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  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    Another night with ^ THC extract, a bit more dreaming, though less memorable content, and again, waking to uncertainty re. the course of tx I thought I was moving ahead with. The whole 'no do-overs' ringing in my mind, like the kid with just enough money for 1 candy bar, reaching slowly for that ONE treat, with too many choices.

    But today is apt to be the day I need to send a message re. scheduling to one portal or another, and get this thing moving ahead.

    Surgery involves more drastic tissue assault, and radiation stands to tear up more tissue over time. Outcomes re. enuresis and ED are inverted to some degree; radiation taking course over time, and surgery leaving the damage more or less in the here and now. Slow degradation to some tissue and functions following radiation is fairly common, and slower rehabilitation to immediately affected issues after abrupt interruption to those areas, post surgery.

    My ventral hernia poses an ^ risk as a result of the air pressure being forced into the diaphragm, through the 6 holes near the navel for surgery, and the drug(s) they use for hormone suppression for radiation tx (and sometimes, rarely anymore, for other tx's) can cause wonky glucose control, with increased glucose levels.

    "No free lunch." Nope.

    But some time today, despite these wild cards, I'll be sending a message to a portal re. "Schedule me for 'X' on this date, XX/XX/XXXX."

    The proverbial train is now moving faster than I am at times, and it has to. I've been stuck long enough to begin causing concerns for me. Time to face the high-dive.

    ----------------------------------------------

    Warren Haynes & Government Mule, Live

    Covering Etta James' 'I'd Rather Go Blind'

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iYgId1baqWg
    Last edited by moose eater; 02-21-2021, 22:01.

    Leave a comment:


  • buzzmobile
    replied
    This one goes out to LC and John...wherever you are.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yw0jGceuiKE

    Leave a comment:


  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    A fairly technical and in-depth study re. sulforaphane dosing and mice/rats. I don't believe this study is a duplicate to several others posted in here, but I wanted to get a better handle on what dose is really deemed beneficial with these things. Earlier posts had indicated 2-4 oz. of sprouts a day for cancer prevention and or treatment.

    An interesting note in this lengthy study included finding specific dosage ratios for mice that caused all sorts of side-effects, from lethargy to death, and numerous points between. Gave cause for thought, though I believe this was when the mice/rats were receiving injections of extract in doses of 150 to 300 mg..

    Whether in plants or refined in capsules and extracts, most of these things, in one way or another, are drugs.

    A technical study worth reading, though I need someone to convert the measurements and ratios they're using, so I can make it into more useful info. I tried to find conversion tables for their symbols/abbreviations, but wasn't confident in what I found.

    https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6804255/

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  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    Originally posted by buzzmobile View Post
    I'm rooting for you, Kid.

    I remember the wearing down and the surrendering. Running scenarios for recovery and failure through my folds of gray matter made up my days for weeks and then months. I discovered that the twists and turns along the way led to a center. There wasn't any magic or miracle, but it sure felt good to be at a place where I could receive

    View Image



    Track 6 from Songs for Beginners is a favorite.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2LiPMEqkKpY

    Sorry about the SOOT.
    Thanks, buzz.

    Yes, 'Simple Man' and 'Black Notes' are both very good tunes. All of it goes back to a time when we were 10-feet tall, bullet proof, chins to the wind, and 'longevity' & 'mortality' were merely vocabulary words that perplexed some of us on quiz or test days.

    That looks and feels about right.

    Found that going to sleep late last night, with a stout dose of THC extract (maybe about 200+ mg), and doing a bit of obscure, dreaming, I woke up reconsidering radiation, and had to remind myself of the wild cards re. the hormone suppression tx, and the rest of it, including the inverted risks re. ED, enuresis, etc.

    Had to do a minor amount of work to get my head back in line with the prospect of writing to schedule, and aiming for a week after the week I'd identified earlier.

    My younger son was the one early on who looked strictly at survivability and getting a second or 3rd shot at treating cancer if it is stubborn about leaving; he wants me here whether I wear a diaper or not, whether his mother and I can have traditional sexual encounters or not, etc.

    So it was him who, early on, said his vote is/was for surgery, in our family discussions of this. Sometimes youngsters, while certainly having their own set of priorities, can make complex things simple enough to be more clear.

    Thanks again, buzz.

