death and I have known each other pretty well for over 50 years, many times over. Death, in my own personal case, doesn't anger or frighten me as much as it does some.

    Extended pain, suffering, loss of loved ones (living or dead), and -that- broad category, is my biggest Beast. Uncertainty of outcomes is also in there. And there's PLENTY of unknowns in this situation, medically and familial.

    I literally have prayed to die in my sleep, off and on, over the years.

    That aspect of my relationship with death is piqued at the moment by developments over the last 9 months, involving my older children..

    I'm quite comfortable with dying. I anticipated it 20 years ago, really, but, as my wife would tell you, I've been living on borrowed bennies for a long time now.

    The issues I had with you, Teddy, were about social context and networking before my trip to Australia last year.


      Per the instructional link I was employing, my decarbing CBD in this cooker was not effective; it needs to be done in another apparatus to convert CBDa to edible & effective CBD.

      She states Instapots (and similar) do not yet manufacture a cooker that achieves proper pressure and temp for CBDa to be converted to edible CBD. She includes that CBDa requires 295 f. for 90 minutes to properly convert, and recommends doing so in a covered casserole dish in an oven...

      So, as I used to say sarcastically, during any number of fuck-ups in project efforts, "A job worth doing once, is worth doing over and over..." Or something like that.


        Sometimes in the decision making process I realized how alone I am. I was both terrified and comforted by that realization.

        Take care of yourself first. It's OK to be 100% selfish for a spell. The medical and family unknowns are not in your control.
        “The sun will eclipse soon unless you sacrifice the prince consort to the goddess of the moon.”
        Hans Bornefeld


          Good evening, I was in here quick a few days ago. Not cannabis related but cancer related. Just wanted to put it out there so if someone would like to search more for it.

          It has helped many different medical issues. Loads of info on it out there.

          Wishing everyone (also the lurkers) here all the best.


            Originally posted by Veggia farmer View Post
            Good evening, I was in here quick a few days ago. Not cannabis related but cancer related. Just wanted to put it out there so if someone would like to search more for it.


            It has helped many different medical issues. Loads of info on it out there.

            Wishing everyone (also the lurkers) here all the best.
            Hey Veggia,
            Thanks for posting the link. I found the video enlightening, not so much about the ayahuasca treatment, but letting go of negative emotions and relying on Mother Earth for healing. Before my initial diagnosis I was a pretty angry camper. I have been letting go of most of that, Most was fear driven, striving for security for myself and loved ones. The fear is still present, but I am working my way through that.
            Eat More Weed!


              I actuall didnt see the video at first. I just had an strong urge to put something with aya and cancer here, because I have known this can help for awhile. Not on cancer, many things, also a half good documentary on netflix too about it.

              Cancer are stressed cells, sort of.. So how to deal with that? Purge all toxic out. Toxins that we get into us, but also the ones we make ourself, and that can be a lot I have come to understand.

              Lets say you have stress in your life. We are almost all growers here. That in itself can be a lot of stress for some people in some places... Maybe that stress or something else will be manifested at first at a small thing. Bad night. Stomach. Bowl movement. And if nothing is done to reduce that. It can travel further.

              So my advice, find the stress factors. Thats a lot of this herbs are about... Locate and purge that shite out...

              Glad you found the link helpful, Okthen. Anger is a big stress factor. Acknowledge all feelings are important, good and bad. Then work thru them. Like some buddhist have said, it needs to be breathed out. Not cramp up.

              Yes, I have worked(working) on a lot of anger issues my self and self destructive lifestyle.

              Mcuh love


                Originally posted by buzzmobile View Post
                Sometimes in the decision making process I realized how alone I am. I was both terrified and comforted by that realization.

                Take care of yourself first. It's OK to be 100% selfish for a spell. The medical and family unknowns are not in your control.
                Thanks buzz.

                Growing up in a place surrounded by a significant continuum of chaos, violence, etc., I later became a fairly controlling person, at least over my own reality, and sometimes over others. It helped me to regulate drug or alcohol intake (for the most part), helped me to trouble shoot possible blind-spots in drug deals, border crossings, and much more. It was how I maintained an anchor of sorts in the heavy hallucinogen days.

                Primary weaknesses or experiences that drove the efforts toward control involved both losses of loved ones, violence, and other things that brought about some level of PTSD.

                Relationships and health issues are both places where I can do what ever I can, but there are SO many factors beyond my control.

                Part of the long Buddhist path, for a (formally) non-Buddhist, still going on my path, trying to let go of the control that sometimes means more power than not.

