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    Originally posted by moose eater View Post
    I think that mental separation between what is, versus what it feels like or seems like, can make it more manageable some times.
    Depression is a part of the diagnosis it seems, moose eater. I certainly struggled with its presence throughout treatment. When depression gets mixed with fatigue, uncertainty, doubt, and a mind searching for sense, it was mental separation that got me back on track. I am not my disease in effect.

    Do you feel like you are in a dreamland? My trip to the cancer center was solo. It was something I made alone for a number of reasons. A 5 hour drive to get there was plenty of time for my brain to escort me to places I didn't want to go. I checked into the motel that offered a discount to 'cancer patients'. The only thing I remember about that evening was buying a bath mat at a nearby outlet store (never now when you might need one, right?)

    Safe travels
    “You can disagree without being disagreeable.”
    Ruth Bader Ginsburg

    Comment


      Originally posted by buzzmobile View Post
      Depression is a part of the diagnosis it seems, moose eater. I certainly struggled with its presence throughout treatment. When depression gets mixed with fatigue, uncertainty, doubt, and a mind searching for sense, it was mental separation that got me back on track. I am not my disease in effect.

      Do you feel like you are in a dreamland? My trip to the cancer center was solo. It was something I made alone for a number of reasons. A 5 hour drive to get there was plenty of time for my brain to escort me to places I didn't want to go. I checked into the motel that offered a discount to 'cancer patients'. The only thing I remember about that evening was buying a bath mat at a nearby outlet store (never now when you might need one, right?)

      Safe travels
      Certainly a period of adjustment to the new 'reality.'

      There's been many a laughable moment of absurdity. The different offices' efforts at turning this into something more normal; the C101 (cancer 101) 'Daily Planner.' (*Figured that some place in the section no doubt reserved for chemo, there might be a chapter entitled, "You, and your post-breakfast nausea" or something to that effect.

      Like some manic disassociated candy-striper nurse going around putting smiley faces on every vertical surface that looks to be a candidate for a mural of some sort.

      C101???!!! Really???!!

      Anyway, more scans and reports of clarification to deal with....

      Just had 2 snow storms come through. The first one left about 14 inches of snow on the ground, and the next one left a couple inches, so there's immediate up-keep to engage in, including cleaning off the trailers, their hitches, etc., so they're ready to go this winter.

      I've started treating the mothers with Gnatrol WDG, after I witnessed a healthy flyer in one mother cupboard, after the little girls had been dosed 2 x's with Azamax and a couple times they'd received a foliar spray of Spinosad, so the fat little winged bugger was just as likely a fungus gnat... So... "Off with his head!!!"

      Onto other chores shortly.
      Last edited by moose eater; 11-18-2020, 01:49.

      Comment


        Another day, another scan. This one was an MRI of the prostate; apparently the other 2 scans averaging about $2,500 each, were not enough.

        I found myself in the MRI chamber, staring up at the logo of the manufacturer, thinking, "Ya' know, I ought to buy stock in these bastards, if they're selling publicly. Or at least maybe I should swear off getting sick in any way that necessitates the use (leasing) of their equipment. One or the other."

        Anyway, it'd not be so bad if they weren't having me use an enema half the time I go see them, or, if maybe they had a -good- self-serve espresso machine, or if the female nurses offered oral sex in between scans, or if the music headphones cancelled out more of the the sound of the MRI unit.... or if they'd offer up better odds than what they've been giving me lately..

        But nope... None of that; no food or drinks after midnight, 1 enema late last night, and one early this A.M., quiet drive to town on ice-glazed roads, no female nurses on shift who were into casual sex, no pizza cart with decent cappuccino at the imaging center... and, as usual, no feedback from the radiologist indicating how screwed or unscrewed I am at the moment.
        -------------------------
        So, Weez, as of this evening, everything is here that I know of, to start the process.. Solvent(s), induction cook top, IR heat gun(s) (The shipper mis-sent the 1st one, so now we have 2!!), various flowers, heat-pressed resin, electric pressure cooker, 5-ply stainless steel sauce pot, suppository molds, empty veggie gelatin capsules, and who-knows-what-all-else is here.

        My thoughts at this time re. CBD extract, versus THC extract, is to do them uniquely separate, then combine the 2 extracts in dosing, once they have been mixed with what ever additions are going into the mix; lecithin, cacao butter, coconut oil, etc.