    ------------------------------------------
    I was 13 when I skipped a court hearing for incorrigibility (Zen in motion, no?), and was eventually picked up and put into the Erie County (Pennsylvania) Jail, where they had no juvenile facility, per se', so they had a set of cell blocks in the main jail that were dedicated to minors.

    It was back in the day when the shift Sgt received $x money from command to feed the prisoners. What ever didn't get spent, he pocketed, so it behooved him to spend as little as possible; 2 meals a day. Morning was an egg salad sandwich on white bread, typically with egg shells in the mix (still bugs the SHIT out of me when I find an egg shell in my food!). With that, a prisoner also got a half-pint of milk. Dinner was a single, regular MC Donald's hamburger, and another 1/2-pint of milk.

    We couldn't see the folks to either side, as the bars to each cell were only on the cell wall with the door, but we could talk with each other. There was a 24-hour bright lamp on in front of each cell; I would wake up and have no clue what time of day it was, which was extremely destabilizing for me.

    At one point, I/we began singing the tune below with the two young men to either side of me, L.C. and John (Yes, I still remember them, most of 50 years later). A rather large Sgt came to our block of cells, indignant, demanding to know who had been making the racket (I had been keeping some amount of 'beat' by doing flying kicks against the steel walls, and making them reverberate for some well-spaced rhythm as we sang, and the 2-way PA speakers in the ceilings of the cells were apparently doing a good job picking gup our 'protest').

    The Sgt demanded to know who had been making the noise, and LC and John both said, "Not me," while I said nothing.. So he peered into my cell, levied a few threats as to what was going to happen to me if the noise continued, and that was my Dobie Gray story.


    Dobie Gray

    'Drift Away'

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NIuyDWzctgY

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  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    Originally posted by trichrider View Post
    it sure hammers your metal into a different shape.
    i think you're making the right decision moose...fwiw...doctors can do the miracles we only hope can happen.

    went through the insecurity of prospects when i had the fusion surgery in L4/L5S1 about twenty years ago. returned to work too early and suffered for a couple more years with a gnarly opiate addiction exacerbating the ignorance.

    wanted to murder the surgeon, even visualized waiting outside his office with my .223 ranch rifle...bordering on insanity.

    it was only after i retired that the back finally healed to where i could ambulate adequately sans pain. i was also gifted freedom from the Dilaudid, Methadone, and Valium in that time.

    i've thought many times about returning to his office just to let those people who've surrendered to that radical procedure know that it works and that the Dr. in question is a miracle worker...

    i would hope to shake the thoughts of despair out of their heads, give them evidence of efficacy, and light the path forward.
    ...........
    [youtubeif]mdDQcN0SFWY[/youtubeif]
    Thanks trich.

    Yep, I know good things can happen from skilled surgeons, tempered by the knowledge that there are too many surgeons out there who are not that good, but make lots of money by cutting when they maybe shouldn't.

    I had a triple laminectomy June 2018, (2 lumbar and 1 lower thoracic; remainder of the back and neck are still toast, but enough muscle strength to compensate fairly well), but I was rightfully concerned with/about fusion & artificial discs (lots of research on long-term outcomes and wear and tear on the nearest vertebrae and disks after the fact).

    Many times joints that were meant to move but can't, the results include accelerated wear and tear on the vertebrae above and below that spot.

    I was glad when my neuro-surgeon told me my back was too fucked up to contemplate fusion OR artificial discs.

    So he fixed the most crucial areas, though there's currently a nerve at L4-L5 that gave me some grief after concrete and septic tank/field work this last summer.

    We figure we'll get to that after the cancer tx.

    I'm hoping this fellow is as good as his record says he is, but I also know that not everyone wins with outcomes in these situations. Recurrent tumors, loss of the various functions described in here, and more.

    Stats from good research for post-op Radical Prostatectomy patients has them scoring quite high on the depression scales, and suicidality, as well. Some good reading perhaps 30-40 pages ago re. ideas about curtailing or containing/assisting better in some of these issues.

    In the end, with outcomes for these sorts of cases, any time you roll the dice where the odds ae in the other guy's favor, more so than in yours, there's a good chance for outcomes that aren't what is hoped for.

    I see the period of gradual wearing down and surrender as the acceptance of that set of facts.