                Yesterday and last night were tougher than most, buzz. If not for my younger son, there's a strong chance I would've taken the path of control, and would not be here.

                Difficult to bring that to someone else's reality, when I know that reality first hand.

                There may come a time for it, and I've talked with my wife and younger son, but I'm not there yet. Maybe later. Not yet.

                And thanks for the commiseration, empathy, and sharing of your own experiences.


                Thanks for the link Veggia farmer. I appreciate ANY and all input, whether it ends up being applied or not. Persons may come later and read this thread (assuming they can get through my long-winded posts), and maybe find things of interest that are specific to their needs.

                I'll give it a read later on. I'm tapped, need to spend some time cuddling with my younger son, and get some chores done.

                Thanks again.


                This morning I took the CBD flowers in their 2 jars, opened them up (breaking the seal from last night), and placed them in a covered casserole dish.

                The woman in the last video I posted stated that to convert CBDa to ingestible/accessible CBD, required hotter temp for longer time than THCa being converted to THC through the decarboxylation process. She prescribed 295 degrees f. for 90 minutes, to properly convert CBDa to CBD.

                Acknowledging that I had the CBD jars in the electric pressure cooker last night for 50 minutes, at ABOUT 240 degrees f. and 11.1 to 11.4 lbs. pressure, I wasn't sure I wanted to decarb the CBD flowers for the full time prescribed by the woman in the video.

                So..... pulling somewhat logical numbers out of my ass, I figured that I would place the CBD flowers in a covered casserole dish, pre-heat the oven to 295 f. (the temp prescribed by the person in the video I linked last), and shorten the time from 90 minutes to 70 minutes.

                Other than for ANY heavy smell of heated chlorophyll and ganja causing substantial nausea for my wife, who, years ago, over-did consumption of edibles 1 night, and puked PROLIFICALLY, never being comfortable with that smell (or taste) again.. ever.... I believe it was a success.


                Tuesday and Wednesday, we are supposed to be back up to mid-20's above 0, so if I am to switch from eating crunchy, crusty flowers, to consuming tiny specs of concentrate (an improvement, let me tell you), then I will need to take the decarbed flowers, maybe even a second batch of 4 jars (2 of each again), put on my trusty wool coat and other layers of warm clothing, get out the 12/3 arctic all-weather cord, and plug in the induction cook top out back on a table....

                Gray Wolf seems to think it is better to make extract from flowers, then decarb the extract, as opposed to making extract from decarbed flowers. Another person I communicated with seems to think that all roads lead to Rome in chemistry, and they are equally suited methods. Unless maybe I misunderstood his instructions. (Always possible).

                So if I do a decarb of extract, then I need to set up a double-boiler with oil in the bottom, so I can raise the temp of the top pan to 250 f., and cook the solvent off at slightly higher temp than I otherwise might, and decarb at the same time I am evaporating.

                If I use the decarbed weed, then I apparently just need to take the extract to the point that there is no more bubbling or milky color to the extract in the pan, and call it good.


                On a personal, more general front, again, having so much that is CLEARLY out of my control, as a sole player, with the Cosmos wagging its index finger at me, laughing, chattering, "Yeah??!! Control THIS motherfucker!!!" the sense of urgency, loss, and more, dove-tailed to my PTSD, and I have had literal physical symptoms that feel (as described, in part, earlier) like the residue of an intense, lasted-too-long acid trip, with trembling, stomach upheaval and much more.

                I'm still in and out of that 'place', and it is largely related to my 2 older children, but most especially my oldest son... less so to cancer.

                It's amazing what we can face, when the struggles in our lives don't include turmoil with those we love, when we are already primed to react poorly to such conflicts by virtue of our past experiences. Loss of loved ones, in what ever form of 'loss' is truly my Achilles heel.

                I suspect there will be a LOT of time listening to old blues tunes, like the last one I posted, by Bozz Scaggs and Duane Allman, taking some of the sharper ripples out of the sea.

                That said, this afternoon/evening, wanting to straighten out my life's issues in preparation for the worst, with hopes for the best, I phoned a long-time friend in the bush, with whom I had quit speaking last year over some insults and assertions that lacked basis.

                He was in a bad space back then, (still is, really), looking at a bleak financial, medical, and other aspects of his future (funny how that all gangs up us older folks, eh?), and I was in a place with life, adult children, and more where I had determined that accepting less-than acceptable bullshit from others, anyone, was over the top, and didn't need to be tolerated.

                Well, this evening, I phoned him to tell him I have some equipment here of his, and to see if the trail out into the bush was frozen over the rivers, so we might get his stuff out of here.