        So, that said, I suspect first order of the process will be to decarb the CBD flower, and then to decarb the THC flower, then maybe decarb some of the heat-pressed resin I have here.

        Ready??

        BTW, it was -19 f on my front porch this morning. We're supposed to have a high temp of about +10 on Saturday and Sunday, which, from my wrinkled, aging, and biased perspective, beats the snot out of -10 to -30 f. for outdoor 'cooking', for when/if we get past decarbing, and into extraction.

        BTW, the CBD flower advertises itself as being 14.5% CBD, claiming 140 mg of CBD per gram of raw flower. So I'm guesstimating about ~59 to 60 grams of decent CBD extract from 1 lb. of CBD flower, to match a similar amount of high THC extract (about 59 to 60 grams).

        I figure that if I ingest a half-gram of each through the day, then it's around 4 months worth of medicine.

        I also figure that at the cost of the CBD flower, assuming it is what it is advertised as being, then I should likely just buy the CBD flower, and grow my high-THC flower to match the extract with. I can't grow the CBD flower indoors here, in the winter, as cheaply as I can buy it.
        Last edited by moose eater; 11-18-2020, 02:08.

        Comment


          Well hot diggity damn I'm so happy for you and I told you they were full off shit.im so happy I'm gonna smoke one for you.unless I read that story
          story wrong.forgive me.your cancer free Moose?
          I AM THE LIQUOR!
          MASTER OF SHITPUPPETS
          the only difference between me and you is a couple of drinks

          Comment


            Originally posted by shithawk420 View Post
            Well hot diggity damn I'm so happy for you and I told you they were full off shit.im so happy I'm gonna smoke one for you.unless I read that story
            story wrong.forgive me.your cancer free Moose?
            No, 'hawk. Not sure where you got that.

            No changes in my diagnosis, though they still haven't told me yet what their final thoughts are on the mystery 'spot' are that drove them to get the 2 different radiological reports (CT Scan and Nuclear Bone Scan) side-by-side for clarification.

            Whether they feel clarified or not, I'm not sure, but at this point, no one has told me if -I- should feel more clear or not.

            Anyway, yeah, sorry if my wording led you to believe everything was/is done with, but the battle (in what ever form it takes) has hardly even begun.

            Comment


              I'm sorry buddy.i had too much to drink I guess.i did read I it wrong but good things happen.sorry I drank too much
              I AM THE LIQUOR!
              MASTER OF SHITPUPPETS
              the only difference between me and you is a couple of drinks

              Comment


                Originally posted by shithawk420 View Post
                I'm sorry buddy.i had too much to drink I guess.i did read I it wrong but good things happen.sorry I drank too much
                No problem, 'hawk.

                Positive thoughts are welcome, even if they turn out to be mirages in the end.

                I'll soon begin the decarbing of my CBD flowers, THC flowers, and heat-pressed resin. I can do all of that indoors, at room temp.

                Hopefully our weather forecast will either improve, or not get any worse, for the outdoor cooking off of solvent that will follow the decarbing.

                Still looking at high temps of +10 f in my area for this coming week-end, Saturday & Sunday.

                Nothing says winter BBQ like standing in a parka at a table top cooking unit, wearing bunny boots, and huddled next to warm solvents with a fire extinguisher....

                Comment


                  "I figure that if I ingest a half-gram of each through the day, then it's around 4 months worth of medicine."


                  That is about 5 times too much.
                  Your weight will determine your optimum dosage..
                  The range will be from 1.1 mg per Kg. to as much as 1.5 mg. per Kg.
                  Start dosing at the low end. track your PSA and adjust as needed.
                  Cannabinoids, like all other meds, have an optimal dosage.


                  I know, this is America, yah?

                  But trust me when I say that more is not "better" in this case.

                  More than enough is too much and can make things worse.
                  Not to mention wasting expensive oil.


                  At one point, I was up to 900 mg. per day, doing the internet suggested regimen.
                  When I went back over my records I saw that as I increased dosage efficacy decreased.
                  Took me over 2 years to get a handle on proper dosage for me.
                  (Kaiser only pays for the PSA assay every 6 months).


                  My present run is 130 mg. of oil once per day at bedtime. I weigh 90 Kg.
                  We are all different and there are many "flavors", of P.C., but that should give you a starting point.