    In that regard, if I get seriously screwed up or put into a place where recovering basic functions isn't apt to occur, the consideration of the chance of too much anesthetic or internal bleeding to excess, either or both potentially (ironically or not) provide an opportunity to drift away in a pleasant state of dreaming. Not too terrible of an outcome, really. Not likely to occur, though stats say both scenarios are somewhat common concerns with surgery, and this surgery in particular.

    So, again, ironically, those sorts of thoughts can actually provide some amount of calming acceptance. I didn't used to feel that way toward going under with anesthetic, but the changes that mental struggle brings, re. acceptance of what ever comes.. Long road, and a decent outcome in that regard.

    Thanks.

    --------------------------------------

    Here's a 25 minute video re. the 'Hippie School', from the 1970s, in Carcross, Yukon Territory, Canada, aka Carcross Community Education Centre.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CLllGfCcBPg

    Leave a comment:


  • trichrider
    replied
    it sure hammers your metal into a different shape.
    i think you're making the right decision moose...fwiw...doctors can do the miracles we only hope can happen.

    went through the insecurity of prospects when i had the fusion surgery in L4/L5S1 about twenty years ago. returned to work too early and suffered for a couple more years with a gnarly opiate addiction exacerbating the ignorance.

    wanted to murder the surgeon, even visualized waiting outside his office with my .223 ranch rifle...bordering on insanity.

    it was only after i retired that the back finally healed to where i could ambulate adequately sans pain. i was also gifted freedom from the Dilaudid, Methadone, and Valium in that time.

    i've thought many times about returning to his office just to let those people who've surrendered to that radical procedure know that it works and that the Dr. in question is a miracle worker...

    i would hope to shake the thoughts of despair out of their heads, give them evidence of efficacy, and light the path forward.
    ...........
    [youtubeif]mdDQcN0SFWY[/youtubeif]

    Leave a comment:


  • buzzmobile
    replied
    Originally posted by Sunshineinabag View Post
    I've been close ......



    Had blood work done yesterday.....
    I don't like this process already
    I don't like the looks of that process. Are you talking about it?

    Leave a comment:


  • Sunshineinabag
    replied
    Up those hills tho

    I've been close ......



    Had blood work done yesterday.....
    I don't like this process already
    Attached Files

    Leave a comment:


  • buzzmobile
    replied
    Originally posted by Sunshineinabag View Post
    I need that maze in my life
    You can find it in Jackson Hole, WY.

    Leave a comment:


  • Sunshineinabag
    replied
    Originally posted by buzzmobile View Post
    I'm rooting for you, Kid.

    I remember the wearing down and the surrendering. Running scenarios for recovery and failure through my folds of gray matter made up my days for weeks and then months. I discovered that the twists and turns along the way led to a center. There wasn't any magic or miracle, but it sure felt good to be at a place where I could receive

    View Image



    Track 6 from Songs for Beginners is a favorite.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2LiPMEqkKpY

    Sorry about the SOOT.
    I need that maze in my life

    Leave a comment:


  • buzzmobile
    replied
    I'm rooting for you, Kid.

    I remember the wearing down and the surrendering. Running scenarios for recovery and failure through my folds of gray matter made up my days for weeks and then months. I discovered that the twists and turns along the way led to a center. There wasn't any magic or miracle, but it sure felt good to be at a place where I could receive
    the fate of the circumstances.


    The path enters on the east, and the meditative walk may be viewed as a three-stage process.

    The first stage of the process is moving to the center of the labyrinth, releasing and letting go of the details of your life, bringing quiet to the mind.

    The second is the center. This is a place of meditation, illumination and prayer.

    The third state begins upon leaving the center – union, which is joining God, your Higher Power or the healing forces at work in the world. The winding walk of the Labyrinth symbolizes a pilgrim’s walk with God. It is not a maze; there are no tricks to it and no dead ends. The path winds throughout and becomes a mirror to the way we live our lives. Walk it with an open heart and mind.
    Track 6 from Songs for Beginners is a favorite.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2LiPMEqkKpY

    Sorry about the SOOT.
    Attached Files

    Leave a comment:


  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    I think in the end, going into surgery or radiation to get something back, knowing there's a likelihood of diminishing returns, and the possibility that the trek isn't over with this one somewhat extreme move, possibly bringing round 2, or even round 3, to what ever options are remaining in the event of a recurrence... requires the self to get worn down enough that not only are their bits of information to guide the decisions, but a surrender of sorts to the fate of the circumstances.