                He picked up in the middle of the second ring, took all of 30 seconds to begin apologizing, and spoke of how many times he wanted to call to apologize, then just wouldn't.

                Sometimes we embarrass ourselves enough that we fail to take the steps we need to to correct our fuck-ups... But it's the Big Boy Panties way to live, in my opinion.

                He apologized, I spoke mostly directly, as I'm known to do, for better or for worse, and we were on the phone for 2-1/2 hours, catching up, up until he realized his cat had been outside at about 0 degrees (I'm guessing), and our call ended.

                Why is this quasi-Yummy Bud story in this post? Hope, and the balance of energy we hold that can only stand so many conflicts, and people, who, on the surface of it, will never be perfect as a species, but who, sometimes, make the effort, take the humility by the horns, own up, make peace, and instill some fucking balance & perspective... even if for just a few minutes, before the trembling, pained gut, and empty space inside, steps back in.

                I don't know if we'll have the friendship we've had for the last 40 years, off and on, but I know he did the honorable thing.... I know the rivers are reportedly frozen enough to travel the lengthy distance back into the bush to take his things to him, if that time comes this winter, I know having one less battle raging in the middle of my gut, improves my outlook, even if just by a smidgeon.


                Time to eat some decarbed THC flowers. Water my horribly neglected mothers, take my night time pills, brush my teeth, and hope for greater honesty and integrity among my 2 older children.
                Last edited by moose eater; 11-30-2020, 09:08.



                  Bob Dylan - Angel Flying Too Close To The Ground

                  * very emotive song moose - listen to the lyrics - they apply to you - very much so -
                  'It can all start from a seed'


                    Apologies for venting the grief re. my 2 older kids...

                    The THC flowers, absent use of any lecithin (though I DO have sunflower lecithin here), seems to take HOURS to reach full strength, as opposed to my butter, or the olive oil THC caps I had.

                    The eating of buds, as described, begins to set in mildly over the course of an hour, and perhaps 2-3 hours later is reaching substantially further into the effects, maybe 3-4 hours to reach what I regard as full effect. but who knows? I'm asleep for most of the rest of it.

                    What I do know, is that after eating an approximated gram+ of White Lotus #4 last night at about 1:00 A.M., when my telephone rang this A.M. at about 10:30, I was still QUITE under the influence.

                    I'll try some of the other flowers soon, and try to determine if the same pattern continues.


                    Slightly greater peace over unresolved family issues today, but that may or may not last.


                    Chores and bed. Power outage earlier has me still needing to re-start the HRV, and check some other areas, now that the electricity is back.


                      Yeah, it's my experience that Family issues hurt most. (I have this daughter married to a red neck ....)
                      But powerlessness is the feeling that gets me most. Frustration that what I 'm dealing with is NOT in my control.
                      Anyway ... Onward!


                        here's a medical news report:

                        Drug reverses age-related cognitive decline within days

                        from the article:

                        The drug, called ISRIB, has already been shown in laboratory studies to restore memory function months after traumatic brain injury (TBI), reverse cognitive impairments in Down Syndrome , prevent noise-related hearing loss, fight certain types of prostate cancer , and even enhance cognition in healthy animals.
                        it may apply, i don't know ...
                        Bud Toaster, Model 15 version 1 --> The Herbal Cube, Model 15 version 4.


                          Hey moose eater
                          My friend just came by to help drop a couple of trees today. We were talking about the proton therapy he had for his cancer and he mentioned he’s ten years clear. Never came back
                          Kindness is Not Canceled


                            Originally posted by Rodehazrd View Post
                            Hey moose eater
                            My friend just came by to help drop a couple of trees today. We were talking about the proton therapy he had for his cancer and he mentioned he’s ten years clear. Never came back
                            Sounds fortunate for him, rodehazrd. A positive testimonial.

                            Still trying to sort out the surgeons, to find which ever one is most dedicated to, and capable of, getting as much of my body functioning after the fact as is possible.


                            Acquired some more CBD flower (greater concentration of CBD than the last batch, by about 7 % or so), but as of now, I'm still eating dried, crusty, decarboxylated flowers (both THC and CBD) for having lost out on the one day we had where we set a record for temperature; last Tuesday the local airport, in town, reached +39, beating the old record by 2 degrees.

                            And I need to work my way out of the 12-14 hours of sleep each night. The method of ingesting the flowers has them setting in a bit later than if I'd simply ingested some extract with lecithin and oil.