                  Your plan to take the CBD and THC oils unmixed is a good idea. I take a dropper of CBD oil in the morning and a capsule RSO at bedtime. Keeps me functional.



                  Aloha,
                  Wee


                  "It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so."
                  - Mark Twain

                  "Plants do things for a reason, they don't just decide one day to get root rot or act funny." -Weedhound
                  R.I.P

                  A prudent question is one-half of wisdom. -Francis Bacon

                  A wise man is superior to any insults which can be put upon him, and the best reply to unseemly behavior is patience and moderation. -Moliere


                  You're behaving as if there is no hope. Someone musta told you you were hopeless and you believed them! That's it, isn't it? What you believe about yrself rests on a pile of someone else's shit! - Teddybrae

                  Comment


                    Originally posted by Weezard View Post
                    "I figure that if I ingest a half-gram of each through the day, then it's around 4 months worth of medicine."


                    That is about 5 times too much.
                    Your weight will determine your optimum dosage..
                    The range will be from 1.1 mg per Kg. to as much as 1.5 mg. per Kg.
                    Start dosing at the low end. track your PSA and adjust as needed.
                    Cannabinoids, like all other meds, have an optimal dosage.


                    I know, this is America, yah?

                    But trust me when I say that more is not "better" in this case.

                    More than enough is too much and can make things worse.
                    Not to mention wasting expensive oil.


                    At one point, I was up to 900 mg. per day, doing the internet suggested regimen.
                    When I went back over my records I saw that as I increased dosage efficacy decreased.
                    Took me over 2 years to get a handle on proper dosage for me.
                    (Kaiser only pays for the PSA assay every 6 months).


                    My present run is 130 mg. of oil once per day at bedtime. I weigh 90 Kg.
                    We are all different and there are many "flavors", of P.C., but that should give you a starting point.


                    Your plan to take the CBD and THC oils unmixed is a good idea. I take a dropper of CBD oil in the morning and a capsule RSO at bedtime. Keeps me functional.



                    Aloha,
                    Wee


                    Thanks Weez.

                    I figured that if the prescribed dose for RSO was a gram of ^THC extract/day, then half of that, or 500mg, broken up into 4 doses of about 125 mg each, throughout the day, matched to the CBD extract, at the same dose, would be some place between your current dose and the original Rx dose for RSO.

                    I'm OK starting off lighter than that, as, as stated before, I'm a 'cheap date.' Less is more in most cases, where my ingestion of substances is concerned. Days of extreme excesses are vanishing quickly.

                    But, as I also stated some place, I'll need to decarb everything first, or decide if that phase will simultaneously take place at the same time as the heat-induced evaporation of solvents takes place?

                    In either case, the heat-pressed resin I have here is MAYBE partially decarbed (from a couple of ill-fated sealing attempts by another who used a water-bath, double-boiler type of tek to try and get the extract jars to seal when they were being sent to me), and to my knowledge (I can't swear to anything about the lb. of ^CBD flower, as that's in commercial seals, and has only been here for a limited period of time) the ^ THC weed (my crop) has never been decarbed, and again, no knowledge on processing of the ^CBD flowers..

                    So, there it is; step 1, decarbing, or at least plotting a course to decarbing.

                    --------------------------------------------------------

                    As a side-note, I'm having continued reluctance, hesitation, and difficulty re. choosing surgery over radiation, versus nothing.... with the former 2 being the most likely of options.

                    Is there anyone who had either radiation or surgery, or both, who has regrets from their choices (if choices is even an applicable word here)? Seriously, anyone who chose path A or B, or paths A and B, and regretted the outcomes or lack of fully-informed information as to what to expect or what transpired?

                    Comment


                      Originally posted by Weezard View Post
                      "I figure that if I ingest a half-gram of each through the day, then it's around 4 months worth of medicine."


                      That is about 5 times too much.
                      Your weight will determine your optimum dosage..
                      The range will be from 1.1 mg per Kg. to as much as 1.5 mg. per Kg.
                      Start dosing at the low end. track your PSA and adjust as needed.
                      Cannabinoids, like all other meds, have an optimal dosage.


                      I know, this is America, yah?

                      But trust me when I say that more is not "better" in this case.

                      More than enough is too much and can make things worse.
                      Not to mention wasting expensive oil.