    I think I mentioned that the other day, but it occurred in my thoughts again; this is a period of wearing down the resistance a person has to options that don't necessarily promise a clean slate. Like a partial forgiveness, when whole forgiveness was what was desired or needed..

    And a lot of time spent circling inside one's mind, in my mind, running odds, envisioning outcomes, is simply moving that resistance and hesitation to a place where it's less loud, to make a shitty situation OK, to take from it what can be taken, knowing all of that.

    I think back on times I passed up sex, or times I didn't do what I might've in relationships, or, or, or... Like the surgery, not necessarily any do-overs available in many cases..

    Did I/we live enough? Maybe too much in some ways, and clearly not enough in others. Did we make the most of what we had, and appreciate it while it was here? I know the answer to that; it's 'No, I didn't. Not always." There's room for some regrets there.

    So I guess what is needed is to catalogue that into the memory, and try to minimize the frequency of those times between here, and what ever end.

    And still, there's that secreted away inner kid, who continues in optimism, believing some place deep, or at least wishing, that all those things that weren't right in life would be better. That kid keeps coming up with thoughts about miraculous developments in cancer treatments/cures, and that someone, mid-stream in this 'river', will get told, "Hey, we've got this. You're OK now. No second runs any more." And the joy those persons might feel.

    In reality, the likelihood of being that fortunate is slim, but the kid who hoped all things would go well, that Dad wasn't really dead, that life would leave behind the grief, and more, still likes to rest in such thoughts on occasion. Unknowns and powerful forces or changes can bring that kid out.

    --------------------------------------------

    Stephen Stills & Manassas

    'Johnny's Garden'

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SaA_...rg94d&index=13

    'The Treasure'

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AZG6...rg94d&index=20

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  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    Originally posted by 7thson View Post
    I went to the surgeon the other day,and waited for two hours,it was almost closing time.So I went up to the window and told the person behind the glass that I wanted to make a new appointment because by this time I was pissed and just wanted to leave.Was the only one left.Ended up making a new appointment for the following week.I have to get something in my back removed.My daughter is helping me with the dressing ,so is nice of her to help her old pops out.She and my son r everything to me.I signed everything over to both of them,house, cars .Put a lot $ into their bank account.Makes me feel more happy then anything to help them out,Now they will always have a home to keep r sell?

    I think the two of them r the best thing I've done on this planet.Both of them attend college and em so proud of them it warms my heart like nothing else.

    I hope u don't mind me telling u all this?
    No problem at all, 7thson. This thread s about cancer, living, living some more, the up and down ride that life brings, and sometimes dying. Your stuff fits in there, into the all encompassing, "Things that matter."

    I'm glad your relationship is good with your kids, and hope you continue in your love for them, and them for you.

    -------------------------------------------

    Graham Nash

    'Song for Beginners' Lp

    'I Used to be a King'

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4cvoq8ybE7o

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  • 7thson
    replied
    I went to the surgeon the other day,and waited for two hours,it was almost closing time.So I went up to the window and told the person behind the glass that I wanted to make a new appointment because by this time I was pissed and just wanted to leave.Was the only one left.Ended up making a new appointment for the following week.I have to get something in my back removed.My daughter is helping me with the dressing ,so is nice of her to help her old pops out.She and my son r everything to me.I signed everything over to both of them,house, cars .Put a lot $ into their bank account.Makes me feel more happy then anything to help them out,Now they will always have a home to keep r sell?

    I think the two of them r the best thing I've done on this planet.Both of them attend college and em so proud of them it warms my heart like nothing else.

    I hope u don't mind me telling u all this?

    Leave a comment:


  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    Originally posted by 7thson View Post
    Hope everything works out for u,moose.Stay strong
    Thank you. I try to remain optimistic, but the way I process this stuff has me staring at it non-stop for hours, days, weeks, months. Not always a pleasant ride for those nearest me, or even for those reading my posts.

    My patience and temper where sometimes-insignificant stressors are involved, or just day-to-day life in general, have me more snippety and reactive than normal. It can affect the read of the environment, and pushes a typically very accurate ability where assessments are concerned, into something that doesn't always perform according to past reliability. Classic stress and depression symptoms.

    Thanks again.

    -------------------------------------------

    Graham Nash & David Crosby

    'Stranger's Room'

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SP2b2k0y_tE

    Leave a comment:

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