                            So, consequently, by the wee hours of the night, I'm feeling the full effects, and they take longer to process through, as my sleeping metabolism is much more slow than my waking metabolism.

                            What I need to come up with is a clear plan for the surgeon, a day or 2 to extract and load capsules, and the energy and timing to transplant my mothers, which are ALL pretty much pissed off at me at the moment.

                            So, tonight I'll decarb some of the newer CBD flower, and see if that tastes ay better going down (humor).


                              I'd intended to get to town today, having missed my window on at least 2 other days this week already... But.... You a have guessed correctly, with the sleep excesses of late, it was about 10:30 A.M. when I became aware of numerous telephone calls to the phone next to my head, and that my alarm had gone off without too much consequence (for me, anyway) all of over 3 hours earlier.

                              So I said "Screw it!!" again, puled the warm blankets up and over my torso, made sure my recent extreme lethargy had not yet become a sore point for my wife, and I went back to sleep for another several hours.

                              -10 to -20 f on the front porch today, so we're definitely getting further away from cooking off alcohol for extract outside. The induction cook-top wouldn't be too apt to mind the weather,, but the small internal cooling fan and the light-weight ungrounded cord attached to the ting might take offense, however.

                              So yes, the oral ingestion and chewing of dried flowers (both CBD and THC) continues. Consider it a penalty for late-Fall diagnoses, and not being quick enough in operationalizing this specific part of the treatment plan earlier, under warmer conditions..


                              2 more contacts with premium Pacific Northwest urology cancer treatment outlets today, though those calls or inquiries were made too late in the day, thus pushing back any review of my messages until at least Monday or so. Every little inquiry or poorly actioned plan takes more time, and time is becoming more valuable in my opinion, re. addressing the cancer.


                              More research questions of trivia and greater value; if normal cells grow while persons are sleeping and they are re-generating their immune systems, do cancer cells also exhibit accelerated growth during sleep time? Increased sleep times?

                              Probably something worth finding out about?


                              So, my insurance plan restricts me to (the better pricing and negotiations typically coming from) in-network practitioners or clinics located in Washington State and Alaska.


                              For those of you who have been down this road, or are close enough to others who have been to be able to accurately relate what those persons found, I have the following questions:

                              1.) How did you choose who to see to discuss your options and diagnosis?

                              2.) How did you decide on the specific approach to treatment?

                              3.) Do you have any regrets?

                              4.) Any complications arise from your treatment, and if so, were thy resolved?

                              5.) Level of disability and time period of duration, post treatment?

                              6.) Fears and anxieties during the 'sorting phase'? Inhibitions?


                              Seeing some positive changes in my adult children's lives, though noting earth-shattering in the way of resolve. Part of the unknowns involves the questions as to whether or not I'll be alive when and if either of my adult kids gets their shit better together?

                              In the interim, there's a bit of hope there. And the reminder that frame of mind, or mind-set, still has a lot to do with the quality of life while all of this shit's being sorted out..

                              **Still washing the flavor of the last gram+ of CBD flowers I just chewed up and swallowed with RO H2O with a touch of lemon juice in it.

                              ***If I can get to sleep early enough this evening, and eat the THC flowers early enough, maybe, just maybe I can get into town and do this trip tomorrow. Maybe.


                                Well Moose ... as you know I 'm an intuitive sorta fellow ... meaning I sometimes don't know how I know ... but yr questions above remind me of the time I was diagnosed with a cancer on my kidney and my kidney had to come out. Or so the Surgeon said.

                                Now I know damn well that Surgeons recommend taking out organs because that's what Surgeons do. So did my kidney need to come out or not?

                                I ran a quick scenario of seeking another opinion ... and all that such a course would entail ... and I swallowed, looked at the Surgeon whom I did not like one iota ... and I decided to trust him.

                                Now, some years later I still seem to be Ok my main problem being not health, but that I am now well past seventy years ...

                                The Missus and I have bred 5 children. We have been marvellously successful at letting them do their own thing. Including letting them make their own mistakes.

                                Remember Father Moose that the learning is in the doing!!! Not in the expectations of others.

                                Alternatively the words of Kahlil Gibran ("The Prophet") echo round the increasingly vacant chamber of my brain and his words that: Your children are like arrows. The direction of the arrow and the place it falls are dependent on the Archer.

                                You've already launched them on their path thru life. You and their Mother have been their primary models of Life. How can they fail to do well? OK, they might fuck up every now and then ... both of you did ... but seems you have ended up with a successful Family story.

                                Why shouldn't they carry on the good work?

                                Be hopeful. You've done good!!!