                      At one point, I was up to 900 mg. per day, doing the internet suggested regimen.
                      When I went back over my records I saw that as I increased dosage efficacy decreased.
                      Took me over 2 years to get a handle on proper dosage for me.
                      (Kaiser only pays for the PSA assay every 6 months).


                      My present run is 130 mg. of oil once per day at bedtime. I weigh 90 Kg.
                      We are all different and there are many "flavors", of P.C., but that should give you a starting point.


                      Your plan to take the CBD and THC oils unmixed is a good idea. I take a dropper of CBD oil in the morning and a capsule RSO at bedtime. Keeps me functional.



                      Aloha,
                      Wee


                      Thanks Weezard!

                      I appreciate your estimate of dosage. I have had the impression of 1G a day of thc for 60-90 days was the "gold standard" for treating cancer. Even tho I have a different form( kidney cancer) I was pleased to find that a lower dosage has been effective for you.

                      Currently availability of flower and the resulting uncomfortableness of so much thc have been defining factors in the amount of medicine available to me. As an alternative I have been making canna caps with a significantly lower amount of thc.

                      I have been using about 10 G of flower per batch of caps, going by your formula using my current weight, 63kg, I should be in the ballpark at 48 equal parts per batch at two caps per day. Approx 2g total thc at 20% potency flower, split 48 ways.

                      Since I am currently under daily chemo meds it is impossible to estimate the effectiveness of the caps, but it definitely helps with chemo side effects. My last CT showed significant improvement from the one previous. I am keeping my fingers crossed to be tumor free for the next scan in a couple of months.

                      Aloha
                      Eat More Weed!

                      Comment


                        Originally posted by moose eater View Post
                        I've managed depression similarly to how I've managed stout doses of hallucinogens over the years; continue reminding myself of what is part of reality/mental status at the moment, and what is part of the drug or condition.

                        I think that mental separation between what is, versus what it feels like or seems like, can make it more manageable some times.
                        This is a pretty astute self observation man.

                        Comment


                          Originally posted by HGCC View Post
                          This is a pretty astute self observation man.
                          I think a good number of persons with PTSD, depression, thought disorders, and more, might benefit from the sorting of perception and reality; hell, just reading the discord in the forums here, tells me folks might benefit from such introspective questions.

                          -----------------------------------------

                          Well, "the more you know..."

                          A couple days ago the radiological oncology Doc phoned on a day for which we had changed the appointment time to the next week. Turned out that wasn't convenient for his schedule. Either that, or he didn't want their office to appear as though it lacked coordination, and fibbed. Who knows?

                          Anyway, as close to a quote as I can get, was, "The MRI shows what we already knew; the right side of the capsule (prostate gland) is riddled with cancer, and it doesn't appear as though it has escaped the prostate."

                          We both acknowledged that the lack of VISIBLE cancer outside the prostate gland's right side doesn't mean there's not been cancer escaping and getting into other areas. In all likelihood, and per Johns-Hopkins 5,070-some case review, it's quite likely that there is SOME cancer outside of the prostate, especially on the right side, but it's not visible via imaging at this time.

                          Whether or not there's enough cancer outside of the prostate to cause trouble down the road, who knows? Won't likely have an answer to that until -long- after surgery, assuming I opt for a radical prostatectomy, which is the direction I'm leaning, all things considered.

                          The dissimilar claims of success and side-effects related to radiation, and to (specifically) hormone suppression therapy, has me believing that in this game where COVID-19 put the hurt on clinics and hospitals, it seems more important than ever before for various medical folks to be hard-selling THEIR specific approach to medical practices and procedures.

                          In the last 2-3 weeks I've heard a number of folks explain to me, in what appeared to be fabricated reasoning, why it was better if I used THEIR imaging services, THEIR radiologist, THEIR procedure, etc.

                          But when I start seeing that data and outcomes are being omitted from anecdotal information I request, or someone pretends not to recall something for which there's very small probability that they wouldn't remember the information being requested, then I smell a tilting of the table, as it relates to money, and that person or group is less, not more likely to receive my business, money, etc.

                          ----------------------------------------------------

                          So, we're about ready to start decarbing the 2 (basically different) types of flowers; the CBD and the THC buds.

                          Looks like Wednesday we're possibly close to +20 f. outside here, so if I can get those things decarbed and ready, I might want to try and be cooking off solvent outdoors at +20 or so. I don't see it getting a WHOLE lot warmer than that in the near future here.

                          ----------------------------------------------------

                          I still have 2-3 nights of cannabis butter from my own batch remaining in the freezer to consume tonight and the next couple nights, maybe. And I have most of a lb. of canna butter a former friend made and gifted to me, also still in the freezer, but, as is typical, I'll be coasting to the end of one make-shift substitution as I less-than-gracefully slide into the proverbial home plate of the next adaptation.

                          So... a few puffs of hash, a reworking of the soilless mix recipe to adjust for the last lab analysis from a couple months ago, and who knows what might occur here..

                          ---------------------------------------------------

                          I did, on a hunch, do some other research re. cancer in general, as it relates to my dyssomnia of the last 50+ years. I considered that the immune system is affected by sleep, and cancer, despite pre-dispositions via genetics, also relies on environmental/causal factors, similar to how type II diabetes, rheumatoid arthritis, etc., etc. function.

                          And the research showed, unequivocally, several things; cancer thrives on a broken or disrupted sleep schedule, or even just an absence of sleep. And like type II diabetes, physical activity (i.e., exercise) helps to battle cancer, as well.

                          So, as is the case with many things, the proper amount of sleep and the proper amount of phys. activity, both weight heavily in battling cancers.

                          And, since consuming a fairly stout dose of cannabis butter, straight, each night, after I ran out of the olive oil canna extract capsules a while back, I've been sleeping fairly solidly for the last ~1 month... though I admittedly HAVE awakened in the middle of the night a time or 3, but FAR less often than I did previously.

                          The down-side of sleep as an antidote to depression, is that the more thorough restfulness and tiredness that leads up to it, is counter-productive to physical activity.

                          But for now, I figure I can catch up on sleep, and THEN worry about getting back to the level of phys. activity I had going on in later summer this year.

                          So, about that several puffs of hash, and the amendments to the soilless mix list..
                          Last edited by moose eater; 11-24-2020, 07:40.

                          Comment


                            Sleep is so important.im battling insomnia myself.

                            I hope I'm not meandering like a tend to but my dad's girlfriend had an episode.she supposedly has stage 4 lung cancer. She had a sudden nose bleed and then was on the floor saying she couldn't breath.we almost rushed her to the hospital.honesly don't even know if the hospital would take her.scared the shit out of me.but she said nose bleeds are a symptom of cancer.this covid has me scared.i want a US government gas mask.my people are going to work in the city.they are gonna get it.i feel bad you have to travel moose.stay safe sir
                            I AM THE LIQUOR!
                            MASTER OF SHITPUPPETS
                            the only difference between me and you is a couple of drinks

                            Comment


                              Originally posted by shithawk420 View Post
                              Sleep is so important.im battling insomnia myself.

                              I hope I'm not meandering like a tend to but my dad's girlfriend had an episode.she supposedly has stage 4 lung cancer. She had a sudden nose bleed and then was on the floor saying she couldn't breath.we almost rushed her to the hospital.honesly don't even know if the hospital would take her.scared the shit out of me.but she said nose bleeds are a symptom of cancer.this covid has me scared.i want a US government gas mask.my people are going to work in the city.they are gonna get it.i feel bad you have to travel moose.stay safe sir
                              Thanks 'hawk.

                              Sorry to read of your dad's gf's spell with bleeding. I s'pose a respiratory cancer might express itself via a nose-bleed.

                              As far as travel goes, if I go for surgery, rather than radiation (which, as stated above, is the direction I'm looking more closely at for the moment), it'll either be Anchorage or Seattle.

                              Greater risk of exposure to C-19 by going to Seattle, but a more renowned clinic to have do the work, too.

                              Exposure via plane ride, shuttle to the hospital and hotel, et.

                              If I go to Anchorage, I can spend one or so nights in the living area at the hospital I would be most apt to attend, and take come severe cold gear, to sleep in the back of my truck on the way home.

                              We'll see what happens this next week or so. Hopefully I'll be getting an interview with the Docs at the Seattle clinic before, or right after Thanksgiving.

                              Comment


                                Hey Moose,
                                Well that's a mighty big chunk of reality to bite off in one swallow. Glad to see your progress in refining some herb. Maybe when a timeline for events is established, evidence of a positive outcome will be available before moving on to the next step. We all make decisions the best we can with our current perception of the universe as we understand it.

                                Every day is a gift.
                                Blessings to you and yours.
                                Eat More Weed!

                                Comment

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